Everyday Online Diary Entries: (21.6.18) Thursday – Dry Sense Of Humour Never Dies

I do find that when my mental health kicks in it always tries to take the last two things that keep me going. My writing and my dry sense of humour but they always seems to shine through no matter how hard it tries but it never does. That’s why I like the whole I can do better than my mental health I literally just use it as my advantage. 

Today (21.6.18)  I made a few jokes about the situations that I’m in like this morning I was at the doctors having a blood test; I’m not good at needles so I had to look away, I literally said to the nurse when she asked me which arm do I prefer to have blood taken from. I replied my right arm because you won’t be able to get any out of my left it’s practically dead with nothing in it. Even a child tried to do it by scratching it and only a little bit came out. 

I made one down the phone to one of office ladies at work to see what I was doing tomorrow. They were like “oh you’re with such and such tomorrow. If that’s okay with you?” I replied “unless Michael wants a death sentence” she burst out laughing it was like if I really have to then it’s fine but I don’t particularly want to. 

As you may can tell I don’t complain or say no to things but when something I don’t think is right work either knows or I just sort it out myself. However this week has been a bit difficult and weren’t in the mood for someone’s behaviour on which I normally can put up with. This week was the week that I wanted to put up with that sort of behaviour especially from an adult. 

It got sorted out in the end and I’m generally good at doing my job don’t get me wrong I get what I’m given and the respect that I get. I give it back to them with the amount of work they give me because that’s how it suppose to work. Give and take, give and take. The fact that bring out my humour and etc from what I do across to the office base I literally prefer to joke around, be friendly and what not than walk in and say this and that should happen. Unless something does happen they get what they are given at the end of the day. 

Sense humour and joke around gets me through life no matter how serious it is but at the end of the day you got to make it peaceful and pleasant one way or another for everyone. 

 

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Summer Challenge: (21.6.18) Thursday – Day 1 – Longest Day Ever

The fact that I thought yesterday (20.6.18) was rather along day to be honest especially when you have had one of those days that you wish you just stayed in bed for that reason. Yet today being the 21st June 2018 a long day which means longer light in the evenings. I’m like great that’s all what I need right now haha. Okay I’m stuck what to write for my first challenge I might as well write a story. 

The Seven Nation’s are closing in

I’m going to fight them all off because the seven nations of the army can’t hold me no more. Their grip is coming off as I talk to myself at night telling myself I’m going to fight this as I’m better than this; who needs to hide behind a cigarette I can’t forget what you did behind my back that time you lied about me, I’m going back and forth in my mind. 

The messages that coming from my eyes telling me to leave it all alone because you know the truth so I don’t want to hear about it. Everybody has got one story to tell about me everyone can think what they like but everyone knows that from the Queen of England to the hounds of hell. They will know where I’m going because on my way back I’ll catch and try to serve it to you.

I know that’s not what you want to hear but guess what I’ll do because the feeling in my bones are coming. I’ll find a home and that’s what I’m going to do because as far from this soap opera grows for evermore. I’ll work the straws out because the sweat that drips out of every pore you may think I’ll come after you acts like I’m bleeding of all of the words that you say about me. 

As I’m bleeding right before lord even if I can’t sing no more and the stains on the carpet as my blood trickle down. Tell me to go home when you want to spread lies, make me leave and many more. I’m still standing here and I’m not moving any further away from this. I just do my job and that’s it. I’m not letting the seven nations coming in and close to control me.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (19.6.18) Tuesday Online Diary Entries – Prepping Family Members Of medical needs

I’ve decided to continue fighting this mental health no matter how hard it is at the moment and not wanting to do anything but sleep. However the one thing that it’s currently trying to make not wanting to do anything is blogging and writing; no matter how hard it is at the moment for me, I’m taking it each day as it comes and will be back to my normal strength with the help of your guidance and your stags to help me get through this week. 

I will probably talk about it one day but right now isn’t the time to talk about it as it’s fresh and recent. I’ve decided to do some prep work for my family after what’s happened recently so that they know what I’m taking, what’s what and etc. I’ve started to do the whole set up with a grandparent of mine because few weeks ago I had to sort their medication out as there was so many medications and not enough of one. I decided to sort them out for one of my parents and one of my aunts so they know what’s what into boxes and then labelling them and so on. 

