Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Written in the stars” – Story Based – Countries who celebrate Mother’s Day (13.5.18)edel

Oh it’s written in the stars a million miles away but the main message is “thank you Mum and Happy Mother’s Day” seasons come and go but I will never change because I’m on my way home soon. Let’s go because you are now listening to me now as you can hear my voice in the wind; they say that they have heard nothing like this in a while, that’s why they play my song in so many different languages and that’s because I got more hits  than a disciples children.

Mum now I’m like a young man or young woman I only cry over massive attacks that I may witness from the front line to terrorist attacks to home attacks. I stay out of trouble where I make hits that will work with a racket or a bat on the playing field; without you I wouldn’t be the same because look at my jacket and hat, I’m look so damn good and I’m so down to earth. 

I’m brining gravity back by adopting by the major of my state, county, my army family because I want my family back and the people who work so hard just to get their salary taxed where the hell is all the sanity at. I use to be that kid that no one cared about at the end of the day. That’s why you have to keep screaming until they hear you out. 

It’s written in the stars a million miles away a message to the main person because seasons come and go but I will never change as I’m on my way home to you. All you done for me I was the one that needed to change but I’ve never changed from being your son or daughter. When we ate we always tipped the waiter or waitress but I needed a break I needed some home truths even for a second I even gave up believing and praying; I kept you awake when I got into the wrong crowd since that day I had a cunning plan to change my life around, you thought it was a good idea because I wasn’t going anywhere but I knew I that someday I will understand and you always told me you’re messages are written in the stars. 

As I look up to the sky I can see your messages in the stars clear as day I knew you written them a million miles away. I promise you now that I will never change now and go back to the way I was. We won’t change because I’m in my way home now.

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Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Disturbia” – Story Based

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum. Repeating over and over in my head what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? I’m going crazy now like no one can hear me or save me now. There’s no more gas in the rig I don’t know even how to get it started but nothing is heard, nothing said, I can’t even speak about it. It’s my life and out of my head yet I don’t want to think about it feels like I’m going insane. It’s like a thief in the night.

A thief that would come and grabs you to which consumes you like a disease of the mind that can control you rather too close for comfort. It’s like throwing your brake lights on as we’re in the city of wonder to which isn’t going to play nice so you better watch out because you might just go under so think twice. So my advice is to train your thoughts to which will be altered so you must falter to be wise.

Your mind is in disturber off mental health it’s like the darkness is the light that disturb you for life; am I scaring you tonight because you’re not use to what you like, the faded pictures that on the wall and it’s like they are talking to me. Disconnecting all the call and your phone don’t even ring but I got out of here or figure this shit out because it’s too close for comfort.

Did you see that thief in the night to come and grab me it would creep up inside me to consume me with the disease if the mind to which control me making me feel like a monster. My mind is being disturbed like the darkness is the light yet it’s talking to me like it’s scaring me tonight.

All I want you to do is release me from this curse that I am in because I’m trying to maintain but I’m struggling. If you can’t help me then just go because I think I’m going to go…

 

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Unbroken” – Story Based

My test feels so locked up tight like I would never feel again; like I’m stuck in some love prison but with high anxiety, and they threw away the key, terrified that I wouldn’t be saved no way to get help and then I stared into your eyes which made me realise the possibilities. I’m going to try and love you like I’ve never been broken by you but I’m going to tell you like it is as if it’s never been spoken tonight I’m going try and let go. I’m going to give it like it’s never been taken but I’m going to fall like I don’t need saving.

I stayed in my tower because you fell into the trap congratulations you played the same thing as everyone else all the same lies that people say but different face. There’s something in the words you say that makes it all real but there’s a need for me to run because you’re making me believe in everything and I need to go and hide as you are giving me every little piece of me like a puzzle.

