Monday Online Diary Entries: “The truth about liars” – Story Based

You can say what you want about me and do what you want to me but guess what you cannot stop me from telling the truth of how much of a lair you are about things. I’ve been knocked down so many times in this crazy town; someone even tried to punch me in the face in L.A but there’s nothing in the world that you keep me from doing anything that I want to do, because I’m too proud and I’m too strong to let you ruining my life. At the end of the day you have to life by the code by moving on rather than feeling sorry for yourself because I haven’t got anybody around.
So I held my head high as I knew I’d have to survive through this well that’s because I made it and I don’t hate it that’s just the way it goes. I’ve done it and got through it by standing on my own two feet because I paid my dues of going out with you. You tried to hold me down. Put me down. Yet you can’t stop me. So like I just told you; you cannot will not stop me as I’ve paid my dues.
Now I’m tested everyday people who are trying to mess with me because they’ve got nothing in common because I can handle mine and I thought I better let you know that I’m no punk all because I can’t get down. Tell you the truth I don’t give a damn about who’s around that was fine until now that it took me so long to get myself here; I won’t live in fear anymore of you or you trying my shine agains, because they want to build you up before they tear you down again and it’s a struggle in trying to keep the bubble a float.
Why did you like to everyone? You can’t be trusted you good for nothing type of brother; everything that you claimed to be was a lie because you know that I would be at that place or once went there, and you think everyone will believe your sob stories but actually they come running to me and I put them straight. Why did you lie to everyone you creepy, sneaky little shit your so messed up it’s now time to leave. So bye, bye.


Everyday Post: “That’s my goal” – Story Based

You know where I came from as you know my story otherwise I wouldn’t of been standing here with you tonight; please don’t go I don’t want you to be in a hurry because I announced my love for you, I want to make it clear and make it right for you. Well I know that I’ve acted foolish but I can promise you no more because I’ve finally found that something worth reaching and fight for.

I’m here to say I’m sorry but I’m not here to lie to you I promise you that I’m here in front of you taking your hands to say I’m ready; that I’ve finally thought it through I’m not giving up on our love or letting go of your love, I’m her to win your heart and soul and that’s my goal. Please don’t go you know that I need you as I can’t breath without you be without you; well you know that I’ve acted foolish but I can promise you from the bottom of my heart no more crazy stupid things. Only do them with you because that’s what I love about you.

I won’t stop believe that we will be leaving together because we are made for each other; we been through a lot together, we had arguments, we had our cries, we had laughter and most importantly when I say “I love you” I mean it forever and ever. I’m here to say I’m sorry. I’m not here to lie to you I’m here to say “I’m ready to give up everything for you” I’ve finally here as I thought it through and I’m not here to let you’re love go. I’m not giving up because I’m here to win your heart and would because you’re my goal.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Do I really want you back.” – Story Based

Have you ever wonder if this is the last time I see your face? Is it tears or is fucking rain saying “thank god he’s gone” I wish I could say something that doesn’t sound insane but lately I haven’t trusted my brain because you tell me that you’ll change but I just see what you can do and say nothing. No matter where I go I get the same blooming question “do I really want you back?” I know that I will never get over you but then I’m kicking myself because I’m lying to myself every time. I don’t actually want you back because you’re a piece of tool that I’ve thrown at the back of the garage that I don’t want because it’s broken.
Do you always remember how you made me laugh in the mornings when I wake up; yet you don’t understand how much you hurt me even when you try to make it all right, yet I still reach for you and the day I chose to tell you this is going to work anymore because I’m hurting and I’m ready to move on but I still dream of you. I know even when I said that I’ve moved on I’m still dreaming of you; I know that you’re gone now but I still blame myself of where I gone wrong but you come back, into my life saying you’ve changed.
Yet I know when something that kills you makes you stronger because you know that you’re not alone in the end as I’m starting to realise I’m so much better without you. So I ask myself do I really want you back in my life? The answer is no because at the end of the day you hurt me and you have to work on gaining my trust from what you have done to me. All the end it’s worth it because I know your true colours in the end.

