Day 25 Of 30 Days Challenge for Autumn: Online Diary Entries: Revisit – Look at what you made me do

Kindly would like to remind you that this is my opinion and you have the right to believe this or not as you have a opinion as well. I won’t judge you but please respect other people’s opinions and mine when you comment if you wish to do so. This is a Revisit of my previous look at what you made me do.

“I’m sorry you found the old lizzy in this diary. I’m sorry that I can’t come today do you know why?”

“Why?”

“Oh, because the old herself is dead”

I don’t like your little games anymore; as you damaged my life even more so like you can’t even tell, don’t like your titled stage because the role you made me play like the fool of someone who doesn’t know what’s going on. No I don’t like you and I don’t like your perfect crime. How you laugh when you lie to my face like the gun was mine. This isn’t cool no and I don’t like you. Yet at least I’ve got smarter and harder in the nick of time as I rose up from the dead and I’ll do it all the time over and over again.

I’ve got a list of names and yours can you see is underlined in red. I’ll be Mrs Claus I check it once and then I’ll check it twice. Oh! I don’t like your kingdom keys anymore as they had once use to be mine; you asked if I had a place to stay, yet I told you that the world moves on another day another drama and guess what but not for me as I’m going to take on the world because all I can think about is karma. I’ve got mine yet you’ll get yours as I’ve got smarter and a lot harder in the nick of time. Guess what honey I have rose up from the dead and continue to do that all that all the time. I don’t trust anybody and nobody trust me but I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.

Day 20 Of 30 Days Challenge for Autumn: Online Diary Entries Of Current Feelings

I had a notification from YouTube that Helen Anderson had posted up a video; I normally just unclick the notifications off my apps as they bother me a lot when they hang around saying “take notice of me…..take notice of me”, the annoying thing is that I have so many updates on my app that Apple/iTunes won’t let me update them because “there’s a billing problem please take a look at it” I’m like what happened to the whole it’s okay you can still update me or I can update automatically for you button. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know how to do it because it’s driving me nuts. I am OCD when it comes to me and my phone.

Why do I do that? Get an idea of trying to find what I’m doing and not finishing what I started. Keeps on happening. My current feelings at the moment that I wanted to share with you guys is that Autumn and Winter are like the worst seasons that I’ve always hated the most. It’s dark horrible depressing. The worst of it all my birthday is literally in the middle of it all; over the years I’ve began noticing that my birthday is getting depressing because I always wished to be able to sit outside, in the nice warm sunshine but I can’t even do that. Yeah we’ve got this thing of having the Christmas Tree still for my birthday it’s been like that for years; last year I think my my parents had asked if it’s okay to take it down before my birthday, don’t quote to me on that one generally starting to blank my birthdays out now.

I’m not really going to get my hopes up this year for my birthday because I know nothing special is going to happen. It might do but I just not getting my hopes up really. By the way this is what my current feelings are at the moment in time because I wasn’t really sure what to write and my favourite YouTuber gave me the idea when I was watching hers at the time.

This is pretty much is it for now I think for a Friday autumn night. All I want to do is hibernate and not come out. Haha.

Day 16 Of 30 Days Challenge for Autumn: Why do I get so low and insecure about myself?

I generally don’t give a monkeys about myself most of the time; well this is way before I took myself seriously of looking nice, hair and make up. When it comes to some certain days where I look at myself I think what’s the point; no one actually likes me, no one wants to be with me because I’m fat, ugly, spotty and always looks depressed. The fact is I’m not even like that it’s just other people’s behaviour around me; that makes me feel like I’m treated like dirt monjority of the time, yet they don’t see that their behaviour is effecting other people and they wonder why I lash out at them at the best of times.

The fact that I had my depressed, insecurities and low day not that long ago. No matter how Fezz my friend tried to cheer me up; it only took one person to do that was Caspian to be able to cheer me up, get me out of that dark silly place of mine. I really shouldn’t really rely on him when I’m like it but I guess he could sense that I was feeling a bit low about something; came to my rescue to cheer me up make me feel like that he was with me the whole time, I hate when he’s busy because I never get spend that much time with him just talking to him. When he does it makes me smile and makes me special in so many ways.

