Everyday Online Diary Entries: (14.6.18) Thursday: when Dr Pepper decides to gives you a second bath of the night

You may off laughed at this blog title today because it actually did happen last night (13.6.18) I literally wasn’t out of the bath long about to take my medication not even sure why I decided to take it with fizzy. I think I was too lazy to even think about going down stairs or just realised that I have a bottle of water in my Sainsbury bag; why didn’t I even use that? my god I must of been so tired last might even thinking straight.

So I didn’t think much of it. Don’t even remember why or how it was when I picked it up; it was just there at the start and it was in my hand, I was then taking my medication and that was about it. Well after it all fizzed up and went everywhere I normally like go “oh my god, oh my god. It’s everywhere.” Nope no, no not at all not even the slightest of a reaction of what just happened other than fizzing all over the place.

I was literally like well “it’s now all over me, my bed, my phone” I really wasn’t bothered that it was all over my phone last night or my bed. I just picked up the baby wipes and just wiped off the wetness on my phone and the wetness on my bed. You guys would be screaming at me saying “it went all over your phone why aren’t you not that bothered about your phone.” I would of done if I was actually awake enough to know what I was doing and what not. However I wasn’t. I literally just shrugged it off like no body knows like “s***t happens” what you going to do about it.

Now you’re probably thinking how can you be so tired and still be straight forward especially towards yourself. Quite easy I’m quite hard on myself when I’m tired like I am now; you don’t realise how much you realise your tired when something so simple like that to happen when your actually awake and on the ball, you work yourself up to the point of being annoyed with yourself and then when you’re tired your like well clearly someone needs to go to bed before anything else happens. Trust me I literally had a mind blank off forgetting that one child stayed after school club and one went home with one of their parents.

I literally forgot what that I just seen one leave with their parent and one was staying behind even though I knew my mind went blank. I was having a Lizzy – Lou moment there….that’s basically about if really other than trying to be quiet but trying not to laugh but someone I was with didn’t like loud noises but things that they did made you think so they know or do they not that they are being very humorous. The fact that I made the connections to what they were doing they saw me trying not to laugh but they laughed as well which made me laugh even more.

Everyone should be happy because being down and in the dumps all the time and not keeping busy is not on. I know I have my moments but I just push myself to keep busy and be happy whatever the weather is. Unless it’s raining it can definitely go and do one. Being happy is the key in life.

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Everyday Online Diary Entries: (7.6.18) Thursday – The moment when you day is long!

The moment when you find that your day is long as your on stand by for work; you’re like well am I needed or am I not that’s when your part half organised and not organised because you never know if you have to rush out or not, hour passes or so no phone call comes through and your like looking at you’re phone and it reads 7:30am. If you’re like me just gets back into bed for awhile and go back to sleep because you’re still tired and you didn’t get much sleep the night before.

You then wake up about an hour and half later look at your phone once again. Reads 9:00am. You’re like my god it feels much more later than that today is going to be a long one of nothing to do if I’m not working this afternoon. I know I know some its luxury of not having anything to do; we all know I like to keep myself busy time to time before it’s that time of my head starts to kick in, start overthinking and what not.

Believe me I was like that yesterday (6.6.18) I rang work and my boss answered; he was like “sorry not today but we will have something tomorrow afternoon and Friday for you”, I’m like “great” in my head but fortunately I managed to get hold of my friend as she was on her lunch break to say I could meet her after she finished work. I’m starting to go mad and my head is starting to go the other way I need to get out of the house.

Mind you my feet wasn’t so bad yesterday only slightly hurting to be honest. I’m one of those people who like to keep busy at the best of times; don’t get me wrong I love blogging, it gets me back into writing again properly and that I can focus more on it than I was. I have noticed you guys have started to read my everyday online entries again. Hang on you guys like them if I remember rightly you were interested in them before. It was either this one or the challenges one can’t remember now; self doubting myself now guys which one was it that you guys got addicted to let me know down in the comments, told you I’m losing the plot now guys.

