Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Do I really want you back.” – Story Based

Have you ever wonder if this is the last time I see your face? Is it tears or is fucking rain saying “thank god he’s gone” I wish I could say something that doesn’t sound insane but lately I haven’t trusted my brain because you tell me that you’ll change but I just see what you can do and say nothing. No matter where I go I get the same blooming question “do I really want you back?” I know that I will never get over you but then I’m kicking myself because I’m lying to myself every time. I don’t actually want you back because you’re a piece of tool that I’ve thrown at the back of the garage that I don’t want because it’s broken.
Do you always remember how you made me laugh in the mornings when I wake up; yet you don’t understand how much you hurt me even when you try to make it all right, yet I still reach for you and the day I chose to tell you this is going to work anymore because I’m hurting and I’m ready to move on but I still dream of you. I know even when I said that I’ve moved on I’m still dreaming of you; I know that you’re gone now but I still blame myself of where I gone wrong but you come back, into my life saying you’ve changed.
Yet I know when something that kills you makes you stronger because you know that you’re not alone in the end as I’m starting to realise I’m so much better without you. So I ask myself do I really want you back in my life? The answer is no because at the end of the day you hurt me and you have to work on gaining my trust from what you have done to me. All the end it’s worth it because I know your true colours in the end.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You know me” Story Based Extra

If any man can pick what he fancied he should just live and breed in captivity because it’s just pointless; you love what you’re doing what you like, when you like, how it makes you happy because only you yourself know yourself. What a waste of all this peace when baby steps and two more sleeps until I get the sorry from you because I get hysterical, historical of love like it’s just a chemical thing between us. Give me something to stop me from having a complete melt down from all of the pain only you know me.

Since you went away my heart breaks everyday because you don’t know as you’re not there to see me cry everyday; you simply found the words to make a lot of feelings fade away or model our feelings, only you know me when I need you the most. I’m doing fine most of the time as the sun shines what are you thinking? Yet at state of my mind can go worst than it can go with me drinking thunderbird wine but I’m drinking because you brought back memories that I told you about.

Yet only you know me when I get into the worst state imaginable but sorry doesn’t cut it out anymore as it’s become more comical than anything that I’ve been through. It’s my life that your toying with; along with my happiness, only wish you knew how horrible this feeling is and them you would know how truly I’m feeling. Only you know me and how to calm me down every single day.

Online Diary Entries: “Only Teardrops” – Story Based

I look across the dessert from my window of the place the sky looks red tonight; like we are on the edge tonight due to our fight I couldn’t see no shooting star this time to guide us, yet we see eye to eye at the best of times but I don’t understand why we tear each other apart? Please tell me why we make it so hard? Look at us now in our separate rooms we’ve only got ourselves to blame it’s such a shame.
How many times can we win and loose? How many times can we break the rules? That’s between us but only teardrops that will fall; tell me how many times do we have to fight? And how many times till we get it right between us? Until the only thing is the tear drops. Please come and face me now take me into your arms let me cry and leave the past behind us.
Eye for an eye for lots of questions in my head that I don’t understand; why do we tear each other apart? Please tell me why do we make it so hard? Look at us now we got ourselves to blame it’s such a shame; as I’m crying letting my tear drops roll down my face ruining what’s left of my make up in my face, crying myself to sleep because I don’t understand how many times we have to fight? And how many times til we get it right? Between us but only tear drops.
Tell me now what’s gone between us? What has become between us? Tell me please tell me what’s gone between us? Has something become between us? Yet you don’t tell me anything but blame for it all yet your also to blame. Only teardrops that fall.

Thursdays Online Diary Entries: “Memory” – Story Based

As the midnight draws in there’s no sound from the pavement; just laying there very still and quiet from the upheaval of people walking across it all day long, has the money lost her memory? She’s just smiling all alone no one to greet or say hello too. In the lamps light that shown on parts of the pavement there were leaves collecting at my feet as the winds started to moan like it hasn’t got anyone to push over.
Memory of the moonlight is all alone; I find myself smiling a lot a the good old days, I was so beautiful back then and I remember the time that I knew what happiness was as I let the memory live again. Every streetlamp seems to beat as a fatalistic warning like someone is muttering in the gutters or the street lamps and soon I will be morning.
As the daylight draws near to 6am I know I must wait for the sunrise to come knowing that I must think of a new life; I mustn’t given into it even though I must try but yet as dawn hits the countryside fields, tonight will be just a memory and a new day will begin. The burnt out ends of the smoky days will go stale as the cold fresh air smell starts to creep up on you in the morning; as the street lamps dies you know that another night is now over, replacing it with another day with a new dawn that’s breaking.
Touch me! Is also another sign of someone that’s easy to leave me especially with all of the memories of the days in the sun; if you touch me now with the gentle touch letting me come to you without being frightened; you will know what my happiness is, listen and look I have to go now and hide as a new day has begun and I don’t want people to feel sorry for me even though I want to be happy once more.

