Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You’ve got a friend” – Story Based

When you’re alone and needing a friend all you got to do is call out my name; you know where ever I am I’ll come running to be with you to see you again, give you my best safest hugs when you’re feeling down and no where to go. No matter if it’s winter, spring, summer or autumn honey; all you got to do is call me and I’ll be there yes I will because you got a friend right there beside you. 

When you’re down and troubled because you don’t know what to do but you need someone to love and care but there’s nothing. Nothing seems to be going right yet close your eyes and think of me; laying there next to you cuddling you making you feel safe, you know I’ll be there soon by your side to brighten up your day even your darkest nights. 

You just need to call out my name and you know where ever I am I’ll come running to see you again. No matter what season it is baby because I’ll always be the for you all you got to do is call me because you’ve got a friend that understands you and loves you more than anything in the world. All you got to do is to hang on to everything that you’ve got because I’m not going anywhere. 

Sponsored Stories: “Anyone of us”- Story Based – Help for Heroes and Challengers

I’ve been letting you down I know I’ve been such a fool into giving temptation of giving up the difficulties that I have to face thinking I’m alone with this injury but I know the situation got out of hand. I hope you understand and forgive me. The realisation of how difficult it is for children who are disabled not to do anything that they want to do; it’s not their fault they are like it, it’s not my fault I’m like it as I’ve doing it for my Queen and my country and I know it’s the rebels and terrorist caused it. 

Now I understand it can happen to anyone of us, anyone you think of can fall and anyone can hurt someone that they love when they feel low. Hearts will break because pushing people way I’d stupid. It can happen to anyone of us say you will forgive me anyone can fail say you will believe me; I don’t want to lose you for my stupidity of moments without you I am nothing, you gave me something to believe in and it if wasn’t for you that I’m fighting for I would of stopped. 

On the long and winding road leads me to your door which never disappears; I’ve see. This road before it always leads me here to your door even the wild and windy nights that rain washed away all the painful memories had left a pool of tears for the day we both cry; why leave me standing here let me know the way many times I’ve been alone I’ve cried, and you’ll never know many ways that I’ve tried to save people lives even children’s lives but they still lead me back to the long winding road. 

Knowing that they are there to help me get back onto my feet with you by my side. I now under how hard it is to lose everything and deal with my disability. Understanding of how hard it is for families with a child with a disability and losing everything that I use to have but people don’t understand how hard it is until it happens to them. I would like to remind you as from a solider it can happen to anyone of us. 


Wednesday Online Diary Entries: “Girl in the mirror” – Story Based

You can always sense with me there things ain’t quite right but I barely speak I can’t seem to sit still or sit tight because there’s many things that run and pass by through my mind. It’s hard to show when you’re the one with your eyes. Life expects me to be strong but it doesn’t always mean that I’ve to sing that song but do I need to take it; just go easy on yourself because I need to take it, I need to go easy on myself and I know what I’m like. 

I’ve been picking little fights with the girl in the mirror with girl in the mirrors who’s been stressing me out to be a woman. Oh I don’t need this today because I don’t know quite what to say to the girl in the mirror. Take this time to think when things out right because when I’m weak all I seem to do is fight for my life; three many ways that I could say but I’m not fine instead I hold it back with the water filling my eyes. 

Life expects me to be strong but that doesn’t mean that I’ve got to be strong all the time. Doesn’t mean that I’ve got to sing that song I don’t really need to take it but you say take it easy on yourself. So I need to take it easy on myself because I’m tired of picking little fights with the girl in the mirror. The girl in the mirror is stressing me out to be a woman but I really don’t need it today I’m pretty sure what I need to say to the girl in the mirror. 

Mental Health Issues: Dreaded Mental Health!

It kickstarts again. No matter how much you try to talk to talk about mental health it’s like saying “you can’t do this. You can’t do that” which reminds me the times that people say to you as a child you can’t play with that your not old enough. You can drink that your not old enough. The list goes on and on to be honest with you. It’s bad enough that you have this horrible feeling that your not allowed to even talk about mental health at all anymore; well that’s what I feel like because as I do suffer from it yes time to time I talk about it, it’s the initial thought of being judged by other people because they will judge you for some reason or another or you come across someone saying “I’ve had a bad experience in my life when growing up but does that make me depressed. I think I never really thought about being depressed. I don’t know why you should be depressed about things. Then again I don’t know what happened in your past so I’m not going to judge” 

I’m there thinking you just got all arms up and being judgemental about someone who has mental health then conderdicted themselves for not being judgemental. That I really don’t understand to be honest because you say one thing then say another and your like you spineless arse. I wake up everyday to fight it even if I’m having a good day I’m still battling it but not as bad as some days that I have done. I have talked to professionals about it all yet it’s draining afterwards and I don’t want to do anything afterwards.

