#throwbackthursday: The wish list that never made it

Finally caught up what I needed out of my makeup box and now hair and makeup doubles of things box currently not an ideal box/basket thing by it will do for now. You’re probably thinking why does she need a new hair brush don’t she have another one? I have got another hair brush but I like two hair brushes one to keep in my bag and one in my normal daily life but I tend to lose one in my room but I broke one a few weeks ago let’s not get into it on how I broke it. I do double of things up and planning on getting some from the store and some from online so it’s easier for me to have the doubles come at different times.
So here is my wish list if I had money and all that jazz.

Superdrug Haul Wish List April 2018
Red Passion Live hair dye x2
Primer Barry M x2
Finished ivory foundation Barry M x2
Lasting perfection purple colour correction concealer Collection x2
Lasting perfection colour concealer Fair 2 Collection x2
Extreme bold 24 felt tip callgraphy liner Collection x2
The nudes maybelline New York eyeshadow x2
Revolution make up london ultra cream contour palette x2
Revolution make up london ultra base corrector x2
Collection pressed powder x2
Collection sheer loose powder x2
Revolution make up london contour kit 02 x2
New hair brush

Wednesday Evening Post: White bathroom still white afterwards!

White bathroom is still white afterwards! Yes my hair is got its colour back. Red is back after two days of putting it off; as I should of done it Monday but was in one of those moods, but I was surprised that I haven’t got it everywhere in the bathroom like I normal do however that was a success minus it was all over my cami top just a bit mostly it was all over my head where it should be not easy where the bath is a lot lower than normal than most baths. Unless they are low and I haven’t really much payed attention to be honest.
The fact that my hair is now finally back to the redness even though the maintenance can be pain in the arse of redoing it but I’m just glad that it’s back to full strength. However it brings life and positivity to one self and say “hey your okay now.” The fact that I can just put make up on not worrying about how ugly or stupid I look or run down. You know what I mean. I love the fact that I buy double of things which means that I don’t have to worry about running out of things every so often. To which remind me I need to make a list of what I need so I can order some more when I get paid and buy some on the day as well so I know that I’ve got some on the go and some on the way.
I will make a Haul/Luxurious Wish List to share with you soon as I was going to attach it’ll here but had a moment to which I had to stop making the list. Sad times which stopped me from putting this up earlier as a normal blog but all well at least I’ve got something for my Wednesday Evening Post hehe. Which is a win win situation isn’t it.

Luxurious Beauty: When you start your day with a cold shower!

Monday Bank Holiday. It’s raining and cold yet again in Surrey UK it either rains or snows but can’t wait for it to cheer up to be honest; would love the warm summer to come, we all know how much I love the summer and the warmth weather. Today is just a rest day for me and much need tlc for me as my anxiety was all over the place yesterday when I was seeing my brother who lives up in Northampton; there is so much I can take when I’m with a load of people, and somewhere different because there’s no get out and have space to yourself.
This morning I did have a plan that I was going to have a shower and redye my red hair again; however being me for not giving it more time to warm up for the shower I ended up having a cold shower, which didn’t give me enough time to do my normal was hair because it was freezing so it took me a while to warm up. I was debating whether or not to my make up on because I was going to redye my hair but I couldn’t stand the sight of my face looking like a piece of a rotten apple. Not sure if that was going to be the correct term for it but let’s go along with it for now. So I decided to put my make up on whether or not I was going to still do my hair or not but on the positive front I’m quite glad that my hair hasn’t gone wild like it normally does.
With the frizz the curls and etc so I didn’t really need to put the hair extensions in to calm it down at all. So there maybe a chance if I don’t fall asleep for me to redye my red hair and make it look more red again or just wait for another a day because it doesn’t look too bad but it does need to be cut as it’s getting to the point of being a pain and notty as all ways. We will shall see if I do do my hair today or not if I do I’ll blog about it for you guys. The lots of ums and arrrs.

Wednesday Evening Post: Hate not having make up on!