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: “Bad Day” – Story Based

Where is the moment when we needed a friend the most as you tried to kick up the leaves but the magic was lost; as I watch you walk on by completely ignoring me that I was there, they tell me your blue skies had faded to grey along with your passion for things had gone away and they told me that you didn’t need to carry on. Yet they had asked me to help you get by.

As I got up with my notebook and pen I tagged along to see if I you even notice if I was there; you shrugged when I spoke to you like you couldn’t care less if I was or not, you just stood there in the line like you just hit a new low and you’re just faking a smile with the coffee to go. As we sat in your office with the door closed you told me that your life has been way off line because something would trigger it off and you start to fall to pieces every time like your too tire to carry on.

As your bad day rolled in to every other day. You’re just taking one day at a time hoping that it would get better but you start singing a sad song; all you need to do is turn it around yet you say you don’t know how, and tell me to not lie because one day you will top yourself if it doesn’t work. You work at that smile and to for a ride because you had a bad day do something that you like doing to cheer yourself up; the camera doesn’t lie as you’re coming back down, you know you really don’t mind you had a bad day that you manage to turn it around.

All you need is a blue sky holiday to which you are entitled for even to the point of they would laugh at what you say; all I know is that you don’t need to carry on because your going on holiday because you know when sometimes the system goes on a blink inside you, you need to take some time off knowing that the whole thing could turn out wrong when your away. You know that your not in the wrong.

You went on the trip that I took you on where the passion is to help you when you needed it the most; oh by the way it’s just you and I on this trip, no one else and it’s just going to be the most well deserved break that you need in the sun. No more bad days for awhile.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Left Outside Alone” – Story Based

All my life that I’ve been waiting for you to walk into my life; wether you brought me a fairytale or not, living in a fantasy without a meaning won’t be okay because I don’t fee safe like the day you had left me with my heart was left broken in despair. I want to breath but I can’t find the air within me; I always thought and beloved that you were sent from up above but yet you and me never had love to begin with yet there is so much I have to say, can you help me find a way to explain to you how much I love you now yet I wonder if you know how it feels to be so confused and torn when you say you love me and then you don’t.
Do you know how it feels to be left outside alone as it’s cold out here as you walked away once again leaving me standing here; maybe you should know just how it feels to be left outside alone, I can tell you right now that I’ve been waiting for you to bring me a fairytale my way because I’ve been left hurt so many times and yet now I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without any meaning from yours part. I know it’s nit okay because I don’t feel safe and all I need to do is pray.
Why do you play me like a game? Yet there’s always someone else to blame because there’s always a careless little man that’s always there on your side. Someday you might actually understand that there’s not much more to say but I do hope you find a way. I can tell you right now that our fairytale will soon come to an end because right now I don’t feel safe anymore.
As I pray to god. Oh Heavenly Father please save me from this painful heartbreak. Do you know how it feels to be left outside in the cold alone? Maybe you should know how it feels because you know what true love really means. As my life has been waiting. For a fairytale to come my way yet I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without meaning and it’s not okay because I don’t feel safe anymore. I need to pray.

Saturday Online Diary Entries: “Overprotected” – Story Based

I need time. Love. Joy. I need space. I need me. Well say “hello” to the girl that I am you have to understand by going through my perspective of being overprotected by my parents. Off course you do because you know I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am because being protected by everything; I just can’t breathe anymore, I can’t sleep, I can hear you down on the other end of the line saying “there must be another way because I believe in taking chances” and who am I to say what a girl needs to do by god I need some answers from you.

What am I suppose to do with my life? You will find out don’t worry. How am I supposed to know what’s right? You just got to do it your way. I can’t help the way I feel because my life has been so overprotected. I tell them what I like. What I want. What I don’t want. Every time I do I stand corrected the things that I’ve been told aren’t really what the seem to be; I can’t believe what I hear about the world I soon realise that I’m overprotected, I need time, love, I need space because this is it.

I don’t need nobody to be telling me what I need to do or what I can’t do. It’s all about what I want to do as it’s about my destiny because I can say “no”; nobody will tell me just what I have to do because I want to do what I want to do, I’m so fed up with people telling me who I should be why can’t someone else do it but me.

