Everyday Online Diary Entries – (23.7.18) Monday – Chilled Monday

Pretty chilled day if you asked me for a Monday it was like 25-27 degrees in Guildford UK today. Pretty warm if you ask me everywhere is so hot you can tell when you walk out of the living room with the air con on; you leave the room to go, and do something you would literally hit with the heat. You’re like wow thanks nice to see you too man. It’s like visa when you walk into the living room with the air con on. 

I wasn’t guttering with sweat until the evening where I was sweating like mad; during the day didn’t do much other catching up paperwork for my blog website as I left it for so long, I was going to go to the town with my parents but decided not to in the end and I slept for a few hours and then sat in the cabin with my paperwork and having YouTube in the background. 

I have done a few blogs to keep you guys on your toes to read for a bit; I’ve also started to write the opening beginning properly, in which is a working process and I can’t wait to finish it and share it with you. I tend to let the stories write itself than me actually writing it and planning it. Once I have an idea I tend to let the characters in the story tell it not me; I do find it easy that way so that I can find it best that way, the only things that actually need to planning roughly is these blogs. 

Went to Tesco to get a few bits and pieces that was pretty much it to be honest with you. What a pretty much a chilled day with nothing much to do. Other than the gobby house yelling at the top of their voices at 5:00pm for no reason either at the kids or the dog. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (16.7.18) Monday – What a weird day!

What up guys! Might try this out by posting this the day after it’s been done so that it’s not that stressful to put it up on the day but write it as it’s fresh in my memory on the day write it and schedule it for the next day. Obviously I’ve always put dates with my diaries as you always know. Let’s see how it all goes let’s go. 

I’m literally in pain as been so tense in my back because I’ve been so anxious about something I wish not talk about as it’s rather personal; I was up monjority of the night even with the mediation wasn’t really work too well, yet it was trying to help me as much as I can and then I was up at 5 stupid. As I like I call it “stupid o’clock” but nothing new there; however it was pretty long day for me I hate those kind of days, especially when you got a few bits to do or nothing what so ever and it drags on and on.

I had work first thing this morning so I was on the road from 6:45am to 9:15am then 45 minutes or so before leaving to go to an appointment that I’m not going into detail as it’s personal came home fed the fishes in the pond well just a bit. It was too hot for them to do much even though they live in the water haha. Had a nap after talking to my next door neighbor they do go on for hours if you let them; yet I slept for awhile to catch up on some sort of sleep that I missed the night before, I then went to work and I had this sneaky suspicion that I had just locked myself out of the house.

Did my second run of the day came back to find that one of my parents weren’t back yet; I thought this is weird also odd that no one was home yet, I looked in my bag and it was confirmed that I did lock myself out of the house. I couldn’t go and sit in the garden with the fishes until someone came home to let me in because the gate was also locked. I was like just typical the only time I actually lock myself out of the house and no one was home. 

To be fair I did forget to put my keys back in my bag but when one is tired and been so anxious all morning. You just like forget everything. So I rang up one of my parents to see where they were and they were like I got one more thing to do and they would be home in 15 minutes. The 15 minutes felt like ages and it was literally a long time until one of my other parents came home to find me sitting on the door step. They thought something was wrong but I was like “keys keys keys” never got over excited to have a set of keys to get inside the house even when you’re getting attacked by flipping ants. 

My other parent came home half an hour later after I rang them up; I was like luckily such and such came home within 15 minutes, I knew they would talk about anything to anyone it’s who they are. I fell asleep for good few hours after I did the dishwasher; had my dinner which was quite late but I think everyone was down at the pond with the fishes at the time, love the fishes so much they are so cute and adorable. 

We all went down after dinner to feed them they were even more cute and adorable as they became as one group of fish gang watching out for each other. I even filmed a few clips and turned it into a video because they were so damn cute and adorable. Even one of my parents who watched it said that I did it quite well as I made it look like you could touch the water and the way I got all of the fishes in the shot. 

It’s not that difficult I think I could of put music behind it but I think it was a bit better without it to be honest. Not sure but I love it. That was pretty much it to be honest and yes I have put my keys back into my work bag now thank you for reminding me.  Have a good day. Peace. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (9.7.18) Monday – Too much socialising!

This weekend just been 7th-8th July 2018 had been a lot of socialising from having my sibling and in law home for the weekend, fun day at a church that my parents go to, looking after a grandparent, back to the fun day, to looking after my grandparent again and then taking them to the 50th anniversary of the church. 

Then tonight I’m going to a meeting where someone asked me to help out at the church holiday club; due to the fact they need a keyworker for a child to which I don’t mind, I’m quite anxious about it because I’m pushing myself more but when it’s too much it’s too much and then I get extremely exchusted afterwards. 

