The best feeling of having the worst morning to the best evening all I can say is that I for one knowing that I can beat anything if I know that I won’t feel threatened from anyone again. So I decided to turn it into a story but a re-visit of sorry not sorry in another wave of some sort of story.
Payback is a bad
bitch and when you mess with someone like me I’m the baddest because I’m out there looking like I want to take revenge. Yet I feel like I’m a 10 the best that I’ve ever been because I understand him much better than you did; I know how bad this must look to you but yet you damaged your reputation, that must of hurt even seeing me like this by standing by your man who doesn’t even love you. Guess what it’s going to get worse as you are just about to be kicked out to where you come from; now you’re just looking like you have this massive regret on your face because being over confident, over powering, getting what you want and being to proud of who you are. You will never get a chance like this because me and Caspian are too strong; love, care, understanding and most importantly one main person whose been watching over us both kept us a lot stronger and together.
Now continue to pack your bags because we don’t want to see you ever again as your a
fucking savage. Can’t have this life that we have because we owned it like no one else can have it. For me to be nice to take it on you but guess what? I’m not going to do the mind trick that your trying to do by getting me and Caspian to split because I’m sorry I’m not that sorry being bad to you got me feeling kind of good in finding my confidence once again. Now that I got inspired as the tables have turned once again in my life it’s like I’m on fire and that burns like crazy as when you received on a cold day like today.
The most finest people who are made for each other to kill the traumatic experience of someone who’s more dominant than anything else. Telling me how it feels is so much better telling me to take a chill pill; but right now this going to sting you because the grass is greener underneath me, than yours as your sinking in the sticking and sinking in the muddy English countryside. Yes you can see me with him with your bright colour technicolour binoculars; you can always talk about that talk as much as you can, but your still continuing to walk that walk that way off not coming back.
Ladies and Gentlemen its come to the point of me to say “I’m officially cold!” That’s right if you know me really well; you soon get use to me wearing 6 layers of clothing and 6 layers of covers in bed, I still get cold and believe me as I’m currently writing this in bed and my arms are getting really cold.
The reason for the whole 6 layers of everything in bed is because I do tend to get really cold in bed I’ve always been that cold as a person. Not that cold hearted person who tells people things because I hate them right through. It’s my circulation at the best of times; I’m even like that in the summer at the best of times where I’m so cold that I’m wearing either 6 layers of clothes out or one huge thick cardigan on, I am getting better in the summer but it’s become more of a security thing for me to wear umpteen clothing.
It’s once you’ve grown up trying to keep yourself warm and etc it’s difficult to except the amount of clothing on when it’s really unnecessary but being in Britain you really don’t know what the sort of weather your going to get from one extreme to another. Then again I never know wether I’m coming or going with my body heat at the best of times. The fact is my comfort at this time of year with lots of clothes on in bed with lots of covers because makes me feel safe. Your probably thinking I’m weird or your thinking hang on I do this too I’m not the only one who does this.
Going to catch you guys later I’m cold and my head is hurting yay for headaches haha.
The Diary Entries Online back for so more this autumn before the winter comes. It’s your own opinion if you believe this or not. It’s up to you what you believe. At the end of the day I know the truth and I just wanted to share it with you.
No matter what I tell you. You make me out as a liar but I gave into the fire; at least now I should’ve fought it as now that I’m being honest, all I know that I’m a failure because know that I failed you. No one is perfect then you realise the truth of that I should of told you; I know I know I know, I should of done it better but you know me I just give up too easily when I try my best.
You realise that you had everything in front of you and you watched me walk away. I got nothing here without you; this is the one last time I need to take you home to make me feel whole again, for one last time I promise you after that I’ll let you go as she has stolen your heart away from me. All I really care is to wake up in your arms for one last time.
As you watched my body relaxed into your arms you begin to realise that I don’t deserve the pain that you have given me. I know I don’t deserve it but please stay with me for another a minute; I swear I’ll make it worth it, can you forgive me for just letting me have you one last time before you go and be with her. At least if it’s just temporarily I know this is all my fault of pushing you away. I should of been careful and I know, I know, I know I shouldn’t be the one loosing control.
