Nothing is like bitter sweet


Nothing is like bitter sweet

Nothing is like bitter sweet! But when it comes to mental health that’s when everything falls apart. The past 24 hours I’ve hardly had much sleep; the last time I had slept I think it was my first anxiety attack.

I wanted to write this today; to show people how things can be difficult if one lives with one mental health issue, for me living with it comes with a price. Price that I’ve regret as I wasn’t thinking straight; I couldn’t really pull myself out of it this time, I was in it far too deep. Despite what was going on around me; I still couldn’t seem to get out of it no matter what, sometimes I have to apologise for what my actions may off caused people at the time of when I was having it. 

Hang on a second let me just go and do something first; I then return back to continue this post for you guys, it’s not going to be easy but I have to make the first step. It’s the first time that I’ve actually had a major one in a very long time; I knew it was coming because it was the feeling of sick, the anxious feelings at certain times of the day. The hardest bit I think is not having someone wrapping their arms around me; holding me tight making sure that I was going to be alright, safe and most importantly knowing that I can trust them to pull myself out of it. 

The worst bit is when one is in that frame of mind; you start to look for things that you can blame yourself for or others, so it can trigger anxiety off even more. You can’t help it; the nature of its course has to be careful, no matter how things wind you up or how selfish other people are you think you just want them to get over themselves and grow up. 

Each morning no matter how hard it is for me to get up on some mornings; I still manage to put on make up, do my hair and look ready for the day. No matter how much I don’t want to and stay in bed all day and recover from the whole attack. I still have to press on and carry on the day like nothing has happened. Well after a few hours of actually completing my hair and make up on which it shouldn’t of taken as long as it should of done but always; now back to work with writing this blog, even though I’m so tired but heyho as least it’s nice and sunny today. 

Today agenda is not really much but most probably sleep and working on blogs. In which trying to catch up on myself a bit as I didn’t do much for the last couple of days as it has been quite difficult think of what to write. The joys of the after effects of having anxiety attacks is that it really tiring and you can’t do much the next day; sometimes I’m alright and get on with it, like no body knows because I get through it all. 

78 words left to go and I’m starting to ramble; ramble isn’t it good in my opinion unless your making sense of what your talking about, or knowing where your going with it all. 20 words left to go; does anyone else do this when they can’t think of anything to write, I do it all the time when I was a kid doing exams when you have to do x amount of words in a eassy. I’m not much of an eassy fan it freaks me out. But yet I’m doing blogs of 600 words and now gone over haha. The joys of anxiety and what not make you do things your really don’t think your good enough. 

Love of my country 


Love of my country of things that makes me feel proud of being British not the stupid British we are known for monjority of the time. 

My country! My country is strong! My country come together and we stand together! We are a small country but at least we know how to fight back. I only ask the world this. If your going to bad mouth us; think it’s right to think we need help with attacking the people who did this, think wisely who would come and help you if your country was next. Faking news, blowing up the bad people in our hounor and insulting our people especially who is the mayor. Don’t expect our sympathy if your the ones under attack. At least we can capture more attacks just under 24 hours. Before you realise what had happened. #westandtogether #onelovemanchaster #onelovelondon

What makes us great at being British is that we all pull together; together as one, one whole unit two people I believe who are the most heroes and don’t get the best recognition since the attacks are the policeman who was the first on the scene and put his life on the line. He was only been on the beat for year and half or so; he feels it’s his fault that he couldn’t do more to help, as he only had his baton to hand. Whilst his colleagues battled to save his life; he was still want to hit back to the terror attacks, to protect his colleagues and the people that he served. The police officer is a hero no matter what; he did what he did for his love of the country, the citizens, colleagues and most of all the Queen of the country. Along with other officers that were also attacked; they are the heroes of this county, not the political parties they don’t do things to protect us. 

The news reporter for a newspaper company; even if the news papers get under the attack at things, but one guy who put his life on the line for someone else. He has this horrible doubts in his head now; weather what he did was the right thing to do, we all have those feelings but I do have to say this. He is a hero because what he did was unbelievable; you don’t get people to do that over the past few years, however in recent weeks we’ve become to the customs of these types off violent attacks, we help people in no matter what that’s how we are great. 

We respect our rules, laws and many more but people who don’t think our law isn’t relevant to them don’t respect them as we respect theirs if we went to their country. I’m not being racist or anything; we let people into our country for freedom and for safety, we should have the favour of having respect for our country for helping them out. However they don’t; all I can say is this if you don’t like our country or our rules and laws, you know where the door is that you came through. 