Whilst I was doing my medication list, emergency meds box for one of my parents to use incase of emergency and what not. I decided to do the same with one of my grandparents meds so that they know what they have got what’s been on hold and what’s etc. Also made notes page so that they can write down to let each other know what’s going on, what’s needed and etc. To be able to record what’s happening. 

I’ve done exactly the same for my parents and have a back up plan for one of my aunts so if I can’t get hold of my parents or anyone else they can contact them. Straight away if there was anything that would happen to me for any reason or another. It’s all safety reasons for myself and my grandparent at the time if something goes wrong or they miss read something or something happens they will know what to look up on the sheets provided. That I’ve been provided with the information that they need at the time because sometimes it all gets confusing and what has been done and what hasn’t been done. 

I like to be organised in that sense but I didn’t really think about doing it for myself until recent events accord. So I did the same thing but my parents have my emergency meds if I need them I have the rest as I’m capable to have the ones I’ve got. Unless things change again then obviously then revise the situation but for now for me it’s the suitable situation for me to do that for the time being. 

Remember you are beautiful, your awesome, your amazing and every positive thing that I could think off right now. Remember you are not alone. You have got people that care about you, love you and most importantly to help you. I am a sucker for not asking help but when I do oh boy admitting it is hard enough but accepting that you do it’s like “okay I thought I could handle it on my own but I can’t” that’s where you need to ask for help. 

Love you all and your beautiful stags. 

Life On The Open Road Project Online: (14.6.18) Thursday – What is a recovery buddy?

In my Life On The Open Road Project Online Donations Page I’ve given you a brief outline of what I am hoping to achieve with the Life On The Open Road Project. I have mentioned about a Recovery Buddy you guys are wondering what is a recovery buddy? don’t worry I’ll explain what a recovery buddy is.

What is a recovery buddy? A recovery buddy is a friend that you may have met through the charity or you and a really close friend who has the same problems with confidence issues and etc. Yet you guys are confident and everything together you both support each other.

I can give you a perfect example with a recovery buddy. I have a friend called “Maddie” not her original name but I’ve been starting to call her that in the last couple of weeks and it just stuck with me to be honest. We support each other no matter what if we have different opinions or what not but at the end of the day we grew the close bond of knowing how we connect.

Maddie grew confidence within herself as I told her that she needs to start to believe in herself; not let people walk all over her, and many more things. In a space of a year or so she made a lot of progress and positive in herself where she not letting people push her around; the fact that she didn’t know how I do it to begin with, but I trained myself not to give up and tell people where to go if they over step the mark.

However when I have a relapse with my mental health I’ll talk to her and also we meet up to chill out or do a bit of window shopping or both shopping and window shopping. It’s like both need to meet up talk about what’s going on if something is wrong and then we chill or whatever we are doing we are there reminding each other it’s okay. We will bounce back like we always do.

Helping one another out, be there for one another, making new friends, be close friends and many other ways to support each other. By doing that with a recovery buddy it’s like saying you’re not on your own I’m also going through the same thing. Let’s do this together let’s fight this negativity together.

If you haven’t looked at Life On The Open Road Project Donations why not go and check it out at the top in showing your support by donating by the link at the bottom of the page if you would like to see this happen and make it happen.

Life On The Open Road Project Online Diary Entries: (13.6.18) Wednesday – Sense of achievement mid week

Literally just had a brain fart when drifting this blog last night (12.6.18) completely forgot what category I was doing and what not with the whole entry thing for this blog post/category. Stuck the wrong blinking picture on it until I realised before I started that I stuck the wrong one on. All good now.

Sense of achievement for the mid week for me is that I’ve been keeping myself busy with the whole blogging side of things. Today might be the day I just spam you all with blogs because I can and knowing me I’ll get stuck for something for the rest of the week and give up.

No! No! No giving up Lizzy-Lou this is a Life On The Open Road Project there is no giving up on things no matter what happens you have to solider on no matter what life throws at you. That is true very true indeed. I do have my stag next to me right now helping me along my road to get me back onto the right track or shall I say road. I for one without the stag next to me I wouldn’t of achieved littlest things that I thought I wouldn’t be able to do.

