Special Addition Revisit: Hello

A Special Addition revisit in memory of Daisy.

We all wondered where Caspian had gone; me, DC and KC looked over to where Daisy’s gravestone was, I told them to go and I’ll stay to which to my surprise DC agreed with me by telling me that he needed me more than ever. As I started to walk over; I looked back over I could see DC burying his head in KC’s arms, which made me have a tear rolling down my face. As I reached over to Caspian took his hand as I knew I wasn’t meant to but this was a one off; as his grandmother gave her blessing for this day to happen, when her two grandsons needed their partners the most. I whispered to him saying that a car will pick us up a bit later everyone else will go on ahead. Caspian snaked his arm around me after he let go of my hand; pulled me close to him than ever before, the fact that he knew I had tears down my face meant two things to him. One that I was crying because I wanted to take his pain away, second I was only about age 6 when his mother had died. I had started to listen to him talk but I knew he wasn’t going to let me go; I was like his prop to help him stand even though he was 6ft2, and I was 5ft4 and half but it soothed him a lot because he always would make fun about my height.

“Hello, it’s me. I was just wondering after all these years if you would like to meet to go over everything; they would say over the years at this time that it would become easy; even when the time should be supposed to heal you, but guess what I haven’t done much healing. Since Lizzy came into my life things have become much easier; less dreams than I have done, except this time of year I either keep her up or shout out in my sleep she comes running after she gets woken.

Hello, can you hear me? When we were younger and free there were so many happy memories; I have forgotten how it feels when you were you were my world, your warmth, your loving, your hugs and many more. There’s such a difference between us now more than ever; there’s a million miles away of where you are, I think you sent me Lizzy one way or another.

I have forgotten tell you. She’s just like you mum. Everything about her reminds me of you. I’m not going to let anything happen to her. I promise mum. She’s staying put for ever. Not moving. I don’t know how she does it when I get mad she looks at me the way you do or the way she says things to make me calm down. The way you do it’s like I’ve got you back. I miss you so much mum. I love you.”

We stayed a bit more longer. I hugged him tightly but gently at the same time. He kissed me on the forehead a few times; I knew the driver and security were hovering, I asked for two more minutes they agreed and went away. Caspian whispered to me and “I love you” I whispered back “I love you too”. Time was ticking along now so we had to go back otherwise everyone would worry where we had got to.

Caspian and lost of his mother

The thoughts and feelings of my take as I’m close to Caspian. I’m not too sure if I’m going to published this or not. #fightingforCaspian&DC #inmemoryofDaisy

As the days grew closer and closer; the more I realise how much I hate the press and the media, never so much as I was younger and it annoys me to the point of lashing out along with my thoughts. When I was kid way before I met Caspian I had felt sorry, upset for him and his brother; I would pray for him and his brother to be looked after as the trying years that faced them in years to come. They have turned out two handsome men; living life to the full, counting their blessings everyday knowing that their mother is watching over them making her proud.

As I was growing up Caspian’s mother Daisy was a well known person; everyone loved her, along with her boys and I loved all three of them. Now that I am friends with Caspian; I am learning that so much what has happened, I think that now know why he wants me to keep me safe. Which is pretty much understandable as I wouldn’t of been able to cope with it; until I get to him one day soon, as long as I find away to be able to get this blog up and running. Does it make me look like a press if I’m writing about something or someone I care about. No it doesn’t make me sound like I’m from the press or from the media; I try and stay away from all that nonsense, unless there’s something that has come up that I strongly disagree or something on the news. Then that’s different kettle of fish.

The fact that the press makes me feel more and more wanting to break their cameras; in away of saying you lost your pride of joy, but it’s okay you can go and get another one from PC world. Yet you can’t bring back a parent that you killed. Yet you still want to continue to ruin their mother’s life because she can’t defend for herself; saying that you knew her better than the boys and their family, yet they are the ones feeling all the guilt because they think that they are the ones that killed her. However yet the press and the media are the ones who had actually killed her no body else; yet you still carry on with the whole I’m going to chase after all of the well known, who have always grown up in the lime light since day one.

