Wednesday Online Diary Entries: It’s only Wednesday! (Wednesday Evening Post)

The fact that I’m that tired I can’t even remember what the Wednesday Online Diary Entries picture is; I can barely keep my eyes open to have a look properly so I decided to put Wednesday Evening Post pictures up, doesn’t matter to be honest as it’s Wednesday and it’s mid week I might as well use Wednesday Online Diary Entries under the Evening Post.

As it’s end of January 2018 I have to say I managed to keep my self going over the past month no matter how hard it was to continue fight with my personal problems throughout this month; the first time in three years this is the first time for me to start taking control of some of my personal life, than I have had previously 2 years and I wanted to share with you guys the success of having you guys keeping me going. Thank you.

This week has to be a very long but dragging I’m not even sure why it just seems longer to me for some odd reason. The fact that it’s Wednesday and nowhere nearer to Friday or nowhere near Monday; just smack bam in the middle of the week, even today has been so dreadful that I’ve been not myself. I even had force myself to get next months data sheets sorted before tomorrow to which I would of sorted them out earlier in the day if I was awake. I couldn’t even remember what the date of the month was for awhile as I started to wish the months away by writing the 8th month instead of the 2nd month.

I’m just glad that January Blues 18 is now well and truly over. Cheers everybody let’s enjoy the 28 days of February 18.

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: Footprints in the sand.

In a memory of someone that I have recently lost and the rest of my family.

You walked with me along the sand; as I could see you’re footprints in the sand and helped me to understand where I’m going. You walked with me as I was alone with so much unknown along the way; then I heard you say “I promise you I’m always there. When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair I’ll carry you even when you need a friend. You’ll find my footprints in the sand”

I see my life flash across the sky so many times have I been so afraid and just when I thought I’d lost my way. However you gave me strength to carry on that’s when I knew you found the rest of the family and someone else who’s close to me and someone else. That’s when I heard you say “I promise you. I’m always there when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair. I’ll carry you when you need a friend. You will find an extra footprints in the sand even if your weary I will know that you’ll be there.”

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: Confessions of beauty

Wether you believe this or not I don’t care it’s your opinion because I know the truth.

I’ve been sitting in the back seat with no chance of falling in love with someone nor hoping that I would believe that I was pretty enough for anyone. I even now that I have days that I don’t believe that I think I am. Yet the fact that it’s all in my head and knowing I’ve got amazing friends and really close friend you know him Caspian yes maybe we are going out. Yet I know that the amount of loving he gives me is more important than walking me home. What I mean by that no matter how much insecurities I have and etc he still loves me just the way I am.

I can’t deny the way my looks are even when I compare to other people but I know that I’m prettier than most other people who think they’ve got it all. I rather punch them or something because they are just full off themselves; when I discovered that I like who I am, why I am I thinking of the negative because it’s not sexy at all. Caspian always keeps knocking knocking at my door when I keep on being negative towards myself; as I open up not just him that came to my rescue he came a rush with calvery with Jp and Nemo, it’s like from the top to the bottom I’m that woman sunshine that he wants and he knows the reasons and so do them to never leave my side.

I always force myself to wear make up and everything like the picture in this blog post because I know how hard it is to get myself motivated and let the negativity towards myself take over. Yet this year I’m taking control of my life and know that I can do this. Believe in myself more than I should do.

Revisit case of….: Taiya and Kehinde Adventure

(Don’t worry this isn’t a scam all of my information came from a good friend of mine) 



You think your whole world is normal or think your whole world could be upside down just one tiny little thing. Yet what happens if your just 8 or 5 years old witnessing your parents get murdered on your door step? That’s what happened to these two brothers who’s whole world just turned upside down.

The eldest brother didn’t have time to think about what happened; it was what’s going to happen next if the murders found them, and where they going to be killed too. He had to get his brother out of the most dangerous and frightening place.
Taiya is 8 years old and his brother Kehinda is now 6 years old. These two brave heroes who kept each other alive; from witnessing their family in a community fight to their family home burnt to the ground. At the time that this was happening Taiya was at 8 years old and Kehinda was 5 years old; Taiya has to persuade his younger brother to come with him because it was no longer safe for them to be there anymore, but also Taiya was also the only living family he had left that could protect him and find somewhere to live to be safe from any danger that may come their way.
One day Taiya had seen an on coming van that was going to Asba; as it had stopped they sneaked onto the bus without being caught, as they had arrived at Asba and sneaking off the van.

They tried to ask people for help. However they just completely ignored them and carried on doing their daily chores; despite how hard Taiya and Kehinda’s hard work in asking for people’s help, they were drawing to hunger and tired by that stage but weren’t given up. Yet a friendly and kind gentleman of whom had been watching them for awhile had came up to Taiya; explained that he had thought he was doing a marvellous job of looking after his brother, even if they both witnessed a horrific murder and coming all this way to get help.
The gentleman explained that it was his turn to look after them because he knew a place that they can stay as long as they want, along the way he explained that Ofuobi Foundation Home is for children who are in need and they can both stay together as one family unit along with meeting with new people. Taiya can also can be himself and grieve along side with his brother with the support and care that the foundation gives out.
They stay in contact with the friendly gentlemen who had helped them; I believe that they wanted to give something back to him, by showing him that they can grow up as two fine handsome men. Getting their story out there to share with the world what they had to endure as young children; from one nice civilian that they came across, they want to try the world who may help even more by donating no matter how much they can afford.

