Wednesday Online Diary Entries: “I see the light” – Story Based

All those days watching from the windows like all those years outside looking in; all that time never even knowing just how blind that I’ve been, now that I am here blinking in the starlight now that I’m here suddenly I see standing here it’s all so clear. Knowingly I’m where I’m meant to be like at last I’ve seen the light like it had been lifted; at last I see the light like the sky is new bringing in the warm, the real and the brightness but the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything looks different now that I see you in my world you are my prince of my life.
All those days chasing down a daydream all those years living in a blur but at the time; they were never truly seeing things as they were but now she’s here shining in the starlight she’s here suddenly I know that it’s crystal clear where I meant to go, and at last I see he light like the fog of pain has been lifted knowing that she’s been protecting me.
At last we see the light like the sky is new with the warmth, real and bright like the world has somehow shifted all at once everything is different now that we can see each other. I know that we will be together one day soon.

Tuesday Online Diary Entries: “Friends” – Story Based

You say you love me I say that your crazy because we’re nothing more than friends I don’t see you as my lover more like a brother; I known you since we were like 10, yeah I know right so don’t mess this up by talking that shit about us. It’s only going to push me away; that’s it I’ve had it here we go again you saying you love me the thing is you’re making me crazy, don’t go look at me with that look in your eye. You know that look that you’re not going get away without a fight.

You can’t be reasoned with I’m so done with being polite I’ve told you thousand of times; haven’t I made it obvious? Haven’t I made it clear? Do you want me spell it out too you? F-R-I-E-N-D-S have you got no shame of course not because you look insane turning up at my door at 2am in the morning the rain pouring with attempt of flowers; I begin to think haven’t we been here before?, oh please don’t mess this up by talking about that shit it’s only going to push me away and that will end everything.

Here we go again don’t give me that look where you’re not going to get away with it without me punching you; as I know you can’t reasoned with even I tried for a long time, I just go along with it because I’m so done with being polite and I’ve made it obvious? Haven’t I made it clear? F-R-I-E-N-D-S that’s how you spell the fucking word! Get that shit inside your head we are just friends.
Ahhh we are just FRIENDS!

Saturday Online Diary Entries: “Broken hearted girl” – Story Based

You were my everything that I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could have ever been but yet no matter how much you hurt me you still live inside of me. So tell me how you still get my hopes up but never do?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget to the only one I love to not forgive but it’s too late that you’re the only one that can get me through the hard times even when I hate you. You know I can’t erase you but the times that you hurt me and out tears on my face even now while I still hate you; it’s pains me to say that I know that I’ll be there at the end of the day, I don’t want to be without you and I don’t want a broken heart and I don’t want to take a breath without you.
I know that I love you but l to me just say I don’t want to love you in no other kind of way; I don’t want a broken heart anymore I don’t want to play the broken hearted girl anymore, I know I’m not the broken hearted girl and there’s something that I feel I need to say it but up until now I’ve always been afraid that you would never come around and still I want to put this out.
You say that you’ve got the most respect for me but sometimes I feel you’re not deserving of me yet you’re still in my heart you’re the only one for me. I don’t complain because I’m afraid of that you would walk away but now I don’t hate you. Yes, there are times when I hate you because you make me feel unhappy but right now I just want to be happy to say that I will be there at the end of the day.
I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want a broken heart I really don’t want to take another breath without you; I’m scared alone I don’t know what else to do I’m frightened, I don’t want to play that part because I know that I love you but let me just say I don’t want to love you in no other way. I don’t want a broken heart and I don’t want to play the broken hearted girl.
Now that I’m at a place that I thought I’d never be because I’m living in a world that it’s all about you and me because I’m not going to be afraid as my broken heart is free. I’m ready to spread my wings and fly away. I don’t want to be a broken hearted girl anymore.

Friday Online Diary Entries: “Don’t call this love” – Story Based

Cry in the rain with nothing to say but lately I wonder who you are today why I know all about you however I don’t understand why you won’t save me like you promised me why did things have to change? Oh baby something is going on yet god knows I know you have another agenda yet you can’t keep nothing from me because I know hat I’ve seen now; you can try you’re best to deceive me but I know where you’ve been now, and yet you cry out to me but it’s hard to believe so don’t call this love. I might be no good.
In your eyes only one day you’ll see this I was good for you honey; you need to grow up get your life together as right now we can’t go on now doing this to each other, baby what’s going on I know something is going on. God knows you know. You know you can’t keep nothing from me now because I know what I’ve seen now you try you’re hardest to deceive me I know where you been now and I cry my heart out with the pain.
It’s hard to believe that I don’t call this love listen to me now baby I’ve said to you don’t call this love. You know that you can’t keep your promises other than hurt me more; yet you say that I’m like the ex but you know that I’m not but I keep on putting up with it, until I forgive you more and more making you think that it’s okay to continue doing it but then you can’t keep your word but don’t like it when I cry out in pain. This is because I have had a lot worse damage than you and you keep on doing it. If you want me to love you once more you got to fix my heart and the pain that you done. I’ve already lost the love that I love the most and you’re already heading the same direction.