So many times I want write this blog; I want to share my anger, upset and hatred towards it all and I’ve never got the courage to do so because I never know wether or not too. Then again is this a story that I’ve just written or is all based on true facts. Personally I feel like it’s just a story for people to read. Not everything is about the whole real life events; at the end of the day every child looses a parent one way or another, a parent looses a child the same way. In this tragic sense of a story that I created is to make people realise that press and media aren’t really your friend; they just want your life story to pay their bills, you want the lime light like everyone else who is a celebrity in this day in age. For me I just like to share a bit about myself now and then; to also to stay away from having attention to myself, I’m not one of those attention seekers like everyone else around me and that’s when I tell them in my head to go bugger off don’t care about you what so ever.

Sorry Not Sorry if I got a chance

Things that I would do if I got a chance to do; but I would be sorry about it, in the end I wouldn’t be sorry. #InamemoryofDaisy #fightingforCaspain&DC

Payback is going to be one horrible thing;

And you know what,

I’m the baddest of them all

The fact I’m now looking for revenge.

The best feeling is smashing your leans and cameras,

Yeah I know how much it must of hurt you,

Yet your don’t know how much I you hurt my two friends

Just taking photos whilst their mother was dying;

Never went and help to save her life.

I can make you out a lot worst as it already is;

Now your looking for redemption and look like a lost puppy,

The regret should of eaten you up over the past 20 years

Now payback is a bitch

You’re saying I’m a savage

But I’m sorry that I’m going to have to do this,

But actually I’m not sorry for doing this.

Showing up like this I knew

that I would take it out on you

You know that I would too

Seriously I am not sorry

For punching your lights out

I’m not sorry

For sticking it up everywhere.

Leaving you there.

Yet you still have no remorse

No dignity

No nothing

You say your sorry but your not sorry

Sorry 20 years too late.

All of the Special Milestones she missed

Because of you.

Now you say your sorry.

People Accuse you for something that you didn’t do


Sometimes you really wish people stop making digs that at you; especially if they claim that they’ve been messaging you or your just ignoring them, until you say “I haven’t received anything or I’m not ignoring you” 

You think your the worst person in the world for being paranoid and etc; but actually it’s not you that’s being paranoid, it’s the other person that’s being paranoid and you just sit there like. Erm hang on for one minute I did send you a message but you haven’t responded; secondly if you sent me messages I would of responded to by now, so you don’t need to be jumping down my throat if I didn’t get any messages until now. 

I hate that so much once by someone is enough but twice by the same person; really? If they claim to love me and everything they really need to stop being paranoid if I haven’t responded; if I haven’t received a message then I haven’t received a message, I can’t respond if I don’t receive anything. It maybe your phone or your connection or something along the lines of that; I really don’t appreciate the whole thing of your ignoring me kind of tone, is especially when I’m waiting for you too message me but I don’t lie about it either.

It does make me laugh that I have the evidence of having no messages from the person; when I show them the picture of no messages that they claim to of messaged me, it then backed fired onto him twice now that he accessed me for something that I didn’t do. This comes to mind that someone who actually doesn’t trust the other person; along with claiming to love them but if they are that are being like that, then I don’t want to be with someone who’s like that. 

I personally think that if someone keeps on accusing you from not messing them back; thinking that they love you, but at the end of the day who would you want to be with them. Everyone has demons in the past; some can put all that in the past, some can’t put it behind them. 

You then might find people accusing you of cheating because they’ve done it themselves; but yet they know perfectly well they are in the wrong, and trying to control the situation by simply shifting the blame onto the other person or you done it yourself. No matter what it’s not right either way forward but yet people who have been hurt before or paranoid that someone is going to do it is another sign of not healthy relationship. Unless you have a great person sticking by you and helping you to come out of the dark places that you have been in for a very long time.

