Nothing is like bitter sweet! But when it comes to mental health that’s when everything falls apart. The past 24 hours I’ve hardly had much sleep; the last time I had slept I think it was my first anxiety attack.
I wanted to write this today; to show people how things can be difficult if one lives with one mental health issue, for me living with it comes with a price. Price that I’ve regret as I wasn’t thinking straight; I couldn’t really pull myself out of it this time, I was in it far too deep. Despite what was going on around me; I still couldn’t seem to get out of it no matter what, sometimes I have to apologise for what my actions may off caused people at the time of when I was having it.
Hang on a second let me just go and do something first; I then return back to continue this post for you guys, it’s not going to be easy but I have to make the first step. It’s the first time that I’ve actually had a major one in a very long time; I knew it was coming because it was the feeling of sick, the anxious feelings at certain times of the day. The hardest bit I think is not having someone wrapping their arms around me; holding me tight making sure that I was going to be alright, safe and most importantly knowing that I can trust them to pull myself out of it.
The worst bit is when one is in that frame of mind; you start to look for things that you can blame yourself for or others, so it can trigger anxiety off even more. You can’t help it; the nature of its course has to be careful, no matter how things wind you up or how selfish other people are you think you just want them to get over themselves and grow up.
Each morning no matter how hard it is for me to get up on some mornings; I still manage to put on make up, do my hair and look ready for the day. No matter how much I don’t want to and stay in bed all day and recover from the whole attack. I still have to press on and carry on the day like nothing has happened. Well after a few hours of actually completing my hair and make up on which it shouldn’t of taken as long as it should of done but always; now back to work with writing this blog, even though I’m so tired but heyho as least it’s nice and sunny today.
Today agenda is not really much but most probably sleep and working on blogs. In which trying to catch up on myself a bit as I didn’t do much for the last couple of days as it has been quite difficult think of what to write. The joys of the after effects of having anxiety attacks is that it really tiring and you can’t do much the next day; sometimes I’m alright and get on with it, like no body knows because I get through it all.
78 words left to go and I’m starting to ramble; ramble isn’t it good in my opinion unless your making sense of what your talking about, or knowing where your going with it all. 20 words left to go; does anyone else do this when they can’t think of anything to write, I do it all the time when I was a kid doing exams when you have to do x amount of words in a eassy. I’m not much of an eassy fan it freaks me out. But yet I’m doing blogs of 600 words and now gone over haha. The joys of anxiety and what not make you do things your really don’t think your good enough.