Everyday Post: Mental Health Issues – Sober (Revisit – Story Based)

There was nights when the wind was so cold making me feel it to the bone and there was days where the sun could be so cruel; I knew my tears were starting to dry up forever, I knew the day that you left I had finished because I had banished every memory that we had together and now it’s all coming back to me. Yes it’s all it was a very long time ago but I’ve got no excuses for of these goodbyes; call me when it’s over because I’m dying inside, wake me up once the shakes have gone along with the cold sweats have disappeared. Please call me when it’s over and I just have my old self that we both knew will reappear.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time because sometimes I just want to cave in; I’m tired of fighting for my life especially what’s left of me, I try and I try but I just wish you were here to hold me. I’m so lonely.

Mum I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore, daddy please forgive me for all the drinks that I’ve spilled on the floor and to the ones who really never left me we all know that we’ve been down this road once before. I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m sorry to my future love the man that’s stuck by my side every step of the way; loving me, saving me from me and from the inside my head. I’m sorry for all the people who tried to help me and watch me fall again; I just want to be a role model yet I’m being judged by people who think it’s okay to do so, talk about lies that they really don’t know what’s going on in my life. I’m only human like everybody else.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time at the best of times I don’t know what’s causing it. It’s only when I’m lonely and tired of fighting with my head. Sometimes I just want to run away to a cave so no one can find me; I can just let myself cave inside myself because I just don’t want to fight anymore. I try and I try to hold on but just hold me. I’m lonely.

Mum, I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore and daddy please forgive me for the drinks that I have spilled on the floor. To the ones who really never left me, we’ve been down this road before and I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m not sober anymore. I’m sorry that I’m back here again. I promise that I’ll get help. It really wasn’t my intention to get back into this place. I’m even sorry to myself.

New year blog – January 2019

What’s new in January 2019?

January 2019 has kicked off with an okay start of the year for me where I have started to go on walks that I’ve never been before or any of the sort. That’s because I’ve been given a pair of walking shoes for my birthday by someone very close to me; so I’ve been walking practically everywhere since I’ve got them but that’s just for me and them at the end of the day, hopefully I can get a bit fitter than I normally am.

I’m becoming more and more comfortable with myself in away that I know I’m doing okay and not letting myself fall back into the place where I was before for personal reasons I cannot say. I’ve becoming more active by doing lots of walking to which I have someone special in my life to courage me to keep going even if I’m struggling to carry on.

Lots of things that I had never thought I wouldn’t of dream to of doing but I’m doing them because I got someone positive in my life to get me through it all. From facing my fears of things to doing something out of my comfort zones knowing that I’m feeling safe. I hope I can progress more and more over the next year with it all knowing that I can do things and get myself more confident in things.

Everyday Post – Navigating Around – Trying to find a place that I didn’t even know existed

(27.9.18) Today’s  explore that I did was due to an appointment that I had to attend too; being me for living in the same town for all my life things have changed over the years, where certain things were there and now not there anymore or things have existed and didn’t know they did until now. 

I pretty much did that to be honest because I knew roughly what area where this community centre was but didn’t know for sure where. I brought it up on to my maps on my phone giving me a few options on how to get there either by foot or by bus. I thought I’ll take an easy option of taking the bus a few days ago so that I knew I was there in plenty of time and to look for it. 

When today came I was pretty much barely got home this morning I was in and straight out again which pretty much confused the kittens seeing me arrive then see me leave again. Started my sat nav on my phone got to one of the buses that it told me to go to and get one of the buses that would arrive there. Got a single to where I needed to go but it only took me 14 minutes to get where I needed to go; still following the sat nav, found the sign saying the community centre but wasn’t really signed very well where it was perfectly honest with you. 

I wasn’t too sure if that was it or not but it was after I went on a bit further because stupid sat nav said it was on my left but it was on my right when I arrived. It was now on my left which was really stupid. So I adventured on to find this place following the path in the distance I could see silver mini buses for community and I knew that I had found the place that I needed to be.