Accusing you of being dishonest or lying is another reason of hurtfulness; yet I have been lied to and been dishonest to, two of my worst things you can ever have in your life. People can actually understand why I’m being paranoid about it all because of fair amount of people who have done that have done it to me; then it’s the same flip side where people, who are trying to warn you about things and you couldn’t believe what you were hearing at the time. You begin to wonder why you even bothered in trying to ask them for help; when they know perfectly well they are still saying to you what you just said, yet they don’t believe you when you actually found out that someone can sort your life out but your trying to understand that they are trying to shift the blame onto you for their mistakes. Even when they are trying to help and prove to you that they have changed.

Accusing you of talking about them through friendships and love friendships; you have people who believe that your talking about you behind your back, yet they are the ones talking to you behind your back. You know when they are talking to you about you behind your back; when you have quiet friends that people forget about who sit in the corner of the room, then message you to let you know that that somebody is doing that too you. 

Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves; we are guilty one way or another these days, no one is perfect at the end of the day. Who is actually perfect? Haven’t seen or met anyone that their lives are so perfect. We’ve all done something that they but accuse the other person. 

Shoot the Runner 

The day I was just laying in bed thinking what was my plan for this weeks blogs; as I didn’t really do much the following week because I wasn’t well, still not well to be honest with you. So I was just listening to some songs and Kasbian came on with “Shoot the Runner”. Which got me thinking about school and theirs always someone that runs to a teacher. However I would not recommend shooting to anyone. 

In school kids are just kids at the end of the day; but when in adult life they should know better, however it’s not like that at all. There’s always few people who will always going to be a runner; who would most likely to go behind your back, to tell a teacher or spread rumours etc. 

I have had my fair share of that on both sides of it teenager life and adult life. Life can be so cruel; to the point of these days there are more and more teenagers committing suicides because of people bullying, abusing and etc but yet no one actually goes running, when their closest friends don’t actually go running to get help for their friend and by that stage it’s too late. 

There’s two types of runners; one runner is the one that cares because ask permission, to speak on their friends behalf on their concerns and what they have been told. Then you have complete idiots who seek attention; make up any excuse or spread rumours or tell everyone your secrets, all because they haven’t got anything better to say or do with their lives other than making that persons a living hell. 

Everyone trips and falls but you’ll be standing on top of the world; even with the dark cloud raining over your head, you have learnt to wave good bye to the haters as your stronger than them. As your marching on your own with good friends joining you on route as you pick them up along the way; you are proud to say that you have them, as you have a place to write too. There’s no drama to big or to small to deal with; when you have good friends, on which they say ‘I got you’.

There’s always going to be another mountain to climb; the struggling that your facing, will knock you down but you’ll be pushing through the pain and suffering no matter what the situation. It’s always going to up hill battle; keep on moving, keep on climbing, keep the faith you will get through the pain.

No one likes to being played; no one understands why your the ones get hurt by people who you think you could trust, all the innocent has gone but it’s not worth our time. I just wish I could free you but the answer is simple; it’s the one who has done it in the first place, I don’t want to go another day not telling you what’s on my mind. I’m going to stay with you and nobody is going in between us; don’t worry about people who are hanging around, just ignore them as I’m going to stick with you. I know how to appreciate you and I know what is best for you. 

Focus on what you want to do; I came here to do I want to do, my focus is on you as much as I can. I can tell you are curious but no one can hold us down. You can answer questions and listen to your worries by writing to me to lizzyarrow@outlook.com just focus on me and yourself. 

When your best friend tries to do a surprise/how to create new friendships.


The day that you best friend gives your email address to their grandmother; even if it was a massive surprise, your immediate reaction is to want to punch them. Of course I wouldn’t do that but as a friend/friendly punch that I do to my friends.

