Everyday Topics: (6.6.18) Wednesday – Ariana Grande suffers from PTSD

“No tears left to cry” Ariana Grande is awesome person, beautiful person and amazing person who can take on anything no matter what life throws at her. So heavily grounded not letting fame get to her head; taking on trolls, haters and many more things. Down to her mothers support, guidance and love. Now like every other person who witnessed, become a victim and many more. Ariana has another thing to face.

Ariana has now has to face Mental Health Issues of PSTD I can understand that she can’t talk about it because it was her show that it happened to; she lost so many fans that day, she had lots of fans became victims of traumatic injuries and feels like it’s all her fault when it isn’t.

Ariana is allowed to feel the same thing as everyone else; she was also effect too because she had amazing time putting all the things into the concert to give her fans the show that they wanted, and someone decides to ruin their Birthday, Christmas present and many more things. A night out watching their idol waiting for a year or so until that night in Manchester turned to a nightmare.

Ariana is 24 years old young singer rose to fame in 2008 throughout acting and singing owning herself a household name from being a childstar with a young strong minded young girl. Not letting her fame get to her head; she helped people to escape from the concert with her mum, she came back after a few months put on the concert in memory of the injured, victims who where there and victims who had lost their lives on the day of the attack.

No matter how much she had to struggle with but she’s loyal to her fans; sharing her feelings, trying to talk about what happened but can’t because she will end up crying and most importantly she is a fan of her fans as they are a fan of hers. She showing them that “it’s okay we are in this together. We are strong. We are one. One love is all we need” she gives so much positive throughout her songs and being a normal human being. She doesn’t use her fame or her fortune to help her to get onto the platform making her big headed. She gets down on hands and knees work with her fans.

That’s what I love about Ariana she’s so grounded and turns every negative into a positive; speaks her mind if she needs to, defend anyone if she needs to and most importantly being her true self. She has a strong mind and she will have PTSD for the rest of her life become anxious every time she goes on stages to perform but with the support of her fans, security and musicians. Most importantly her family and friends close by to get her through it all; she can show the world that no matter how little or how big something might be that can trigger off her mental health she will find away to deal with it. She won’t let her define her and her show to her fans that it’s okay to take baby steps to face your fears. It’s going to be a long recovery for her and her fans.

Few of her videos in memory

Meeting some of her fans

School Choir in memory

Ariana Grande Live One Love Concert – One Last Time

Ariana Grande – No tears left to cry

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Everyday Online Diary Entries: (6.6.18) Wednesday – Story of My Life – Story Based

Story of my life when I’m kept in the dark about things but I wish you could be with me now; as I can’t sleep without you next to me so I have to go to the river to pray because I need something that can wash out the pain, and the memories that are flashing in my minds eye that I don’t want to see. I keep sleeping with you’re ghost the ghost of you laying next to me to keep these demons away from me. 

My friend have figured you out they saw what’s inside of you because there’s wasn’t anything for you to hide; there was no evil coming through from you all they could see was your kindness, loving, patient and protection coming through. Everytime you were near I could feel these eyes sitting on the wall watching every move that I make; even with the bright light of the sun they are there in the shade but your loving heart makes my spirit have hope that I can do this, knowing that I’m not a lone in this. 

I had to go through hell on my own to be able to prove that I’m not insane because I had met the devils name and now I’m starting to know his name. I then find your burning love coming through holding your hand out whilst everything was burning out by the water. 

Sitting here with you as we stare at these written walls are the stories that I can’t explain what they all mean because I just leave my heart open for days but my thoughts stay there on these walls for days. The morning that I have something to show you and I took you to this room with all of my stories of my past covering all over the walls and ceilings. 

You knew that I love you to the bones and knew I struggled to open up but now you finally got to see and read what was happening in my head. You didn’t realise how much I was dying inside of me; these words that are written on the walls will be on my grave stone because that’s how much I hated about myself, no matter how many times I’ve been to hell you know I’m gone there when I’m in a bad dark place. I just want the ground to open beneath me so wide that I can get away from this life; in away I’m holding on too tight to you from falling into the hole that has nothing in between. 

This is the story of my life battling with mental health; I just want you to take me home even if you drive all night to keep me warm because I’m frozen in time, I wish this wasn’t the story of my life but it is and you give me hope, love, patience until I’m no more broke inside. 

The words that are written on these walls are in colour I can’t change them because I don’t know how to but they are attacking my heart that’s widely open in its cage. I know in the morning as I can see the light creeping up over the hill as I lay on the floor with you and your arms wrapping around me protecting me. Although I am broken without you I think I would of been gone tonight; the fire that was beneath my feet was burning so bright, the way that I was holding you and you were holding onto me so tight like there was nothing can become between us. I’ve been waiting for this time to come around but I didn’t know how to explain myself I felt like I was chasing something. 

The things that I’ve seen, the things that I’ve heard, the things that I’ve experienced with. The is the story of my life battling with mental health. 

Blog Remembrance Aid: London Bridge/Westminster Victims 22.3.17 – Chasing Pavements

Tribute to London Bridge/Westminster Victims that happened on 22.3.17

I’ve made up my mind I don’t need to think it over whether I’m wrong or right; I don’t need to look no further because I know that this ain’t lust, I know this isn’t love this is hate that you’ve been taken away from me on the London Bridge and Westminster. However but if I tell the world how much I miss you and how much I love you but I know it’s never enough. I know it’s not the same anymore I don’t know what exactly to do; I just need you to tell me what to do for the last time because I missing you so much, I’m trying to keep on fighting for my life to keep going and it’s a lot harder than you think.

Should I give up? Or should I just keep on chasing pavements? What happens if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste of time? If I knew my place should I leave it there? And start fresh on a new pavement or continuing chasing this same pavement?

I should build myself up and fly around in circles as I wait for my heart drops once again. However my back begins to tingle as I start to feel you next to me as I’m chasing this pavement. Could this finally be it the pavement that I might be taking.