Everyday Online Diary Entries: (4.6.18) Monday – How do you cope when people letting you down?

It’s that time again Monday everyone is going back to school, work and etc; shops can finally relax once more for the next month and half until the 6 weeks holidays, I know my sister will be astatic about it for awhile.

Now the question is that you guys want to know is how do you cope when people letting you down? Over the years I’ve been let down so many times I tend to get use to it; I try not to get my hopes up as much as I should in fear of what might happen until it happens, I toughing myself up quite easily because I know I don’t want to get hurt as much.

Yes it hurts. Yes I want to lash out on people especially people who let me down badly. I have done in the past because I didn’t know how to cope with it at the time. Now and then I do lash out on people who don’t turn up; I’ve done it a few times this week but I tend control it afterwards because I know I start turning it onto myself with me, I know I start to go into the horrible cycle and start blaming myself for it all thinking it’s my fault also that something is wrong with me.

I know that it isn’t my fault or anything but who can I blame or blow of my steam at? It’s like when I was meant to go away and it never happened I did lose it a bit but what could I do as I wasn’t getting any response at the time. I knew I was going to wind myself up even more.

I have a respect for my parents even though they hate seeing their children get hurt; I tend not to tell them until the last minute or close near the time, so I know that it’s actually happened because I know how upset my parents can get. I knew this weekend would happen because I could feel that something was wrong; I did lose it a bit, and at the end of the day I just threw myself into writing the blogs. As much as I could because it was the only thing that I knew how to do it other than going shopping spending money to which is very bad for me and my depression.

I tend to fight it and not think about it as much as I could; I know one of my parents would go on about it because they want what’s best, and makes them sad even close to tears. I did remind them that I try not to think about it put things into place that I know what’s good for me that can distract myself; I know how much they want to talk about it, I didn’t want to talk about it as I struggle to open up about these types of things.

However I did go out to the town with one of my parents and I didn’t buy anything which is good for me but I did secretly put a few things in the basket from Poundland which one of my parents got me. I needed them so there’s no Poundland Haul I’m afraid. I literally just thrown myself into things like would help me get through the day not to think about things.

I brought ice lollies for my parents, my sister and myself as it was hot, I wanted to say “I’m okay”, I watched YouTube videos, left over Chinese take away I had left over, blogging and watching Paddington 2. I literally just wanted to get through the pain barrier because I didn’t want let it the negativity control my mind.

The best thing to cope of people who let you down; you need to remember is not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with you because it’s not and it’s the person who let you down and not explaining themselves of what actually happened.

Remember ‘be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negativity people bring you downs and most importantly don’t let your own negative mind control you”

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.