Just realised that the picture for this diary entry summons up the day I had yesterday where it’s been long one; it’s like I’m sitting on the moon waiting for the sun to officially set in the sky, so that the moon can come out to play and the night falls the summer air changes to the smell of fresh damp air like it’s going to rain. I like this time of year when you don’t need to look on the weather news to find out if it’s going to rain or not. I only know this because of years of experience camping you notice if it has or not or going to rain by the smell of warmth and cold mixing together.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: Storm Thursday (31.5.18)

Storm is once back again today for the end of May 2018 for the United Kingdom (31.5.18) today has been pretty much a long day for me to be honest I hate long days when I haven’t done much to be honest. However at 4:35am this morning it was completely foggy couldn’t see any of the small trees as I was looking out of my window that sat in my next door neighbours gardens; all I could see was this huge tree sitting in the car park of a restaurant that literally sits not to far from the end of my garden, just looming over everything like it was just outside my window even though it’s like in the next road. It always reminds me off the muppet character called “Sweetums” the big hair guy. Over the years I barely even noticed the resemblance of it all but at least 3-4 years the more I paid attention to it the more I actually could see it in the dark and the fog.

Later on in the day whilst things had started to brew over time; my autistic cousin messaged me to remind my mum his aunt to get the washing in as it’s about to rain/raining, so I had to move from the nice and warm comfort of my once messy floor room to go outside to tell her and the fact that he was sweet enough to message me to go and tell her was one thing. Even if it was joint effort with his mum telling him about it and get me to go and tell my mum. Then telling me about something important that was happening in like two months time and asking me what time would I be there and etc I was like I haven’t even thought about it as it’s ages away like another month. We have a special connection me and my cousin.

To be honest I’ve just spent at least half an hour just cleaning apart of my floor and hoovered it; from the door to my bed and visa bed to the door. It really needed doing to be honest with you not too bad but due to my tight muscle in my lower back I couldn’t spend too much time like bending up and down for long period of time. People say it’s because of my weight. However I know exactly what it is and what caused it. Just the job that I’ve been doing for the past 7 years doing the wrong sort of moving handling even though I’ve been trained but still do it wrong all well. Another thing I have to worry about along with the ligaments and the sprains and everything else. I think I’m just generally falling apart and I’m only **** years haha.

The fact we all know I get quite sassy when it comes to certain things you definitely will know that I will say as it is and be sassy after being down for so long. If you don’t…you do now because my friends always point it out to me when I do it to them and I don’t realise I’m doing it until they say. Just come to realise that I’ve just written a whole blog for you guys without thinking much about it and it’s not gibberish. That’s another thing that you guys may find about me when I do a very long blogs you know I’m on top form along with a few scheduled ones in the mean time as well.

I have planned some bits with this diary entry in my plotting journal book which to be honest is quite handy for me as I do watch a fair bit amount of youtube recently and my iPad is the only thing that I can actually watch things on it. So it gives me that effort, the push to say “hey you need to get back into writing in journals again get off the iPad and watch something. Whilst you do that write ideas down in your journal book.” So I have started writing back into one of the journals that I have and I’ve found two positive books that I started I think it was sometime last year I think it was. I kept on loosing one or the other; I think I might actually use one for Life on the open road project and one just general positive book, so I can start writing Life on the open road project blogs for you all in a diary form.

Chinese food tonight yum and saved off for lunch tomorrow now. All and all today been alright. Just be you, love yourself, don’t let peoples negativity harm and don’t let your own negativity thoughts control over you.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: Pot Noodle time!

Just had or earlier I did have Beef Tomato sauce Pot Noodle for my lunch was going to have the other day but didn’t I think I just slept monjority of the day that day. As you may can tell I do like my sleeps; I was getting better in not sleeping during the day but since being ill, going back to work I’ve gone back to that cycle off falling back to sleep and etc really need to stop sleeping during the day. 

Not cool though waking up at 5:00 in the morning half an hour before your alarm goes off but knowing that you were working a bit later than normal; but still not cool man when you want to have a bit more of your beauty sleep, I still ended up sleeping as soon as I got back home when I should of washed my hair and did my face. Oh well. 

The sun is out and warm apparently it’s here to stay for the bank holiday weekend that’s the rumours anyway; typical English weather could happen either way, it would be nice to have some sunshine staying put for a change. 

Before I continue working on a short story for Adventures of Borthwright Children that I started in the middle of the night; I might as well finish this off that’s taking me all day to do, as I’ve been on and off with it all day because I’m talking a load of rubbish today and I know I know it should be a free style blog but why can’t it be one of those online diary entries that I can just talk freely to be honest with you. I just wanted to sit down and write nonsense with a purpose. 