 

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Meet me half way” – Story Based

I can’t go further than this I just want oh so badly it’s my biggest wish. I spend my time just thinking about you every single day yes really because I’m really missing missing you. All of those things that we used to do just me and you. Can you meet me half way right on the borderline that’s where I am going to wait for you because I’ll be looking out every night and day: take my heart to the limit, and this where I’m going to stay. I can’t go further than this due my heart wrapped in chains I want you so bad it’s my only wish.
You tell me you travel the world and even sailed the sevens seas that laid across universe to visit the other galaxies; you tell me to tell you where to go so you can meet me there, as you can navigate yourself to where I am and girl I want to be you right now.
You travel up the town and down the town trying to find me because you like to have me around like every single day as you love me always. So I’ll meet you halfway right on the borderline like I told you before if you ever listened to me; as you walked a crossed the bridge to the other side, you found me like it was only just you and I in a film scene and no one around. You wrapped you’re arms around me not letting me go. You said to me you’ll fly in the skies for me and you. I will die until I die for me and you.
Meet me half way right on the borderline that’s where I’m going to be waiting for you I’ll be looking out every night and day; taking my heart to the limit and this is where I’ll stay for you to come and rescue me, as I can’t go any further than this I want only so bad it’s my only wish. Yet you came and break these chains of my heart.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: Should I study Criminology Course?

Sometimes I begin to wonder weather I should study criminology course it looks appealing to me and sometimes I get asked by a friend for advice on something’s like criminology just on the outside purposes of course as they study law. Not like I’ve got law degree or anything like that but sometimes having someone’s opinion on a situation whether the criminal or the person who’s being questioned about something whether it’s their fault or not.
To be fair I’m not a criminology student or working with any sort of law in forcemeat it have a pretty much a good idea of what to look out for. Mostly it comes down to common sense and what was the life behind close doors before they have met and after. Sometimes it takes years to get people to crack but sometimes people still want to control things even if they are still behind bars; as I’ve watched something the other day where someone’s father still tried to control the situation, where a daughter and grandson were looking for long lost mother/grandmother who went missing but there was no body or anything that they can explain if she was murdered or she did actually just disappear and not to be found.
That case was closed once again because the father wasn’t going to be budge or tell where the body had gone. It was similar case with child killers on the moors in Devon I think it was and the killer still had control of the person who was with him at the time until she died. He still didn’t give up the information at all for the family who was still looking for the body and answers in where it is. Then only within few years he died because he was trying to die and refuse to give in to give anymore evidence.
The fact that people who still try to ring round people and control them because they don’t want to leave the earth like they have lost everything that’s around them that they have built up. Cases like these back then life was life not these days you get 5-10 years imprisonment that is life because you know they will be out again in no time for good behaviour bounds.
That won’t bring back the person who was killed or the family who want justice. I could go on and on about these sort things. I won’t because at the end of the day what do I know I’m just a low paying worker and write on the side. Sorry this isn’t a story day as you guys much hoped it would be but will find somethings that might get my stories going once again.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Bohemian Rhapsody Of My Life” – Story Based

I wake up somewhere different I begin to wonder whether if this is the real life? Or is this just a fantasy? Or am I just caught in a landslide because there’s no escape from the reality as I open my eyes and look up to the skies as I lay on the warm summers day; I see a poor child cloud that looks like me but I don’t need no sympathy, I’m easy come easy go but have my highs and my lows. Yet when the wind blows it doesn’t really matter to me.

Oh mother I’m sorry I just killed a man put a gun against his pulled my trigger now he’s dead. Oh mother my life sentence has just started; I’ve gone thrown my actually thrown my good life all the way; I didn’t mean to make you cry but if I’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry on like nothing really matters and it’s too late my time has come sends shivers down my spine. My body is aching all the time goodbye everybody I’ve got to go and face the truth of what I have done.

