This morning I posted a Superdrug Haul (2.3.18) the things that I had brought only if I could film what I do on average morning of my make up I would of done. Along side the idea of what the full works of readying my hair; drying my hair, make up and the full works it’s my hair and extensions it would be so easier than me typing it up. Plus I don’t have to talk either haha all I have to do is film and do what I normally do in the time of the process of everything.
The question of tonight’s Friday Time Recap Time I wanted to do this a few days but I was in a sort of a bad place where I couldn’t write about it because I didn’t feel fabulous at all. Yet this passed week it’s been snowing and what not so I had a bit of time to myself; where I’ve had words with myself because my eyes can always tell you there’s a storm happening, and then you know when I’m calm because my eyes go back to light blue.
I always terrified of myself because I never felt fabulous about myself; I always see how pretty other people are, people always compliment me and etc. Yet as soon as I redo my hair and make the time to do my face and everything I know I feel fabulous and confident. Being able to put make up on and doing my hair everyday gives me a purpose in life that I’ve actually accepted myself that I am pretty and etc.
I should be happy with myself knowing that it’s okay to me; yes it’s taken me a long time to accept myself but now that I’ve got an idea of who I am, how I like myself and what not the scares that normal open and shown had faded away it’s not psychological scaring that its on the skin. Mentally and internal inside it goes to show who is winning and whose loosing; yet sometimes it’s no okay when your doing so well, then bam the scares and mental state comes out without warning. All that I can say is it’s okay to be you and no one else.
All that I want in life is to wake up fine to where someone that I love the most tells me that I’m alright; all I want is a hole in the ground for safety, where you can come and tell me when it’s alright for me to come out of the hole that I made. I know that it’s going to be hard at the best of times to which makes you wonder why you even bothering to try; yet at the most hardest times you begin to wonder why it’s taken you down, but you at the end of the day you have laugh when you cry because these days you have to carry on and I still don’t even know how I’m still even surviving the hard times. Yet I still hit rock bottom every-time I even try to fight it for so long.
I find myself walking around with my little rain cloud singing the Whinnie the Pooh song “I’m just a little black rain cloud” hanging over my head and yet it’s not coming down. Where do I go from here? Some body give me some sort of lightning and you come along hit me with lightning I came back alive.
Tell my friends that I’m coming down so that we can kick it out if I start to hit the ground; it does make you wonder why you even try to help, it really does make you wonder why you try yourself to get back up to the top, I still don’t even know how I survived when I’ve hit rock bottom so many times and even when the hard times seem to not bother going away anytime soon they always find away to make you hit rock bottom.
This topic I’m going to change some of the stories that’s involved due to the fact of someone’s identity and my life. Due to the fact that it may cause some problems in the near future.
This idea was a perfect timing where I had a conversation with someone today (Thursday 8th February 2018) where we were talking about mental health; the fact that both of us had two different up bringings, yet they stated that if I shouldn’t have depression if I had a good up bringing to which compared to theirs when they didn’t have a good up bringing. Of course this hyperthitical talking here because they didn’t understand how depression worked.
Each family and each family members have different ways of bringing up their families; each family members can either follow the outset of their family life where they continue the way that they think it’s right because that’s all they know, or decide to break away from that by taking control of their life and meeting someone or some people who are close to them and guide them in the right direction. However people do tend to either judge people’s upbringing because they are either jealous that they wish that they had that sort of upbringing or they are disgusted by people’s upbringing due to the way that they are dressed.
To be honest with you it’s not okay to judge people who have different upbringings because you never know what goes behind closed doors at the end of the day. We all catch ourselves out at the end of the day. I guess you guys probably done something similar without realising that you’re doing it too. Just think before you judge someone I know it’s not easy but it’s worth a try.