A Dream that became a nightmare.

Life of a 26 year old who’s life can’t get so difficult than it already is. Love, Helpful people, confused, you then just think “my head is just going to explode one way or another.”

No matter how much I tried to keep myself together everyday; until one day anxiety starts to kick in, that’s when I know when I start to get so clammy. There’s no way I could stop it from happening; worst part is I’m starting to swell up on my way home on the bus, but it’s hard to show because you know that everyone will stare at you. All you want to do is just get off the bus and run home or just beg the bus to go quicker. Yet you have the most annoying bus driver in history; Mr Grump that’s what I call him, he’s always a grump no matter what it is. Which sets me off completely that he’s going to kick off again or something. As I prayed as he hovered near the bus that I want to get; he wasn’t going to be driving as I saw Norbert I relaxed he was going to be driving the bus, I was like thank god he was going to do it.

As I was going to get on I chocked as I was going to ask for my ticket; as I was trying to keep my tears back, he knew something was up and he said “sit behind me and don’t worry about the ticket.” So I sat down behind his little cab seat behind him. I kept to myself. My phone vibrated I looked up and saw it was Norbert messaged me “you okay? Also you missed your bus stop stay on I’ll take you back round” I replied “sorry. Thank you”

The fact that I missed my stop that showed that I wasn’t really myself at all…..

#lizzysweeklyblogswewillstandtogether – Barcelona – Spain

“I’m just looking for an angel with a broken wing. Jimmy Page”

Since it’s been quite in the United Kingdom for a month and half; from nearly a year of terror attacks, fires and many more things. I wouldn’t pass them to come back and finish their job; however in support of my readers, followers and my likes. 💕Team Who Says 💕 we all right behind you.

Shadows fill an empty heart as love is fading; but from all the things that we are but are not saying, that we can’t see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn? Yet we can fight along side you by changing the colours of the sky; which will open up to the ways that will make you feel more alive, the ways we will love your for all the things that will never died and to help you make it through the night love will find you.

“What about now? What about today? What if you’re making me all that I wasn’t meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it’s lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it’s too late, what about now?” cried the victims

The sun is breaking in their eyes to start a new day; all of the broken hearts can still survive with a touch of your grace, as the shadows fade into the light and you know that I am by your side where love will find you

“What about now? What about today? What if you’re making me all that I wasn’t meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it’s lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it’s too late, what about now?”

Now that we’re here; now that we’ve come this far just hold on, there is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you. For all my life, I am yours as always when you find me in your heart. I’m always going to protect you no matter what happens. No matter where I am; I’m always going to be right beside you, like it was meant to be encourage you to move on when your ready. I am always going to be yours.

The Unknown Fear: Confidence that rises and then it falls dramatically.

“I wrote ‘Fight Song’ as this declaration to believe in myself, and that is similar to what you are taught to believe in Girl Scouts. Building confidence. Building character. And above all else, being there for each other as a community. Rachel Platten”

Throughout my life confidence issues have always been the big issue for me as long as I can remember; yeah I’m confident with my friends, through believing in social media and etc but you always get those who do not understand how long you got yourself there by believing in yourself. You always find that as you start to build your confidence up when you have lost it for sometime; you start to feel it rising within you; thinking that your are going to get far in life because you have the belief in you that you never had, but yet you have that one person who knows which pin to pull it out from and your like so mad, upset and that you just want to give up on yourself. Like your not worth it anymore.

Yep that’s basically my life all the way through; I always believe in the positives when they mean something to me personally, I prefer to share them to people on social media because everyone needs positivity everyday and they need that encouragement to start the day read it along with going back to the post read it again if they feel a bit low.

Enough positivity can destroy the negativity but if you let negativity destroy positivity then what can you do. Listen to the negativity which will destroy your positivity of your confidence that you have made.

What causes low self-esteem?

The beliefs you have about yourself often appear to be statements of fact, although actually they’re really only opinions. They are based on the experiences you’ve had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the kind of person you are. If your experiences have been negative, your beliefs about yourself are likely to be negative too.

Crucial experiences that help to form our beliefs about ourselves often (although not always) occur early in life. What you saw, heard and experienced in childhood – in your family, in the wider community and at school – will have influenced the way you see yourself. Examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

• systematic punishment, neglect or abuse

• failing to meet parental standards

• failing to meet peer-group standards

• being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.

• belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards

• an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest

• being the odd one out, at home or at school.

Sometimes negative beliefs about yourself are caused by experiences later in life, such as workplace bullying or intimidation, abusive relationships, persistent stress or hardship, or traumatic events.

http://www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=8611

I always find that some songs that I like listening to help me a lot out by fighting back; there’s so many to chose from I wouldn’t be able to name a few to share with you, if you follow me on Instagram @lizzysweeklyblogsgoodmorning you’ll get random, fun, quotes and random songs attached to the picture of the day.

I always find things that are being positive so that it helps me out throughout the day; but along with sharing the positivity for others to feel proud, and positive towards themselves and make sure that they love themselves.

Would you want to know you are going to die before hand or die suddenly without warning?

With all this earth will disappear on this day and bad luck Friday thing is stupid in my opinion.

Surprisingly as I put this question towards google just to get another point of view on the outcome of this topic; could I actually find what I was actually looking for?, some people saying yes and some are saying no. The fact is the people who have said no are correct because the things that have come up on google have lots of different ways of explaining the whole what illness and natural causes etc. Not particularly what I wanted or asked for to be honest with you; so my summary of this from another view point has completely gone out of the window, so basically I’m just going to have to share my thoughts with you without the whole different side of this.

I wouldn’t want to know when I’m going to die because someone like me who has mental health; you just dwell on the fact that your going to die on a persistence day time, and the hour your expected to die. When I rather live and wait until it happens to be honest. If my life does end tomorrow then hey that’s when it will be; on the other hand if I didn’t then I’ve got another day to live, and to be able to carry on with my day to day activities.

What’s the point in worrying each day when your going to die; when you have lots of things to live for in life, you make them happen as if its your last and not worrying about if your going to die everyday. That’s probably why I take risks on things than normal; risks that may work or may not work at the end of the day, I’m glad that I’ve done them than not doing them. I use to play it all safe and etc but now I don’t. However there are places that I don’t want to take risks on again because I’ve been there done that got the t-shirt as people would say.

What is your philosophy of when you should die? Or just get on with life and let the nature do its cause?

When we were young

The questionable thing for teens in this generation is outside what's that? But when I was young I was outside all the time not having to worry about anything.

When we were young the world seemed so old; however now the world is careless and cold, we did what we did years ago and now the generation do what they are told in this life. From 2010 backwards we had the world by our tail; that's when the good would prevail, along with the starships that would set sail and none of us would fail in this life.
Since 2010 onwards things have changed. Things shouldn't of happened not when you're young; we had drawn to whoever that would keep us together, along with the binding by the heavens above and now we have to survive the traveling at the speed of light and love.
When we were young; we adored the fabulous life of freedom of everything when we were young, we got to be the foolish and fearless of not knowing the cost of what we had to pay by letting someone else be strong. That was because we were young.
In the moment of grace; there was a long leap of faith of keeping everyone safe, but when we are young now there's always still going to be more glory stored away. This generation says this is our life; and all the bad things that are happening the government seem to be burning the bridges that we cross over, all we want to see is the firelight and we are the innocent that are getting over the old times. But yet we are young where everything seemed to be what we dreamed everyday; never knowing the cost of what we just paid for the lives, yet we are letting someone else be strong.
When we are young we start to look at ourselves and your will start to look at someone else to find that you recognise you can see yourself. Which makes you wonder when you had taken back what you've been given away but it must of been the last time you had your freedom.

Who’s the worst critics Paperwork or Readers?

Due to all weekend paperwork everything seems to been gone out of the window. Let me explain.

The worst feeling ever is you don't even know if your the the worst critic about yourself when doing your paperwork or when you have readers who are like really supportive in what you do but then you have the crappy horrible critics. To be honest with you I'm the worst critic to myself than anyone else; but then again I can prove myself, my work and make a success out of it. Yet you have fair few who may think your a fake, you scamming them or something because they are either jealous or that they haven't got anything better to do other than try and rip you to shreds.

Hate those sort of people who want to be successful but actually they just see you as potential threat; because your making a success of yourself one way or another, yet for me I'm just pushing through life and want to do things for myself. In my way of thinking now is no matter how much negativity I'm getting from the critics now; I'm just thinking I don't give a sh*** anymore want to criticise for doing something I want to do, get off your own backside and do something you want to do than criticise other people. If anyone has any ideas on how I can fundraise for children in Nigeria let me know; I'm having great difficulties with the critics trying to shut me down with the fundraising through justgiving, and etc.

