I had a notification from YouTube that Helen Anderson had posted up a video; I normally just unclick the notifications off my apps as they bother me a lot when they hang around saying “take notice of me…..take notice of me”, the annoying thing is that I have so many updates on my app that Apple/iTunes won’t let me update them because “there’s a billing problem please take a look at it” I’m like what happened to the whole it’s okay you can still update me or I can update automatically for you button. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know how to do it because it’s driving me nuts. I am OCD when it comes to me and my phone.
Why do I do that? Get an idea of trying to find what I’m doing and not finishing what I started. Keeps on happening. My current feelings at the moment that I wanted to share with you guys is that Autumn and Winter are like the worst seasons that I’ve always hated the most. It’s dark horrible depressing. The worst of it all my birthday is literally in the middle of it all; over the years I’ve began noticing that my birthday is getting depressing because I always wished to be able to sit outside, in the nice warm sunshine but I can’t even do that. Yeah we’ve got this thing of having the Christmas Tree still for my birthday it’s been like that for years; last year I think my my parents had asked if it’s okay to take it down before my birthday, don’t quote to me on that one generally starting to blank my birthdays out now.
I’m not really going to get my hopes up this year for my birthday because I know nothing special is going to happen. It might do but I just not getting my hopes up really. By the way this is what my current feelings are at the moment in time because I wasn’t really sure what to write and my favourite YouTuber gave me the idea when I was watching hers at the time.
This is pretty much is it for now I think for a Friday autumn night. All I want to do is hibernate and not come out. Haha.
I generally don’t give a monkeys about myself most of the time; well this is way before I took myself seriously of looking nice, hair and make up. When it comes to some certain days where I look at myself I think what’s the point; no one actually likes me, no one wants to be with me because I’m fat, ugly, spotty and always looks depressed. The fact is I’m not even like that it’s just other people’s behaviour around me; that makes me feel like I’m treated like dirt monjority of the time, yet they don’t see that their behaviour is effecting other people and they wonder why I lash out at them at the best of times.
The fact that I had my depressed, insecurities and low day not that long ago. No matter how Fezz my friend tried to cheer me up; it only took one person to do that was Caspian to be able to cheer me up, get me out of that dark silly place of mine. I really shouldn’t really rely on him when I’m like it but I guess he could sense that I was feeling a bit low about something; came to my rescue to cheer me up make me feel like that he was with me the whole time, I hate when he’s busy because I never get spend that much time with him just talking to him. When he does it makes me smile and makes me special in so many ways.
Normally I’m perfectly fine and get on with everything. Sometimes it just comes in waves or just a bit longer; depending on the mood of people around me which is also a situation that brings me down dramatically, it’s just the way they think and behave towards others to be honest with you. Just hope the shift pattern moves soon so that I can feel a bit more human and happy.
This week I want to con-bind Teenagers Life Crisis with this The Unknown Fear Category; because I believe teens can relate to this in so many ways, that no one understands unless they have been throw it themselves.
I find myself at the current stage in life but always will because that's who I am unless I turn my mind set and beat the beast that’s controlling me inside my mind. Each day I try and take a photo of myself as I see who I really am inside and out; as you can see in the four pictures, I actually like who I am, how I do things and how truly pretty that I really am. The fact that I capture it and post it through social media it has given me the confidence of taking pictures of who I am; I'm in control of the camera no one else is, I wouldn't take a photo of myself if I have an really bad off day and put it up. No way I'll be doing that I can tell you that right now. That's how insecure I am about it all. This is my little tale of how my beauty and beast is like in my life; my story, my life of all the issues that I have within myself.
Tale as old as time can this be true as it can be; as I'm barely even friends with the beast inside me, them somebody bends the unexpectedly and a little change some say at least but both a little scared of loosing each other. Neither one is prepared to give up on each other but that's what I call as beauty and the beast battling her out.
Ever just the same but always a surprise like it was once before; just to be sure when the that will rise, the same old tale at this time is played in the same old tune in the distances like a distance memory. Bittersweet and strange like I'm finding that I can change; when I learn that I was wrong at the time I don't want to listen to what other people are saying,
There's always the certain sun that will always come out; making me feel better about myself like I'm confident in myself that's what the beauty of it when the sun is in the east, but there is the other certain sun that doesn't come out and it rains then the beast will rise in the east.
