Online Diary Entries: “Don’t know if I can…” – Story

Who do you think you are? Coming into my life saying that you love me more than anything in the world; now that I’m lost, confused, sacred and I don’t know if I can do this anymore even if I’m trying to take one more step towards you because all of this waiting is regret. I don’t know if you know that I’m starting to become your ghost and your figure of imagination; I have this feeling that you have lost the love that I loved the most, I have learnt that to live half alive but I need to know if you still love me one more time.
Who do you think you are? Running around leaving more scars on me whilst your collecting more jars of hearts; I hope they will catch a cold from the ice from your soul because I don’t know if you will come back for me anymore, who do you think are? I don’t hear you asking all around for me to see if I can be found but I’m trying to grow strong but I know if I ever fall back into your arms I will know you want me one more time.
It took so long just to feel alright with you but remember how you manage to put back the light in my eyes; I wish I could have missed all of this pain if I hadn’t gotten so scared to begin with because you broke your promises that you wouldn’t hurt me again knowing my fears of being hurt, and now you’re back trying to get me back.
Yet one question for you to answer do you want to come back for me? If not just don’t come back at all as I can’t keep waiting for you if you keep on having leaving unempty promises. Just tell me if you don’t really love me anymore because I can’t keep on breaking my heart like this anymore. Come back for me? Or just don’t come back at all. Then I know you have made the decision for me than me to make one for you. Who do you think you are?

Friday Online Diary Entries: Welcome to the greatest show – Story

Woah oh! I just want to welcome you to the greatest show. The greatest show on earth that you haven’t seen before here is the fairytale that unfolds right in front of you; do you know what’s behind my smoke and glass? Wondering what’s under all of the make up and what’s her story; I’ll let you in a little secret everyone wears a mask, yet are you sure that she’s not selling you here soul? Would you wonder if you be left out in the cold if you knew her story?
To you it’s all blue skies in your world that surrounds you with fun and games until you fall; that’s when you find all along that you’re left without anyone at all because you’re riding on a shooting star with a smile on your face, but as soon as the shine fades and you’re left out all alone wondering where did they all go? Being constantly judged, hated by people who don’t think your great through like but behind the beauty and make up of the mask; you never see the scars that’s been hidden, yet who will be around when the limelight faded? Yet you’ve been shut down by people who you once loved pushed out that made her smile but made her frown.
She learnt to always take a bow. Work with the crowd. Break the ground new each time you stick at it even playing the clown who everyone wants to be around. Even when the lights go down because she has that confidence that no one thought she had; now she can tell you she’s not going anywhere because she is the one that everyone who wants to talk to, she knows that no one can bring her down no matter what they say because she is beautiful and has wings to fly.
No matter how many times she would throw the mirror down to floor; she always use the pain to her advantage because she realises that she’s in struck able, she’s not alone when she screams it all out and hears everyone else screaming the same thing. So that’s why it’s her greatest show by changing her life around.

Online Diary Entries: “Breathe Slow” – Story

As I’m walking away from you on the cliff face because I’m running out of patience because I can’t believe what the hell I’m hearing and speaking of hell it doesn’t compare what I am feeling but I love you took much it goes to show that all my emotions go out of control. You think it’s good for you but bad for me I can’t hardly see from the tears that flow wishing you could take this pain away from me. I just can’t forget to breathe slow count from one to ten with my eyes closed because ladies you have to take it in and get your composure before I lose it so I have to get my composure too.
I am going to breathe slow with my eyes closed counting from one to ten because ladies you have to take it in and the composure because ladies never lose you’re composure. I’m not going to lie or even try to win because I’m not the one with the gun who’s going to shoot because that would mean that you will be winning. No matter how much I love you or how many times I show all my emotions because you should know that I can be out of control which is bad for me but good for you know to know how much you hurt me.
When you hardly see the tears that flow because someone should be better hold me back as I will go for someone like the fake person who’s currently at your side; you’re lucky I know how to act as I’m not going to attack, I’m being calm and cool believe me you wouldn’t be taking much lightly and your breathing lightly right now. Just wait when your with me that’s when your going to loose your composure and the worse of it will come with my psycho will show. I’m just breathing slow right now to keep calm and carrying on.

Everyday Post: Candle in the wind

As every England’s red rose fell we say goodbye to one of our love ones. Yet may you ever grow founder in our hearts where you presented the grace that has nestled itself. Did you know where all of our lives that had been torn apart you called your home; whispering in the winds to all those that are in pain, to now that you belong in heaven watching down on us the stars come out and spell out your name.
It’s seems to me that your life that you have once lived is like a candle in the wind that shall never fade into the background of the sunset. Whenever the rain falls or sets in your footsteps will always fall here; where ever I am knowing that your right next to me along the english greenest hills, as I try and keep your candle burning before I get to the top without it burning out before your legend ever will.
Loveliness that we have once lost will never forget one great person you really are; these empty days without your smile will be hard but this torch that you send down to us will always carry, for our nations golden child who will fall your steps and even though we try to continue your legacy the truth is that it brings us to tears. The words that float in the winds of the english hills with the red roses flying in the winds; you have brought us through the years of your kindness, we really don’t want to say goodbye to our national treasure. A country that is lost without your true beauty or your beautiful soul; who will bring your wings back to life with your compassion more than you’ll ever know.
Your footsteps will never fade or fall here as long as England’s hills are still green and soft just how you like it; you’re candle will never burn out from the strong winds, and neither will your legend.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: Out of the blue – Story