The most awkward thing can ever happen is when your best friend trying to do a surprise for you; you know when you hate surprises but they still trying to do something nice for you, it was still a surprise when you know who it is. 

Yep my friend had just done that number on me; thanks Caspian now I’ve got to get use to that one as well, not like it’s awkward enough. To be fair good call on the whole front of introducing me to the family slowly; than quickly throw me into the deep end of everything, but really I’ve just got use to you haha. All well. 

I don’t mind with the whole family affair of people talking to me; but I do love Caspian grandmother, the way he talks about her and that we have similar characteristics. On which reminds him that I’m like her in so many ways; to which point Missy his grandmother, I do have to say is one incredible woman being determined to talk to me even on a late hour. 

My grandparents wouldn’t even know what half of the social media is; even when one of them has it, but still doesn’t understand how to use it but wants to look at what his grandchildren are doing. 

However creating new friendships through people is the best way forward; otherwise you will never get very far in life, if your going down the same road with the same friends etc. It’s hard that once you got use to your friends that you made; then when you make new ones somewhere else, you don’t know what to do or what to say. Here are some useful tips on getting passed that initial fear of meeting new people.

  1. Realising that your fear of meeting new people is most probably all inside your head – Each time you move around wether it’s from moving house, jobs, schools or even just want to meet new people to get out of your comfort zone. You start to think no one will like me, they will look into my past and judge me, judge me for who I am and etc. Which isn’t true; unless they are a bad egg then ignore them; they are worthless people, who need to change.
  2. Start out with a group of people who you are already friends with – No matter don’t forget your other friends when you move on; the best part is that they’ve always got your back no matter what, also you can expand on meeting new people through them as well. 
  3. Get yourself out there – Most people like me are quite shy and etc but at times you have to push yourself, keep showing up, do something that’s strong and that will help you get noticed.
  4. Take the first step – realising of taking the first step is the hardest thing ever; look for something that’s more interesting to you, than that doesn’t interest in you. Stimulating your mind helps you focus and explore more to help open more in your brain to connect with each other. 
  5. Be open minded – be open minded because if you don’t you will never know; embrace the unknown, don’t knock it before you try it, say “yes” than say “no” otherwise people may think your lazy or something, think 3 positives and one negative and etc
  6. Get to know the person – Get to know the person you could either play games like would you rather, get to know someone knew by learning how they think, instate the conversion, show your best self, be friendly, be patient, respect other people’s interest, pay close attention to the person, stay independent, spend time together, let there be positives and negatives, let the person know your interests are, share information and feelings, invite them to gatherings, spend more time together.
  7. Connect with genuine person – Always try to understand what people really mean when they speak, Always let the speaker be the star, The Barrier. This is going to back fire on me is so many ways; as you will see the next value point, in this moment in time. You may have your own thoughts and feelings about things; but you have the right to have opinions, so does the other person if you don’t agree with them. Nevertheless they may become over powering but let them; as long as you know that your true to yourself, what’s more you know your rights. 
  8. Be yourself – Get in touch with your inner child, Become more aware of your thoughts. As I said in the last point I’m going back fire on myself here but it all ties in together; just be yourself and stay true to yourself no matter what people say or do, you have your own mind. 
  9. Be there for them – Reach out – a conversation, text or call goes a long way, Listen, don’t judge, Do something together. Good friends are always there to reach out to their friends in need; no matter how far away they are, they will always be there by a phone call away. 
  10. Make the effort to stay in touch – Social Media: A Blessing and a Curse, Why Don’t You Just Call Them?, Coping With Guilt, Overcoming Awkwardness. No matter if a friend has moved away or moved on; always make an effort to stay in touch no matter how busy you are, or what’s gone on just get in touch every so often.

Choose to Survive 


Choose to survive is a key thing in life; you either got it or you haven’t, from little amount to a lots we as individuals become as one. One big family to help and support the people who need it the most; this is for our communities that have come together, over the past few months and recently.