Paperwork always paperwork when it comes to blogging more so now as I've got two blogs to write for; double the amount of work to do, double the amount of paperwork to do and you have no idea how hard it is to get one set of paperwork to work. Then the other one you think yeah this would work for the other and yet the one you worked with for so long decides to trip you up at every hurled when you try and do it. Not cool man. You never guess which blog website it is? Ah that's what I thought not Sentebaleblogs but lizzysweeklyblogs.com is doing the whole tripping me up business. That's just because I'm starting from scratch again but coping it from the notebooks. She says then made a complete c*** out of it and had start all over again. You think it's should be easy if you did it the first time around with the other blog….but nooo when it comes to my brain it just has a complete brain fart as it does. After doing it for hours on end thinking it's never going to end. Still haven't finished what I was going to do with the paperwork because I was miffed about the whole fundraising thing I couldn't concentrate on it properly. Will get it done sooner than later. The one rant hustle and bustle advice of blogging that doesn't happen very much.

Sunday Special- Our Cases, Our Stories, Our Voices – Can’t afford School Fees

(The fact that I haven't made my good morning Sunday Special Post for this week I've decided to use Sentebaleblogs post just help me out a bit. Just to cover my arse really. Haha not literally guys; just been a paperwork weekend, and I have s new system for Sentebaleblogs I thought hey why not try it out with the lizzysweeklyblogs. Well we all know how that went didn't we? As you have worked out what I'm like on here. Yep compete utter mayhem. Anyways I'll let the kids do the talking now not me. Chow for now)

"Young lives who’s family has no money to send their children to school." – Sentebaleblogs
“I'm Jackson age 7 on the right looking rather cool and really? Really do I have to have my photo taken? Question face along with Ekure really? I rather hide away”
“I'm Tobe I'm 6 years old I will be 7 in December. If my parents didn't come to the home for help I'll just be looking at the pictures and no idea where places are. Fortunately for me I got that chance to change my life. Oh I'm the one next to Jackson reading supposed to be”
“I'm Theresa who's sitting next to Tobe and my annoying funny twin brother Tony who's invading my space as normal. I'm 5 years old I'll be turn 6 in November yet I'll be sharing it with Tony’
“I'm Tony. I'm also 5 and be turning 6 in November along with my twin Theresa; I'm the most outgoing out of the two of us, as you can see in the picture and I am the most cheesiest but I have this special connection if there's something wrong with Theresa I would feel it too. But also she has that special super power too.”
To the start every parent worst nightmare is not being able to provide, support, or even give their children the best start in life. That's what happened to these lovely children; there parents couldn't afford the school fees as it was too expensive for them to pay for the material, uniform and many more. Yet for these awesome guys they are going to school because their parents came to us for help; we've given them the life time of having the best start, achieve the goals that they want to achieve.
Their parents quick thinking and no who to come to for help. We worked with their parents to proved their school fees; to which now they are going to school everyday to be able to learn, and to succeed in life that they want to be when they grow up. There are so many families like our four stars that need our help to get their children into schools to achieve what their parents couldn't achieve.

“See…we need help just to go to school otherwise we end up not being able to read or write or even achieve our dreams of what we want to do in life.” – Promise
“Without your help by donating as much as you can we are able to go to school; meet new friends, learn and a sense of where to belong in the world. If you can donate either through the donate page or through Western Union please follow the links and etc that are listed down below”. – John
How to donate:
Western Union: email us on sentebaleblogsnigeria@outlook.com with subject of Donations Via Western Union. We need your full name, address, email address so we can confirm to you we have picked it up and the reference number.
Just Giving: to donate via Paypal or by card follow this link here https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/sentablenigeria
Go Raise: love a spot of shopping why not go to go raise which you will find your favourite stores along with their donations that they send to us. https://www.goraise.co.uk/sentebale-nigeria-children-our-cases-our-stories-our-voices/

The Unknown Fear: Fix You

The story of someone whom everyone tired to fix but need to help themselves to make it work.

When you try your best to fight what you want in life; but you don't succeed the way you wanted, but you feel like you don't need anyone's help and when you can't sleep but you feel so tired. That's when you feel like your stuck in reverse like my Aunt Marie.