A new year, a new beginning, a new chapter of my life started today well that’s what I thought it could be my last. Yet my eyes were wide shut because I had thought that I was going to give up; just like the rest of the time that I’d be walking the world alone, yet out of the blue there in the middle of my path you had shown me a life that I couldn’t see without you next me and there’s no way I can fight these emotions anymore your energy running through me like nobody else can renew me it had to be you.
Out of the blue can this be true? Family and friends were my life until I had butterflies in my tummy; I wasn’t known to have them but you gave me love that i can’t disguise, there will be times when we are apart and it will kill me everytime it happens because I know that I want you to be in my life and my heart along side the beautiful garden.
Yet no emotions can be shown during the time my whole body felt like ice as if I took on ice challenge far away from home. Needed to feel that sound that shone my way along the beach like my world that I once knew had turned to dust but I had my faith and trust. I thought I’ll be walking the world alone without anyone by my side but yet out of the blue that’s where I met you; I can’t believe that this happened so soon, there’s just no way that you chose me out of million of girls you just want to be with me and now that I can’t fight these emotions because your energy your lips and your touch running through me.
You showed me a life that I can’t see without you but I know that there will be times when we are apart but knowing that you’re  in my heart growing into a beautiful garden has come true.

Wednesday Evening Post: “How do you do that!” Cried a voice

Fun fact that I’ve just created at least three in one night before today’s blogs post probably saying that by now I would of fallen a sleep writing this if I’ve finish this by the end I’ll write I haven’t fallen asleep on this one for tonight’s post. The fact is that I am on a role right now for blogging so no time to sleep even though I’ve got work and etc but right now I don’t care.
“So how do I do that when I write emotional stories and publish it afterwards?” “Like Lizzysweeklyblogs have you seen her blog posts recently?” To be honest I struggle at the best of times if you ask me oh wait you did. Ha. Well to be honest music and just typing in first liners generators so that I can get some idea of what I can feed off the lines of them. Meaning to get a story out of the lines as I mostly get a good story out them; yet with some of the songs you can just bulk out the lines in a story cut some of the lines out that you don’t want, put in what you want use your emotions and feelings inside you onto the paper or screen.
The arts of writing is that everyone has a story to tell; everyone has a voice, everyone has a life, everyone has experiences and it depends on how they want to show it to the world. I for one can’t keep a diary I’ve tried but never works out for me in the slightest but I transfer it all into a story to where I get the characters tell the story of how they feel, what’s happening and etc. I genuinely feel better about it because it just gets my anger, helplessness, and most importantly helps clears my mind also.
So you could say story writing for me is like my journal or diary of how I am feeling on the day. Yet I’m sharing it with the characters who aren’t real and I don’t have to talk about it to anyone else who is real. It’s all there in the story. You just have to be patient with the whole system to be honest and most importantly find your own style of writing at the end of the day.
It took me all day to write Tuesday’s online blog (20.2.18) until I had the realisation of how anger and hurt I was feeling. Then this song that I haven’t heard in a very long time came into my head then it was like the past week I was like yeah I don’t know what to do since you’ve been gone never felt so alone. I had work it out how I was going to write it with that sort of line of words because I still loved them no matter what was going on in my head.
Story writing for me is a work of art once you’ve got something to write about write about it because at the end of the day the characters are the one telling the story and so are you but via them. That’s how I see it you. It’s like directors working with actors on a film set; for me it’s me working with characters so they can understand me and I can understand them, it’s quite cleaver how it all works once you know what your doing. Sometime I don’t even know what I’m doing most of the time.
Yep that’s me done for a Wednesday Evening Post this week and I haven’t stopped half way through last night. So that’s a bonus which I normally do because I get distracted quite easily; no I’m not what you think it is can’t remember the letter for it, I think it’s ADHD or something close to that, it’s just me with a few other things. Good night peeps.