After I had finished my appointment an hour and half later which felt like it but not too sure what time I arrived but it felt like a long time. I knew where I was and how to get home as I use to walk to a sports park from my area via that way so I knew pretty much where I was and over all steps I did today was 6,710 steps. Don’t normally do that much a day. 

Everyday Daily Stories – Mental Health Issues – “People should be locked up and play about with meds”

“Sadly, not much help out there for the mentally ill. Lock them up for a month  and ply them with tablets ☹” – Facebook comment on my local radio/newspaper article about someone who was in a venerable place. 

I was pretty reading the article I did feel sorry the person quite a lot. As I understand a lot more through my own problems but what upsets me is that people comment or say things that they don’t actually understand themselves but saying “I should be able to walk here” or “if they are going to jump…jump already” which to my opinion is quite selfish of them to say that because they are just thinking about themselves and not helping others. 

I was reading some of the comments through this one case that got me really upset and cross. I’m not naming the person or calling them out because I’m not that sort of a person. The comment that I put up in my opening statement to me personally makes me think that they are one of those posh sobs in my hometown its my opinion as I don’t know the person but the comment led me to think they are. 

Yes there’s not much help out there for mentally ill people but why is it all coming out now making people know it’s there. Making the change and making the difference. To say people should be locked up for a month and ply them with tablets. 

That’s not right at all. Firstly people years ago in our history were locked up for that reason because they didn’t know how to deal with it along with learning disabilities and etc. Second of all being locked up and been given tablets won’t solve anything because the problems are still there. Locked up is just for another way of keeping them safe but tablets don’t actually make the pain and thoughts go away. It just numbs it to reduce the much of the thoughts. 

I should know as I’m on medication I have my highs and lows trust me it’s not a pretty sight when I have my lows. Yet I always find away out of it in the end. All I ask be considerate about other people wellbeing who are struggling even if we don’t know what is wrong. Saying lock them up and give them tablets would fix the problem; that really doesn’t solve the problem in the first place, yes people need help but at the end of the day if people make comments like that the one I just shared. 

Is that helping the person or other people who may need the help in the first place? To me it seems that comment really not helpful what so ever because it makes me angry that people think like that. Second of all police have to deal with this sort of thing day to day and they are protecting us as civilians if they do jump and don’t want us to get some sort of trauma from it. Third of all the police are helping the person by talking them out of it and get the right help through the right channel of experience that they don’t have. Fourth point the police, fire services, ambulance services and etc see a lot of traumatic things when they are on the front line; they get effected by it all too, but they don’t get support from what’s just happened or anything. All they do is get the cuts from the system because the home sectary and money bags budget person think it’s better to cut it from there than their own pay packet. 

So the next time you hear about someone becoming unsafe or see someone thinking about committing suicide; talk to them, talk them out of it be that person who saved their lives and most importantly be the good Samaritan help them to seek help. They know someone is listening to them and someone is there to lend a hand. Just don’t ignore them because you don’t want to know or you’re on a mission to be somewhere. 

Even help by donating via this link here https://www.mind.org.uk 

Daily Savage – Remember the 9/11 – 9/11 Anniversary 2018

17 years ago today; Tuesday 11th September 2001 was when news just broke out that the twin towers in New York City in USA became under attack by terrorism via two aeroplanes going into the north and the south towers between 8:46 and 10:28am.

There were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks by the Islamic Terrorist by a group called “Al- Qaeda” against the United States. On the morning of that day in 2001 everyone who seemed to be getting up and doing their normal day to day things, jobs and etc. Not knowing that day they would either be killed, injured or having some condition that they will have for the rest of their lives or kill them in the end.

Both attacks killed 2,996 people in total, injured 6,000 others and caused $10 billon in infrastructure and property damage. Referring back to my previous paragraph more people have died of the 9/11 related cancer and respiratory diseases in the months and years after the attacks have happened.

You may find that you don’t remember this happening but only learning it from text books along with many other terrorism over the years. Yes there is and was a life before you snowflakes start questioning you’re parents that you know everything. I remember it very well indeed; I was in school when it happened my first year at secondary school, my history teacher at the time explained that her husband just literally walked out of the building when it happened. She was also pregnant at the time it happened.