It’s that time of the week where I’ve started to notice how much I hate not having makeup on or having my hair extensions in everyday because I’ve been so tired, anxious and ill it really affects me to the point of hating myself looking ill and be constantly reminded that I’m not having a great week or so.
I’m just so tired that I think that I’ll do my make up and hair after I get back from my morning shift but I never do because I just want to go to sleep as I’m that tired. It’s like I don’t actually have a purpose in life. Yeah make up is my go to thing each morning and my hair; even one of my parents said to me this morning or the other day that my make up and hair looked more natural than it has been.

The fact that without make up or hair done it’s been like I’ve gone back to the times of I didn’t care about how I looked or anything. I hate that so much because I know it’s not me to be honest I know I’m battling my emotions at the moment maybe it’s because it’s nearly at the end of the term as well. I don’t know but it’s one of those things where there’s so much you can take for one person.

I just hope that I just bounce back with the whole thing and take control of myself a bit more; I just miss the whole thing of feeling great, being able to laugh and be normal self like I use to be. Slowly but surely I should be fine and fight back somehow.

Sorry if this weeks Wednesdays a bit depressing but on the positive note I’ve just managed to complete my yesterday picture that I made. Here is the final version of the picture as promised this morning that I would show you the completed version.

 

Luxurious Beauty: Hate Anxiety with make up on my face!

Recently I may touched on the basis of mental health last week with anxiety and depression. As it’s becoming more and more apparent and aware in this day in age that people are speaking out about it but some people may think “oh get over yourselves and etc” yet actually over the years things have been more successful and more talked about now than back at the times when things weren’t meant to be. Bad things would happen to people who think it isn’t right to be that person. (Not even sure what I meant by that. Must of had a valid point to it)

I find I actually hate talking about it to be honest of the fear of being judged and etc. Yet people may seem to think “oh she’s amazing she’s so positive, looking well and always happy” “didn’t realise she had something wrong in her life” so on and so on. That’s the best bit about having make up on choosing whether to show how ill you really are or make yourself feel good inside and out no matter what the problem is. Then bam anxiety starts to kick in then you start to sweat and what not. You start cry and everything else.

After all that once you calmed down when you just felt so stupid because of it all over nothing; that’s when you look at yourself in the mirror you then realised, but also remembered that you had put make up on and that’s when your like either punched yourself in the face or look like something out of horror film or something along the lines of it.

I hate that to the point of what’s going to be anxiety bulletproof at the end of the day. Just to sort it all out or the best start is control the anxiety as much as you can. Haven’t worked that one out yet guys with the whole thing; I try to come away from all of the social media stuff like messenger, and what not so that the people whom I’m suited with and more like to be more negative to me. Just so that I can control it in the orderly manner but if someone’s got a suggestion of how to keep make up to stay on my face whilst in one please let me know much appreciate it.

Luxurious Beauty: How do you know which colour hair dye will suite you?

Spring should be around the corner but currently snow has other plans but this isn’t about me going on about that this is for ladies who are struggling to adapt or feel confident in themselves. I can tell you it’s taken me number of colours to figure out what colour that I final stuck with to be honest and haven’t regretted it since I’m pretty enough known as a red head at work when people can’t remember who I am haha. Plus most of the staff that I know at a school that I go to and the kids know where to go when I’m on their bus because of my head haha.
So how do you know which colour hair dye do you go for and which one will suit you? I’m pretty much think that’s same question but asked differently I think. Not sure if my brain is computing or not. To be honest if I knew 14 years ago what I was doing back then when I was in my teens as I was starting out I would off gone with the colour that I would have now but then again I was so insecure about myself and everything back then couldn’t really care how I looked well acted like I didn’t but I actually did. Until now I’ve been working hard on myself a lot trying to feel comfortable with myself accept for who I am.
From the age between about 13 to 17 I was blonde when I was at secondary school then 17-20 went throw a faze of I didn’t know what colour to go next to be honest so I was trying it out until I went brown 20-24 I think when I started to go into work and by 24-until now I just stayed red ever since because I felt more comfortable with myself. Knowing that I feel more myself and love the redness I would show you guys my different hair colours but some pictures I really hate so no I won’t show you.
Sorry. Rather not have embarrassing pictures of my stupidity ugly face of the time on here. My recommendation is book a session with a local salon which is normal free for a consultation with a hair dresser they can sit down with you to decide with you and help you with advice what’s best and what they think might suit you. Also if you decide to do it there and then in the salon ask the price and see where else you can get it for cheaper along with a hair cut deal. That’s my recommendation when first starting out because you will know what you’re doing and also do it ever so often to the same salon. Then odd occasions in between you can touch it up yourself if your feeling confident doing yourself but if not that’s okay.