I’m going to break these chains and live my life no matter how protective people are over me; however I am so done with it all be overprotective of someone else for a change, I want to live my life the way I want it not their way.

Tuesday Online Diary Entries: “Better Than Today” – Story

No matter how bad your day had started out but I can see what you can do but I know that you can do it better than that if you turn it around because it’s the talk of the town and I’ll make you forget all of the nasty comments that’s she has made towards you. I know you hate that something that you have even tried doing because you always got told that you can’t do anything better than them; all you got to do is lose the control almost every night because at the end of the day, you don’t care what other people may think of you and so you got to see what they do when we do it better. Yes I’m talking to you who’s reading this blog post.

You’ve got to feel it. You got to see it. Know how much you mean it because at the end of the day what’s the point of living if you don’t take a chance? You got to make today better than yesterday as you’ve for to lose it. You got to cruise it like I would do if I was there not giving a flying monkeys what other people think of me. Knowing that you got a chance of believing, feeling it, seeing it and know you do that dance of being proud of yourself each day.

Oh believe me I know how life is hard during the week but I live it for the weekend when you can hurt underneath; I guess it can really deepens that you know that you did awesome work on being positive towards yourself, what’s the point of worrying about being cool? As there’s a million things to learn that they never teach you at school; I can tell you that now don’t believe what they tell you because all we want is tomorrow to be better than today.

The whole fabrications that complicate the word in the world because theres too much useless information that plays in your head. Yet very clever people don’t know how much we all struggle and need a chance; then the clever people can’t understand the most simple things like we can do but it won’t stop our clever business.

You know what to do by feeling it, seeing it knowing how much you mean it because what’s the point of living if you know take the chance? You just lose it, cruise it like knowing you’ve got the chance to do it.

Online Diary Entries: “Don’t know if I can…” – Story

Who do you think you are? Coming into my life saying that you love me more than anything in the world; now that I’m lost, confused, sacred and I don’t know if I can do this anymore even if I’m trying to take one more step towards you because all of this waiting is regret. I don’t know if you know that I’m starting to become your ghost and your figure of imagination; I have this feeling that you have lost the love that I loved the most, I have learnt that to live half alive but I need to know if you still love me one more time.
Who do you think you are? Running around leaving more scars on me whilst your collecting more jars of hearts; I hope they will catch a cold from the ice from your soul because I don’t know if you will come back for me anymore, who do you think are? I don’t hear you asking all around for me to see if I can be found but I’m trying to grow strong but I know if I ever fall back into your arms I will know you want me one more time.
It took so long just to feel alright with you but remember how you manage to put back the light in my eyes; I wish I could have missed all of this pain if I hadn’t gotten so scared to begin with because you broke your promises that you wouldn’t hurt me again knowing my fears of being hurt, and now you’re back trying to get me back.
Yet one question for you to answer do you want to come back for me? If not just don’t come back at all as I can’t keep waiting for you if you keep on having leaving unempty promises. Just tell me if you don’t really love me anymore because I can’t keep on breaking my heart like this anymore. Come back for me? Or just don’t come back at all. Then I know you have made the decision for me than me to make one for you. Who do you think you are?

Thursday Online Diary Entries: Out of the blue – Story

A new year, a new beginning, a new chapter of my life started today well that’s what I thought it could be my last. Yet my eyes were wide shut because I had thought that I was going to give up; just like the rest of the time that I’d be walking the world alone, yet out of the blue there in the middle of my path you had shown me a life that I couldn’t see without you next me and there’s no way I can fight these emotions anymore your energy running through me like nobody else can renew me it had to be you.
Out of the blue can this be true? Family and friends were my life until I had butterflies in my tummy; I wasn’t known to have them but you gave me love that i can’t disguise, there will be times when we are apart and it will kill me everytime it happens because I know that I want you to be in my life and my heart along side the beautiful garden.
Yet no emotions can be shown during the time my whole body felt like ice as if I took on ice challenge far away from home. Needed to feel that sound that shone my way along the beach like my world that I once knew had turned to dust but I had my faith and trust. I thought I’ll be walking the world alone without anyone by my side but yet out of the blue that’s where I met you; I can’t believe that this happened so soon, there’s just no way that you chose me out of million of girls you just want to be with me and now that I can’t fight these emotions because your energy your lips and your touch running through me.
You showed me a life that I can’t see without you but I know that there will be times when we are apart but knowing that you’re  in my heart growing into a beautiful garden has come true.