Today I’ve never felt so shattered because I’ve just been so busy and today as I’ve worked as well. Just been so tired as well from that. Not in the mood for the meeting or the speed bumps, yappie/barking dogs and everything that’s just getting on my nerves. 

At least I’m having a fishing chips tonight before I go out so I can have some junk food before hand. Might have a nap before I go so I can be less grouchy, irritated and etc that’s if the gobby house hold can button it for a few hours please would be nice. 

Might try and get a few more blogs done as well ready for tomorrow. That’s what she’s said haha. You guys know me when I’m so tired I fall asleep during making the blogs or start them and don’t finish it. What am I like ay? 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (11.6.18) Monday: Dementia Commentary

Alzheimers Society   This blog is in aid of Alzheimers Society Charity if you like to donate please click the link above. I am going to tell you my story of someone I know living with Alzheimers.

My name is Lizzy and I have a grandparent living with Alzheimers. It’s been 5 years now that we’ve been dealing with my grandparent’s Alzheimers but the best thing is we tend to go along with it whatever mood that they are in. At times it is hard when they have their bad day it’s not that often thank goodness. I normally get roped into helping once in awhile because sometimes it gets to hard for some of my family who are their carers. I tend to have them for a few hours or so to which I don’t mind because I’m use to looking after people during the week. 

Sometimes I have to put my foot down if they don’t listen to any other of members of the family if they have a wobble. They listen to me more than anyone else because “I’m such a good girl” in their eyes that’s because I go and see them. Let them do what they want; if they jog their own memory of what they use to do which is great, sometimes I don’t bother get them to do anything but if they can do it themselves they can even with a reassurance that they should do something. 

One of the funniest things I get from my grandparent is that she can tell when I’m being cheeky because I do the whole cheeky grin; sometimes doesn’t know when I’m joking but that was only once that happened, however we do have our little sassy contest where I try to either get them to do something or they are right on it and they know. 

Yesterday (10.6.18) I had them round for dinner at my parents house being my grandparents they get excited to see me because it me I think but the one who has the Alzheimers does this cute little Whinnie the Pooh wave. After a while I sat with them letting them be if they want to talk they can I wasn’t going to pressure them plus they can’t hear that well anyway. 

It was time for dinner I said to my grandparent it was time for dinner and they were like “how do you know?” I replied “one of my parents just shouted at my siblings (for dinner)” the other grandparent laughed and the other one said “oh right”. So we managed to settle down and what not I helped them out on putting food on their plate. As I sat down next to them I did say to them that they can start but they translated it differently and said something but I’m not going to repeat what they said on here. I then repeated myself again what I actually said and they were like “oh that’s what you said…I was about to say how I am going to do that” 

After awhile they were quiet and I knew that they weren’t hearing properly so I knew it was going to be a long one. Then after the pudding a student and his girlfriend came back across the road; then my grandparent asked about the old car or something like that, one of my parents tried to explain it to them but they didn’t understand what they were talking about and so I had to explain it to them. 

The funniest thing was as soon as they understood what they were talking about they started to do the commentary of what the two students/love birds were doing to the car and then commented about the cat. Then went on about “oh I can’t get on with cats or dogs. Even monkeys in fact I don’t think I can get on with a zoo” we all like where the heck did the monkey and zoo come from? We all laughed it was a typical grandparent moment. They continued to do the commentary of what was happening outside for a bit longer. It was like they hadn’t seen the outside world before. 

As a family as a whole we generally go along with whatever they say because at the end of the day it keeps us amused and we know that we can’t do anything about it along with they can’t help it either. We mostly just laugh at the situation that’s happening at the time because we know there’s nothing we can do. 

All I’m asking is click the link up above on this blog page click on it read a bit more about the disease and click donate. It will help someone like my grandparent to have a bit more care; catch the next disease in time for someone else, and most importantly more research about the disease. Thank you.

 

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Everyday Online Diary Entries: (4.6.18) Monday – How do you cope when people letting you down?

It’s that time again Monday everyone is going back to school, work and etc; shops can finally relax once more for the next month and half until the 6 weeks holidays, I know my sister will be astatic about it for awhile.

Now the question is that you guys want to know is how do you cope when people letting you down? Over the years I’ve been let down so many times I tend to get use to it; I try not to get my hopes up as much as I should in fear of what might happen until it happens, I toughing myself up quite easily because I know I don’t want to get hurt as much.

Yes it hurts. Yes I want to lash out on people especially people who let me down badly. I have done in the past because I didn’t know how to cope with it at the time. Now and then I do lash out on people who don’t turn up; I’ve done it a few times this week but I tend control it afterwards because I know I start turning it onto myself with me, I know I start to go into the horrible cycle and start blaming myself for it all thinking it’s my fault also that something is wrong with me.