This is my country and I love my country more than politics. We are stronger than the whole politics in the commons; we are the nation who care when we are in trouble with things such as terror attacks, the more threats we get the more aware we are of them. All I can say is this UK “we stand together as one whole nation”. Keep your wits about you and see any danger or something happens; help people out if they have been targeted, help the services as much as you can even when your watching your own safety. 

Calm before the storm 


Rebuilding our lives 

There’s not kids out on the street today; living in fear of what may happen to them if they step outside, we could be living on the moon protecting them as much as we can. Has everyone packed their bags and moved away? It’s going to be a very long, long, long Sunday afternoon; as I’m just killing time, kicking cans around all day long. 

You see police and armed forces walking around making sure we are all safe; in areas of the country the trend set out by youth workers and police, playing football against each other. Encouraging everyone to come out and join them. To be able to help rebuild lives of people who are too afraid to come out; you wonder if it will ever be calm once again before another storm happens. As long as you know that someone is going to stay with you; no matter what happens, there are the stars that have come out above you just for you and for you only. 

We have this feeling that we have met like this before; the beauty of it all, is that we share the love, encouragement and bravery to help others. The moment like this is that we are not just standing up to the terror attacks; we are standing up to the politicians, especially one person alone. The person who who caused this; there is no one else to blame, but themselves. 

“Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” Cried the nation of Great Britain. Our faith of each other is too strong to break; but yet you still need the proof to break us, you say that we took the name in vain. We don’t even know the name; your the one that took it in vain, by doing the wrong doing. There is a blaze of every light in every word that we cry out; it doesn’t matter which one you heard, the only words that we say are holy words of the nations grief or the broken hearts of hallelujah. 

We did our very best; it wasn’t much but we’ve tried, we couldn’t feel or smell of fear. We couldn’t even feel the touch of hatred. We tell the truth of what Great Britain is all about; we didn’t come and fool, all went wrong for you. We stand before you with God of Britain, the Queen, the nation of own country and our victims. With nothing on our tongues but the words of Hallelujah and we stand together. 

The price that the terror attacks and the prime minster have to pay; in away that I can only describe is one thing and one thing alone, but I can’t not forgive the prime minster for what she has done to this country. She’s not paying for her wrong doings we are. Yet we will have calm before the storm; we search for the faces that we know that have gone missing, we take the victims by the hands to somewhere safe and new. We are something that we are not; you tell us we are going to be attacked again, guess what we are not afraid. We are ready. More ready than we have been before. You will not define us; we will survive and we will fight back.

People across the world we are going to salute representing our country; we are representing our queen, so pay attention on how we do things. We take no crap from nobody

The Body Shop Haul


The Body Shop Haul 

The most favourite shop so far this year has to be the Body Shop. Hardly shop in there until this year on my birthday and recently ran out of my favourite Shower gel.

The Body Shop located in my hometown as it’s been placed up the most historic monument full of cobbles; old buildings, statues and historic buildings on the high street. It’s quite a small shop not that small that you can only fit 5 to 10 people like Lush in the Friary Street; when I first went in there and came out with something for myself, it had to be on my birthday which was back in January. Lucky me really. I cam out with Strawberry shower gel that was like 75ml I think it was on which lasted me 5 months when it ran out on me; I really like that scent of strawberries lingering on my skin, I also brought the villina and chili body butter. It’s one of those things that I haven’t really worked it out if I like it or not; it was try and error if you ask me, as I wasn’t really into hand cream and what not at the time but now I have been using quite a lot on my skin as it’s been so dry and sweaty my skin had been horrible. That was because of the heat we’ve been having recently; now we’ve got the rain, so it’s been a bit cooler than it has been.

Now that I’ve got your attention of what I first brought in The Body Shop; I’m going to introduce you to the small cute box that had my goodies in, my they were even more cute in the box. I really didn’t want to upset the rangement; that was careful arranged by someone who had done it, that’s why I took pictures of it so that I could do my haul. 