Normally I’m perfectly fine and get on with everything. Sometimes it just comes in waves or just a bit longer; depending on the mood of people around me which is also a situation that brings me down dramatically, it’s just the way they think and behave towards others to be honest with you. Just hope the shift pattern moves soon so that I can feel a bit more human and happy.

The Unknown Fear: Beauty and Beast

This week I want to con-bind Teenagers Life Crisis with this The Unknown Fear Category; because I believe teens can relate to this in so many ways, that no one understands unless they have been throw it themselves.

I find myself at the current stage in life but always will because that's who I am unless I turn my mind set and beat the beast that’s controlling me inside my mind. Each day I try and take a photo of myself as I see who I really am inside and out; as you can see in the four pictures, I actually like who I am, how I do things and how truly pretty that I really am. The fact that I capture it and post it through social media it has given me the confidence of taking pictures of who I am; I'm in control of the camera no one else is, I wouldn't take a photo of myself if I have an really bad off day and put it up. No way I'll be doing that I can tell you that right now. That's how insecure I am about it all. This is my little tale of how my beauty and beast is like in my life; my story, my life of all the issues that I have within myself.

Tale as old as time can this be true as it can be; as I'm barely even friends with the beast inside me, them somebody bends the unexpectedly and a little change some say at least but both a little scared of loosing each other. Neither one is prepared to give up on each other but that's what I call as beauty and the beast battling her out.

Ever just the same but always a surprise like it was once before; just to be sure when the that will rise, the same old tale at this time is played in the same old tune in the distances like a distance memory. Bittersweet and strange like I'm finding that I can change; when I learn that I was wrong at the time I don't want to listen to what other people are saying,

There's always the certain sun that will always come out; making me feel better about myself like I'm confident in myself that's what the beauty of it when the sun is in the east, but there is the other certain sun that doesn't come out and it rains then the beast will rise in the east.

Our take is now as old as time along with the song that has as old as the rhyme; but I call it pour beauty that takes over winning over the beast, even when it's the hard times beauty and the beast always battle it out no matter what happens. That's why I call it the beauty and the beast.

Body Shaming

The action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.

‘Body Image’ Someone perceives their body and assumes that others may perceive them. This image can also affected by family, friends, social pressure and the media. People who are unhappy with the bodies; this is because they don’t seek healthy nutrition information may develop lots of different eating disorders, meaning that ‘Eating disorders’ are unhealthy relationships with food that may include fasting, constant dieting, or binging and purging.  

Body image is closely linked to self-esteem; meaning low self-esteem in adolescents can lead to eating disorders, early sexual activity, substance use and suicidal thoughts. This is where you can post encouraging notes in your school bathrooms to be able to brighten your classmates day. 

Approximately of the women 91% women are unhappy with their bodies and resort to dieting to be achieve their ideal body shape. However unfortunately only 5% of the women who naturally possess the body type often portrayed but the Americans in the media. 

58% of the college – aged girls feel that they are being pressured to be a certain weight; this is because of other girls that they see in magazines, idols and other girls in their year pressure them to be in that weight or think that they should be that weight but yet it confuses them of who they are and their true identity. The studies shows that there the more reality of television young girls watched the more likely is to be able to find appearance that are important to them.

However there are 1/3 of the people who admit that they have ‘normal dieting’ who merge the pathological dieting. To which you will find 1/4 who those will suffer from a partial or full on eating disorder. A survey had showing that 40% of women and about 20% have agreed in which they would consider the cosmetic surgery in the future; which the statistics have remained the relatively that are constant, that’s across the gender, age, martial status, and race.

Students; especially girls who consume more mainstream media, place the greater importance on the sexiness and the overall appearance than who do not consume as too much. This is where I have mentioned it roughly in the previous paragraph about the students at college. 

The fact that 95% of people eating disorders are between the ages of 12 to 25; which only 10% of the people, who are suffering from an eating disorder will only seek the professional help. 

In other research that I have read and what has brought to my attention is that 90% of teens unhappy with body shape; nine of ten the British teenage girls who are unhappy with their bodies, are within their mother’s who seem to appear to be responsible to which passes on their own insecurities.   

