Special Addition Revisit: Hello

A Special Addition revisit in memory of Daisy.

We all wondered where Caspian had gone; me, DC and KC looked over to where Daisy’s gravestone was, I told them to go and I’ll stay to which to my surprise DC agreed with me by telling me that he needed me more than ever. As I started to walk over; I looked back over I could see DC burying his head in KC’s arms, which made me have a tear rolling down my face. As I reached over to Caspian took his hand as I knew I wasn’t meant to but this was a one off; as his grandmother gave her blessing for this day to happen, when her two grandsons needed their partners the most. I whispered to him saying that a car will pick us up a bit later everyone else will go on ahead. Caspian snaked his arm around me after he let go of my hand; pulled me close to him than ever before, the fact that he knew I had tears down my face meant two things to him. One that I was crying because I wanted to take his pain away, second I was only about age 6 when his mother had died. I had started to listen to him talk but I knew he wasn’t going to let me go; I was like his prop to help him stand even though he was 6ft2, and I was 5ft4 and half but it soothed him a lot because he always would make fun about my height.

“Hello, it’s me. I was just wondering after all these years if you would like to meet to go over everything; they would say over the years at this time that it would become easy; even when the time should be supposed to heal you, but guess what I haven’t done much healing. Since Lizzy came into my life things have become much easier; less dreams than I have done, except this time of year I either keep her up or shout out in my sleep she comes running after she gets woken.

Hello, can you hear me? When we were younger and free there were so many happy memories; I have forgotten how it feels when you were you were my world, your warmth, your loving, your hugs and many more. There’s such a difference between us now more than ever; there’s a million miles away of where you are, I think you sent me Lizzy one way or another.

I have forgotten tell you. She’s just like you mum. Everything about her reminds me of you. I’m not going to let anything happen to her. I promise mum. She’s staying put for ever. Not moving. I don’t know how she does it when I get mad she looks at me the way you do or the way she says things to make me calm down. The way you do it’s like I’ve got you back. I miss you so much mum. I love you.”

We stayed a bit more longer. I hugged him tightly but gently at the same time. He kissed me on the forehead a few times; I knew the driver and security were hovering, I asked for two more minutes they agreed and went away. Caspian whispered to me and “I love you” I whispered back “I love you too”. Time was ticking along now so we had to go back otherwise everyone would worry where we had got to.

Caspian and lost of his mother

The thoughts and feelings of my take as I’m close to Caspian. I’m not too sure if I’m going to published this or not. #fightingforCaspian&DC #inmemoryofDaisy

As the days grew closer and closer; the more I realise how much I hate the press and the media, never so much as I was younger and it annoys me to the point of lashing out along with my thoughts. When I was kid way before I met Caspian I had felt sorry, upset for him and his brother; I would pray for him and his brother to be looked after as the trying years that faced them in years to come. They have turned out two handsome men; living life to the full, counting their blessings everyday knowing that their mother is watching over them making her proud.

As I was growing up Caspian’s mother Daisy was a well known person; everyone loved her, along with her boys and I loved all three of them. Now that I am friends with Caspian; I am learning that so much what has happened, I think that now know why he wants me to keep me safe. Which is pretty much understandable as I wouldn’t of been able to cope with it; until I get to him one day soon, as long as I find away to be able to get this blog up and running. Does it make me look like a press if I’m writing about something or someone I care about. No it doesn’t make me sound like I’m from the press or from the media; I try and stay away from all that nonsense, unless there’s something that has come up that I strongly disagree or something on the news. Then that’s different kettle of fish.

The fact that the press makes me feel more and more wanting to break their cameras; in away of saying you lost your pride of joy, but it’s okay you can go and get another one from PC world. Yet you can’t bring back a parent that you killed. Yet you still want to continue to ruin their mother’s life because she can’t defend for herself; saying that you knew her better than the boys and their family, yet they are the ones feeling all the guilt because they think that they are the ones that killed her. However yet the press and the media are the ones who had actually killed her no body else; yet you still carry on with the whole I’m going to chase after all of the well known, who have always grown up in the lime light since day one.

So many times I want write this blog; I want to share my anger, upset and hatred towards it all and I’ve never got the courage to do so because I never know wether or not too. Then again is this a story that I’ve just written or is all based on true facts. Personally I feel like it’s just a story for people to read. Not everything is about the whole real life events; at the end of the day every child looses a parent one way or another, a parent looses a child the same way. In this tragic sense of a story that I created is to make people realise that press and media aren’t really your friend; they just want your life story to pay their bills, you want the lime light like everyone else who is a celebrity in this day in age. For me I just like to share a bit about myself now and then; to also to stay away from having attention to myself, I’m not one of those attention seekers like everyone else around me and that’s when I tell them in my head to go bugger off don’t care about you what so ever.

Sorry Not Sorry if I got a chance

Things that I would do if I got a chance to do; but I would be sorry about it, in the end I wouldn’t be sorry. #InamemoryofDaisy #fightingforCaspain&DC

Payback is going to be one horrible thing;

And you know what,

I’m the baddest of them all

The fact I’m now looking for revenge.

The best feeling is smashing your leans and cameras,

Yeah I know how much it must of hurt you,

Yet your don’t know how much I you hurt my two friends

Just taking photos whilst their mother was dying;

Never went and help to save her life.

I can make you out a lot worst as it already is;

Now your looking for redemption and look like a lost puppy,

The regret should of eaten you up over the past 20 years

Now payback is a bitch

You’re saying I’m a savage

But I’m sorry that I’m going to have to do this,

But actually I’m not sorry for doing this.

Showing up like this I knew

that I would take it out on you

You know that I would too

Seriously I am not sorry

For punching your lights out

I’m not sorry

For sticking it up everywhere.

Leaving you there.

Yet you still have no remorse

No dignity

No nothing

You say your sorry but your not sorry

Sorry 20 years too late.

All of the Special Milestones she missed

Because of you.

Now you say your sorry.