Now I know that you were never really going to save me like I hope you would so please please stop breaking my heart. It can’t take anymore pain from you because I can’t breathe anymore and I can’t cope anymore. I want to sleep like I don’t have to wake up to feeling the pain that you have caused. You were never ready to save me.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Do I really want you back.” – Story Based

Have you ever wonder if this is the last time I see your face? Is it tears or is fucking rain saying “thank god he’s gone” I wish I could say something that doesn’t sound insane but lately I haven’t trusted my brain because you tell me that you’ll change but I just see what you can do and say nothing. No matter where I go I get the same blooming question “do I really want you back?” I know that I will never get over you but then I’m kicking myself because I’m lying to myself every time. I don’t actually want you back because you’re a piece of tool that I’ve thrown at the back of the garage that I don’t want because it’s broken.
Do you always remember how you made me laugh in the mornings when I wake up; yet you don’t understand how much you hurt me even when you try to make it all right, yet I still reach for you and the day I chose to tell you this is going to work anymore because I’m hurting and I’m ready to move on but I still dream of you. I know even when I said that I’ve moved on I’m still dreaming of you; I know that you’re gone now but I still blame myself of where I gone wrong but you come back, into my life saying you’ve changed.
Yet I know when something that kills you makes you stronger because you know that you’re not alone in the end as I’m starting to realise I’m so much better without you. So I ask myself do I really want you back in my life? The answer is no because at the end of the day you hurt me and you have to work on gaining my trust from what you have done to me. All the end it’s worth it because I know your true colours in the end.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Left Outside Alone” – Story Based

All my life that I’ve been waiting for you to walk into my life; wether you brought me a fairytale or not, living in a fantasy without a meaning won’t be okay because I don’t fee safe like the day you had left me with my heart was left broken in despair. I want to breath but I can’t find the air within me; I always thought and beloved that you were sent from up above but yet you and me never had love to begin with yet there is so much I have to say, can you help me find a way to explain to you how much I love you now yet I wonder if you know how it feels to be so confused and torn when you say you love me and then you don’t.
Do you know how it feels to be left outside alone as it’s cold out here as you walked away once again leaving me standing here; maybe you should know just how it feels to be left outside alone, I can tell you right now that I’ve been waiting for you to bring me a fairytale my way because I’ve been left hurt so many times and yet now I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without any meaning from yours part. I know it’s nit okay because I don’t feel safe and all I need to do is pray.
Why do you play me like a game? Yet there’s always someone else to blame because there’s always a careless little man that’s always there on your side. Someday you might actually understand that there’s not much more to say but I do hope you find a way. I can tell you right now that our fairytale will soon come to an end because right now I don’t feel safe anymore.
As I pray to god. Oh Heavenly Father please save me from this painful heartbreak. Do you know how it feels to be left outside in the cold alone? Maybe you should know how it feels because you know what true love really means. As my life has been waiting. For a fairytale to come my way yet I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without meaning and it’s not okay because I don’t feel safe anymore. I need to pray.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Glitter and Gold” – Story

Someone once said to me life has its good days and bad days. It doesn’t have to be this bad once you lose yourself there’s no cry for help when you don’t think you need it. Old friends are just like chores but it’s when you need them more than ever before; all that glitter and all that gold that you dream of won’t by you happiness, as you seem to brought into the limelight and sold your stories to the newspapers you can’t control all that glitter or that gold. You need to remember to take control of your soul; no matter high or how low you get, you’ll be on your own and no one will be there to catch your fall.

How you going to act because losing your soul will cost you more than the life you’re paying for. You don’t need all the money in the world and all of those friends you left behind; one day you might actually need them when it’s cold outside as your life might go spiralling out of control, yet all that glitter and all that gold that your earning won’t keep you happy for much longer and when you have brought everything that’s when you wish you had the control of your finances more better. All you need is to take better of your soul.

One day you’re going to wake up to find that your dream is loosing its shine because you have nobody by your side; that’s when the rain comes falling down, and you’re losing your mind that’s when the only place you turn to is the media. That’s where your going to run to and then once it’s all out where are you going to hide? Glitter and gold won’t keep you warm especially on those lonely nights that you wish you had someone by your side.