In aid of helping like Taiya and Kehinda is by helping by donating no matter how much to Ruffles Care Bear who is the mascot of this blog who loves to looking after children to make them feel better.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/rufflescarebear


Wednesday Evening Post: New year goals 2018

Welcome to Wednesday Evening Post 2018! First one of the year. Didn’t actually realise how tired I am after drinking a cider can’t even remember what it was now but it was my favourite anyways. No I’m not drunk. So don’t ask a stupid question I’m just tired that’s all.
This year I rather not get a new year resolution or resolutions because they never seem to stick or anything plus I forget or they break in day one. So what’s the point in making goals if they aren’t going to work. Goals on the other hand I think I can stick to those quite easily if you ask me.

Goals of 2018

  1. Save as much money as possible
  2. Work on my blogging and writing throughout the year
  3. Be as positive as I can be
  4. Over come things that I thought I never could
  5. Prove to myself that I can do things for myself
  6. Be able to achieve a successful writer (on going goal since between 5-7 year old kid.)
  7. Keep on proving my dyslexia with my writing (have come along way since school) given up on maths.

That’s about it to be honest. Sorry I just went straight into it because I know I’ll start talking jibberish and not get anywhere. I am now going to say good night as I’m starting to fall asleep now. Good night.

Wednesday Evening Post: Maneater

I am no where near as a maneater but everybody keeps looking at me; every time I walk in through the door you start screaming at me, everybody come on now what are you here for? I don’t like the all eyes on me all of you are crazy I don’t even know either if you want to be me or be with me? I am no maneater but I know someone who is. Let me tell you a little story of a maneater.

Do you wish you never ever met her at all? Maneater who makes you work hard hard; makes you spend hard make you want all of her love, demands everything from you. Do you wish you never ever met her at all? Because she’s a maneater that will make you buy a car, make you cut out cards make you fall real hard in love.

When she walks you’ll notice that she walks with a passion. Even when she talks. She sounds like she can handle it. You think that she’s joking when she asks for something boy she actually means it because she will throw a hissy fit in public making you look like a fool. You act like you never ever seen it but everyone looks round to stare at you; like your the bad guy in the situation yet you do anything to keep her by your side just because it will stop people staring at you and says that she loves you for a long time.

Do you ever wish you never ever met her at all? Do you ever wish you never met her at all? Do you wish you never ever met her at all? Do you wish you never ever met her at all? Because you know she’s a maneater making you work hard. Make you want more for love.

Wednesday Evening Post: What would make me happy right now?

Wether you believe this or you don’t it’s your opinion I’m not going to judge you for your own opinions. I know the facts and it’s what I want to share with you guys.

Finally this week from the 6th November 2017 I managed to get this weeks 30 Days Challenge for Autumn sorted for the week. To which has given me the time to work on the other days that we haven’t seen or had for a long time; the challenge was meant to give me the courage, ideas and be able to work out what I can write about and yes it’s given me that area of guidance.

To what I owe this pleasure of what could make me happy right now is to be able to live and spend more time with Caspian and achieve what I would like to do in my time of writing and blogging that I can actually get paid for it. The two things that I love and want to do but also be with. This is because they are my go to happiness as I.

Caspian makes me laugh, smile, makes everything go away that’s troubling me for the time he talks to me, spends time with me and many more. The fact that he makes me feel safe and secure about myself is the fact that I know who I am and kind to myself. When he’s not around I’m alone but fighting my darkness of demons as much as I can on my own. Knowing that he’s there in the darkness as I’m coming closer to him. Feeling his 6ft4 dominating much of the past that I had to face alone; I can just feeling he’s presence coming closer, as more of me comes widely open to him.

Writing has always been apart of me to where I can escape to when I need it the most. It’s like my best friend as I use my emotions of what I’m feeling through the characters of what they feeling like at the time. To where I like my audience to know what actually feels like to know the pain of the character must be feeling and etc.

The fact that I’m so use to living inside my head writing is the only way that I can find myself to express how I am feeling than expressing myself to an actual real person.

What would make you happy right now?

Day 4 of 30 Days Challenge for Autumn: When were you last drunk?

It was back in March 2013 I think it was when it was with my closet friend at the store we both worked at the time in my hometown. I couldn’t care shit about the store then and didn’t care shit about it now. I’ve moved on with the world doing better things than selling shitty cards for the company.