1. To be able to find my creativity once again along side using the colouring apps and using the pictures for my blog categories to give you guys inspiration to achieve things in life.

2. To be able to get up everyday no matter how hard it is for me if I didn’t sleep well the night before but being able to do my face and hair in the mornings before work and even at the weekends if I’m struggling to do anything.

3. Most importantly fighting through the negativity thoughts even though how hard it is for me to let them in but being positive about something will help get through it all and win.

That’s three achievements that I believe that I’ve manage to do on my own not having someone on my case that I have to do this, have to do that and so on. I have currently set up a payme pal if you like to help fund the Life On The Open Road Project. I am currently working on the donations page for you guys.

The Life On The Open Road Project is a project that I would like to set up for people all ages especially for children, teens and young adults who suffer from mental health issues, confidence issues, low self esteem and feel like they can’t achieve anything in life. Also share my experiences of being able to achieve things like do some challenges that I might be afraid off or something that I thought I might not be able to do. Please remember to ask the bill payer permission if you want to donate money and help set this up. It’s your project as much as mine at the end of the day; so why not donate as much as you can to be able to get this up and running bu clicking this link: http://paypal.me/lifeontheopenroadpro

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (12.6.18) Tuesday – I might of rambled

I might of rambled but in a rant for the Wednesday Evening Post at 8 blog post; I do apologise in the advance for that, I was hurt, upset and annoyed that people think it’s okay to spread lies and etc. I just don’t actually understand why people do that to be honest.

Maybe people think that I’m threatening them or over confident because I know things but at the end of the day; I know how to do my job, know how to deal with things that go wrong, I don’t just sit there be all clicky clicky with people and talk about weight watchers and all that.

I’ve sat all the way through that with people but I just don’t see any difference or anything to be honest unless you’re one of those people’s who actually stick to the healthy living style and work out. That’s when you begin to notice the whole change in people; it’s all about the willingness of doing something for yourself, and no one else because its like saying if you don’t do for yourself do it for me. That’s not how it all works because I know for the fact that I never do something I want to improve on about myself for someone else; if I actually want to do something that I want to do, I do it for me, myself and I.

I have that work ethic that I’m hard on myself to continue to improve myself in so many ways so that I know I can succeed in life no matter how long it takes. Yes it gets me down; yes it takes me longer than anyone else, yes I get there in the end but at the end of the day once it achieved and it gets there I for one know I’m proud of what I have achieved.

Since leaving school I had a choice of not continuing to improve my spelling, my reading and what not but the love of writing that I had for it. It gave me the confidence in myself to actually continue to improve myself in so many levels that I chose not to give up. I chose not to let my learning disability or my hearing impairment define me for who I am; I could of applied and still can if I wanted to for a disability, but I was brought up the fact that my parents wanting me to have a choice and see how I do in life. If it wasn’t for them in who I am today of not giving up or letting the things that I know can hold me back.

Yeah I have my moments in thinking I’m not good at something or I’m not good at this. I even had this conversation about my writing with someone yesterday (11.6.18) they were like you got to keep trying. I know that they are trying to help me build my confidence up, keep me going and what not because they know how much my confidence drops.

They even know my dream goal is and I know I’ve got a long way to go but I know I’ve got a load of doubts in my head that I think it’s not going to work. However it’s only the early stages of making it happen. I always believe that no matter what happens it’s okay you can start again.

I literally use my grandparents toughness on myself; tell people how it is, and everything because it’s my coping mechanisms. Trust me I’m the worst person to keep everything in until all of the sudden I just snap and take it out on someone who might be the last one to send me over the edge. Yesterday I had one of those bad days one lead to another and I just literally took it out on someone even though they didn’t know what my day was like until I explained.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (10.6.18) Sunday – I’m sorry but I’m actually not sorry for who I am

All the things that you want will be taken away from you soon enough because all of the things that you’ve been doing to me knowing that you’re in my place; keep on smiling and waving whilst you can because the payback is one bad bitch, as I’m one baddest person who plays by the rules and respects the true women in this world.