Luxurious Beauty: Does anyone else’s hair drives them nuts?

It’s that time of year when it’s still cold but slightly getting warmer but yet so far; you like I can’t be bothered to wash your hair that certain day, and yet you regret it so much the next day because it drives you nuts because it itches so much. Does anyone else have that problem at all?
I find that mine combines with the weather where it reacts the scalp as much as it can then drives me nuts; I then have to get up to go and wash it to make it stop, once I’m up I’m up after that and it’s like my last alarm if it’s work day like it’s telling me “get up…get up…I don’t care if your on stand by wash me….wash me I want to feel fabulous and I want to make you fabulous”

Yes I tend I fall out with my hair when I want a lay in; I tend to fall out most things with myself it’s how I can work with myself on most things, then I forgive it and then forgive myself because I know that I know I’m fabulous. This may sound big headed or far fetch from a far but I’m not that forgiving towards myself most of the time; as I’m quite tough on myself with positive and negative, yet that’s how I get through life and then people wonder how I cope with things.

I for one love my hair especially when I know that I love the fact that the red brings me out more than any other colour that I’ve dyed it. I think I’ve red and blonde has to be the longest colour that I’ve been; blonde was throughout my teens to early adult life with hint of brown and black in the middle then hitting about 25 years old I just stuck with red ever since. I’ve been dying it for so long I can barely tell you what my original colour is; yet I can guess its dark brown from my eye brows and my routes minus the grey hairs that I have coming through. More of a reason to dye it until I completely comfortable with it when I’m older that’s if I actually stop dying it haha.

It’s taken me along time to accept the curls and the frizz of my hair I wouldn’t straighten it because I know it won’t last long because it will just go back to the whole “you can’t tame me. Just give up now” so I have but I do use the hair extensions to try and tame as much as possible. Which it does work to the point of it looks more nicer than anything; the fact that people look at me and wonder how I do it but I’m like I don’t even try it’s natural, take it up with both of my nan and my grandma haha. I’m not the only one that struggles with it all trust me.

Yet I love my hair and the way I do it because it’s me and makes me confident about myself and I know I feel fabulous about myself. It’s like tells me off if I’m having a bad day or I’m having a lazy day that enough is enough it’s time to make you fabulous no matter how long it takes you. Just do it.

Friday Time Recap Time: What makes you fabulous?

This morning I posted a Superdrug Haul (2.3.18) the things that I had brought only if I could film what I do on average morning of my make up I would of done. Along side the idea of what the full works of readying my hair; drying my hair, make up and the full works it’s my hair and extensions it would be so easier than me typing it up. Plus I don’t have to talk either haha all I have to do is film and do what I normally do in the time of the process of everything.

The question of tonight’s Friday Time Recap Time I wanted to do this a few days but I was in a sort of a bad place where I couldn’t write about it because I didn’t feel fabulous at all. Yet this passed week it’s been snowing and what not so I had a bit of time to myself; where I’ve had words with myself because my eyes can always tell you there’s a storm happening, and then you know when I’m calm because my eyes go back to light blue.