People are still grieving about it all over there. Yes America makes a big deal about yes its apart of their history and how they cope with it at the end of the day. It would of been 13 years this year when we had our first terror attack. We aren’t close behind since our first lot yet then they didn’t have many after that than we have expect the normal gun crime that they have. I’m not blaming or calling anyone out here but there is a difference between what they celebrate in remember of others than other crimes.

However never forget those lost their lives that today.

Everyday Post: Tuesday Tales – My favourite quick hair style if I have little time to do it

Everyone has those days where we need to wake up plenty of time to do it everything like shower, dry hair, get dressed (if you have a problem choosing the right out for the day), make up and hair done. You then have those days where you’ll find that you just want to hit the snooze button on you’re alarm clock or the alarm on your phone by hitting for another 5 minutes or so. 

You then realise you shouldn’t of done that and now you’re seriously late for work or something that’s really important; I do that most of the time but I got the hang of it where I just put my hair extensions in as quickly as possible, tie it up into a bun quickly as possible and then it’s all done. 

It’s one of those quick easy things that I like to do or just let it down and then take a hair band and hair scrunchy with me and do it along the way to where ever I’m going. I’m pretty much have the same hairstyle at the moment when I’m in a bit of a rush or I can’t be bothered because I get too hot and bothered, plus with all the heat and everything it’s just easy for me to do a bun and be done with it. 

I tend to add plates on the side of my hair and a bun because I just think it’s so pretty. I once worked with someone who liked Elisa from Frozen and they always asked if I had Elisa’s hair today or not. As they thought every plate was Elisa’s hair to be honest I just thought it was cute and will always think it be cute.

Everyday Post: Monday Tales – My new morning routine

I’ve got a new routine now and it works amazing well last week; I’ve got two little helpers to help me out, well they just be a bit nosey in what I’m doing or nosing around before they settle down but generally they are on the windowceil in my room looking out or laying on my bed whilst I do my morning routine. 

Yes I have two four legged friends they aren’t mine they are one of my siblings who owns the kittens; I help look after them during the week on which gives us the great bondness you could ask for, they’ve got their routine and they know roughly when I do my make up and hair. I do leave my door open when I’m in the room so that they know that I’m in there and that they are allowed to come in to chill out. 

I pretty much get up or wake up around six or so drifting in and out of sleep because I know it would be the kittens breakfast at about 7:00/7:10am. I sometimes open the door that they sleep in before that I make sure that every other room is closed for the time being; let them roam the places that they are allowed to go into for that time in the morning, warn my parents that they are out roaming so that they don’t jump without realising that they are there when they come out, making sure my sister is either up or a wake if it’s a work day or a weekend and let them find her so that they can tell her that they want food. 

I give them a good morning stroke and if they want it I’ll pick them up and give them a cuddle before they try to wiggle out of my arms. I go back to bed (this is because I’m currently on holiday) with my door closed because I know someone try and get into something that they not meant to be in. Whilst my sister gives them their breakfast either after she has hers if it’s a work day or she’s on a weekend I’ll let her deal with them as she leaves her door open. 

I then get up and have my breakfast and do what I need to do. They know that they’re not allowed to jump up onto the sofa if I’m having my breakfast. Quickly got in the shower and got dressed opened my door so that the kittens could come in and then when they worked out that my door is wide open for them to come in. 

They explore a bit but sometimes they come straight to my bed and jump up. Sometimes they wait for me to pick them up for cuddles because they love the whole cuddles and loving that I give them. They then explore my bed and the window once they have done that they become settled and either sit on the windowceil or curl up on my bed. In order for me to finish of what I need to do like my make up and hair. 

Thats pretty much my morning routine now because the kittens are my life and get me up and organised for the day, 

Everyday Post – You & I – Story

Your breath smelt like a bottle wisky hoping that you would get wisely as I came back. It’s been two years since I let you go but that was the hardest thing I had too.

There’s something about this place that you and I had shared together; I don’t want to leave without you again, I know I would rather die without of trying and even if Jesus Christ believes that the chase is fun. Even there’s blue sky waiting for me to go up.

