My test feels so locked up tight like I would never feel again; like I’m stuck in some love prison but with high anxiety, and they threw away the key, terrified that I wouldn’t be saved no way to get help and then I stared into your eyes which made me realise the possibilities. I’m going to try and love you like I’ve never been broken by you but I’m going to tell you like it is as if it’s never been spoken tonight I’m going try and let go. I’m going to give it like it’s never been taken but I’m going to fall like I don’t need saving.
I stayed in my tower because you fell into the trap congratulations you played the same thing as everyone else all the same lies that people say but different face. There’s something in the words you say that makes it all real but there’s a need for me to run because you’re making me believe in everything and I need to go and hide as you are giving me every little piece of me like a puzzle.
Now I know that you were never really going to save me like I hope you would so please please stop breaking my heart. It can’t take anymore pain from you because I can’t breathe anymore and I can’t cope anymore. I want to sleep like I don’t have to wake up to feeling the pain that you have caused. You were never ready to save me.
Have you ever wonder if this is the last time I see your face? Is it tears or is
fucking rain saying “thank god he’s gone” I wish I could say something that doesn’t sound insane but lately I haven’t trusted my brain because you tell me that you’ll change but I just see what you can do and say nothing. No matter where I go I get the same blooming question “do I really want you back?” I know that I will never get over you but then I’m kicking myself because I’m lying to myself every time. I don’t actually want you back because you’re a piece of tool that I’ve thrown at the back of the garage that I don’t want because it’s broken.
Do you always remember how you made me laugh in the mornings when I wake up; yet you don’t understand how much you hurt me even when you try to make it all right, yet I still reach for you and the day I chose to tell you this is going to work anymore because I’m hurting and I’m ready to move on but I still dream of you. I know even when I said that I’ve moved on I’m still dreaming of you; I know that you’re gone now but I still blame myself of where I gone wrong but you come back, into my life saying you’ve changed.
Yet I know when something that kills you makes you stronger because you know that you’re not alone in the end as I’m starting to realise I’m so much better without you. So I ask myself do I really want you back in my life? The answer is no because at the end of the day you hurt me and you have to work on gaining my trust from what you have done to me. All the end it’s worth it because I know your true colours in the end.
All my life that I’ve been waiting for you to walk into my life; wether you brought me a fairytale or not, living in a fantasy without a meaning won’t be okay because I don’t fee safe like the day you had left me with my heart was left broken in despair. I want to breath but I can’t find the air within me; I always thought and beloved that you were sent from up above but yet you and me never had love to begin with yet there is so much I have to say, can you help me find a way to explain to you how much I love you now yet I wonder if you know how it feels to be so confused and torn when you say you love me and then you don’t.
Do you know how it feels to be left outside alone as it’s cold out here as you walked away once again leaving me standing here; maybe you should know just how it feels to be left outside alone, I can tell you right now that I’ve been waiting for you to bring me a fairytale my way because I’ve been left hurt so many times and yet now I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without any meaning from yours part. I know it’s nit okay because I don’t feel safe and all I need to do is pray.
Why do you play me like a game? Yet there’s always someone else to blame because there’s always a careless little man that’s always there on your side. Someday you might actually understand that there’s not much more to say but I do hope you find a way. I can tell you right now that our fairytale will soon come to an end because right now I don’t feel safe anymore.
As I pray to god. Oh Heavenly Father please save me from this painful heartbreak. Do you know how it feels to be left outside in the cold alone? Maybe you should know how it feels because you know what true love really means. As my life has been waiting. For a fairytale to come my way yet I know I’ve been living in a fantasy without meaning and it’s not okay because I don’t feel safe anymore. I need to pray.
Weather you believe this or not it’s your opinion and I respect that. I put my thoughts and feelings into theses stories for the Online Diary Entries wether it’s true or not.
I can’t talk I know that I got it the wrong way like I normally do; as I’m looking up to see what’s falling down, yeah I know I can’t talk because I’ve gone back the wrong way and what is the use in what I say? I can hear myself complain all the time so I’m going to do it again; I give myself the blame to so I can get back up again to get out of the rain.
Baby. I miss you like nobody could. So tell me is she really that beautiful? Each time she kisses you tell me are you imagining it’s me kissing you. Does she really love you like I never could? Or love you like I use to love you? Hold you tender and tell you everything is good? You know she would hurt you? Because I never could and does she hold you tight at night all night long? If not you know who’s the one for you. I’m talking about the whole lot of history; I can’t find a way to show you what you mean to me, I’ve all around when you miss me and the way you love me. I don’t know what to do. So baby could you tell me.
Hello, did you call me? I thought it didn’t matter that you’re now gone; and I know the end of the story but there’s nothing but a shadow where my heart shone. If I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. You cost me so much love that I decided to go I know when I’ve had enough so don’t tell me that I’m not alone because I’ve gave you enough chances tell me if you want to be with me.
Yet I keep on finding ways to show you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you and how much I love you. It just keeps me spinning me and constantly I know how much I love you. I know it might sound crazy but your voice still leaves me all funky with a smile on my face.
Wether you believe this true or not it’s your opinion and no one else’s. I know the truth and that all matters to me.
I remember the day that you and I must make a pact; we must bring our salvation back where there the love is because I’ll be there standing right next to you, no matter what happens as I’ll reach my hand out to you and I’ll have my faith in all what you do as you know that I’ll be there.
I could hear you making your promises saying “I’ll be there to comfort you; build my world of dreams around you, I’m so glad that I found you and I’ll be there with a love that’s strong and I’ll be your strength when you can’t carrying on and I’ll keep holding on because I know your having a rough patch once in awhile. Yes I will. Let me fill your heart with and laughter; togetherness is all I’m after, I know you know that you want the same and whenever you need me I will be there. I will be there to protect you with unselfish love and I respect you just call my name and I’ll be there.”