Everyday Online Diary Entries: (12.6.18) Tuesday – I might of rambled

I might of rambled but in a rant for the Wednesday Evening Post at 8 blog post; I do apologise in the advance for that, I was hurt, upset and annoyed that people think it’s okay to spread lies and etc. I just don’t actually understand why people do that to be honest.

Maybe people think that I’m threatening them or over confident because I know things but at the end of the day; I know how to do my job, know how to deal with things that go wrong, I don’t just sit there be all clicky clicky with people and talk about weight watchers and all that.

I’ve sat all the way through that with people but I just don’t see any difference or anything to be honest unless you’re one of those people’s who actually stick to the healthy living style and work out. That’s when you begin to notice the whole change in people; it’s all about the willingness of doing something for yourself, and no one else because its like saying if you don’t do for yourself do it for me. That’s not how it all works because I know for the fact that I never do something I want to improve on about myself for someone else; if I actually want to do something that I want to do, I do it for me, myself and I.

I have that work ethic that I’m hard on myself to continue to improve myself in so many ways so that I know I can succeed in life no matter how long it takes. Yes it gets me down; yes it takes me longer than anyone else, yes I get there in the end but at the end of the day once it achieved and it gets there I for one know I’m proud of what I have achieved.

Since leaving school I had a choice of not continuing to improve my spelling, my reading and what not but the love of writing that I had for it. It gave me the confidence in myself to actually continue to improve myself in so many levels that I chose not to give up. I chose not to let my learning disability or my hearing impairment define me for who I am; I could of applied and still can if I wanted to for a disability, but I was brought up the fact that my parents wanting me to have a choice and see how I do in life. If it wasn’t for them in who I am today of not giving up or letting the things that I know can hold me back.

Yeah I have my moments in thinking I’m not good at something or I’m not good at this. I even had this conversation about my writing with someone yesterday (11.6.18) they were like you got to keep trying. I know that they are trying to help me build my confidence up, keep me going and what not because they know how much my confidence drops.

They even know my dream goal is and I know I’ve got a long way to go but I know I’ve got a load of doubts in my head that I think it’s not going to work. However it’s only the early stages of making it happen. I always believe that no matter what happens it’s okay you can start again.

I literally use my grandparents toughness on myself; tell people how it is, and everything because it’s my coping mechanisms. Trust me I’m the worst person to keep everything in until all of the sudden I just snap and take it out on someone who might be the last one to send me over the edge. Yesterday I had one of those bad days one lead to another and I just literally took it out on someone even though they didn’t know what my day was like until I explained.

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