I had a notification from YouTube that Helen Anderson had posted up a video; I normally just unclick the notifications off my apps as they bother me a lot when they hang around saying “take notice of me…..take notice of me”, the annoying thing is that I have so many updates on my app that Apple/iTunes won’t let me update them because “there’s a billing problem please take a look at it” I’m like what happened to the whole it’s okay you can still update me or I can update automatically for you button. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know how to do it because it’s driving me nuts. I am OCD when it comes to me and my phone.
Why do I do that? Get an idea of trying to find what I’m doing and not finishing what I started. Keeps on happening. My current feelings at the moment that I wanted to share with you guys is that Autumn and Winter are like the worst seasons that I’ve always hated the most. It’s dark horrible depressing. The worst of it all my birthday is literally in the middle of it all; over the years I’ve began noticing that my birthday is getting depressing because I always wished to be able to sit outside, in the nice warm sunshine but I can’t even do that. Yeah we’ve got this thing of having the Christmas Tree still for my birthday it’s been like that for years; last year I think my my parents had asked if it’s okay to take it down before my birthday, don’t quote to me on that one generally starting to blank my birthdays out now.
I’m not really going to get my hopes up this year for my birthday because I know nothing special is going to happen. It might do but I just not getting my hopes up really. By the way this is what my current feelings are at the moment in time because I wasn’t really sure what to write and my favourite YouTuber gave me the idea when I was watching hers at the time.
This is pretty much is it for now I think for a Friday autumn night. All I want to do is hibernate and not come out. Haha.
The Diary Entries Online back for so more this autumn before the winter comes. It’s your own opinion if you believe this or not. It’s up to you what you believe. At the end of the day I know the truth and I just wanted to share it with you.
No matter what I tell you. You make me out as a liar but I gave into the fire; at least now I should’ve fought it as now that I’m being honest, all I know that I’m a failure because know that I failed you. No one is perfect then you realise the truth of that I should of told you; I know I know I know, I should of done it better but you know me I just give up too easily when I try my best.
You realise that you had everything in front of you and you watched me walk away. I got nothing here without you; this is the one last time I need to take you home to make me feel whole again, for one last time I promise you after that I’ll let you go as she has stolen your heart away from me. All I really care is to wake up in your arms for one last time.
As you watched my body relaxed into your arms you begin to realise that I don’t deserve the pain that you have given me. I know I don’t deserve it but please stay with me for another a minute; I swear I’ll make it worth it, can you forgive me for just letting me have you one last time before you go and be with her. At least if it’s just temporarily I know this is all my fault of pushing you away. I should of been careful and I know, I know, I know I shouldn’t be the one loosing control.
As I slept in your arms not knowing that you would stay the whole night with me; even if I didn’t wake up like I normally do, you were there incase I did and you were still there in the morning watching me sleeping. You placed a kiss on my my forehand as I opened my eyes to see you in front of me. You told me “silly girl…I’m not going anywhere. I’m madly in love with you”……
Wether you believe this or you don’t it’s your opinion I’m not going to judge you for your own opinions. I know the facts and it’s what I want to share with you guys.
Finally this week from the 6th November 2017 I managed to get this weeks 30 Days Challenge for Autumn sorted for the week. To which has given me the time to work on the other days that we haven’t seen or had for a long time; the challenge was meant to give me the courage, ideas and be able to work out what I can write about and yes it’s given me that area of guidance.
To what I owe this pleasure of what could make me happy right now is to be able to live and spend more time with Caspian and achieve what I would like to do in my time of writing and blogging that I can actually get paid for it. The two things that I love and want to do but also be with. This is because they are my go to happiness as I.
Caspian makes me laugh, smile, makes everything go away that’s troubling me for the time he talks to me, spends time with me and many more. The fact that he makes me feel safe and secure about myself is the fact that I know who I am and kind to myself. When he’s not around I’m alone but fighting my darkness of demons as much as I can on my own. Knowing that he’s there in the darkness as I’m coming closer to him. Feeling his 6ft4 dominating much of the past that I had to face alone; I can just feeling he’s presence coming closer, as more of me comes widely open to him.
Writing has always been apart of me to where I can escape to when I need it the most. It’s like my best friend as I use my emotions of what I’m feeling through the characters of what they feeling like at the time. To where I like my audience to know what actually feels like to know the pain of the character must be feeling and etc.
The fact that I’m so use to living inside my head writing is the only way that I can find myself to express how I am feeling than expressing myself to an actual real person.
Yay for this again. I do have to inform you it is your own opinion if this is true or not. No one is judging you for your opinion. I just want to make this clear that I can make my blogs personal or not. But I want you to decide if this is true or not.