I’m going to start with let me see; let’s go with my strawberry goodies as there’s more off them than anything else in the box, as I said previously my big bottle of strawberry shower gel had ran out and I had to go back to the normal boring dove soap for awhile until my parcel arrived with my order. I use to like dove but I’m not anymore as I’ve got so use to having strawberry shower gel; I’ve became accustomed to using everyday weather it’s in the bath or a shower, I think I might off gone over board with the strawberry collection from The Body Shop all well. What makes me happy makes me happy. So I have a medium size bottle of strawberry shower gel if you can call it that; well I just did so I’m going to stick with it, I then couldn’t help get the mini bottle of the shower gel. Not even shower why I put it in my handbag; along with some other things, you never know when you going to need them do you if your out and about. Then I’ve got the most dinky little hand bag size strawberry body butter; I was like in heaven when that came, was like I’m so putting it in my handbag with my peach flavour that I had been given from a work colleague at the end of term of last year’s academic year. Love that flavour as well. Mmm. 

The next one I think I’ll go to is milk almond and honey; now this is something that I haven’t used before so I wanted to see and try it out on my hands, also I’ve put it in my handbag with the other two. The smell of the hand cream was so nice; that I know that I can get some more of that when I run out of it near the time, it’s handy to have three small different kind of body butter hand cream in my handbag because when you really need to moisturise your hands you get that sense of feeling off my hands can breathe. 

Last but not least Shea. Shea has to be the most gorgeous smell that I have ever smelt and tried on; Shea is a spray bottle, the bottle is glass so be careful if you get this product. Shea reminds me of the sea side; with the sea salt air, the smell of the warm damp summers day that was coming towards us or it has been and gone.  

To rehabilitate and help others 


To rehabilitate and help others

This week I do have to say I struggled in the way of what to write for you guys in your hour of need; as my thoughts are still with the victims and who had passed away, but I believe there is good to come out of this and also it is very useful for every single of you as you read this today. 

I’m going to research or have researched quotes that you guys may like in the way of you can relate too; most importantly you guys have way cooler films at your age than when I was your age, believe me they were still in the making and starting out in my day. 

“Fairy Godmother: Now off you go… for you *shall* go to the ball.” – From Cinderella film. 

No matter how you feel about yourself; how scared you are? Or how anxious you are of going out to place? Due to the fact that bad things have happened to you; always have this quote with you, to give yourself the courage that you need to do when you get out of the house. That’s the best step forward is going to be able to go through that door and keep living. 

“Belle: [singing] I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell… And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned!” – From Beauty and The Beast. 

Don’t let your adventures stop because they have taken away your dreams and what they have planned for the rest of the world. Show them who’s boss. Show them that you are the one in charge. Let them. Know that you are standing up to them; with everyone who was a victim of the terror attacks understand, what it must feel like of the unknowing and what to do with themselves. 

“Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh? 

Princess Jasmine: [glumly] Oh… It’s wonderful. 

Aladdin: I wonder what it’d be like to live there, and have servants, and valets. 

Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress. 

Aladdin: That’s better than here. You’re always scraping for food and ducking the guards. 

Princess Jasmine: You’re not free to make your own choices. 

Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so… 

Princess Jasmine: You’re just… 

Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: …trapped” – Aladdin

To be able to hold someone’s hand once again; like saying “do you trust me” and you hesitate of the uncertainty of what is going to happen if you set foot outside again, when they ask you again and you put your hand in theirs. Reply with a “yes” as they open the door still holding your hand not letting go; you feel anxious of not letting go, you know the massive big success in yourself. To acknowledge that you just got yourself out of the house; so you wouldn’t feel so trapped inside watching the world go by, but making the decisions off that are right for you. 

Just finding quotes that matter to you and how you feel. Even best way to do it is to analysis the quote of what it means to you; you alone and no one else, expect you as your the only one that can make it happen. People have different types off ways that the quotes mean to them; it’s not right or wrong people, are different to everyone else. Give it ago what do you think quotes mean to you.

What gave you the idea of Voice Within category?


What gave you the idea of Voice Within category?

I believe everyone has a voice weather that they have the right to use it or not; but however people who want to their voices to be heard, are normally the ones who are shy and not be heard. I have the right to be heard and say what I think I want to say; but I’ve never really had that confidence or will power to do so, unless if I loose my temper that’s when my voice will be heard. 

Voice Within category came about when I my blog post regularly gets posted up on twitter; to which it gets promoted to everyone around the world, but also to get my voice be heard on my views in life. I actually didn’t know I was being closely monitored by an American company called Vocal.Media; they had approached me through private message, asking me weather to create blogs or publish the ones that I have already done to earn some cash. I was umm and ahhing about it; did some research, asked questions, talked to my dad and sister about it and asked more questions about it. 