As the tears came streaming down your face; the fear of what you were going to lose something that you can't replace, when it's someone that you love what could be worse? Their lights will guide you home. As they wrap their arms around you they will ignite your bones as they whisper in your ear “I will try and fix you”

Weather your high up above or down below; my love for you won't go away from you, and I know that your love for me won't let me go either. You will never know without giving it a try of fixing it together.

You walked into the party; like you didn't want to be there, I know that you didn't want to as I held up close to me and you had one on the mirror watching all of the girls wanting to be my partner. It's okay I'm not leaving you as you have me in your inner inner circle. You can be so vain when this song comes on and you start thinking about you don't you, don't you.

“It's okay” I whispered “I'll fix this”

Giving you a squeeze before I made my way to change it; as I turned back round I saw you running for the door, I knew I had to go after you to be with you. That's what I do because I love you to the more than the moon and back.

A Moment Like This Week – 4th August to 11th August 2017

Moment like theses you just realise where your week has gone; when you feel like you haven't done a lot this week but actually, you have done quite a lot.

This week has gone out of the window with my weekly blogs as I've been so busy working with and on Sentebaleblogs and Sentebale Team out in West Africa through the social media and etc. Also the main man himself Prince Harry. This is why Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays will be or have been gone out of the window this week; I just want to say thank you for your patience with everything going out the window over here, will find away to work around the whole thing once I know what I'm doing got my routine with them.

The fact that I'm currently watching athletics but haven't watched it all this week. To be honest I haven't had the tv on much at all this week; it's been either waking up late, YouTube videos, brief films either on Now Tv or a DVD whilst working my arse of with the Sentebaleblogs and everything. However I'm quite impressed that African runners are astonishing; I can't even run to save my life but heyho, I take my hat off to all of the runners anyways.

Also I haven't done things I needed to do either; which is shocking but then again seeing some of my friends helped me in the long run, also doing things to take my mind of other stuff which is good. Yet I suppose keeping myself busy is quite normal for me in a long run; yeah might have had a few relapses with my mental health but hey I pulled through it like I always do, knowing that I've got good friends and etc.

My aim is for tomorrow is to tidy up the lounge; put the washing on, looking like it was neat and tidy, make attempt of sorting the rest of my room out and look to see if I can do any extra jobs along the way. That's what two of them I should of done this week but because of not sleeping properly and feeling dreadful by the morning been slacking in what I've been doing and most of my day has gone. The worst bit is that I hate when it comes to food because your like oh my god is really time for food? Don't even feel hungry? Yet at the best of times I have to force myself to have something. Don't think I will tonight not feel to brilliantly and not particularly hungry either.

Hope your day has been good? Not raining one bit I hope. Catch you guys laters. Chow xxx

Patience

“Patience – the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.”

Just have a little patience as I'm still hurting from the love that I had lost; just have a little patience when I'm paranoid about something that might not be true, just have a little patience that I'm frightened of the new relationship that may lead to somewhere good. I am feeling your frustration and hurt because anytime now all my pain will stop; as you hold me close inside your arms tonight please don't be too hard on my emotions because I still need more time, and my heart has that numb feeling as I'm letting you in as I'm still healing.

Please just try and have a bit more little patience because I really want to start over again; I know that your my salvation, the one I can always depend on, make me strong again believe me I’ve got this far of moving on but give me more time on getting over the scars that run so deeply. It's complicated please understand me. When I say that is hard to believe but I have had to start again believing in myself along side with believe in you as your not like anyone else.

Just have a little patience for me; have a little patience when I miss read things because of I'm not use to the papers, the fear of seeing other girls round you makes me feel threatened and want to still you away from me. I know that you won't leave me because we've been through together so much; you gave up a few things, I've giving up a lot to be with you.

Until that day you kissed me; there was a side that I never knew, when I can't sleep I know that you are thinking about me. When I cry in the rain I know that I'm lost but I know that you are searching for me; when I heard your voice in the distance I start running in that direction, until I finally find you I could finally feel your skin touching my skin and your lips touching my forehead.

I know having the patience we would find away that we can have in the way that our world stops around us. We are only human and I’m only human when my demons want to fight us; I know this world is ours, because I know my demons will loose the war because of our patience and love.