I’ve got a question for you is it right for someone who was attempting to rob a 78 year olds house but got killed by the 78 year old elderly person who was defending himself. On the day of the funeral the robber who passed away gets police protection and the 78 year old who can not live in their own house in fear of being robbed again. Do you think it’s fair that the 78 year old pensioner who worked all their life; paying their way live through the end of the Second World War and other little wars, making sure that their family have a good life and etc to be frightened and can’t rely on the services anymore for protection as they proven to protect the robber who was stealing in the house? 

The justice in my opinion these days have completely gone out of the window because elderly people who earned their way in life to make the world and their country a better place for us to live should be more protected from people who think it’s okay to steal from other peoples good hard earned money and get away from it. It’s not the first time I’ve talking to someone about this well similar situation but someone I knew brought a lot of moneys worth of goods and only received some of it. Yet the person who thought it was clever to steal X amount of goods that someone else paid and they steal it for themselves or to flog it off to someone else because they didn’t have to pay for it. Personally that’s just wrong to be honest I had the same situation where I ordered something for someone I know it was a cheap thing but I brought it for someone that I cared about and I received one set for myself and the second set for someone else on which never came. I complained that I ordered two of the same thing but the second lot didn’t come with the others that had arrived.

Of course I got them replaced and sent to me and so did the other person with their x amount of goods that they ordered. These days people are so desperate to get things for free but at the end of the day if they want something go and get a job earn the money show your children how to earn and live their life not show them how to set a bad example. Would love to know your opinion of this topic?

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You’ve got a friend” – Story Based

When you’re alone and needing a friend all you got to do is call out my name; you know where ever I am I’ll come running to be with you to see you again, give you my best safest hugs when you’re feeling down and no where to go. No matter if it’s winter, spring, summer or autumn honey; all you got to do is call me and I’ll be there yes I will because you got a friend right there beside you. 

When you’re down and troubled because you don’t know what to do but you need someone to love and care but there’s nothing. Nothing seems to be going right yet close your eyes and think of me; laying there next to you cuddling you making you feel safe, you know I’ll be there soon by your side to brighten up your day even your darkest nights. 

You just need to call out my name and you know where ever I am I’ll come running to see you again. No matter what season it is baby because I’ll always be the for you all you got to do is call me because you’ve got a friend that understands you and loves you more than anything in the world. All you got to do is to hang on to everything that you’ve got because I’m not going anywhere. 

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Tell me you love me” – Story Based

Oh no! here we go again fighting over what I said and done “I’m sorry” I’m sorry that I’m bad at this love hang on I’m not good at this but I can’t say I’m innocent not even hardly but I’m sorry. All my friends they know it’s true but I don’t know who I a, without you but I’ve got it bad baby.
Please tell me that you love me as I need someone on days like this when I need you so bad; just to protect me, hold me and everything. Days like this I need you more than anything in the world because you’re  not a nobody to me your my somebody; my somebody that I love very much to the point that I don’t see the day that you move on and be happy without me, I don’t know what I’m living for if I’m living without you.
Everything that I need is standing in front of me I know we will be alright through the ups and downs because I’m going to stick around we can promise that we will be alright. I know our love is like a battlefield no matter how much we have to fight because I know that I have you standing in front of me telling me that everything will be alright.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Meet me half way” – Story Based

I can’t go further than this I just want oh so badly it’s my biggest wish. I spend my time just thinking about you every single day yes really because I’m really missing missing you. All of those things that we used to do just me and you. Can you meet me half way right on the borderline that’s where I am going to wait for you because I’ll be looking out every night and day: take my heart to the limit, and this where I’m going to stay. I can’t go further than this due my heart wrapped in chains I want you so bad it’s my only wish.
You tell me you travel the world and even sailed the sevens seas that laid across universe to visit the other galaxies; you tell me to tell you where to go so you can meet me there, as you can navigate yourself to where I am and girl I want to be you right now.
You travel up the town and down the town trying to find me because you like to have me around like every single day as you love me always. So I’ll meet you halfway right on the borderline like I told you before if you ever listened to me; as you walked a crossed the bridge to the other side, you found me like it was only just you and I in a film scene and no one around. You wrapped you’re arms around me not letting me go. You said to me you’ll fly in the skies for me and you. I will die until I die for me and you.
Meet me half way right on the borderline that’s where I’m going to be waiting for you I’ll be looking out every night and day; taking my heart to the limit and this is where I’ll stay for you to come and rescue me, as I can’t go any further than this I want only so bad it’s my only wish. Yet you came and break these chains of my heart.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Heart Attacks makes me have a panic attack” – Story Based

