As Jesus’s mother Mary sat next to me on the hill by the cave that once laid Jesus behind a rock; no matter if I believed in him or not she knew that I need someone to hear my broken heart, as it was screaming out in pain because it was never been in so much pain and it wasn’t going to fix anytime soon. “It’s probably what’s best for you I only want what’s best for you” she told me I knew that I wasn’t best for you then your stuck because I’ve tired to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind.
It’s like you’re just pouring salt in my cuts to make it more stingy for me to endure. Yet I just ran out of band aids I don’t even know where to start to explain to Mary what’s gone on because you can only bandage the damage but you can never really fix a heart.
Even though I knew what’s wrong but how could I be so sure because you never know what to say what you feel; I must of held Mary’s hand so tight as I didn’t have the will to fight I guess I needed more time to heal, you must be a miracle worker swearing up and down like you could fix what was broken. Jesus please don’t get my hopes just tell me how could you be so cruel?
You never knew how to fix people it just causes more pain; you never there when I needed you, now you think as you’re mother is here you think it’s okay to pour salt on my cuts but you couldn’t never really fix my broken heart.
Blooming snow! Snowing again guys Beast from the East has arrived once more this weekend; snow, rain, bit of sunny weather, snow again and what is the world coming too. Really don’t want to cancel something because of the snow but I’m just not in the mood for walking in the snow get stuck and then have to worry about crazy people who think it’s okay to drive in the snow but actually turn it into dangerous snow.
No matter how much or how many times I’ve dry off the compensation that’s on my window; it’s still steams up like nobody knows like it’s been effected by the snow or something, I know that just sounded stupid haha. Along with stencilled paint stickers that were left their marks on you could just about make out what were there; a dragon, a Jessie character from Toy Story and many others but the only two that have come up so far is the dragon and Jessie.
Practically going to tell you what I’ve done today because my plans have changed since this morning by the snow as me and someone couldn’t work out how this would work if it decided to throw it down with snow plus freeze the wet that’s on the ground. So in and out of annoying phones calls and messages about things and constantly apologising to someone even though none of this is my fault to begin with also being accused for waisting their time when I’ve had no control over or what’s going on.
I managed to work out how to use this revolution pro make up cleaner pot by using the baby shampoo by Johnson’s to get my brushes back by looking super clean. Didn’t realise how much make I used when I was washing one set of brushes. One set you got white and pink on the top for the heads by Revolution limited edition. Actually like that brand than the ones that I have been using before. Cleaned some of the old brushes that I still use B. Actually forgot what they colour they use to be. I was expecting them to be white as well but I was so wrong. Yet they are nice and clean ready to be used again tomorrow now.
Oh and been watching a fair bit of Most Haunted and Ghost Adventures because I can. Just going to do bits and pieces for the rest of the day so that I can relax a bit; not impressed how things planned out today, but what can you do really as you’ve got silly weather coming in and don’t particularly want be in it. Even the birds don’t want to be in it and it’s first time today I think I’ve heard them chirping.
Don’t forget to help me to raise money for the two charities guys please on my donation page of the year. If your a regular and know what they are why not go and click this button go on.
No matter how I try and work this Newsletter update thing; I do find that it is the most annoying thing you could actually do, I never know how to sort this one out no matter how much I try to improve it and deal with it by making look sense. Only one thing that actually bothers me to the bone because I can’t seem to make any progress with it no matter what I do with it. To be honest I’m just glad that it’s just once a month because I just can’t be dealing with it all the time at least it’s just a summary of what happened to be honest.
Irish month my favourite month well not really but because it’s Irish and I’m part Irish so hey my to my Irish family over there. Haha. To be honest I’m just be glad that this month with be over as soon as possible because this time last year had to be a bad time for me personal problems that’s all. Never liked March anyway as it was three birthdays in the first place always busy plus Mothers Day; so yeah it’s one of those months in my house hold to be honest then a quiet month next month, odd birthdays here and there in May/June. June is like the same as this month 3 birthdays your like seriously man but it’s a parents job in my house hold to do that one other than the May one everyone gets involved.
Beast from the East which we ended up being laughed at as we couldn’t cope with just snow but due to some more apparently (this was happening in March 18 for the future readers haha) this weekend coming not sure what people will be doing probably doing the same thing a few weeks back. No change there.