As I slept in your arms not knowing that you would stay the whole night with me; even if I didn’t wake up like I normally do, you were there incase I did and you were still there in the morning watching me sleeping. You placed a kiss on my my forehand as I opened my eyes to see you in front of me. You told me “silly girl…I’m not going anywhere. I’m madly in love with you”……
The fear that you and I is that we have fantasies of being together but when it happens it’s like we don’t even know if we want this or not. This gave me an idea when listening to the song “Fantasy” by the late George Michael and also it reminded me so close to home but just only the beginning for my friend Megs. So this is my take of my side of a story of all of my relationships I’ve had so far.
No matter how much you give; you give all the loving in your heart day in day, also all the loving that you give every year from the bottom of your heart. On which your heart that has more desire until one day you say you love me; then all of the sudden you tell me that you don’t, you continue to do this confusion of what you want. Yet there’s no point of hanging around if you keep on making me feel your love is in my hands and you say you stay.
You change your plans all the time; like there’s no point of hanging around as you have no time for me, so I’ll find another fantasy of my own choice. It’s kind of funny that all you do is make me cry but I’m only one that can make you happy; even if it’s only for awhile, but baby I can give you all the loving that your heart desires, when you don’t have the time to fill my desires I’ll go find another fantasy.
There is no price of love but there is a price of hate; to which I maybe guilty of as you make me wait, due to the fact that I don’t know your intentions. I try to look up at the sky up above for answers; I know my fate is in the hands of god until the time to push through up above, I need to know what’s going on for heaven sakes. Is this love? Is this love or invention?
I know you haven’t got any time for me; I’ll find my other fantasy, as I do I’ll watch you take someone’s heart and kick it around. Keep picking it up and watch it fall down because I don’t know what I am suppose to do when I wait for you to decide what you want to do. You either want me or you don’t want me? I don’t have time for time wasters like you.
Yay for this again. I do have to inform you it is your own opinion if this is true or not. No one is judging you for your opinion. I just want to make this clear that I can make my blogs personal or not. But I want you to decide if this is true or not.
You guys remember my best friend Megs right; everyone should remember as she dragged me to go and watch Dunkirk the film, as it has Harry Styles in it. Well she’s back but this time I let her roam with the idea of a title; especially this one I’m afraid, I should let my friends go riot over my blogs to be honest because they are quiet funny characters to do.
Plus I need her help with it in the first place; so being Megs I had to tell her what’s the first thing that comes to mind, that was this title and the blog was born. Throughout the day I had snapchat chats whilst we were both on breaks; or near enough, shes young and in love and we all know that means mushy brains. However the fact that she snapchat me this morning on her break saying “he hasn’t messaged me” I thought here we go mini version of me here being insecure and etc. Now I’m paying the price of her anxious mind and etc. The fact that I came down on her with a tonne of bricks the other night about it all; she knew I was telling her what she needed to hear, because I was just as bad with Caspian when I first started going out with him and I could see that she’s ignoring her own advice so in the end I had slap her with a wet fish a few times even harder to get her to thinking straight.
The fact that she’s 18/19 years old she’s hit that faze of gooy mess #psychomodeofinscureandparionad we all have those moments don’t we. I should know as I’ve had my fair share of them over the years; I just told her let it take it’s cause, yes it might happen or it might not. You can’t predict what’s going to happen ether way just take each day as it comes.
Even Caspain has to remind me not to over think things at the best of times; guess what he’s right, he knows how much I get anxious and freak out on him at the best of rimes. So far I’m doing quite well not freaking out as much as I use to; which is a good thing, but it’s all the same when you start a new relationship at the end of the day.
Are they true stories or are they not? You decide if they are or not. I know what’s right and I respect your opinion.
The fact that I got mixed up on what days I’m on with my 30 Day Challenge and then soon realised I was right the first time. You’re just like erm someone send help I think Lizzy’s lost the plot. Yep that’s basically me all over yet again; I’m doing a Frank moment of madness, without the keys or was I? I’ll let you decide on that one.