I find talking about myself and things that have gone on in my life a lot harder than just writing about it. I sometimes just write a blog but just to vent and don’t post it because at the end of the day do I really want my whole life story on the social media and the internet not really. I’ve learnt my lesson from the last time and ever since then I’m either constantly being reminded or people still go and run to people that I know will cause more problems. Yeah they are trying to help but at the end of the day I like the people who come to me first than run to other people it shows a bit of respect at the end of the day. That goes with if someone got a problem with me why go to someone else then to me first and try to sort it out. 

Today (10.4.18) is a recovery day for me because I went out yesterday (9.4.18) with my parents it took a lot of hard work for me to get myself out and etc. When I didn’t want to go out but the time we were half way round to near the end I started to not want to be out anymore because I need my space and my time to myself. By the time we got back I just wanted to be left alone to which was okay I then slept for hours to be honest with you. Hoping something would arrive but I’ve got this feeling that it’s not going to come but I’m just anxious about it; nothing worth getting hopes up guys someone wanted me to work on something for them that’s all, yet it hasn’t arrived yet making me anxious because I don’t want it to get lost. 

As you may can tell I’m not one of those people it’s all about me I like to be normal and keep to myself unless I’ll tell how it is then they know and realise don’t get off on the wrong side of me. Fair few have done and backed off. Yet majority of the people like my character and find it funny because I remind them of someone that they know and etc. I do it all the time to my friend Megs because she needs toughing up and I’m always nice to her. The fact that she’s learning a lot in space of a year about herself more so than she realises as she knows what I would say. She knows I don’t mean half what I say but because she realises how much I’m right and she focuses how to change it. That’s all for now folks.

Teen Lifestyles: “Morden way as a teen” – Story Based

The things that I know because I’ve seen it either it looks great and I want it; looks great and more dangerous to do because I think it looks cool, to be able to get noticed but yet there is consequences. Yet there’s no point in sitting on my own going crazy. Do you what? I was put here for a reason in the world could you tell me in three words or more to know how to stay safe when I’m out and about. 

It’s the only way of getting out of here to take a lesson from the ones who have been there before because my brain is not as damaged but in need of some repair of what happened over the years. Hold on to the basics because we can’t change all of our tactics as there’s no point sitting here going crazy. It’s the only way of getting here is that this is the modern way by faking it everyday taking it as comes because we are not the only ones that live in fear and struggle is that what we use to say in this modern way? 

I know where I’m going and that we are ever knowing that I will stop at nothing just to get what I want. It’s the only way of getting out of here is to survive by carrying on what we do everyday enjoy the everyday living and be free from things. This is the modern way. 

Adventures: Last time I went on adventure was…?

The fact that I’m sitting here writing blogs that are nearly the same old same old. Unless I’m thinking about myself thinking I’m doing the same old same old. Who knows? I was just watching a few YouTube videos as you do because there wasn’t anything else to do to be honest and not a lot on tv to be honest just the same old boring things day in day out.

It got me thinking about how much I missed going down to Southampton, Poole and Bournemouth picking up my best friend Rebekah who was on a placement year that year be coming up to 2 years nearly that I haven’t seen her to be honest. Do miss her now and then because she lives up in Manchester now shame best four to five years off my life being in each other’s pockets. Not saying Meg isn’t my best friend as well but Rebekah and me we use to go on adventures a lot. 

Yeah I went on a mini holiday down to Bournemouth with a friend at Easter but it was only for a night just to get away. I’m currently in the mood to go to London not 100% why but really fancy going and explore to be honest. But going on adventures would be so cool and well and truly needed. To be honest 2 years worth is well and truly need to go and explore. 

Yet it always cost money and all that jazz to be honest. Money that I don’t seem to have to be honest because of everything being so expensive and what not. Haha. Life really sucks to be honest see everyone jetting off here there and everywhere because they CAN! 

I’ll get there in the end I live and hope to be honest with you. I live in hope. If you guys know best places to go that are current safe place to go let me know. Love to explore more of England would love to go up and see my old time best friend Rebekah in Manchester it would be awesome. So far London and Manchester I want to go at the moment other ideas are welcome. 



Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging: When my head decides to stop screaming!

As you may of noticed that I haven’t posted much recently but I’ve been trying when my head decides to stop screaming at me causing me to have a headache. No matter how much I try to push through it all it’s a lot harder to think what to write and what to write about. However I’ve recently paid a monthly thing on iTunes where I can find songs that I like to listen to and etc. My closest friend introduced to to me I was like well this is dangerous for me in the first place since paying for the month I’ve downloaded way too many songs even songs that I use to listen that I haven’t heard in years.

Hoping some of the songs will give me some sort of an idea for things to help me get back into the writing side of things. I’ve finally decided to write up my blog post titles that I have written over the past three months in a neat tidy book; bits of loose scrap pieces of paper have become rather annoying to say the least, but it good sense at least I’m looking at the titles that I have done so far I can think about what I can do next.

