Friday Online Diary Entires: Oh my god! Sun is out!

Third attempt to get this post up and running as I started it Wednesday (18.4.19) but stopped because the heat was quite bad but love it though I couldn’t touch my iPad as it was too hot. Along with a headache that was happening ing I couldn’t really concentrate as much as I would off done; hence why the past two days I’ve hardly posted anything, I’m not going to moan about the weather because guess what we’ve had a long winter so get over yourselves people. Then tried again yesterday (19.4.18) trying to write this blog but in the end gave up but did try to write it up on my phone but it seemed to not have worked; so here I am writing it out again but in the nice, and cool of the night before anything else happens. 

To be honest I’m glad the sun is out because it gives me hope that I’m getting better than feeling down and etc. I love the heat the sun and etc because summer is my favourite time of the year I know it should be spring but I think it skipped it out to be honest with you….

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You’ve got a friend” – Story Based

When you’re alone and needing a friend all you got to do is call out my name; you know where ever I am I’ll come running to be with you to see you again, give you my best safest hugs when you’re feeling down and no where to go. No matter if it’s winter, spring, summer or autumn honey; all you got to do is call me and I’ll be there yes I will because you got a friend right there beside you. 

When you’re down and troubled because you don’t know what to do but you need someone to love and care but there’s nothing. Nothing seems to be going right yet close your eyes and think of me; laying there next to you cuddling you making you feel safe, you know I’ll be there soon by your side to brighten up your day even your darkest nights. 

You just need to call out my name and you know where ever I am I’ll come running to see you again. No matter what season it is baby because I’ll always be the for you all you got to do is call me because you’ve got a friend that understands you and loves you more than anything in the world. All you got to do is to hang on to everything that you’ve got because I’m not going anywhere. 

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: “Girl in the mirror” – Story Based

You can always sense with me there things ain’t quite right but I barely speak I can’t seem to sit still or sit tight because there’s many things that run and pass by through my mind. It’s hard to show when you’re the one with your eyes. Life expects me to be strong but it doesn’t always mean that I’ve to sing that song but do I need to take it; just go easy on yourself because I need to take it, I need to go easy on myself and I know what I’m like. 

I’ve been picking little fights with the girl in the mirror with girl in the mirrors who’s been stressing me out to be a woman. Oh I don’t need this today because I don’t know quite what to say to the girl in the mirror. Take this time to think when things out right because when I’m weak all I seem to do is fight for my life; three many ways that I could say but I’m not fine instead I hold it back with the water filling my eyes. 

Life expects me to be strong but that doesn’t mean that I’ve got to be strong all the time. Doesn’t mean that I’ve got to sing that song I don’t really need to take it but you say take it easy on yourself. So I need to take it easy on myself because I’m tired of picking little fights with the girl in the mirror. The girl in the mirror is stressing me out to be a woman but I really don’t need it today I’m pretty sure what I need to say to the girl in the mirror. 

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Disturbia” – Story Based

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum. Repeating over and over in my head what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? I’m going crazy now like no one can hear me or save me now. There’s no more gas in the rig I don’t know even how to get it started but nothing is heard, nothing said, I can’t even speak about it. It’s my life and out of my head yet I don’t want to think about it feels like I’m going insane. It’s like a thief in the night.

A thief that would come and grabs you to which consumes you like a disease of the mind that can control you rather too close for comfort. It’s like throwing your brake lights on as we’re in the city of wonder to which isn’t going to play nice so you better watch out because you might just go under so think twice. So my advice is to train your thoughts to which will be altered so you must falter to be wise.

Your mind is in disturber off mental health it’s like the darkness is the light that disturb you for life; am I scaring you tonight because you’re not use to what you like, the faded pictures that on the wall and it’s like they are talking to me. Disconnecting all the call and your phone don’t even ring but I got out of here or figure this shit out because it’s too close for comfort.

Did you see that thief in the night to come and grab me it would creep up inside me to consume me with the disease if the mind to which control me making me feel like a monster. My mind is being disturbed like the darkness is the light yet it’s talking to me like it’s scaring me tonight.

All I want you to do is release me from this curse that I am in because I’m trying to maintain but I’m struggling. If you can’t help me then just go because I think I’m going to go…

 

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Saturday Online Diary Entries: “London” – Story Based

Riding through the city on my bike all day because the their took my license but it doesn’t get me down and I feel okay as the sights that I’m seeing are so priceless. Everything seems to look as it should but I wonder what goes on behind doors; you might laugh or might frown walking around the London Town, sun is in the sky oh why oh why?

Would I want to be anywhere else sun is in the sky why oh why would I want to be anywhere else. When you look with your eyes everything seems to be nice if you look twice you can see it’s all lies; there was a little old lady who was waking down the road, she was struggling with bags from Tesco to were people from the city having luck in the park I believe that it’s called “al fresco” then a kid came along to offer a hand.

Yet before she could had time to accept it he robbed her of all her jewellery and wallet didn’t care if she was dead; as he stabbed her no one dared at the time of the robbery because of what he had, accept one male stopped from any more damage to her. That’s when people decide to take on crimes on to them because they don’t want to be known as fearful of something.

You might laugh. You might frown. You walk around London Town something happens we all pull together no matter what the situation is because the sun is in the sky on why oh why would I want to be anywhere else yeah that’s the city life for me.

 

Friday Online Diary Entries: “Confrontation with anxiety” – Story Based

Mental Health: At last we see each other plain Monsieur le Maire you’ll wear a different chain I’m going control your head and all of your body making you feel useless unpowered. I’m not going to let you defeat me again. You will not win this war that we have continually.