Especially when I get too soppy about Caspain when he goes on business trips; I don’t get to see him much when he does, damn schedules that he has haha. Then I cheekily stalk him in a good way seeing pictures; there’s always a good side to him that I like about him, and then there’s pictures you just interpret of what the hell are the security on at the time. That’s just me reading into the picture of a story mind; “it’s alright I’m on a high because I’m working for a well known family business man, also a friend with the royals” or “I wish I could win girls hearts over like he does”. The two most favourite ones that I miss about him but when I do see his pictures and video clips of him when he’s away; it has to be his cheeky grin with his ginger beard, also his voice when he talks it’s like when he’s talking I always think that he’s secretly sending me a message that everything is going to be alright. Can’t wait to see him when he’s work scheduled calms down a bit and that he promised me two months off his time to be all about me. Can’t wait to trade them in hehe. Not even sure how that’s going to work. As I don’t like being spoilt or having the attention on me but heyho.
Yes I know suck it up Lizzy. Thanks guys. Love you too. I do have to say this was the easy one to write today. Hehe. Might as well plan tomorrow’s one. If I can that is but I never know what to write until it’s late at night. Just when I’m about to go to sleep. Nice one brain.
I had this idea for the last few days now as nearly everything that I use everyday is running out; no money until next week to replace them but I can tell you which brands I use daily, when I have them on a average day. I’m not going to do it in order to what I put on my first; it’s just too technical, along with I use different brands at different times.
I use Garnier Skinactive Micellar Cleansing Water to take off any make up off that I may of missed when I use B. Micellar Cleansing Water.
I use B. Micellar Cleansing Water first before anything else. Just to make sure that my make up is off or there’s anymore left that I’ve missed. I also use B. Make Up brushes to apply the correct make up that I use.
I use Revlon make up of contouring and corrector. Two of the most expensive things that I buy but I don’t care to be honest I like the brand and it works for my skin.
I use out of the Collection range Sheer Loose Powder Ivory, unless they are out of stock I use something that’s closer to it. Compressed Powder Ivory unless they are out of stock then I go for something closer to it. I also use Medium Cool or Fair Concler and I also use black liquid eyeliner.
I use Barry M Ivory foundation and Primer. If they don’t have my foundation I try and get something near to it.
I use Maybelline New York Massacre the extreme look (red massacre one) can’t remember the actual name of it. Maybelline nude colours eye shadows and sometimes their contour colours but not that often.
I use Simple Cleansing lotion, make up wipes and make up remover if I ran out of the wipes or I haven’t got anymore Cleansing Water left.
That’s basically the only things that I use for my daily make up. I sometimes buy double of things so that it will keep me going for about four months or so to keep me going for a bit while longer
Dairy Entries Online……are they true are they not you decide.
Dear Haters/Social Media/Press/Exs
I really don’t like your little games because it ruins my life; hackers, all the lies and self control over people even when your not around me anymore. Don’t act like your on a tilted stage because you can’t get what you want; the role that you made me play, making me out as the fool and a bad person. This is why I don’t like you and I don’t like your perfect crime. The way you laugh as you lied about everything especially when you say who you really are but actually it’s not; it isn’t cool and I do not like you one single bit.
Yet now I’m taking control; I’m breaking these chains because I’m getting smarter and starting to get harder in the nick of time, the fact that I rose up from the dead hiding from my fear. I have a list of names and guess what all of you are in red, in capitals and underlined. I don’t check it just once but I check it twice to make sure.
Look what you made me do. I’ve deleted all of my social media apps because I’m living in fear of being hunted or talking to hackers. Look what you just made me do. Thank you for making me realise how much your complete arse holes who have no lives; just want to ruin other people’s lives guess what you just ruined mine but I’m not going to let it happen no more. So look what you just made me do I’m going to fight back and when my love of my life back.
Look what you made me do as now I’m fighting back as I don’t like your kingdom keys anymore; they once belonged to me but now I threw my key of all keys away, only one person has my special key and no one else can have it. The world moves on, another day, another drama; but for me I hope karma comes back round and bite your arse one day.
I don’t trust nobody unless they are really close to me; guess what I know what I’ll be is an actress staring in your bad dreams, because you know why. This is what you ruined, you won’t be getting me back either way because I’m going to take control of my life. I’m with someone else and I know that they are right for me.
So here’s my message for all you haters, hackers, press and Ex’s:
“I’m sorry. The old me can’t come to the phone right now.”
“Oh. Didn’t you know. The old me is dead. You killed her.”
Ever felt so drained and had to change your top at least twice because you sweat straight through your first top at the being at the day. Yep that’s me all over. Based on today’s outcome (Thursday 24th August 2017)