I’m not leaving without you because it’s always you and I.

Online Newsletter – June 2018 (29.6.18)

June 2018 has been a bit of strange one to be honest yet I don’t remember it happening as it’s now end of the month. It must of been because I’ve been so busy with work, being occupied doing my blogs for you guys and having a massive relapse the other weekend. 

It generally took it out of me just being busy all the time I prefer to be busy so it will keep me occupied and take my mind of things. You guys are one of the reasons why I kept going with blogging even through my darkest times the other week. The heatwave and the warm sunshine that we are having is really nice I love it to the point that my skin and eyes start to itch. 

I would love to spend more time out there but it does get too much. We all know how much I love the warmth and the sun. It would be this time last year I would of been sitting outside all day not doing anything as I would of left my old job at the time. To be honest I’m still doing that now in between my job that I do now but currently feeling self conscious of having my legs out and what not during to my skin at the moment but since having the cream and etc it’s starting to clear up more. Giving me the confidence to say it’s okay now. 

I’m currently doing a summer challenge not sure how many days I’m doing at the moment; let’s see how far we get until I start struggling for ideas, or wanting to give up on it place you’re bets. Remember please help by donating to Life On The Open Road Project for young people, teens and children who may suffer from mental health issues or having issues within themselves hence why I’m doing these challenges. To be able to start up the project in aid for those young  people, teens and children. As I never had the help until later on in life and still battle with it. People are amazed how I cope with everything everyday just seeing me happy and everything but yet when being told how much I had cope they are like what? How? Funny person like you? 

Trust me I’m literally pushing myself all the time to do things wether I’m proud of what I’ve done or not. I’m continuing to push myself hard enough to get to not to crumble or get myself down. I’m a tough cookie when it comes to myself don’t let anyone to help me unless I’m in a very vulnerable place. 

Let’s join hands and walk together into July 18 being happy and living a little each day. 

Star Categories: – (25.6.18) Monday Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging: 3 reasons why you should appreciate bloggers and 2 reasons you need to look out for desperate bloggers.

Okay so my pitch for you this week for Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging is 3 reasons why you should appreciate bloggers also 2 reasons you to look out for desperate bloggers. To be fair I don’t think of myself as a blogger even though I’m using a blogging platform; I prefer to be a writer because I love to write, and don’t care what people call me blogger, journalists whatever you call it. 

I like to write and writing is what I’m good at because at the end of the day I’m not good at talking to the camera or talking people in general. I’m just use to keeping myself to myself at the end of the day. However is 5 reasons why you should appreciate bloggers in my opinion. 

  1. Genuine Bloggers – True genuine bloggers who talk to there fans who treat them like family, friends and engage with their audience in away that their fans have their respect to the blogger and the bloggers who give them respect.
  2. Bloggers taking their time – True bloggers take their time to come up with new content each week or each day. Take their time to edit and schedule them so that they can work on new projects/content for the fans. 
  3. Bloggers who love what they do – Bloggers who take time and love what they do shows by the amount of views that they receive and love creating content. Most importantly showing that their talent off in a most positive way. 

That’s 3 reasons why you should appreciate bloggers all the time because at the end of the day they are doing things that love. Also giving out the most positive things that you can do in away that you can do the same. However you have bloggers who don’t appreciate their fans/subscribers in so many ways. I’ll give you two reasons so you can look out for. 

  1. Big headed bloggers – You may find bloggers who are disrespectful in what they do; don’t care about anything that they do or care who watches it, they want to be in other people’s videos to get more subscribers and become big head because they rose to YouTube fame. 
  2. All in for money – They only want to create videos or any other blogging platform because they are in it for the money and nothing else. It also goes in with the big headache category of no respect what so ever. This is because they don’t want to work in a normal job and just stay at home creating things. Also you can tell their alto ego shows through the platform that they are using. 

I could go on with so many reasons why bloggers don’t appreciate what they do but maybe another day or another time because I know so many people who work hard and be positive about what they do. So many people appreciate the bloggers in what they do giving them the respect and getting respect back. 

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