I know that it isn’t my fault or anything but who can I blame or blow of my steam at? It’s like when I was meant to go away and it never happened I did lose it a bit but what could I do as I wasn’t getting any response at the time. I knew I was going to wind myself up even more.

I have a respect for my parents even though they hate seeing their children get hurt; I tend not to tell them until the last minute or close near the time, so I know that it’s actually happened because I know how upset my parents can get. I knew this weekend would happen because I could feel that something was wrong; I did lose it a bit, and at the end of the day I just threw myself into writing the blogs. As much as I could because it was the only thing that I knew how to do it other than going shopping spending money to which is very bad for me and my depression.

I tend to fight it and not think about it as much as I could; I know one of my parents would go on about it because they want what’s best, and makes them sad even close to tears. I did remind them that I try not to think about it put things into place that I know what’s good for me that can distract myself; I know how much they want to talk about it, I didn’t want to talk about it as I struggle to open up about these types of things.

However I did go out to the town with one of my parents and I didn’t buy anything which is good for me but I did secretly put a few things in the basket from Poundland which one of my parents got me. I needed them so there’s no Poundland Haul I’m afraid. I literally just thrown myself into things like would help me get through the day not to think about things.

I brought ice lollies for my parents, my sister and myself as it was hot, I wanted to say “I’m okay”, I watched YouTube videos, left over Chinese take away I had left over, blogging and watching Paddington 2. I literally just wanted to get through the pain barrier because I didn’t want let it the negativity control my mind.

The best thing to cope of people who let you down; you need to remember is not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with you because it’s not and it’s the person who let you down and not explaining themselves of what actually happened.

Remember ‘be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negativity people bring you downs and most importantly don’t let your own negative mind control you”

Monday Online Diary Entries: “Hero” – Story Based

As like I said in my Monday 30th April 2018 Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging this week will be a hit and miss with my blogging. Due to being unwell but thank you for you’re patience. 

I’m always going to be you’re hero if I danced when you asked me to dance? I would never run and look back because we came so far together; if I wanted to leave I would off done it a long time ago, I would cry if I saw you crying but I will always save your soul tonight like you save my soul tonight like you always do. Would you tremble if I touched your lips? 

Would you laugh? If I told you how much I loved you so much. So please tell me this now would you die for the one you love? Would you stay by me forever and hold me in your arms tonight? I can be your hero baby I can kiss away the pain because I will stand by you for ever you will alway can take my breath away. 

Would you swear that you’ll always be mine? Would you lie? Would you run and hide? Am I too deep? Have I lost my mind? But I don’t care because you are here tonight. I just want to hold you and stand by you forever I’m going to kiss away all the pain that we have. I know that I’m you’re hero and you are mine. 

Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well I don’t care because you’re here tonight so I can be you’re hero.

If you would like to make a donation after this please don’t hesitate and make a donation with for Help for Heroes, Challengers or you can’t make up your mind just hit that donation button. You will find these in the Payment/Donation Page up the top of the website.

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Everyday Online Diary Entries: Should I study Criminology Course?

Sometimes I begin to wonder weather I should study criminology course it looks appealing to me and sometimes I get asked by a friend for advice on something’s like criminology just on the outside purposes of course as they study law. Not like I’ve got law degree or anything like that but sometimes having someone’s opinion on a situation whether the criminal or the person who’s being questioned about something whether it’s their fault or not.
To be fair I’m not a criminology student or working with any sort of law in forcemeat it have a pretty much a good idea of what to look out for. Mostly it comes down to common sense and what was the life behind close doors before they have met and after. Sometimes it takes years to get people to crack but sometimes people still want to control things even if they are still behind bars; as I’ve watched something the other day where someone’s father still tried to control the situation, where a daughter and grandson were looking for long lost mother/grandmother who went missing but there was no body or anything that they can explain if she was murdered or she did actually just disappear and not to be found.
That case was closed once again because the father wasn’t going to be budge or tell where the body had gone. It was similar case with child killers on the moors in Devon I think it was and the killer still had control of the person who was with him at the time until she died. He still didn’t give up the information at all for the family who was still looking for the body and answers in where it is. Then only within few years he died because he was trying to die and refuse to give in to give anymore evidence.
The fact that people who still try to ring round people and control them because they don’t want to leave the earth like they have lost everything that’s around them that they have built up. Cases like these back then life was life not these days you get 5-10 years imprisonment that is life because you know they will be out again in no time for good behaviour bounds.
That won’t bring back the person who was killed or the family who want justice. I could go on and on about these sort things. I won’t because at the end of the day what do I know I’m just a low paying worker and write on the side. Sorry this isn’t a story day as you guys much hoped it would be but will find somethings that might get my stories going once again.