Superdrug Haul was a new one for this year other than my birthday haul one at the start of the year. I’m hoping that I’m able to do that more with things when I once get money behind me would be nice and cool to be honest. Would love to do hauls though because it seems fun but sometimes when I get home from work at a certain time I always end up by getting bombarded with parcels for my sister and I’m like will you stop ordering things or sometimes it gets me down when I don’t have anything in the post. I do tend to make fun pictures for my sister with her parcels and send it to her to make her day feel more special along with something to look forward to.
Stories and free writing blogs over the past couple of weeks as you may of noticed that I’ve been writing stories and the last couple of days free style blogging that I just don’t make any sense in writing and not taking it seriously. Like letting go just a tad. Just to mush it up a bit.
Can’t think what else happened really everything seems to be the same to be honest with you. Happy end of March month time. Only a week and 4 Days I think not sure. Remember remember I have other blogs too. Hehe.
What a week! Don’t even know if I was coming or going to be honest with you; it’s been like works been busy to which I don’t mind to be honest I needed the distraction until I get home, and the almighty head starts to kick in with the whole anxiety, stress and everything about stupid things. You then think what the hell are you doing with your life really and that’s when you soon realise your worrying over stupid things.
Yet I have noticed that when I’m a bit behind of blogging or I’m struggled to even open up my iPad to turn to my pages this week especially two days this week that I just couldn’t schedule anything. That’s when I knew that there was a slight problem and personally I don’t think it should effect my blog stats but it does for some reason. This isn’t a get at its just that it’s an observation to be honest and I shouldn’t have to justify myself if I’m having a blip in my life to be honest. I know in the past I would give you guys a heads up but sometimes it’s will catch you by surprise that I haven’t scheduled anything for that day. Just think “oh maybe she’s been busy or she’s ill or something. She has got other blog stores and what not” it’s really not a get at its just that I do have others as well you can check out as well.
However thank you for being patience though even when I’m having a very bad blip in my life this week. I’m just got a lot of things going on in my head then work as well to be honest I like the whole going on long trips but sometimes it does make you tired. Especially when you got to occupy kids for x amount of minutes sometimes they just completely ignore you and your like alright then be in your own world of music. That’s a best bit to be honest with you. I’ve learnt I’m more pro active with behaviour needs and medical side of things.
Life can be so miss leading at the best of times it’s actually quite funny. I have worked out how my life turns out quite funny at the best of it sometimes but then you got to think hang on a minute I’m doing this one minute and the next I’m doing this. It does feel like I’m back at my old job it’s like on the go all the time you don’t have a chance to think unless you stop to be honest with you.
Yep I’m starting to ramble now haha. Remember if I haven’t scheduled anything I have others for you to read just check them out. Here’s a few rules haha.
1.Remember I could be having a blip if I’m struggling to write
2.I’m probably busy
3. I’m probably ill with something
4. Stressed and probably want to punch someone (happens most days mostly my best friend Meg haha) I know I won’t punch someone but it’s one of those days.
Every night I remembered that evening the way that I looked at you with the way that you knew something was wrong; that’s when I told you that I was leaving you because the amount of times you hurt me with the cruel words and the falsie accusations that you made against me, you didn’t realise how mean it was and the same old frustrations that you took out on me. You didn’t realise that you’ve thrown all of it away because of what you done.
Now I’m a little bit lost without you I’m just a bloody big mess inside this isn’t a love song goodbye. Since I’ve walked away hoping that you would come running after me I’m so tired of being lost and I’m so tired of loosing, all the pain, the hurt and confusion I’ve been so mad about things that I can’t control I’m not one of those people who back down. Yet I’m always finding away coming back to fight even if I’m scare and frightened. I’ll be back and I’ll be coming back to life.
As I know that I’m ready to save myself for all of this pain that it’s not my fault to begin with; yet when the scares are ready to heal I know that I’ll be the one ready to heal properly, I know that this love ain’t a good bye because you know that I’m gonna fight for you no matter what it takes.
I’ve seen you twice in a short time it’s only been a week since we started seeing each other to me it’s seems that every time I’m getting more and more open hearted. I was an impossible case to be with because no one could reach me to help; where my anxiety and depression took the toll of me but I think when I see your face there’s a lot that you can teach me, so I wanna know what the name of the game? As I open up too you does that mean anything to you?
