You’re probably thinking why is she comparing her life as a grey rock; I can answer you that it was the wrestler turned actor Dwayne “The Rock” what’s his face name gave me the idea for the title as I just saw his picture on something, I was contemplating about my life like I do most days and I was just like I just want to hit someone or some people with my rock or a brick because they annoy me to the point of they needing one thrown at them. By the way I wouldn’t do that anyway neither should you in the first place. Good thanks for the promise.
Sometimes I rather just lay underneath my rock and just stay there. Don’t want to come out or nothing because what’s the point in life if there’s not much to do or anything loads of thoughts in my head. I rather just hide away in my cosy rock that I call “home” or “my comfort rock” not sure how a rock can be comfy but you can give it ago.
I find that people who come across me think I’m bubbly, funny, find it more funny that I say it how it is, relaxed and etc. At the best of times can’t work me out if I’m dead serious or not until I crack a smile of I just got you and burst out laughing. When I’m not myself and burst out crying they don’t even know what to do with me because I’m normally like the bubbly person to be around. You know they are trying to help but never know what to do.
I’m like it’s fine I’m just having a blip and the next minute I’m mucking about and having a laugh with everyone. I always find away of knowing how to bounce back when I’m having one the blip moment. Yeah my life is like a rock that I just want to throw one at someone, stay underneath or just crumble that’s basically my cycle my routine if you like to call it. Just had to double check the correct spelling of grey if I had the right one for the my britishness and it’s says “grey” and “gray” are accepted in English language so it doesn’t matter which word I use it still same word and meaning. Just the US prefer to use “Gray” in their English language. Fun fact for a Sunday.
Don’t wake up. Won’t wake up can’t wake up. No don’t wake me up. It’s the early morning as the lights flick on sleepy eyes peek through the blinds at something wrong; motionless remains the mess of someone who has been crying it’s such a shame, such a beautiful beautiful young life disappearing right before your eyes. By the time I’m dreaming you’ve crept out on me sleeping I was blissfully unaware what was happening. Tell me how am I suppose to care if you don’t wake me to check it out.
Don’t wake up. Won’t wake up. I can’t wake up no don’t wake me up. I blame myself for your death and our child. A trail of bloody clothes of the 2 year old why did you both have to go and me behind; if it wasn’t for you’re screams waking me up I wouldn’t off known what was happening before it was happening, the dream that I had wasn’t so blissful at all.
Tell me how am I supposed to care if I hadn’t let you go in my arms it could of been different now I’ll never know. I didn’t get the chance damn the person who killed you but I will find them make sure what they have done to you is real. If you could forgive me Lord and look after the love of my life and my child to keep them safe better than I could.
Under the lovers sky that I want to be with you when no one is going to be around but if you think that you won’t fall just wait until you the sun goes down. Underneath the starlight there’s a magical feeling so right it’ll steal your heart tonight. You can try to resist for not being mad at me or come saving me when I’m crying even when you’re trying to hide your kiss when you bury your head in my hair.
You know that you can’t fight the moonlight in the deep dark night sky but you’ll surrender your heart because you know that you can’t fight it; it’s going to get to your heart as there’s no escape from the love once the gentle breeze that weaves in and out of your heart, no matter what you think of me it won’t be long until I’m in your arms underneath the starlight being lost in the rhythm of the stars.
Tonight it feels so right for stealing your heart. No matter how much you fight it and no matter what you do he night will finally get you so don’t even try because you will never win with the starlight or the magical feeling as it’s going to steal your heart tonight.
As Jesus’s mother Mary sat next to me on the hill by the cave that once laid Jesus behind a rock; no matter if I believed in him or not she knew that I need someone to hear my broken heart, as it was screaming out in pain because it was never been in so much pain and it wasn’t going to fix anytime soon. “It’s probably what’s best for you I only want what’s best for you” she told me I knew that I wasn’t best for you then your stuck because I’ve tired to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind.
It’s like you’re just pouring salt in my cuts to make it more stingy for me to endure. Yet I just ran out of band aids I don’t even know where to start to explain to Mary what’s gone on because you can only bandage the damage but you can never really fix a heart.
Even though I knew what’s wrong but how could I be so sure because you never know what to say what you feel; I must of held Mary’s hand so tight as I didn’t have the will to fight I guess I needed more time to heal, you must be a miracle worker swearing up and down like you could fix what was broken. Jesus please don’t get my hopes just tell me how could you be so cruel?
You never knew how to fix people it just causes more pain; you never there when I needed you, now you think as you’re mother is here you think it’s okay to pour salt on my cuts but you couldn’t never really fix my broken heart.