I may look like I’m taking revenge on you but feeling like a 10 is the best ever feeling that I have ever been. I know how bad it must feel when it hurts that the one you thought you loved doesn’t love you but loves someone else; yet to see me and him being happy like this making him feel at ease, now that you’re looking at me like you regretted this and ain’t too proud to bet to be my friend but the chance you will never have or get. I know how bad it must hurt you to see me like this but it gets worse when the payback hurts for being so pushy to get what you want.

You shouldn’t mess with the best British person you ever come across because you can’t have this life or the person you want. However it’s nice of me to take it off your hands as I’m the true princess of this country and his world. I’m sorry but I’m actually not sorry for being who I am; in this life I never achieved in things that I wanted however seeing you looking so bad makes me feeling so good, and showing up like I knew that I would inspired me to know that the tables have turned. As I’ve never wanted this in the first place but to be with the one that I love I would do anything for them just to be with them; whatever you touch now will burn because you will lose everything that you have, as I’m the one he wants.

Fitness doesn’t matter to me but telling me how I feel and take a chill. I rather you just drop dead because no one actually likes you; yeah I know you thought you were the bigger person with better things, yet I’m the one that has the grass greener under me with a halo above my head. If you brighten up your colour you can see that you can’t have this anymore as we walk and talk; you come to realise that I’ve just shown you out of my life and his for good.

I’m sorry but I’m not actually sorry for who I am anymore you can walk out of my life for good.

Everyday Evening Post: (9.6.18) Saturday – hate sleeping the day away

Finally the weekend here. I literally just spent the day sleeping practically I hate days like that; just wasted the day when you could be doing something fun or something positive that will help you get through life, well I guess when you’re feeling down about something all you want to do is sleep I guess.

I did manage to post out two blogs today, done my paper work from yesterday data collection, had a BBQ and what not. Not impressed that one of my siblings confessed that they might of used all the hot water this morning. Siblings you got to love them so in the end didn’t bother having a shower; there we go you can’t have everything, you know you have that one annoying neighbour who every year at this time (summer) screams, yells and everything else.

They’ve been alright recently until you hear their annoying dog who constantly barks in the back garden and goes to the fence towards the local small supermarket store. You’re like shut up already the constant annoying barks. I use to like dogs but now I don’t like them to the point of being a table tennis net between two houses in two different streets. Before my garden was dominated by cats over the number of years but now I can’t even sit in my own garden peacefully due to the dogs and local small supermarket deliveries coming in and out.

Just finished having a BBQ with a helicopter hovering over my area quite literally over my area. Where my road is it comes off a main road to another road where the local supermarket is then you have the first road on the left which is my road; further on the left you have another road, then bit further on from that up the long road on the right you have another road leading to three other roads two of which leads off to the main road.

The helicopter was literally above the other side of my road and the other road at the time. It was literally right on my doorstep but not literally on my doorstep because it was above the other houses; it’s not the first time a helicopter has been literally on the doorstep, at least 2 times before that they had a helicopter above my area for two different times.

Not sure what’s gone on there but surely find out within a week why and what happened to be honest. Who knows. Fun fact though I was told that I use to jump out of my skin because there was helicopter going over ahead (this is when I was younger and I couldn’t hear) I still didn’t understand what people were saying until it was literally above me. Now I can pin point where the helicopter is coming or close by because I can hear it now but before I couldn’t. I have the annoying habit when I’m on a job run that if a siren is coming I have to prep for the children and be the second eye for the driver incase they can’t see where the services are.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (9.6.18) Saturday Online Diary Entries – Life changing things to over come mental health and confidence issues

You guys may know that I suffer from mental health issues and confidence issues to which sometimes shows or come across on my blogs at the best of times. I do have my bad days with mental health and confidence issues at the best of times sometimes it can go on for weeks or a month or so.

I for one hate the whole idea of letting it define me in so many ways to the point of letting it control me and not seeing any possible way out. However the past 2 weeks I’ve been slightly struggling that was down to people who let me down when they said they would meet me and go away. That got me down because there was something wrong me; I then decided to take control of my mind before it got any worse than it could off done to which I could gone off at the two people because they let me down, and punish myself by making myself believe that it’s something wrong with me and putting myself down.

You guys probably thinking you wouldn’t be able to change your negativity pattern and still continue to put yourself down and that your not strong enough. You are strong and you can change your negativity pattern. How I changed my mind pattern is by getting myself out of the house; meeting up with a close friend of mine, having close people who I could trust and most importantly I had my blog and writing to rescue me.