Our take is now as old as time along with the song that has as old as the rhyme; but I call it pour beauty that takes over winning over the beast, even when it's the hard times beauty and the beast always battle it out no matter what happens. That's why I call it the beauty and the beast.
People in celebrity world who have to look good and etc in the eye of the public; which every girl and boy growing up wants to be like them, for me it's completely different.
This weekend just been has it me the worse; not because I haven't watched much tv or anything, but because I have days when I feel that I'm not good enough for anyone and etc. I try each day to wake up to feel positive, do my make up each day with out fail even if I don't feel like or I notice that I've got my hairs growing back on my chin because of one of my health issues cause it to grow there. The unnecessary hairs that are a waste of space; that's what I call it anyways because that's what I call it, yet I try and cover it as best I can even if I don't shave it off if I'm feeling rather crappy about myself.
The fact that most female stairs are like putting it on for show saying “oh look at me I can get what I want because I'm so damn hot; making all the men population across the globe fancy me, and all of the celeb male stars even the royals in some of the countries who have them. All because I have big boobs and well dressed” and so on, so on. I could list them all but I don't want to waist your time or my time on how pathetic they are to be honest. “Oh I don't want him, I want him instead” can think of a few people in that picture.
You could just say that I'm just being paranoid and jealous; yes but that's because guys who butter me up, either just want me for one thing and one thing only or just end up being close friends of mine to be honest. The fact is though I'm so use to being on my own but as soon as I let my guard down to anyone something bound to happen; like they disappear off or go away with another female and say “we just good friends” I can understand if they’re working need to go away for something that's fine but when they don't tell you that they are going away and you then find out that it was with the opposite sex. Then how else are you going to believe that they are telling you the truth. But then again old habits of being paranoid is because of someone in the past that you thought you got over it but obviously happens. Then like jealousy came out so bad and what the hell is that all about; when it comes with the stars it bothers me to the point I hate them because they think they are all it, to be fair their are some you think seriously how the hell did you become a celebrity then you realise who their parents are. So they didn't have to try hard to get what they want.
You guys are probably thinking oh why am I listening to her about her life crisis; I can tell you now when you read this, or when you have finished you will think “oh damn she’s right”. So button it shrimpy! Haha jokes on you.
So this is a story that I’ve never told; well publicly I haven’t but making you aware young ones, even adults might want to hear this or read this as well. To which they can be aware the warning signs of health issues within themselves or their child.
About 12 or 13 was the time when I first start my first period; yes I’m going there people, tough luck people it’s got to happen one way or another. Even I didn’t want to do it but then I had to push the boat out and do it; not for myself but my fellow readers, also young readers who feel embarrassed about these things and most importantly peer pressure around school. When I started I was at wedding in a my local church that my parents went to; I had started not to feel to brilliantly with tummy cramps and everything, I didn’t know what was happening. Until I got home and went to the bathroom that’s when I noticed I had started; so I didn’t know want to do, so I called my mum to come up and she explained everything to me.
Over the years at school I would have to be sent home because I was feeling brilliant it was always around the time I was on; the most awarked time was when I was out with my dad one day with my sister and one of my brothers, didn’t really think much of it to be honest with you at that time when you were having them that something was wrong in health wise.
Until I was 21 years old I had noticed that I would get really bad period pains but nothing happened; it would continue to so throughout the summer of 2012, to which point I had to go to the doctors because it was rather strange at the time and worrying that something wasn’t right. So I went for my appointments and tests; to learn that I had Poloystic Overies Syndrome, were the eggs are bigger than normal that’s the reason why I was getting bad pains. The downside was that I may not be able to have kids in later in life; but I’m not having my hopes up to be honest, also don’t want to think about it too much. I just thought if I can get through being not hearing and having a learning disabilities; I can manage to get through this thing whatever it was, so my doctor gave me contraceptive pill to which I reacted quite badly to. Every 21 days I would have my head down the toilet to which to their surprise; to make me stop taking them and see how I get on without it for a few months, then May 2013 I had implant put in and since then I’ve been perfectly fine. Odd occasions I would get the odd bleeds but I would go straight down to the doctors to ask why it was happening. Other than that I was good to go.