Monday Online Diary Entries: “Just makes me want to scream” – Story Based

So tired of the injustice of the world that I live in; tired of the schemes that we have in this world it’s kind of disgusting where people don’t understand what it means, it’s kicking me down making me depressed and my anxiety is rocketing high and as I get up again the jack drops to the point of the whole system sucks.

Peaking in the shadows which will always come to the light when you tell me I’m wrong but then again you better prove me that you’re right. You’re slowly selling out of your lies because I only care about what’s mine and my rights. I’m going to get stronger because I won’t give up the fight that you started. There’s so much confusions that it makes me want to scream with all of your basing and bruising which you claim that you’re a victim but yet I know you’re scheme. I’m the one who is a victim because I’m trying to cope with every lie that you make out but you are scrutinising yourself more by shooting yourself in the foot. Somebody please have mercy on me because I just can’t take it anymore.

Stop pressuring me! Just stop pressuring me! It just makes me want to scream so tired of telling the story in your way of how it went because it’s confusing the whole situation if you’re telling the lies. Yet you think it’s okay telling it. The rules keep on changing while your playing the game just to get it your own way. I just can’t take it much longer I think I might just go insane.

Oh my god I just can’t believe what I saw as I turned on the tv this evening; I was so disgusted by all of the injustice that we suffers don’t get. As I watched on the news another child killed themselves due to bullying  and hate crime; nobody knew about it or what was going on before it was too late to intervene, it just makes me want to scream because of people don’t understand of what’s going on around them. Even if you scream and cry out for help no one will believe you.

Monday Online Diary Entries: “The truth about liars” – Story Based

You can say what you want about me and do what you want to me but guess what you cannot stop me from telling the truth of how much of a lair you are about things. I’ve been knocked down so many times in this crazy town; someone even tried to punch me in the face in L.A but there’s nothing in the world that you keep me from doing anything that I want to do, because I’m too proud and I’m too strong to let you ruining my life. At the end of the day you have to life by the code by moving on rather than feeling sorry for yourself because I haven’t got anybody around.
So I held my head high as I knew I’d have to survive through this well that’s because I made it and I don’t hate it that’s just the way it goes. I’ve done it and got through it by standing on my own two feet because I paid my dues of going out with you. You tried to hold me down. Put me down. Yet you can’t stop me. So like I just told you; you cannot will not stop me as I’ve paid my dues.
Now I’m tested everyday people who are trying to mess with me because they’ve got nothing in common because I can handle mine and I thought I better let you know that I’m no punk all because I can’t get down. Tell you the truth I don’t give a damn about who’s around that was fine until now that it took me so long to get myself here; I won’t live in fear anymore of you or you trying my shine agains, because they want to build you up before they tear you down again and it’s a struggle in trying to keep the bubble a float.
Why did you like to everyone? You can’t be trusted you good for nothing type of brother; everything that you claimed to be was a lie because you know that I would be at that place or once went there, and you think everyone will believe your sob stories but actually they come running to me and I put them straight. Why did you lie to everyone you creepy, sneaky little shit your so messed up it’s now time to leave. So bye, bye.

Monday Online Diary Entries: “I said ‘never again’ but here we are” – Story Based

I told myself that no, no never we don’t go together but hunny I couldn’t take anymore of your presence in mine being at my side all the time; now it’s two weeks later I feel such a traitor to myself because I let you in my front door as my parents told me to let you in, with such high exceptions of you being my boyfriend and you’re the one who’s creeping but yet I keep on saying never again yet here we are. A pure. Pure sweetness as you’re weakness I keep on telling myself never again but here we are.
Now I don’t rush in because of the past of mine that had happened; I bite my lip and let you know what I’m thinking I really like your game that you play, yet I’m better off without you but I just can’t live without you and no I am never going to break away from your charms and laughter. Your always going to my weakness because of your pure sweetness but here we are as I tried to run but I didn’t get very far because I can’t let go of you; I can’t take this no more because I want you in my life so much, you’re the one who manages to get inside my tower that’s under my skin.
I said never again to myself but here we are because your pure sweetness makes me feel so safe and make everything alright. Now you’re my only weakness like I said to myself never again to fall in love with someone again straight away but here we are. I said never again. I said never again. Yet here we are. You in front of me telling me that you’re not going anywhere even if I try to push you away.
You are the love of mine and your special because you leave me breathless every time I see you coming into the room. Even if I can only see you in the room knowing that I’m safe with your love and protection.
I said “never again but here we are”