Sunday Special: “Singing my heart out” – Mothers Day Special UK (11.3.18) – Story Based

In the winds of the British Isles words float from every country and commonwealth that belong to the United Kingdom; even with every tune from every country playing for Mother’s Day, the words sounds like how much people love each other especially their mothers who may have passed away or out in war zones or somewhere else.
Some words they can’t be spoken but only sung. So when you hear a thousand voices shouting love there’s a place where there is actually time in this life where you can sing what you are feeling. I remember you telling me to find my feet and stand my ground because don’t you see the whole world is listening to what we have to say right now?
The winds sing it louder sing it clearer knowing that everyone will hear you because as your making some of the noises you would find your voice tonight; make it stronger by singing it together which will make this moment of love last forever, even the love and the young are shouting their love tonight.
To be able to sing we had to wait like a lifetime to be able to see a thousand faces to celebrate together; you had brought hope, brought life conquer fear when it wasn’t always so easy but as you stood your ground by keeping your faith, yet you don’t see it right now but the world is listening to what we have to say.
As we sing it louder and more clearly knowing that everyone will hear you speak because you always told us to make a noise to find our voices tonight; by singing it stronger and being together we can make this feeling last forever, wether your old or young we are shouting love tonight.
Some words only be spoken but otherwise they can’t be spoke but only to be sung. To be able to hear the thousand voices is to be able to open your window of your bedroom hearing the words of love, life and hope. To be able to hear a thousand voices shouting love for you.

Everyday Post: “Beautiful World” – Story Based

As I’m here standing in the rain because the sun has gone again and there’s nothing going change; time seems like a million thousand years yet I need a little time to get you back into my sight once more because you slipped out of my reach once again, there’s nothing that heals the pain except you and I know that it’s you that’s stopping me from falling. As I’m crashing down losing ground until I see you again and you know that sun will shine again because we know that we will see there’s nothing standing in our way.

Love will stand it will never break but I can tell you that I never thought this could be me; do you feel what I feel? Because every time that your near it’s such a beautiful world, a beautiful world. The words that I have for you is too hard to keep inside even though I’ve tried but it’s impossible to hide because you know how much I love you and you know that it’s you that’s stopping me from falling.

The world underneath my feet is crushing down losing ground until I see you again and you know that I’ll be the stars guiding you to the place that you would hide. I would run a thousand miles. The thousand miles that you ran for me I’ll be able to do the same just to be at your side. It’s our beautiful world that we created together.

Saturday Online Diary Entries: “Coming back home” – Story Based

Another summer’s day has come and gone away like in Paris and Rome; I just want to come home because I missing you so much and you know it, yet I’m surrounded by people that I don’t truly know and I feel more alone I just want to come home. I miss you more and more you know me so well. I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you with one a line or two with “I’m fine baby how are you?” I know I would send them but it’s just not enough because you deserve more than that of the words that are cold and flat.
Another aeroplane. Another sunny place. I know I should be lucky but I just want to go home; I’m pleading with my assistants and security to take me home because I got to go home, let me go home I’m too far from where you are I’ve got to go home I’m missing you so much. I’ve had my run baby you know when I’m done I just want to come home to have my hug and have my safety net near me at all times.
The fact that I just feel like I’m living someone else’s life like everything is going right as I stepped outside; I know you couldn’t come along with me because this wasn’t you’re dream but you always believed in me and you decided to come with me a few times. Yet another winter day has come and gone away either in Paris or Rome and I want to come home to be with you because I miss you so much you know.
Let me go home I’ve had my run because I’m done now I’ve finished my tour around the world; I’m done now everything will be alright because I’ll be home tonight, I’m coming back home.

Online Diary Entries: “Missing You” – Story Based

I hate miss missing you. Where’s the pain as you walked out of the door? It never hurt like this as it use to be before; there was love that we couldn’t really ignore as we knew deep down that we love each other deep down, however it doesn’t kick in like the pill use to anymore and where was the thrill that use to end our fights? Where did the heat go after we turned off the lights?

I just miss all he missing that we made even when we still have the passion to hate even sometimes I plainly just miss missing you until it’s hurts that’s when you see me cry; I miss watching you watching trying not to end up with tears as your begging to get back together, I just want to be with you like we are stuck forever and don’t freak out and believe what my answer is because sometimes I’m just missing you because it’s hurting me so much.

There’s a dark cloud pulling me in like I’m breathing in a bad sin because there’s a blind force letting it win; it’s longing to tear us apart as it doesn’t want me to be happy yet I’m missing you, trying to help me fighting my demons and together I know we can do anything for each other.

I’m missing you so much that it hurts that it just makes me cry….