Between 23/24 years old I had started to become more drawn to myself in away that people were starting to notice that I wasn’t myself; it became more and more apparent as I had started back at work, then becoming signed off work. That’s when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety; I had the most darkest times then but now that I’m currently not working, I’m starting to feel a bit more well and being able to do things more. However I do have my down days as well but it’s okay I always have great support in the family and friends around me.
I know get signs for what might be Lacoste Intolerance haven’t been diagnosed with it but due to family members having it; kind of know what it is that’s causing it, so I’ve been voiding as much chocolate even though I love it. Anything with dairy in it because it would send me to a I don’t feel so great mood. Should get it tested out incase it is. Noticed it more between 25/26 years old than any other years.
If you have any worries that you can’t talk to someone or need an advice on something email on email@example.com especial account for your enquiries on the topics you have read.
All the best good luck
My dearest loyal readers and clients I wish to announce some devastating news; my resources have contacted me, saying that they would like to let everyone one know that people out there are frauding them to get money out of their fans. Using their good nature; the role as a public figure, their clients that they support i.e. Charities that they help run.
My advice is if you follow what you may think that could be any of the celebrities or royals or any public figure in their own rights; come to you using any social media via private message, please check out the official pages of their social media if they have any and what the charities of whom they support.
Please don’t send them money if they are abusing the charity to get the money themselves; they just want it for themselves, but also make you the easy target to come back for more money. This also goes for online dating websites as well for money and you don’t actually know who they really are. They can be sweet and innocent until proven guilty of harassment and abusive partners.
My local sources has given me a warning sign to let everyone know what is out there in the big world; also would like me to share it with you guys if there is anything suspicious please let me know and I’ll pass it on privately and I’ll pass it on if you haven’t got the courage to do it yourselves or I’ll come and be at your side. Everyone knows there’s lots of them around; especially these days with everything going on in the UK, we cannot even trust the government who recently cannot save us from terror attacks.
This was publish a year ago back in May; this is still carrying on today, I have had a few myself over the past and most recently. All I want is that my dear clients and readers to be extremely careful and resilient of these things things. This picture was from a friend of mine as we were talking about things; one of the topics we were talking about was this, I do pray that this doesn’t happen to you or your family, your friends and most importantly your elderly grandparents or elderly next door neighbours as they are also targets as well.
These type of people are highly skilled, maluptive, dangerous people they would go to extreme strengths and perseverance of getting what they want no matter how they will get it.
To be able to support these types of is by checking out the public figures official website; inform them what has happened, question them off who they really are, most importantly write down the name of the account and if you can photograph it. Send it to the official public figure along and take it to the police as soon as possible; no matter how many you get or they turn you away persevere because at the end of the day people are stealing identities everyday to make out who they really are. If you need a hand and want to know more about it all please send me an email on firstname.lastname@example.org. Where I can give you more advice on what to do if this subject arises. I can promise you; you are not alone in this millions of people get it everyday, they are are afraid to come forward because the frauds have got them where they want them.
This week I do have to say I struggled in the way of what to write for you guys in your hour of need; as my thoughts are still with the victims and who had passed away, but I believe there is good to come out of this and also it is very useful for every single of you as you read this today.
I’m going to research or have researched quotes that you guys may like in the way of you can relate too; most importantly you guys have way cooler films at your age than when I was your age, believe me they were still in the making and starting out in my day.
“Fairy Godmother: Now off you go… for you *shall* go to the ball.” – From Cinderella film.
No matter how you feel about yourself; how scared you are? Or how anxious you are of going out to place? Due to the fact that bad things have happened to you; always have this quote with you, to give yourself the courage that you need to do when you get out of the house. That’s the best step forward is going to be able to go through that door and keep living.