I had nearly given up on the idea with the whole thing because I didn’t understand the thing; so I emailed the site enquire team to ask what I was doing wrong, why am I not getting them published etc. I thought I might delete my account because I couldn’t do it anymore as I was running around in circles, until a lovely lady emailed me back to make it more clearly for me to understand. To which she is the loveliest person I could ask for to help me; if I went wrong or if there’s something missing, she would reply back and let me know what was missing before hand and I would go and edit, reword things and etc. With that support network I was able to focus on the whole improvement of the blog; the improvement of my writing skills, most importantly my voice through my powerful writing was being heard once again. You are who you are, you do have voice and you have the right to be hearted.

No peace! Where’s our government?


No peace! Where’s our government?

From Thatcher (conservative) to Blair (Labour) to brown (labour) to Cameron (conservative) joint with clegg (liberal Democratics) to now may (conservative). What have all five people got on their hands? (Not sure about clegg)

However all five Prime Ministers have blood on their hands; weather it’s our own citizens, children or our solders on their hands but they haven’t listened to what we want. We are the ones who are risking our lives everyday; three attacks in a space of three months, along side less than two weeks of each other. Yet Ireland and Northern Ireland and other parts of the country are still in the critical terror attack; yet we’re in the serve ones getting attacked, we are the ones helping the trained services, we are the ones looking out for each other. We are the ones who make Britain great not the government. Government all ways put their heads in the sand because they are scared and expect us to look after their arses. 

Yet in today’s speech by the prime minster saying “enough is enough” “things need to change” really we’ve been saying that over the years and most recently last year; so how does that work when it’s taken you this long to realise that we have had enough of it, but your not going to do anything about it are you. Prime Minster! I thought this time last year; I even blogged about it, the government is going to get us all killed and most importantly they are putting our kids in danger.

Are you going to put more intelligence and services out on the streets or just let’s us continue defend for ourselves and help the services. This has gone to far now and we aren’t going to get any peace until our government sorts them out; also why do we have the polls, campaigning and everything still? What’s that got to give us hope or more fear of who’s going to be the next Prime Minster who would get blood on their hands. 

We now take it in our stride and our norm where we take them on saving other people; rushing not the other way from the terror but towards it, risking their own lives to help. We maybe a small country. We unite as one and show we are strong. 

We are strong, we show no fear, hatred won’t define us, life that we choose is to survive, we take on the world and we show up our government up by dealing it with on our own. They are only just woken up to the whole world with our country with threats; us citizens of the uk we are always one step further than the government, like Ariana Grande putting a concert and to standing up to every hate that’s been thrown at us. Ariana is the most inspirational young women to put a concert on; but also seeing the victims in hospitals, they also get see the concert in the hospitals that they are in. 

The line up have been great but also getting a few well known Manchester Artists such as Take That and Robbie Williams who are from Manchester; they kicked it off with amazing songs, but also the other acts have chosen amazing songs and very fitting to the One Love Manchester. The awful event with kids and parents had shock the nation and the whole world; seeing the celebrities coming together, showing that they appreciate, the love and how we all come together.

The worst feeling when you still feel sick

The worst feeling when you still feel sick

No matter what you do or how you do it; you somehow still feel sick, does anyone get that feeling. I do once in a while but I was feeling like it as soon as I was nearly home from seeing my brother who lives in Northampton; I don’t even know what it was to be honest, then I still felt sick the next day but it was like a wave of nausea until I ate something and now it’s gone. 

I had a few hours sleep; to which I find out that I had loads of messages, one was a cancellation of a date/meeting up. Not going to start blaming myself for it to be honest with you; doing that quite well on my own on that one, however the feeling sick and nausea is still playing up. I think it’s my medication playing up again not too sure but heyho; at least I’ve worked out how to plan my goals for my blogs, as it has taken me two months to work it out how to do it. 

Just had a pretty much a chilled out day; people cancelling on me or making up excuses or something because I’m not worth the hassle, but hey I was out in the sun getting sun burnt. Let the sun be more sunny and enjoyable than the rain. 

Government Politics in the UK


Government Politics in the UK 

Good day! Welcome to my everyday June 2017 blog posts; I thought I might as well do the whole thing with politics today as my government at the moment are pretty stupid, let alone shocking believe they are. 