I always terrified of myself because I never felt fabulous about myself; I always see how pretty other people are, people always compliment me and etc. Yet as soon as I redo my hair and make the time to do my face and everything I know I feel fabulous and confident. Being able to put make up on and doing my hair everyday gives me a purpose in life that I’ve actually accepted myself that I am pretty and etc.

I should be happy with myself knowing that it’s okay to me; yes it’s taken me a long time to accept myself but now that I’ve got an idea of who I am, how I like myself and what not the scares that normal open and shown had faded away it’s not psychological scaring that its on the skin. Mentally and internal inside it goes to show who is winning and whose loosing; yet sometimes it’s no okay when your doing so well, then bam the scares and mental state comes out without warning. All that I can say is it’s okay to be you and no one else.

Teenagers Life Crisis: I’m not just a pretty girl

You may think I’m just a pretty girl who looks so innocent but I can swear I can joke; I will say what’s on my mind if I need to be which may lead me to drink or smoke, yet the woman who stood up for us to be able to do things just to keep up with the guys. You can see me holding up my middle finger to the world as I don’t give a fuck about your ribbons or your pearls; as I’m not just a pretty girl that’s just stands in the picture, I am so much more than just a picture and I’m a daughter and as sister.

The fact that it’s a lot harder for me to show who I really am; I know that I’m more than just the silly rumours that you spread around knowing that it’s not true, or even better the song that you play on your computer saying that I remind you of me in that song. There is more to me that meets the eye than people know. I may have days that I’m broken because of no money but when I do have the days when I have money I’m rich as I can be; you can watch, you can stare in judgement that I’m nice to people but when people get the wrong side of me I’m just like the bitch like everyone else yet I’m not sorry for that.

Yet all of the hatred I just don’t let it show because it’s not worth it as you make it out to be. Yes I’ve been through some shit but you can see that I’ve let my hair down sticking my middle finger up to the world because I don’t give the fuck about anything. I just say what’s on my mind when I don’t give a damn about anything. I can swear, I can joke, I can drink and I can smoke like everyone else. That’s because I can keep up with the guys and everyone else.

I maybe just a pretty girl but I am so much more than a number; I am a hater and I’m lover like everyone else yet it’s harder for me to show, as I am more than a title which makes the comment go viral. Yet I’m sorry on the outside but in the inside I’m not sorry. So you can certainly get out of my face if you want to see me like this because I’m not afraid of letting my hair down. As I’m just a pretty girl that needs to be let the rebel out of her because I’ve had enough of it all; yet that it’s completely opposite I’m a rebel who wants to let the pretty girl out, or pretty girl with an attitude. Yet you never know which way I’m coming.

“I maybe beautiful but…..” my saying as always

Want to know how I can remain beautiful but have so many split personalities.

For years I couldn’t care less about what I looked like. Actually at the end of the day it was just all on front; I did care about what I looked like, how I presented to myself and etc. Since meeting an old work colleague and going out with her a lot at the time we use to work with each other. I started to begin to look after myself a bit more; since I had left the job I had started to look after myself even more so ever since like putting make up on everyday, doing something with my hair everyday and yeah I had days that I really didn’t want to but I did.

Since working at the job I’m doing now I only had one day out of the whole month that I didn’t wear make up or my hair extensions in. I felt kind of gross. I still feel like it on the weekend when I can’t be bothered to do anything yet I force myself to do as I new that I needed to feel okay about myself.

Having all that done and having my hair dyed it gives me a sense of wellbeing, loving myself and most importantly covering up any pain or scars that I may show if I’m not okay. Few times I’ve been caught out and caught other people out thinking that I worked at a school that I do a school run to and I jokely said “no no I’m one of you guys” “I maybe a pretty face but I wouldn’t go back to that line of work ever again” the fact that I get those complements that I was meant to be doing something else and that I stood out from the crowd shows that I’m a hard working person and also looks after themselves.

The fact that I’m more than lucky to have Caspain, Fezz and few guys that will are supportive and been there for me even if I’m feeling so low and think I’m not good enough. It’s all about building up my confidence and how to deal with life when things get tough.