All I can say is to you dear is if you want to be which and famous just remember who you are, where you came from, who your true friends are and most importantly stay grounded don’t let the glitter or the gold or the fame go straight to your head. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: Anxiety of being in a relationship or even the thought of it

The reason why I thought I’ll write about this on a Anxiety suffer point of view because some people may not understand why nice, gentle and kind people suffer anxiety and the thought of being in a relationship or in a relationship makes them like it.

I can definitely relate to this sort of thing wether or not if I’m in one or not just the thought just terrifies me. Sometimes I’m confident, yeah I’m fine and get on with it; all of the sudden it dawns on me what happens if this happened or what happens if that happened, you start to throw things at the person who cares about you the most trying to put them off but stands their ground and not budge what so ever.

Someone I know who has social anxiety every time they think about an event that their friends ask them to join or meeting up with a close friend who’s been there for them. They wouldn’t eat and vomit; over the time with this close friend of theirs who’s been coming to their house, over the past several months she’s been loosing the social anxiety that involves around that close friend to her because they truly care about her and want to spend time with them.

It takes a true friend or someone that you love the most t stick by you no matter how your feeling. The patience, the time and the care that they give to you the most is the one that you may want to be with for the rest of your life. Most people just want to give up and walk away from it all as some people don’t want to help themselves.

Trust me if it wasn’t for few of my friends like Caspian, TP, Terry and Barry. Oh and Megs, Rebekah and Marvel I would of not helped myself as much as I could. However having the confidence from my friends that I can do it and believing that I can do it. I can build the confidence and believe in myself that I can do it too knowing that I know if I start to fall I can go to one of them for help if I needed to.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: Whole lotta history

Weather you believe this or not it’s your opinion and I respect that. I put my thoughts and feelings into theses stories for the Online Diary Entries wether it’s true or not.

I can’t talk I know that I got it the wrong way like I normally do; as I’m looking up to see what’s falling down, yeah I know I can’t talk because I’ve gone back the wrong way and what is the use in what I say? I can hear myself complain all the time so I’m going to do it again; I give myself the blame to so I can get back up again to get out of the rain.

Baby. I miss you like nobody could. So tell me is she really that beautiful? Each time she kisses you tell me are you imagining it’s me kissing you. Does she really love you like I never could? Or love you like I use to love you? Hold you tender and tell you everything is good? You know she would hurt you? Because I never could and does she hold you tight at night all night long? If not you know who’s the one for you. I’m talking about the whole lot of history; I can’t find a way to show you what you mean to me, I’ve all around when you miss me and the way you love me. I don’t know what to do. So baby could you tell me.

Hello, did you call me? I thought it didn’t matter that you’re now gone; and I know the end of the story but there’s nothing but a shadow where my heart shone. If I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. You cost me so much love that I decided to go I know when I’ve had enough so don’t tell me that I’m not alone because I’ve gave you enough chances tell me if you want to be with me.

Yet I keep on finding ways to show you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you and how much I love you. It just keeps me spinning me and constantly I know how much I love you. I know it might sound crazy but your voice still leaves me all funky with a smile on my face.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: I’ll be there

Wether you believe this true or not it’s your opinion and no one else’s. I know the truth and that all matters to me.

I remember the day that you and I must make a pact; we must bring our salvation back where there the love is because I’ll be there standing right next to you, no matter what happens as I’ll reach my hand out to you and I’ll have my faith in all what you do as you know that I’ll be there.

I could hear you making your promises saying “I’ll be there to comfort you; build my world of dreams around you, I’m so glad that I found you and I’ll be there with a love that’s strong and I’ll be your strength when you can’t carrying on and I’ll keep holding on because I know your having a rough patch once in awhile. Yes I will. Let me fill your heart with and laughter; togetherness is all I’m after, I know you know that you want the same and whenever you need me I will be there. I will be there to protect you with unselfish love and I respect you just call my name and I’ll be there.”