We were the only 2 people drinking out of the four of us at the time; which was okay and understandable because one said that they were allergic to whatever Vodka was made out off, and one was driving on the plus side my deupty manger who was driving and close friend at the time said he would drive me home. Twice by then he had taken me home drunk bless him and I had to wake up with a hangover.

The time the hangover was so bad that I still managed to turn up to work hungover; that was because me and the other person who was leaving were drinking these two pitchers at the time by ourselves, I had bluelogon and she had monster something rather. Can’t even remember now; the fact that everytime I needed her to come with me to go for the toilet, I could really feel it that badly because I knew I didn’t eat anything before work or after work so I was literally feeling it.

When we all went our separate ways me and the deupty manager who was like a big brother to me at the time; made sure that I had food inside me at the time me, him and someone else went to subway and they were like keeping an eye on me. As I never drink that much and they know I’ve never been that drunk before either.

Once I had food down me and everything my friend took me home; the next day I was so hungover my head was pounding, I had to work that day as well but I couldn’t careless at the time because I hated my job in the first place. I got in and the manager at the time said to me how’s your head. I guessed that the other colleague had told her that I was pretty drunk the night before but I could remember it very well. As I remember staggering to the bathroom with my friend at the time walking along side me. That was pretty much the last time I was actually drunk back in 2013 haven’t got hammered since.

You know that feeling of I want…..

The Autumn Lifestyle of my world when I really want…..

It’s that time of year where it’s getting colder each day; the leaves are starting to turn to their autumn colours, loose their leaves and the mud starts to become horrible and muddy. That’s when I’ve started to get into a bath and into my pjs feeling. I generally don’t do that but these days I’ve actually wanted to do that because I’ve been up for almost 12 hours a day minus the weekend lay in is luxury for me to be honest with you.

The last couple of days I’ve just wanted to have a bath, get in my pjs, have my dinner and just chill in my room. So then if I do fall asleep then I don’t have to worry about having a bath or having to get dress in the freezing cold. The fact that I’m craving hot chocolate right now it’s ridiculous because I’m never craving it this badly; but heyho if anyone has great suggestions of wha flavour hot chocolates are out there do let me know, so I may have to invest in some because I liked the one that my cousin gave me but I never got round to getting anymore because I’m never have any money.

The other another feeling that I’ve been getting is me wanting nice cuddles with someone in bed because I’m forever cold and doesn’t help my hips hurt every so often. Not because of that guys come on what do you take me for. I wouldn’t be blogging now if I was. Rolling my eyes at you guys. Innocent children maybe reading these. I have joint problems okay especially when I have a trap nerve/lower back pain. Which effects it badly so odd occasions I do take something for it to help me get some sleep a night.

A bit of a short one tonight guys sorry. I’ve been struggling to write something the last couple of days. If there’s something that you want me to talk about please don’t hesitate and leave a comment below.

All the best

X

Online Diaries Entries: The Truth, The Bad, The Ugly Part 2

Online Diary Entries: Are they true or are they made up? You decide what the answer is.

The second part of my The Truth, The Bad and The Ugly. I wasn’t really going to do the second part to this story; but the fact that I was so upset, angry and missing Caspian. Lots of things happened yesterday (Tuesday 26th September 2017) I literally had a complete reality check of everything. I took it all out in the blog post that I put it up today.


The truth is it’s the first time that I’ve been apart from Caspian for a week; this is because we use to message, talk and etc everyday. I could handle the odd few days without him when he was busy and off on business trips. When it came to near death experience of myself which lost his late mother in 20 years ago I didn’t want him to be put into that position again with me. The fact I try not to talk about my relationship on here as much but when I find it hard to write a blog I don’t bother but when it comes to my feelings about things I just put pen to paper and write. Other than me forcing the pen to write something on a blank piece of paper that didn’t want to be written on if it wasn’t meant to be written on at the time. The fact that I just adapted Caspian’s positivity quote and his advice on things goes to show how much I love him and shows I listen to him more than anything in the world. He is my rock and without him I don’t know what I would do without him to be honest with you.


The bad thing is I let my insecurities get the better of me at the best of times. I also start to freak out and start pushing Caspian away even when he’s trying so hard to keep me away from my sheer demons of depression that I can get myself into. It is hard work to get me out of it but at the end of the day if I didn’t have him I think I would be worst off than I have already.


The ugly thing is that when I have someone that close; I know that I can’t have them for some odd reason, most of the time is all in my head and I’ve always told myself that. That’s why I think I have a lot hatred towards myself and push people away especially guys who I let in close they stay that way because they know I have those issues of do I actually know they want me or not. Since being with Caspian for 4 months he stayed put because he loves me even with my demons that I can’t seem to control without him. I know that if I have to control it on my own half the time because I can’t rely on him all the time.

However I can’t wait for him to come home at the weekend. I just want him home I just miss him so much. Don’t like the 5 hours difference between here and Canada. I suppose this is testing the relationship more than ever. Stupid connection in Canada haha. His words of his dislike of the country because he can’t talk to me as much as he would like to; like he was home here, also he just love me too much and misses me to much.