Putting my defences up because every time I fall in love I just have a heart attack or a panic attack when I get hurt or think I’m going to get hurt. I seem to never learn when I put my heart out on the line because I always say “yes” if I really like the guy but actually the trouble is I get taken for a mug that’s my trouble. That’s when I realise am I really ever good enough when it comes to you?
I don’t care when the guys are after me because I know that when I’m actually know what I’m doing it but as soon as something bad happens; I won’t wash my hair for days missing it making like I’m bouncing a basketball, you make me act like how I use to be when you set me off from a heart attack thinking that you love me to a panic attack. You make me feel so ashamed of myself like I just can’t hold on to your hand anymore.
You use to make me glow make me feel like I shouldn’t cover it up but now I’ll just show my scares that you make me have because you make me have panic attacks. Now you why I put my defences up because I don’t want to fall in love if I ever did that I think I would have a heart attack and then a panic attack.
Never break a sweat for any other guy because when you come around I get paralysed even when I try to be myself. It comes out wrong like a cry for help but it’s not fair this pain shouldn’t be more trouble than love is worth as I try gasp for air as I’m having a panic attack it feels good but you know how much they hurt me. The feelings that got lost in my lungs like they are burning up but I’d rather be numb because there’s no one else to blame but myself. So scared that I would take off and I run like I’m flying too close to the sun and burst into flames. I don’t want to feel anymore pain in my life or having anymore panic attacks or heart attacks.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “The Name of the game” – Story Based

I’ve seen you twice in a short time it’s only been a week since we started seeing each other to me it’s seems that every time I’m getting more and more open hearted. I was an impossible case to be with because no one could reach me to help; where my anxiety and depression took the toll of me but I think when I see your face there’s a lot that you can teach me, so I wanna know what the name of the game? As I open up too you does that mean anything to you?

What’s the name of the game? Please temp me because I have to know as I’m a very bashful child that’s beginning to grow. The way you make me talk, the way you make me feel and the way you make me show. The fact that I’m trying to conceal but if I put the trust in you would you let me down? Would you laugh at me if I told you that I care for you and that I said that I love you? Would you feel the same way too? It’s just that I want to know.

I just want to know the name of the game because I have no friends no one to see as I’m never invited but now I’m here talking to you. No wonder I get so excited because of the sound of your voice and the way you see through me; got that feeling you have to give me no choice which means a lot to me, I want to know….oh yes I want to know the name of the game because I was an impossible case does it mean anything to you? But I think I can see it in your face because it means a lot to me. What’s the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do? I’m a curious child it means a lot to me that you made me your choice.

I just want to know….oh yes I just want to know….

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You know me” Story Based Extra

If any man can pick what he fancied he should just live and breed in captivity because it’s just pointless; you love what you’re doing what you like, when you like, how it makes you happy because only you yourself know yourself. What a waste of all this peace when baby steps and two more sleeps until I get the sorry from you because I get hysterical, historical of love like it’s just a chemical thing between us. Give me something to stop me from having a complete melt down from all of the pain only you know me.

Since you went away my heart breaks everyday because you don’t know as you’re not there to see me cry everyday; you simply found the words to make a lot of feelings fade away or model our feelings, only you know me when I need you the most. I’m doing fine most of the time as the sun shines what are you thinking? Yet at state of my mind can go worst than it can go with me drinking thunderbird wine but I’m drinking because you brought back memories that I told you about.

Yet only you know me when I get into the worst state imaginable but sorry doesn’t cut it out anymore as it’s become more comical than anything that I’ve been through. It’s my life that your toying with; along with my happiness, only wish you knew how horrible this feeling is and them you would know how truly I’m feeling. Only you know me and how to calm me down every single day.