Want to know how I can remain beautiful but have so many split personalities.
For years I couldn’t care less about what I looked like. Actually at the end of the day it was just all on front; I did care about what I looked like, how I presented to myself and etc. Since meeting an old work colleague and going out with her a lot at the time we use to work with each other. I started to begin to look after myself a bit more; since I had left the job I had started to look after myself even more so ever since like putting make up on everyday, doing something with my hair everyday and yeah I had days that I really didn’t want to but I did.
Since working at the job I’m doing now I only had one day out of the whole month that I didn’t wear make up or my hair extensions in. I felt kind of gross. I still feel like it on the weekend when I can’t be bothered to do anything yet I force myself to do as I new that I needed to feel okay about myself.
Having all that done and having my hair dyed it gives me a sense of wellbeing, loving myself and most importantly covering up any pain or scars that I may show if I’m not okay. Few times I’ve been caught out and caught other people out thinking that I worked at a school that I do a school run to and I jokely said “no no I’m one of you guys” “I maybe a pretty face but I wouldn’t go back to that line of work ever again” the fact that I get those complements that I was meant to be doing something else and that I stood out from the crowd shows that I’m a hard working person and also looks after themselves.
The fact that I’m more than lucky to have Caspain, Fezz and few guys that will are supportive and been there for me even if I’m feeling so low and think I’m not good enough. It’s all about building up my confidence and how to deal with life when things get tough.