You guys remember my best friend Megs right; everyone should remember as she dragged me to go and watch Dunkirk the film, as it has Harry Styles in it. Well she’s back but this time I let her roam with the idea of a title; especially this one I’m afraid, I should let my friends go riot over my blogs to be honest because they are quiet funny characters to do.
Plus I need her help with it in the first place; so being Megs I had to tell her what’s the first thing that comes to mind, that was this title and the blog was born. Throughout the day I had snapchat chats whilst we were both on breaks; or near enough, shes young and in love and we all know that means mushy brains. However the fact that she snapchat me this morning on her break saying “he hasn’t messaged me” I thought here we go mini version of me here being insecure and etc. Now I’m paying the price of her anxious mind and etc. The fact that I came down on her with a tonne of bricks the other night about it all; she knew I was telling her what she needed to hear, because I was just as bad with Caspian when I first started going out with him and I could see that she’s ignoring her own advice so in the end I had slap her with a wet fish a few times even harder to get her to thinking straight.
The fact that she’s 18/19 years old she’s hit that faze of gooy mess #psychomodeofinscureandparionad we all have those moments don’t we. I should know as I’ve had my fair share of them over the years; I just told her let it take it’s cause, yes it might happen or it might not. You can’t predict what’s going to happen ether way just take each day as it comes.
Even Caspain has to remind me not to over think things at the best of times; guess what he’s right, he knows how much I get anxious and freak out on him at the best of rimes. So far I’m doing quite well not freaking out as much as I use to; which is a good thing, but it’s all the same when you start a new relationship at the end of the day.
Are they true stories or are they not? You decide if they are or not. I know what’s right and I respect your opinion.
The fact that I got mixed up on what days I’m on with my 30 Day Challenge and then soon realised I was right the first time. You’re just like erm someone send help I think Lizzy’s lost the plot. Yep that’s basically me all over yet again; I’m doing a Frank moment of madness, without the keys or was I? I’ll let you decide on that one.
Especially when I get too soppy about Caspain when he goes on business trips; I don’t get to see him much when he does, damn schedules that he has haha. Then I cheekily stalk him in a good way seeing pictures; there’s always a good side to him that I like about him, and then there’s pictures you just interpret of what the hell are the security on at the time. That’s just me reading into the picture of a story mind; “it’s alright I’m on a high because I’m working for a well known family business man, also a friend with the royals” or “I wish I could win girls hearts over like he does”. The two most favourite ones that I miss about him but when I do see his pictures and video clips of him when he’s away; it has to be his cheeky grin with his ginger beard, also his voice when he talks it’s like when he’s talking I always think that he’s secretly sending me a message that everything is going to be alright. Can’t wait to see him when he’s work scheduled calms down a bit and that he promised me two months off his time to be all about me. Can’t wait to trade them in hehe. Not even sure how that’s going to work. As I don’t like being spoilt or having the attention on me but heyho.
Yes I know suck it up Lizzy. Thanks guys. Love you too. I do have to say this was the easy one to write today. Hehe. Might as well plan tomorrow’s one. If I can that is but I never know what to write until it’s late at night. Just when I’m about to go to sleep. Nice one brain.
Online Diary Entries: Are they true or are they made up? You decide what the answer is.
In this diary I’m telling you from the heart and soul of how I feel about something. But. It’s up to you weather it’s true or not; at the end of the day I know for a fact that I know what’s true, and what isn’t true. Plus I don’t care if you judge me or anything because you are you and I am me. We are all different. So let me explain what I mean in this diary entry. It’s not addressed to anyone in particular as much but you may get the idea of who it maybe aimed at. Who knows.
The truth is that what the papers, news, social media and media about Caspain and Mia Moore that is so false. Trust me the reason is that he’s with someone else; I should know but its not been easy but heyho I know whats the truth and what it isn’t. Also what cheered me up the most was his brother made me laugh when I heard what he had done. So both have cheered me up in so many ways when I couldn’t see the way out of my depressed state and not been well either for the last couple of days.
The bad thing is that it gets me down about it all with rumours aren’t true and I know its just a story and hear say that people just want to hope for. Yet the bad thing is that I just wanted to retaliate back but I know better and not rise to it. At least I know that I’m not like Mia Moore who speaks out and screw him and his family over. The fact that her attitude to things and towards the rest family. She’s not winning any hearts there or any followers there if she continues there. However she not in my books anyways so I’m with some of the family members there. Win win there. Haha.
The ugly side of it is that she really can’t act, attention seeker, wants to hog more of the lime light and just want a title. The fact is though if we keep on giving her attention and lead her on with the whole think of she’s going to marry Caspain and etc. Until one day someone will walk in and be the one for him not her. So all I’m saying please just drop the whole Caspian and Mia Moore crap.