Theresa May rumours has it that she went to job centre and she didn’t turn up for the interview for the prime minster role but got someone else to do it. I don’t know if that’s true but it makes sense that she sent someone to do the Tv campaign coverage; all because she’s busy or something, then she turns up on Tv news somewhere else making herself more of a bigger fool as she is already. 

My way of thinking when they do campaigning because I get sick and tired of it all because I just don’t care anymore about politics as they don’t wake up; also Conservatives on the other hand they don’t care about children especially when we had the terror attack, I had also read about another Conservative about sexism, don’t care about women and what not. If he was my son I would disown him from there and then; I wouldn’t even let him back into my life what so ever, even if I was dying I wouldn’t want him there nor at my funeral. 

When the politics take days, weeks and months our time campaigning a load of rubbish of what they are going to do. They don’t actually mean it because they just want us to vote for them to do something completely different. This is what I’m like leading up to the event and after the event.


Starting from number 1 picture: First week of listening to each member of the leader, talking about how they are going to change the country if the win the election. Me other hand. I don’t care as you never changed. Nor care what we won’t because we don’t have a voice until we actually pull together and you claim that’s how you made Britain great. Didn’t see any of you at the last terror attack or when Westminster was attack except one that was because he had a military background and sprung into action.

Picture number 2: Yep still sleeping election is still happening I better stay asleep too many idiots talking. When is it happening? Also seems to me that making it worse for themselves; along with Trump who is funding it hard to get people to work with him, as they know what they are doing and he doesn’t but that’s because he’s stupid.

Picture 3: Slowly waking up to the sound of still constant talking; I hate talking, yap yap yap, like a yapping doodle dog whatever that is. Tired now I thought it was over and done with by now. Why are we still talking about it? 

Picture 4: Just woken up properly from my political hibernation and the first 3 questions are. Is it over yet? Can I come out and play now? Is it safe to? Meaning that I don’t have to go and punch someone. Pretty sure I would most likely punch a politician or stick them in front of my grandparents and get the insults and what not.

As I also heard rumours that Theresa May had to cancel of going to BBC Radio 1 Women’s hour; due to medical advice/personal reasons, in which she had to stay at home and put her feet up. Correct me if I’m wrong isn’t she the one trying to cut the NHS and other services? Yet she needs them as well; she can’t have it both ways, if you ask me but I do understand that she’s not well but come on man this is 21st century. 

The other news that has shown up in the politics world is that Ariana Grande and the Royals have paid their respects to the victims and the services who responded to the attack by visiting them and talking to them showing their gratitude for what they have done and how brave they were. 

No other politics have even made one step of thanking the services or seeing the victims; they just picked up where they left off, campaigning for their parties. That’s how low the government are in my country.

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Got to see my godmother!


Got to see my godmother!

I have to say today let’s scrap the introduction for this week as I just want to do it all in one this week; as I have a massive announcement but the title gives it away, quite a lot though. However also it might even given you the surprise of that I was actually baptised; yes I don’t believe in it all but my godparents are there for their uses at times, especially one that you don’t see as much. 

The last time I saw my godmother was about 2008; at that time it was still awarkard but it was nice to be able to spend of time with her with the family, 9 years later my godmother and her husband now adoptive godfather came back over from all the way from Australia as they’ve moved over there 18 years ago. When they came over my godfather was nagging me everyday since they arrived back been nagging me to come to their get together of old familiar faces that knew them on 26th May 2017, on which I did actually go to it was actually quite special even more special that being with but also I was lot closer to my great gran as it was her house to begin all those years ago. 

I had fun memories of going round there every day; sitting, playing and being with her up until she passed away, I think she might of passed away when I was about 3/4 years old before my sister was born. My sister and cousin never really got to meet her as they were born later in the 90’s; however the house went to two good people over the years, where they looked after it well and most of all I could go round there anytime I wanted because I know the people who are currently in the house. It went from my great nan’s house to my godparents to lovely people who I grew up to know through the church that I went to personally but I don’t believe in it. However I believe having both sets of godparents; it’s nice to have the balance of views, more to go to sort of people. My other set of godparents are my uncle and aunt; I have gone to them over the years but due to the certain stances, it’s been tricky for them well my aunt. 

However I am going to miss my godparents; as they have now gone back to Australia, my godfather’s next trick is to get me to come to Australia and visit them. Not too sure how that’s going to happen; as I’ve never been on airplane nore I like heights, so it’s going be difficult for him to convince me to go and visit them. Haha.