What’s the name of the game? Please temp me because I have to know as I’m a very bashful child that’s beginning to grow. The way you make me talk, the way you make me feel and the way you make me show. The fact that I’m trying to conceal but if I put the trust in you would you let me down? Would you laugh at me if I told you that I care for you and that I said that I love you? Would you feel the same way too? It’s just that I want to know.
I just want to know the name of the game because I have no friends no one to see as I’m never invited but now I’m here talking to you. No wonder I get so excited because of the sound of your voice and the way you see through me; got that feeling you have to give me no choice which means a lot to me, I want to know….oh yes I want to know the name of the game because I was an impossible case does it mean anything to you? But I think I can see it in your face because it means a lot to me. What’s the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? I’m a curious child it means a lot to me that you made me your choice.
I just want to know….oh yes I just want to know….
Might do everything backwards today because I feel like it and because I can hehe. So yesterday (14th March 2018) from the minute I woke up to the time I went to bed had to be one of those days where I was like I was being back at my old job that everything seemed to be going wrong but it wasn’t. However today on #throwbackthursday I wanted to share with you guys something very special and something that I’ve only just learnt recently.
If you remember me starting out from day one back in November 2015 where I was starting out but haven’t got a clue what I was doing. I learnt that the other day I had a loads of subscribers without even noticing I had that category my apologies to anyone that I completely ignored. It was set up by an email that I didn’t know at the time or figured out to access it; I’ve now changed so that I know who is registering and who’s posting, if you are one of those people that I didn’t haven’t clue about I’m 100% sorry but this blog is for you. I wanted to share how many subscribers I’ve got so far with you guys and I’m so proud that you guys have been subscribing to me and continuing to as well. Thank you ever so much guys.
We come to followers yes it’s only 5 followers but I’m pretty sure it will raise slowly; yet it got me thinking why everyone is boasting about the whole how many followers they were getting, I was like I’m not getting much no matter how many blogs I do and so on. That’s when I realised everyone has been subscribing to my blog website; I don’t mind either way if you follow you follow you subscribe you subscribe, either which I’m happy but secretly would be nice to see more than 5 and that’s just me to be honest I think I just need to work on that a bit more haha.
Making the mark of 50 likes of my blog post is a great sense of achievement because it shows that my work is actually amazing because I know how critical I am about my work and my pictures. The fact that it’s giving me the voting confidence and believe in myself that it isn’t rubbish but also starting to find my leash or niche whatever you call it theses days. Just want to say a massive thank you to you guys in believing in me and liking my blogs.
Not even sure what actually happened today and I’m just literally blogging off my phone because I can and I haven’t prepared today’s Wednesdays Evening post. I’m not even sure what this is about but heyho. Let’s talk about how much I hate adult life of today shall we. Haha
Today one of my best friends decided to ring me at 5:15am forgetting that they are currently 4 hours ahead of me. They were like oh it’s like 9:15am so I photo screened them the time difference done it a few times today. Then half an hour later my job decides to message me to say they need me and I’m like at least I’m half awake nearly.
Then I finally got out of bed about another half an hour later. Hardly awake what so ever then out of the door by 6:45am back home at 9:30am for 4 hours. In that four hours pretty much sorted out something what my friend wanted me to do; afterwards went round my local Sainsbury’s shop and I thought I do a bit of house keeping to get two loafs of bread because someone did the dishwasher, came home had breakfast and etc. Then fell asleep the rest of the time so I can catch up some extra sleep. To which I manage to be completely awake and on caffeine for the next run of my job at 14:15pm (2:15pm) got home at about 16:30/16:30pm (4:30/4:45) to find a parent buying two more loafs of bread. To their realisation that they didn’t know I left a message or brought some already. So extra bread for me to steal in the middle of the night but not sure how long that will last until I react to it.
I thought I’ll do a bit of the house keeping and help get a few bits to get by. Yet I’m trying to get myself back on the right side of everyone but yeah. Sometimes being an adult has its good times and funny moments. Now I’m gonna chill. As you may of noticed that I’ve not even corrected any of my writing in this or anything else. It is what it is with any planning involved. Might need to remember not to do this again on my phone haha. Night people sorry for late posts for somethings. Now you know what a day I have had off the record. Also remember the actual pictures are on the iPad not on phone jeez! Someone give me a holiday please.