The past couple of days haven’t been great to be honest yet that’s probably my fault who knows; you guys probably say “it’s not your fault…you’re just having a bad time it’s not your fault. Your just having one of those days” yes it’s not my fault because when it’s in my head it’s a lot harder to get through it, it’s like I didn’t want to go to work (2.5.18) that’s when I knew I’m still letting my anxiety starting to take control. It was like last night I was trying talk to myself that I’ll be fine and so on.
I know I’m doing the exact routine day in day out get up get ready go out come back home do what I need to do; get ready to go out again for another shift, come home and do a bit of something then go back out again to do another shift (that’s if I’m doing three shifts in one day.) just to keep my mind busy and myself occupied for the day otherwise I’ll be sitting at home wallowing myself pity.
To be honest that’s why I try and post everyday even if I’m having a bad time or something just to know that I’ve done something positive towards myself even if I’m feeling like I’m useless and what not. I was even talking to someone the other day and I was just saying I might as well give up writing all together because it’s not getting anywhere I want to be and what not. I knew it wasn’t me because I love writing and so on.
Even if you’re on your own war path with yourself you hurt everyone that you love around you; they know it’s not you talking it’s the anxiety and the depression that’s talking, (I’m only going off with my own experiences) trust me when I’ve been on my own war path people soon realise it’s not me who’s talking. I’m completely someone else not the bubbles person who takes control of the nature of things.
The fact that I want to share with you the whole taking control of anxiety is by pushing yourself to get through it by taking control of it before it gets worse and takes control of you. Trust me I’ve been there done that got the t-shirt. I’ve let it control me because I didn’t know how to deal with it at the time. Yet people say I’m brave and strong; I’m standing there looking at them, and thinking you only know half of the battle.
I’ve even started to have hot chocolate every so often just to calm the nerves down especially at night it does work I’ve just tried it last night (1.5.18) it’s like burning/melting away all the bad things that’s triggering it or trying it because it’s like saying enough is enough. I’ve asked a few people who do they who hates their mental health state more than anyone else. Meaning who’s willing to fight it more than people who just let it take control of them. Believe me a fair few people came back to me as said “you” ie “me” this is because they know how much of a struggle that I have had in the past with it and now that I’m taking control of it that’s when I know I’m not letting it define me of who I am.
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