It’s like going back in time to where I was struggling at the beginning of the year then became quite good at making the whole thing of loads of post about different things. Also it’s good to actually say to my head “stop screaming your fine!” I was literally plugged myself in listening to Hell on Earth the urban adventures show I think that’s what they are called haha. They are quite funny when they want to be sometimes want to punch them depending who’s being the most annoying at the time.

Yet it’s drowns out my head at the best of times. I did start this twice now once on a piece of paper and once on here. I’ve decided to combined both because all goes into one as I realised that they are both similar. I like to go over things that I’ve done in the past because at the end of the day you never know what you have done or can’t remember what you did at the time. You look back and you’re like oh yeah I did that; that was awesome because that worked really well that day or that week and so on, like you get the jist of it all.


Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Disturbia” – Story Based

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum. Repeating over and over in my head what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? I’m going crazy now like no one can hear me or save me now. There’s no more gas in the rig I don’t know even how to get it started but nothing is heard, nothing said, I can’t even speak about it. It’s my life and out of my head yet I don’t want to think about it feels like I’m going insane. It’s like a thief in the night.

A thief that would come and grabs you to which consumes you like a disease of the mind that can control you rather too close for comfort. It’s like throwing your brake lights on as we’re in the city of wonder to which isn’t going to play nice so you better watch out because you might just go under so think twice. So my advice is to train your thoughts to which will be altered so you must falter to be wise.

Your mind is in disturber off mental health it’s like the darkness is the light that disturb you for life; am I scaring you tonight because you’re not use to what you like, the faded pictures that on the wall and it’s like they are talking to me. Disconnecting all the call and your phone don’t even ring but I got out of here or figure this shit out because it’s too close for comfort.

Did you see that thief in the night to come and grab me it would creep up inside me to consume me with the disease if the mind to which control me making me feel like a monster. My mind is being disturbed like the darkness is the light yet it’s talking to me like it’s scaring me tonight.

All I want you to do is release me from this curse that I am in because I’m trying to maintain but I’m struggling. If you can’t help me then just go because I think I’m going to go…


Everyday Post: Don’t believe what people say on social media

‘“Fine day Sunday…best day of the week. Why is that Dudley?” asked Uncle Vernon Dudley shrugged as he took a biscuit from Harry. “Right you are Harry. There’s no post on Sunday ha. Not one single bloody letter. Not one…..” Uncle Vernon to boast about being no post on Sundays.’

I’m afraid there is post on a Sunday but not through your letter box I do have to say; unless you read my blog posts online if you are following or subscribed or just merely scrolling through to what to read. For me I like to just write to be able to take my mind of things unless something catches my eye.

What bothers me is where that there’s genuine people who blog out there as a hobby for fun, help people through experiences by sharing their own and many more positive reasons. Then you have others who you think are they really doing for attention and possibly claiming to be someone else to make it out that it’s them. First off I hate when people make it all about them when you don’t actually know the full story or hear the other sides story.

Everyone has a story to tell but you really don’t need to share it to the whole world unless your one of those self centred people who are wanting the attention. I was watching a video that was bothering me that she was explaining the whole experience with her father but if it was so traumatic and true you would be sharing emotions as well.

I wouldn’t be able to share something like that if it happened to me I would off made sure that I had someone who I can trust to hold my hand. I would breakdown crying whilst telling the story and have mental health from it. It bothers me that people can make up stories just to ruin someone else’s life when you don’t actually know it’s true or not also people can use the internet to look up what’s actually true and what’s not true.

To be honest the whole world is self cantered to be honest I don’t understand why people think it’s okay to do what they do by hurting other people. I even made sure that my best friend a safe word or safe words when she goes out to watch one of her favourite singers for her birthday because I don’t know what would happen or something might happen to her that I don’t want to wake up to the news of something awful that might off happened.

Sunday Special Topics: “By The Time” – Story Based

Don’t wake up. Won’t wake up can’t wake up. No don’t wake me up. It’s the early morning as the lights flick on sleepy eyes peek through the blinds at something wrong; motionless remains the mess of someone who has been crying it’s such a shame, such a beautiful beautiful young life disappearing right before your eyes. By the time I’m dreaming you’ve crept out on me sleeping I was blissfully unaware what was happening. Tell me how am I suppose to care if you don’t wake me to check it out.

Don’t wake up. Won’t wake up. I can’t wake up no don’t wake me up. I blame myself for your death and our child. A trail of bloody clothes of the 2 year old why did you both have to go and me behind; if it wasn’t for you’re screams waking me up I wouldn’t off known what was happening before it was happening, the dream that I had wasn’t so blissful at all.

Tell me how am I supposed to care if I hadn’t let you go in my arms it could of been different now I’ll never know. I didn’t get the chance damn the person who killed you but I will find them make sure what they have done to you is real. If you could forgive me Lord and look after the love of my life and my child to keep them safe better than I could.