In the winds of the British Isles words float from every country and commonwealth that belong to the United Kingdom; even with every tune from every country playing for Mother’s Day, the words sounds like how much people love each other especially their mothers who may have passed away or out in war zones or somewhere else.
Some words they can’t be spoken but only sung. So when you hear a thousand voices shouting love there’s a place where there is actually time in this life where you can sing what you are feeling. I remember you telling me to find my feet and stand my ground because don’t you see the whole world is listening to what we have to say right now?
The winds sing it louder sing it clearer knowing that everyone will hear you because as your making some of the noises you would find your voice tonight; make it stronger by singing it together which will make this moment of love last forever, even the love and the young are shouting their love tonight.
To be able to sing we had to wait like a lifetime to be able to see a thousand faces to celebrate together; you had brought hope, brought life conquer fear when it wasn’t always so easy but as you stood your ground by keeping your faith, yet you don’t see it right now but the world is listening to what we have to say.
As we sing it louder and more clearly knowing that everyone will hear you speak because you always told us to make a noise to find our voices tonight; by singing it stronger and being together we can make this feeling last forever, wether your old or young we are shouting love tonight.
Some words only be spoken but otherwise they can’t be spoke but only to be sung. To be able to hear the thousand voices is to be able to open your window of your bedroom hearing the words of love, life and hope. To be able to hear a thousand voices shouting love for you.
In my sleep in a distance of my dream I once heard there was a secret chord that David had played and it pleased the lord but you really don’t care for the music, do you ya? Well I can tell you that it goes back and fourth with every minor fall and there will be a major lift that will baffle the king as he composing the word “hallelujah”.
Your faith inside is so strong but you needed the proof but you saw her bathing on the roof; her beauty and the moonlight had overthrew you. As she tied you to her kitchen chair; she had broken your throne, and cut your hair as you withdrew your lips of a kiss the words came from her lips as you felt her breathe from her mouth against yours “hallelujah”.
Maybe there’s a god that’s up above; however I’ve ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody down who had withdrawn you out, it’s not about a cry that you hear at night and it’s not someone who’s seen the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a cold and it’s broken “hallelujah”
How many attempts do you get on that wooden boat and leave that island full of anxiety and depression? As you can tell I’m writing this in the middle of the night as I can’t sleep; worst case scenario is that I shouldn’t of slept during the day but that was because I was ill but then it was never a problem, yet during this week I manage to get on that wooden boat and slept. That meant I got off that island for a while until something decided to snap in my head; that’s when I go into one of those I can’t do this anymore, then make up stupid things in my head. Yeah everyone does it once in a while don’t they.
The fact that this is the first night in a long time that I genuinely can’t sleep I know I’m not feeling well; I know I’ve changed my bed covers not even sure why fresh duvet covers set me off more over past few months but it has, sometimes I beg to differ if my life would ever be normal. However getting on that wooden boat being away from that god forsaken island; you know when your mind has made peace within yourself, you start to believe in yourself and start feeling a lot happier I’m yourself.
It’s like a poisonous venom from a snake that comes in cycles from having a really good few months; then that starts to arises inside you, along side with the sea and the storms had started to crash and everything around. Then your knocked out for six and when you come back round there you are back at that stupid island for months trying to take your mind of it and win your life back. Yet you get further and further away knowing you’re going to win one day and that’s when your going to say goodbye for good to that island.
Weather you believe this or not it’s your opinion and I respect that. I put my thoughts and feelings into theses stories for the Online Diary Entries wether it’s true or not.
I can’t talk I know that I got it the wrong way like I normally do; as I’m looking up to see what’s falling down, yeah I know I can’t talk because I’ve gone back the wrong way and what is the use in what I say? I can hear myself complain all the time so I’m going to do it again; I give myself the blame to so I can get back up again to get out of the rain.
Baby. I miss you like nobody could. So tell me is she really that beautiful? Each time she kisses you tell me are you imagining it’s me kissing you. Does she really love you like I never could? Or love you like I use to love you? Hold you tender and tell you everything is good? You know she would hurt you? Because I never could and does she hold you tight at night all night long? If not you know who’s the one for you. I’m talking about the whole lot of history; I can’t find a way to show you what you mean to me, I’ve all around when you miss me and the way you love me. I don’t know what to do. So baby could you tell me.
Hello, did you call me? I thought it didn’t matter that you’re now gone; and I know the end of the story but there’s nothing but a shadow where my heart shone. If I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. You cost me so much love that I decided to go I know when I’ve had enough so don’t tell me that I’m not alone because I’ve gave you enough chances tell me if you want to be with me.
Yet I keep on finding ways to show you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you and how much I love you. It just keeps me spinning me and constantly I know how much I love you. I know it might sound crazy but your voice still leaves me all funky with a smile on my face.