Oh mother I can hear your voice saying “any wind blows I still love you.” I don’t want to do die but at best of times I’d wished that I was never been born at all. I can see a little silhouette of a man in my cell hunched back and depressed. Scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango; thunderbolt and lighting in the cell very very frightening me, I’m just a poor boy nobody loves me and he’s just a poor boy from a poor family. Spare my life from this monstrosity.

Easy come, easy to will you let me go? Bismillah! No we will won’t let you go! Please let me go my head is going crazy like beelzebub had put a devil inside me for me; so you think you can really stop me or spit on my eyes? So if you think that you can love me enough but to leave me to die? How can you do this to me. I just want to get out of here.

Nothing. Nothing really matters anyone can see that nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to me. Just whenever the wind blows.

Saturdays Online Diary Entries: “Pushing your limits everyday” – Story Based

I find that if we always push our limits to the the limit each we will make ourselves so much better in life than staying in the same life and same spot not challenging ourselves. If we push ourselves to the limit we know that we can and also know that we are in it to win it. I soon realise that my heart was in the right place to carry on now I know that it’s time to finish off what I started; I don’t have have to worry what other people will say because it’s who I am and got to live my own dream my way. We just got to ignore people who don’t want to work harder or want to take it further than where they are now.

I know that I’ve got to work harder and take it further because there’s nothing holding me back we got to do it right now. To make it even better by working together it’s now or never; I’ve just got to believe in myself also you got to believe in yourself as we got to shine our way through because we’ve got to push it to the the limit as we are in it to win it and you know that’s true.

So why not turn it up because that’s the only way we can do it now there’s no time to stop as we are the champions in this world and life. We can be winners everyday that’s how we understand our destiny is right there in our hands as we work harder and further like there’s nothing holding us back.

If we work together we can reach for the skies to be even better it’s either now or never let’s show them how we fly when we push our limits…

 

 

Friday Online Diary Entries: “We are the champions” – Story Based

In the memory of the terror attacks year ago yesterday 22.3.17 in London. I’ve decided to a moving tribute to the lives that have been lost and who have suffered from it.

I’ve paid my dues time after time I feel like I’ve done my sentence for the year but committed no crime or made bad mistakes yet I’ve made a few because I blame myself for it all since that day. I’ve had my fair share of sand kicked in my face but I’ve came through the pains and depression. I just need to carry on and on through life.
We are the champions my friends because we will keep on fighting until the end. We are the champions no time for losers because we are the champions of the world. I’ve taken my bows like it was last day on earth as the curtain calls to close; you brought me fame and fortune, and everything that goes with it. I like to thank you all it’s been like there’s no bed for the roses because there’s no pleasure cruises; yet I consider it all a challenge before the whole human race that we stand together, and I know that I am not going to lose. I just need to carry on and on.
We are the champions my friends and we will keep on fighting to the end because we are the champions no time for losers because we are the champions of the world. We really don’t have time for losers because we are the champions of the world.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Heart Attacks makes me have a panic attack” – Story Based

Putting my defences up because every time I fall in love I just have a heart attack or a panic attack when I get hurt or think I’m going to get hurt. I seem to never learn when I put my heart out on the line because I always say “yes” if I really like the guy but actually the trouble is I get taken for a mug that’s my trouble. That’s when I realise am I really ever good enough when it comes to you?
I don’t care when the guys are after me because I know that when I’m actually know what I’m doing it but as soon as something bad happens; I won’t wash my hair for days missing it making like I’m bouncing a basketball, you make me act like how I use to be when you set me off from a heart attack thinking that you love me to a panic attack. You make me feel so ashamed of myself like I just can’t hold on to your hand anymore.
You use to make me glow make me feel like I shouldn’t cover it up but now I’ll just show my scares that you make me have because you make me have panic attacks. Now you why I put my defences up because I don’t want to fall in love if I ever did that I think I would have a heart attack and then a panic attack.
Never break a sweat for any other guy because when you come around I get paralysed even when I try to be myself. It comes out wrong like a cry for help but it’s not fair this pain shouldn’t be more trouble than love is worth as I try gasp for air as I’m having a panic attack it feels good but you know how much they hurt me. The feelings that got lost in my lungs like they are burning up but I’d rather be numb because there’s no one else to blame but myself. So scared that I would take off and I run like I’m flying too close to the sun and burst into flames. I don’t want to feel anymore pain in my life or having anymore panic attacks or heart attacks.