It kickstarts again. No matter how much you try to talk to talk about mental health it’s like saying “you can’t do this. You can’t do that” which reminds me the times that people say to you as a child you can’t play with that your not old enough. You can drink that your not old enough. The list goes on and on to be honest with you. It’s bad enough that you have this horrible feeling that your not allowed to even talk about mental health at all anymore; well that’s what I feel like because as I do suffer from it yes time to time I talk about it, it’s the initial thought of being judged by other people because they will judge you for some reason or another or you come across someone saying “I’ve had a bad experience in my life when growing up but does that make me depressed. I think I never really thought about being depressed. I don’t know why you should be depressed about things. Then again I don’t know what happened in your past so I’m not going to judge”
I’m there thinking you just got all arms up and being judgemental about someone who has mental health then conderdicted themselves for not being judgemental. That I really don’t understand to be honest because you say one thing then say another and your like you spineless arse. I wake up everyday to fight it even if I’m having a good day I’m still battling it but not as bad as some days that I have done. I have talked to professionals about it all yet it’s draining afterwards and I don’t want to do anything afterwards.
I find talking about myself and things that have gone on in my life a lot harder than just writing about it. I sometimes just write a blog but just to vent and don’t post it because at the end of the day do I really want my whole life story on the social media and the internet not really. I’ve learnt my lesson from the last time and ever since then I’m either constantly being reminded or people still go and run to people that I know will cause more problems. Yeah they are trying to help but at the end of the day I like the people who come to me first than run to other people it shows a bit of respect at the end of the day. That goes with if someone got a problem with me why go to someone else then to me first and try to sort it out.
Today (10.4.18) is a recovery day for me because I went out yesterday (9.4.18) with my parents it took a lot of hard work for me to get myself out and etc. When I didn’t want to go out but the time we were half way round to near the end I started to not want to be out anymore because I need my space and my time to myself. By the time we got back I just wanted to be left alone to which was okay I then slept for hours to be honest with you. Hoping something would arrive but I’ve got this feeling that it’s not going to come but I’m just anxious about it; nothing worth getting hopes up guys someone wanted me to work on something for them that’s all, yet it hasn’t arrived yet making me anxious because I don’t want it to get lost.
As you may can tell I’m not one of those people it’s all about me I like to be normal and keep to myself unless I’ll tell how it is then they know and realise don’t get off on the wrong side of me. Fair few have done and backed off. Yet majority of the people like my character and find it funny because I remind them of someone that they know and etc. I do it all the time to my friend Megs because she needs toughing up and I’m always nice to her. The fact that she’s learning a lot in space of a year about herself more so than she realises as she knows what I would say. She knows I don’t mean half what I say but because she realises how much I’m right and she focuses how to change it. That’s all for now folks.