Out of the 2,000 girls who were questioned for a poll that was given to them; at the time it was set towards them at the time, only 8% who had said that they were ‘happy’ with their appearance. Meanwhile the 87% say that they were ‘unhappy’ about their appearance. According to the teen Magazine survey for Bliss; those who had said that were unhappy about their appearance, was due to the thoughts of their own mothers had some what ‘insecure about their own body image’. This can be because they could over hear what they mothers talking to their female friends or partners and etc; to which makes the 90% of the teens say that they are unhappy about their bodies, and think that their mothers are talking about them or they don’t want to end up like their mothers. 

Whilst there are 19% of the teenage girls who were questioned about being over weight; when actually 67% thought they needed to loose weight, this shows that just 64% of these girls are under 13 have already been on a diet from a very young age. 

The research that I had disclosed that there are some worrying facts that there are long lengths of young girls; would go on their quests for a beauty bodies, because they can’t seek for help or have the confidence to ask for help or talk about it until it is too late. A quarter of 14 year olds (26%) have said to the researchers who have done the polls and etc. Have actually considered having the plastic surgery or even taking the diet pills; which have rising within those who were overweight to 42%, which you may find within the teens that almost fifth (19%) have told the researchers that they were already suffering from eating disorder such like anorexia or bulimia. 

I am currently in my late 20’s now; just slowly coming out of depression and anxiety once again, I would be insecure about my body the way I look and etc. Throughout my teens and etc; I would show that I wouldn’t care but actually I really did care about what I looked like, how I would dress and what not. I would compare myself to other people; I wish I was pretty, I wish I didn’t put so much weight on and etc. When I was in my mental state of mind I would just bing eat; whatever money I had I would go and get family packs of crips, chocolate and fizzy drinks or even just sleep my days away. Part of my mental health was because I didn’t like myself or who I was. 

I do have lots of positive about myself when I make the effort of making myself look really nice; look pretty, looking stunning and I take pictures when I do to post them on Instagram. I either caption them or just leave them on how it is; because I have no words to describe them, but I know that I have caught a really good and positive photo of myself at the time I had taken it. 

I am slowly getting the chance of getting to know myself; feeling the confidence that I need to know that it’s okay to have a bit of weight, I know when I do my make up and looking nice that I know its the real me. Even when I don’t feel like it and feel bad about myself; I try my hardest to be able to look presentable as much as I can, even if I’m not going anywhere special. 

How important is to have a your grandparents in your life?


Introduction 

There’s been questions going around about how much involvement grandparents should be in your children’s lives. No matter what your history is with your own parents is; your kids comes first in my opinion, so this is my opinion and I’m lucky to have mine. 

How important is to have a your grandparents in your life? 

Having my grandparents in my life is the best thing; they’ve been in my life since day one when I was born, they are the best thing ever happened to me. I grew up with only one set of grandparents; they are the closest set I ever have, without my grandparents involvement in my up bringing I think I would be having a different up bringing completely. 

Recently I’ve noticed more and more where I get my fun, loving, humour from but also along with my height and everything else. It’s because of my grandparents lifestyle; as I was growing up I didn’t think much off it, until their health over the years and most recently. Also it brings the whole family together; especially with my two other cousins, we haven’t spoken to each other or seen each other in years but now in the last couple of days we’ve been chatting like we’ve been growing up together. 

I think we’ve been so cut off from each other to the point off; we need each other’s comfort to be able to talk about what’s worrying us, and to be able to be there for one another now than before. This shows how our grandparents have effected us as the most important people in our world; it is scary to loose someone or close to loosing someone, to the point of what else can we do other than be a close nit family. 

I don’t even understand how people say I don’t get on with my grandparents or my parents don’t get on with my grandparents and etc. I’m like how can you not get on with them; I would try everything to spend time with my grandparents as much as I could, you never know when it’s going to be your last day with them or your last day. Life is a funny thing where you never know what’s going on or when it’s going to happen. You have to live life to the full everyday. 

My grandparents are the most important people in my life. I’m not going to change that ever even when they pass I’m never going forget them.