Everyday Online Diary Entries – Monday (22.10.18) – Anxiety got the better of me today.

Today was the most challenging thing I had witness and deal with. The reason is I had to face a past where I had grown attached to my budgie named “Charlie” he would do everything, fly in and out of his cage, would say “who’s a pretty boy” in his  bird cage and etc. Until one day I had to take him to the vets and he had to be put down because he was ill. Never cried so much in my life that day. 

We had to take the kittens back to the vets where we rescued them from so that they could have the snip. My sister had already thrown up just outside the place even one of the kittens knew what she was going to do; wanting to be with her because it was her anxiety, and I was just managing to cope but I couldn’t bare it as much as she did. 

Throughout the day I became increasingly frustrated, nervous, angry, fed up, wanted to go home and get the kittens to take them back home in their safe place. I knew few months ago I had a dream about them where they didn’t come back that was horrible. 

I knew it was triggered by my past. I do not want to go through that pain barrier ever again for another 20 years or so haha. Even if I have my own kids. I might be even 10 times worse with my own kids. Who knows time will tell. 

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