Everyday Post: “Love Today” – Story Based

“Doom da da di da di…doom da da di” went the radio I was in bed like another work day and it’s only “Thursday” half asleep not thinking that it was Friday until I soon realised that I seemed of stayed the night at my million air boss penthouse. It still didn’t click until he walked into the bedroom saying “well everybody’s got to love today don’t they as it’s Friday and pay day isn’t?” That’s when I realised how much to drink last night at the ball that he was hosting; I hated social events especially when I can’t decline either way because I know he won’t take a no for answer, “also you can spend the day anyway you want to because I’ve given everyone the day off as I’m that nice. I even given myself the day off so I can nurse you back to good health before I take you back to your own house. That’s how much you loved me last night apparently”
I bolted right up clutching my head like I had a massive headed that was doubled the pain; I looked up at the mirror I could see the big panda eyes where I must of been crying, the fact that I must of told him everything going on in my life and he didn’t want to leave me in the state I was in. The panic started to rise inside me he could tell something was going to happen; he gathered me up like a broken child to be kept safe, the fact that I was crying once more which is very uncomfortable and unusual for me and for him to see.
Normally I give him the what for because I know I like him and he likes me but I like to keep in professional. He reassured me that nothing had happened; he just put me into his bed and he put one of his shirts on me, he got in next to me and just wrapped his arms around me like I needed to be kept safe from myself than anything….

Friday Online Diary Entries: “Most Haunted Cries” – Story Based

The cries, the moans, ghostly aspirations that happen at Beaumont Hall situated in the countryside; yet the village that’s close by sees lights on still, cries, fire and many more strange things after the volunteers of the hall have gone home. Yet no one can understand why or how it happens by the time local services and the volunteers and a few locals got there to help the house out. Nothing was there no fire, no burglaries not even a single soul.

Yet a distance voice of a young girls voice well what sounded like a little girl telling the story but everyone sees this dramatic scene before they turned away witnessing something most terrifying thing that no one could describe that night. The screams that came from the house made them run into the house; this is the story of how a young women lost her love one or so it seems but yet was she pushed or did she fall down the stairs herself.

“Don’t cry for me if you truly loved me you would of been here with me than me dying on the cold stone floor; you want me come find me just make up your mind, and follow the way I died. I should let you fall and lose it all because maybe you could remember yourself; you can’t keep believing that you can have two people at the same time because at the end of the day we’re only deceiving ourselves, and I’m sick of all the lies by the way you’re too late.

You couldn’t take the blame or the sick shame off my death in your life it must be exhausting to lose your own game. The selfishly hatred you had for me no wonder you felt so jaded of feeling trapped you can’t play the victim this time because you’re too late; so don’t cry to me if you loved me you would if been here with me, you want me come find me but just make up your mind.

You never call me when you’re sober only because you want it’s over; how could I have burned paradise? How could I when you were never mine? Get over yourself don’t cry for me if you really truly love me you would of been here with me; don’t lie to me just get your things, I’ve made up you’re mind for you and now it’s time for me to say goodbye…”

#throwbackthursday: Abused the good nature of people

Don’t even understand why some people who say that they need help and advice but yet you be there for you know matter what for them; all of the sudden they turn the other direction or turn a blind eye by coming so manipulative, controlling and throw everything right back into your face when you needed them as well but you can’t tell them the problems because they somehow manage to turn it back onto themselves.
I’ve had that a few times over the years I get close to people think I can trust them; then all of the sudden they got you where they want you, yet you hate yourself more because you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t get into that situation again and your like what’s the point in life.
No matter how much I tried to help a friend out who ever it is they seem to not listen or be bothered to help themselves because they say they can’t or they don’t know how yet you know they can and even they know how to do it. You told them how it works but don’t expect the friend who’s helping them to do it for them; guess what they do you know why? It’s because it could be down to their parents or parent that they are living with can’t help themselves or don’t encourage them to take control of their emotions themselves.
So this shows they think it’s okay to be like it as well. Which isn’t right at all and I get told loads of times that I’m a lot stronger than them; I tell them I’m not that strong but I learn to turn to do it for myself, work with my close friends to help me get through it and that’s how it makes me stronger otherwise whatever the problem is take over and control me. That’s when I decide will I let it define me and make my life hell or take control and put it through hell? I could easily go for the easy option but where would that get me?
No where! Correct I choose to take control because it’s my life and not give up on fighting for myself and my right to be here as much as anyone else to be here. I learn to move on and meet new people. Not keep on looking on the past yes it will come up now and then but guess what I know how to control it every time.
Just don’t let people abuse you’re good nature if they don’t want to help themselves because at the end of the day; you have to look after yourself the number one otherwise you will go under as well, because they will make you feel like crap as well as they don’t seem to care about you either.