“Belle: [singing] I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell… And for once it might be grand to have someone understand, I want so much more than they’ve got planned!” – From Beauty and The Beast.
Don’t let your adventures stop because they have taken away your dreams and what they have planned for the rest of the world. Show them who’s boss. Show them that you are the one in charge. Let them. Know that you are standing up to them; with everyone who was a victim of the terror attacks understand, what it must feel like of the unknowing and what to do with themselves.
“Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
Princess Jasmine: [glumly] Oh… It’s wonderful.
Aladdin: I wonder what it’d be like to live there, and have servants, and valets.
Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
Aladdin: That’s better than here. You’re always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
Princess Jasmine: You’re not free to make your own choices.
Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so…
Princess Jasmine: You’re just…
Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: …trapped” – Aladdin
To be able to hold someone’s hand once again; like saying “do you trust me” and you hesitate of the uncertainty of what is going to happen if you set foot outside again, when they ask you again and you put your hand in theirs. Reply with a “yes” as they open the door still holding your hand not letting go; you feel anxious of not letting go, you know the massive big success in yourself. To acknowledge that you just got yourself out of the house; so you wouldn’t feel so trapped inside watching the world go by, but making the decisions off that are right for you.
Just finding quotes that matter to you and how you feel. Even best way to do it is to analysis the quote of what it means to you; you alone and no one else, expect you as your the only one that can make it happen. People have different types off ways that the quotes mean to them; it’s not right or wrong people, are different to everyone else. Give it ago what do you think quotes mean to you.
The worst feeling when you still feel sick
No matter what you do or how you do it; you somehow still feel sick, does anyone get that feeling. I do once in a while but I was feeling like it as soon as I was nearly home from seeing my brother who lives in Northampton; I don’t even know what it was to be honest, then I still felt sick the next day but it was like a wave of nausea until I ate something and now it’s gone.
I had a few hours sleep; to which I find out that I had loads of messages, one was a cancellation of a date/meeting up. Not going to start blaming myself for it to be honest with you; doing that quite well on my own on that one, however the feeling sick and nausea is still playing up. I think it’s my medication playing up again not too sure but heyho; at least I’ve worked out how to plan my goals for my blogs, as it has taken me two months to work it out how to do it.
Just had a pretty much a chilled out day; people cancelling on me or making up excuses or something because I’m not worth the hassle, but hey I was out in the sun getting sun burnt. Let the sun be more sunny and enjoyable than the rain.
I have to say today let’s scrap the introduction for this week as I just want to do it all in one this week; as I have a massive announcement but the title gives it away, quite a lot though. However also it might even given you the surprise of that I was actually baptised; yes I don’t believe in it all but my godparents are there for their uses at times, especially one that you don’t see as much.
The last time I saw my godmother was about 2008; at that time it was still awarkard but it was nice to be able to spend of time with her with the family, 9 years later my godmother and her husband now adoptive godfather came back over from all the way from Australia as they’ve moved over there 18 years ago. When they came over my godfather was nagging me everyday since they arrived back been nagging me to come to their get together of old familiar faces that knew them on 26th May 2017, on which I did actually go to it was actually quite special even more special that being with but also I was lot closer to my great gran as it was her house to begin all those years ago.
I had fun memories of going round there every day; sitting, playing and being with her up until she passed away, I think she might of passed away when I was about 3/4 years old before my sister was born. My sister and cousin never really got to meet her as they were born later in the 90’s; however the house went to two good people over the years, where they looked after it well and most of all I could go round there anytime I wanted because I know the people who are currently in the house. It went from my great nan’s house to my godparents to lovely people who I grew up to know through the church that I went to personally but I don’t believe in it. However I believe having both sets of godparents; it’s nice to have the balance of views, more to go to sort of people. My other set of godparents are my uncle and aunt; I have gone to them over the years but due to the certain stances, it’s been tricky for them well my aunt.
However I am going to miss my godparents; as they have now gone back to Australia, my godfather’s next trick is to get me to come to Australia and visit them. Not too sure how that’s going to happen; as I’ve never been on airplane nore I like heights, so it’s going be difficult for him to convince me to go and visit them. Haha.