I put all of my effort into writing my blogs and talking to my close friends so that I know that if I need to talk about anything I can talk to my friends who I can trust. It also gives me the confidence to be able to achieve things in so many little ways; like for example my blogs because this week I’ve been focusing on writing, then putting them up to share with people to read them. Yeah at the best of times I should be proud of what I achieved but the fact that I kind of not. I know I’m just writing for me and no one else in mind. Yet it’s great that people read them and continually reading them along side finding my other blogs that I have done in the past because it shows that I’ve hit the right sort of market of what people want to read.

I do find since making Life On The Open Road Project people/readers have become more interested in reading more of my blogs; I just believe that everyone who suffers from mental health issues, confidence issues and etc that they can do things if they put their mind to it. I for one with the recent happenings I chose to take control of my mind where I let it become it’s my fault to begin with. Then I take control of it say “no this is not my fault” it’s there lost at the end of the day; they have an issue knowing how much I have trust issues, and people let me down because they knew what they want but lying through their teeth just let me hear what I actually want to hear.

The fact that I’ve been let down in the past and had lots of trust issues to this date. I learned to push past the whole letting down because I know how much it hurts; I trained my mind not to even think about it as much, what will I gain in life if I let it continue to define me and not be able to trust anyone.

All you have to do is “be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negativity people bring you down and most of all don’t let your own negativity mind bring you down” I do have a logo for Life On The Open Road Project but it’s in the making so I’ll bring out next weeks Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging.

You can win this by training your mind and you are strong.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (8.6.18) Friday – 1:45am – 2am spooky on Wednesday night

Other night I couldn’t sleep which is typical me but then again it’s me because I don’t sleep. However not sure what happened on Wednesday night (6.6.18) I couldn’t sleep as my head was being a bit weird to be honest along with my back being painful as per normal. I needed to pee as per normal (I know TMI) this was roughly about 1:45am leading up to 2:00am; typical I need to get the toilet roll as you do but everyone is asleep, and no one decides to go downstairs to get anymore. I hate that when someone leaves a few squares and don’t get more toilet roll.

You know what I had to do….correct your right I had to go and get more for who ever needed toilet roll in the middle of the night or in the morning because I’m nice that like that. However that night it was a lot darker than normal I don’t particularly like the dark especially at 2am in the morning; I ended up feeling myself around the landing for the banister, I have a habit of falling over things in the dark especially a hover and especially the stupid computer charger when someone doesn’t tuck it underneath the second set of stairs.

Let’s get back to me and the first set of stairs and trying to get down them. I’m not confident with the 1930’s stairs due to the amount of times I’ve falling down them during the day; first time I was about 2/3 years old and I rolled/fell down the stairs landed on the metal push chair I had at the time back in the 90’s, I do have a scar to prove it and so I was trying getting down these stairs wasn’t the best thing.

I survived getting to the bottom of the stairs went to the second bathroom to get the toilet rolls to take back up; I put them on the radiator cover so I could take a paracetamol for my back, and something to eat as I was hungry. I then went back took the toilet rolls after trying to find them; found the door to the dinning room, and finally found the radiator cover with my 4 toilet rolls.

I then had to climb back up the creepy 1930s stairs; I literally couldn’t see the top of the stairs it was that dark, I know for the fact that my house is haunted and everything. I just put the fear out of my head for the time being once I got to the top of the stairs; I managed get back to the bathroom I had to feel around to the toilet holder, found it and replaced it.

I went back to my room as you do feeling your away back of how far are you from your door I literally nearly walked straight into it if I didn’t have my hand out to know where I was. After all of that wild adventure of my house at night; I was just about to get into bed to which I normally plug myself in (headphones) to watch some YouTube videos, I looked at my headphones as I was undoing the tangled nest and I managed to sort it out. I plugged it into the my phone I still didn’t think about it until I looked on my twitter feed as you do; there was an advert playing (still didn’t have my headphones in by this stage), the advert had finished but yet the music was still playing and didn’t really make the connection until I realised it was my music that playing. (MVP – Body (check) song) this is was the last thing that happened at 2am.