I generally don’t give a monkeys about myself most of the time; well this is way before I took myself seriously of looking nice, hair and make up. When it comes to some certain days where I look at myself I think what’s the point; no one actually likes me, no one wants to be with me because I’m fat, ugly, spotty and always looks depressed. The fact is I’m not even like that it’s just other people’s behaviour around me; that makes me feel like I’m treated like dirt monjority of the time, yet they don’t see that their behaviour is effecting other people and they wonder why I lash out at them at the best of times.
The fact that I had my depressed, insecurities and low day not that long ago. No matter how Fezz my friend tried to cheer me up; it only took one person to do that was Caspian to be able to cheer me up, get me out of that dark silly place of mine. I really shouldn’t really rely on him when I’m like it but I guess he could sense that I was feeling a bit low about something; came to my rescue to cheer me up make me feel like that he was with me the whole time, I hate when he’s busy because I never get spend that much time with him just talking to him. When he does it makes me smile and makes me special in so many ways.
Normally I’m perfectly fine and get on with everything. Sometimes it just comes in waves or just a bit longer; depending on the mood of people around me which is also a situation that brings me down dramatically, it’s just the way they think and behave towards others to be honest with you. Just hope the shift pattern moves soon so that I can feel a bit more human and happy.