Contribution to the victims and victims families who were effected in the Manchester Concert 22.5.17.
Right now I’m in that state of mind like I should of been dead because I haven’t got anymore tears left to cry. Here I am picking myself up everyday trying to love myself again, living my life again and I’m on my own picking myself up. We continued to turn up showing brave faces knowing deep down that we have a long way to go; I continue to have nightmares, major events and many more. It’s like I haven’t got no tears in my body like I’ve ran out but boy I hope you understand how hard it is for me try but it changed my life forever. It doesn’t matter how, what, where or who tries to help. Coming out to events or out for the day with friends or my family it’s hard work for me but I know I’ve got to do this.
The state of my mind of looking back when it happened and seeing people who have passed away I look at myself all the time glad that I’m still living but it could of been me I shouldn’t be here. I’ve got no tears left to cry but I know I’ll be crying every year on that day for the people who lost their lives because I’m not giving up on my life no matter how hard it is for me. Yet I’m going to do it for me and them. I just want them to come with me on this journey either beside me or mentally because I’m picking up for two people not just the one.
They point out the colours in you and I can see them too and boy I like them a lot as we can see them flying up the path to the heavens up above us like there was no tomorrow. I hate it that I’m living with the mental health but coming out in the rain letting it be my tears for once it’s like washing my sorrows and fears away for the day.
I’m not going to give up I’m going to fight for my life and those who lost their lives that day. As Ariana Grande song says “if you want it, take it. I should’ve said it before, tried to hide it, fake it. I can’t pretend anymore. I only wanna die alive. Never by the hands of a broken heart. Don’t wanna hear you lie tonight, now that I’ve become who I really am, this is the part when I say I don’t want ya. I’m stronger than I’ve been before. This is the part I break free ‘cause I can’t resist if no more.’