Kitty Johnson: Before you say another word mental health before you chain me up like a slave again. Listen to me there is something I must do. This life that I want to change I don’t want to suffer anymore or the love ones around me. There is none me who can intercede in mercy’s nam give me three days that’s all I need; I promise to you I will return I pledge my word, I will return.

Mental Health: You must think of me as mad! I’ve haunted you across people like you will never change; you are weak, no one cares about you. People like you can never change believe me what you will.

Kitty Johnson: There is a duty that I’m sworn to do because you know nothing of my life all I did was to fall in love. I’m a stronger person by far and the price I had to pay I’m warning you mental health dare you talk to me of the crime there is power in me yet my race is not over yet.

Mental Health: No you’re number to me is 24601 because my duty to the law of mental health you have no rights; you hade nothing of the world come with me 24601 I haven’t finished with you yet now that the wheel has turned around but not before I see this justice to be done. Kitty Johnson means nothing now.

Kitty Johnson: You know nothing off me mental health! I was born in a good family I wasn’t born a scum like you. I am from a good family.

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Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Tell me you love me” – Story Based

Oh no! here we go again fighting over what I said and done “I’m sorry” I’m sorry that I’m bad at this love hang on I’m not good at this but I can’t say I’m innocent not even hardly but I’m sorry. All my friends they know it’s true but I don’t know who I a, without you but I’ve got it bad baby.
Please tell me that you love me as I need someone on days like this when I need you so bad; just to protect me, hold me and everything. Days like this I need you more than anything in the world because you’re  not a nobody to me your my somebody; my somebody that I love very much to the point that I don’t see the day that you move on and be happy without me, I don’t know what I’m living for if I’m living without you.
Everything that I need is standing in front of me I know we will be alright through the ups and downs because I’m going to stick around we can promise that we will be alright. I know our love is like a battlefield no matter how much we have to fight because I know that I have you standing in front of me telling me that everything will be alright.

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: “I see the light” – Story Based

All those days watching from the windows like all those years outside looking in; all that time never even knowing just how blind that I’ve been, now that I am here blinking in the starlight now that I’m here suddenly I see standing here it’s all so clear. Knowingly I’m where I’m meant to be like at last I’ve seen the light like it had been lifted; at last I see the light like the sky is new bringing in the warm, the real and the brightness but the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything looks different now that I see you in my world you are my prince of my life.
All those days chasing down a daydream all those years living in a blur but at the time; they were never truly seeing things as they were but now she’s here shining in the starlight she’s here suddenly I know that it’s crystal clear where I meant to go, and at last I see he light like the fog of pain has been lifted knowing that she’s been protecting me.
At last we see the light like the sky is new with the warmth, real and bright like the world has somehow shifted all at once everything is different now that we can see each other. I know that we will be together one day soon.

Tuesday Online Diary Entries: “Friends” – Story Based

You say you love me I say that your crazy because we’re nothing more than friends I don’t see you as my lover more like a brother; I known you since we were like 10, yeah I know right so don’t mess this up by talking that shit about us. It’s only going to push me away; that’s it I’ve had it here we go again you saying you love me the thing is you’re making me crazy, don’t go look at me with that look in your eye. You know that look that you’re not going get away without a fight.

You can’t be reasoned with I’m so done with being polite I’ve told you thousand of times; haven’t I made it obvious? Haven’t I made it clear? Do you want me spell it out too you? F-R-I-E-N-D-S have you got no shame of course not because you look insane turning up at my door at 2am in the morning the rain pouring with attempt of flowers; I begin to think haven’t we been here before?, oh please don’t mess this up by talking about that shit it’s only going to push me away and that will end everything.

Here we go again don’t give me that look where you’re not going to get away with it without me punching you; as I know you can’t reasoned with even I tried for a long time, I just go along with it because I’m so done with being polite and I’ve made it obvious? Haven’t I made it clear? F-R-I-E-N-D-S that’s how you spell the fucking word! Get that shit inside your head we are just friends.
Ahhh we are just FRIENDS!

Saturday Online Diary Entries: “Broken hearted girl” – Story Based

You were my everything that I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could have ever been but yet no matter how much you hurt me you still live inside of me. So tell me how you still get my hopes up but never do?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget to the only one I love to not forgive but it’s too late that you’re the only one that can get me through the hard times even when I hate you. You know I can’t erase you but the times that you hurt me and out tears on my face even now while I still hate you; it’s pains me to say that I know that I’ll be there at the end of the day, I don’t want to be without you and I don’t want a broken heart and I don’t want to take a breath without you.
I know that I love you but l to me just say I don’t want to love you in no other kind of way; I don’t want a broken heart anymore I don’t want to play the broken hearted girl anymore, I know I’m not the broken hearted girl and there’s something that I feel I need to say it but up until now I’ve always been afraid that you would never come around and still I want to put this out.
You say that you’ve got the most respect for me but sometimes I feel you’re not deserving of me yet you’re still in my heart you’re the only one for me. I don’t complain because I’m afraid of that you would walk away but now I don’t hate you. Yes, there are times when I hate you because you make me feel unhappy but right now I just want to be happy to say that I will be there at the end of the day.
I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want a broken heart I really don’t want to take another breath without you; I’m scared alone I don’t know what else to do I’m frightened, I don’t want to play that part because I know that I love you but let me just say I don’t want to love you in no other way. I don’t want a broken heart and I don’t want to play the broken hearted girl.
Now that I’m at a place that I thought I’d never be because I’m living in a world that it’s all about you and me because I’m not going to be afraid as my broken heart is free. I’m ready to spread my wings and fly away. I don’t want to be a broken hearted girl anymore.