Everyday Post: I hate you, don’t leave me – Story

You don’t know the fear that I have when you’re not around but yet I hate you, don’t leave me because I feel like I can’t breathe and yet I just want you to hold me then I don’t want you to touch me. All I ever wanted from you from you to love me and I need to trust you like I use to trust you. Please stay with me and set me free from all of the pain that I am in.
Yet I can’t back down I’m not denying that I’m going to leave because I’m always finding myself staying put as I can’t decided as I’m now confused and scared; I am terrified that you will leave me as I admit that I’m in and out of my head, so don’t listen to a word that I say please hear me out with my worries before I run away thinking you won’t love me again. I just can’t take this pain anymore but I hate you don’t leave me; as you wrap your arms around me before I start to run a different direction like I normally do, yet I love you when you kiss me on my forehead at the same time you cuddle me during the bad times for that reason you complete me.
The fact that I can’t back down or deny that I’ve got my silly upset head on; you stay put during the confusion and sacredness yet you don’t listen to a single word I say, I could say that I’m addictive to the madness but I could hear you whisper in my ear that your addicted to my madness and my sadness. We find ourselves here far too many times before; yet I feel abandoned scared now all because I’m terrified of another falling out, I just so fragile that just washed up on the shore and they forget that I’m not here or they don’t see me and there’s you who sees me for who I am and that’s all that matters.
You always take my pain away even when I tell you I hate you don’t leave me. I hate you please love me like I love you more than anything in the world.

Online Diary Entries: Breakaway

What you fear most of all is – fear. Very wise” – Lupin – The Prisoner of Azkaban

I grew up in a big town where it would rain most of the time flooding when the rivers couldn’t cope anymore so it would burst it’s banks as I just stare out of my window. Wondering and dreaming if I could end up being happy with myself so I would pray loudly trying to reach out but when I try to speak out; it shows that no one can hear me or want me to be around making not wanting be here, something felt so wrong here and yet I prayed loudly once more where I could break away.
Out come my wings as I spread them out and I’ll start to learn how to fly; I would do anything to get me out of here so I can touch the sky, I’ll make a wish with a dandelion by taking a chance, make a change and breakaway. Out of the darkness and into the sun I will not forget all the love ones that I love and who love me because I will take a risk take a chance, make a chant and breakaway from my old life.
I just want to live the life where I can just feel the nice warm breeze, sleeping underneath a palm tree, feeling and listening the rush of the ocean, get on board a first class fast train to somewhere or just travel on a jet plane to somewhere far away and take a break away from my busy home town. Yet buildings being built with hundred floors swing around the revolving lifestyles of the communities growing around us.
Yet I don’t know where they are taking me but I’ve got to keep moving on fly away to break away from it all even with bad memories from my own life and the countries darkest moments are coming around. Yet we are moving on showing that we aren’t living in the shadows but yet we won’t forget those who were killed those dreadful days. We are just breaking away from all of that because we learn to move on with everyone by supporting them each day.

The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are” – Sirius Black – The Order Of the Phoenix

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: Behind the Hazel eyes – Story

“Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love” – Dumbledore From The Deathly Hallows in a memory of a relative who passed away.
Just seemed like just yesterday you were a part of me where I use to be able to stand so tall; I use to be so strong with your arms around me tight like everything felt so right, even when I have had my bad days with everything would just fall apart. Even with the happiness having you around it was like the unbreakable can happen; now I can’t breathe, not even being able to sleep I’m barely hanging on the ropes. Yet here I am once again I’m torn into pieces because I’m standing at your side. You were always the one there when I needed you. Now I’m broken up deep inside; now you won’t get to see the tears that I cry for the final time, even behind these hazel eyes.
I told you everything when I opened up and let you in because loving you made me feel alright for once in my life; now all that’s what left of me is all the happy memories that we made, all of the birthday cards and christmas cards that you made over the years. This is what I’m going to have to do is pretend to be okay when I’m so broken up deep inside because I can’t breathe to which I can’t sleep I’m just barely hanging on.
Swallow me then spit me out. For hating you for leaving me on my own I blame myself seeing you like this it kills me now; no I don’t cry on the outside anymore because here I am once again I’m torn into pieces I can’t deny it can’t pretend it you were the one that I adopted and adored the most, I’m so broken up deep inside you can’t see the last tears that I cry anymore.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light” – Dumbledore – The Prisoner Of Azkaban (from screenplay by Steven Kloves)

Tuesday Online Diary Entries: Since you’ve been gone – Story

Here’s a thing we had started of as friends but it was cool as it was all pretend yet since you’ve been gone; I started to fall apart like I lost someone in my life that I was going to be with, you dedicated and took the time but it wasn’t long when you called me yours. Yet since you’ve been gone all I could hear is you and her when I’ve been picturing us together for years; told you how I felt about you along with the longest crush, yet all you hear is my insecurities because it’s not the first time that I can’t breathe without you.
But since you’ve been gone I still can’t breathe without you it’s not the first time; I can’t move on but thanks to you I’ve been able to take a few steps forwards and few steps back, yet since you’ve been gone I can’t get what I want and how can I put it? You put me on a high pedestal even when I fell in love with you and our stupid love so song. How come I never hear you say “I just want to be with you” I forgotten those words you use to say to me everyday. I guess you never really felt that way.
I know I had my chances and you had your chances but we blew it. Now we are fighting for our lives to be together out of sight out of mind. Shut your mouth I just can’t take it anymore because again and again we argue because we just want to be together. I just so tired of screaming inside myself because I can’t take it anymore. Since you’ve been gone I’ve just felt so alone I don’t know what to do anymore.