Choose To Survive 

The skies are crying as I’m watching the flames come near; every tear that I caught in my hands, I knew this was going to be the end. If there was silence at the end of this monstrosity of a nightmare wish it would end like we hadn’t had a chance of getting out or having our voices being heard, did they have to ignore our cries or our voices. Now there’s nothing left of me here. 

Did you have to take everything that I had in my life? Did you have to break everything that made me who I am? I am a broke glass that you can break so easily? Did you have to tear me up like I was made of paper? You can give it ago by tear me up and put me down because I know my community will help me rise up from the ground like I’m a skyscraper that you cannot destroy. I know we will fight for our rights either I’m died or not; I know we will win, because we chose to survive. 

As the smoke cleared I could hear ringing in my ears; as I came around I could hear sirens coming and going, as I watched you untangle me from shrapnel carefully without causing anymore pain that I’m already in. You just stand there watching as everything unfolds as we lay there bleeding dying; go run run run, back to your silly place of hiding that you call your home and don’t care about us. As we are just lay right here watching you disappear whilst someone else helps us instead; it’s a long way down from here, I think I’m close to the clouds up here.

It’s a race, it’s a race. A race to help the survive. It’s a race it’s a race and they’re going to win. They choose to survive. Yes they are going to win. Whatever it takes they are going to choose to survive. I’m going to give them all my strength with all human race. I’ll be prepared to do anything to help; fight to help survive, I won’t forgive those people’s who did this. Vengeance is mine as I’m going to show that we won’t give in; we choose to shrive, we pull together as one.  

Whatever it takes I’m going to win; you won’t pull ahead, I will light fuse that will make you trip up even more that you have done. It’s a race, it’s a race to find the survivors, we have to win to be able to shrive, not matter what it takes we have to win because we will never loose. When the night falls down they are still waiting for us to return; to return to find them, to which they want to return to their families either dead or alive. We know how much it’s worth for the people of the community; do you know how much it’s worth now?, of course not because you care about yourself.

I don’t know where I’m going but all I know is here we go again; I’m pretty sure where this is going, the empty promises that been made I know the answers already. I have made up my mind; I’m not waisting anymore time, but to go in head first and help. Your so cruel with a device that placed into your hands; your blood is like ice to cold to touch or understand, one look could kill us all in one way or another. 

There’s nothing going to stop us now; as we choose to survive, we are going to win no matter what it takes. Yes we are going to win! 

Vile People


There’s no good in vile people; vile people have the blackest hearts in the world, no good can heal what they have done.

As I woke up with headache in the early hours of Thursday morning but late Wednesday night; I had turned to my phone as I do for a bit of comfort as now I couldn’t sleep with the massive headache, I generally probably reply to my messages even though people maybe asleep. Sometimes I actually get a response from them unexpectedly; not all the time though, it’s just a fluke to be honest with you. 

In today’s society there’s so many vile people out there from ISIS, Government, Trump, May, Johnson is now one (should quit now whilst he’s a head), along with bad step – parents (there are good step-parents as well), friends, colleagues and many more. There is a long list of vile people who disrespects other people because they think that they can. 

Hey guess what you won’t be winning their trust or support or anything like that if you do that to them. I can easily just point out I have had my fair share of vile people; I may of done myself at some point but, at the end of the day I’m not one of those people who want power over people. Killing innocent people every two weeks and not see any progress; not saying any names but I’m going to have to Theresa May and her party. 

Furthermore to this vile human nature that we live in a bypasser yesterday/maybe today where so many lives got taken away; along with the victims who got out alive, who lost their homes. Decide to do the most indecent thing you can ever ask for; taking photos of people who couldn’t get out of the tower block in body bags, thinking it was the best and funny thing to do. That’s how low people can be who have no respect of the living or the dead; then today Theresa May well what can we say, she visited the aftermath but to the fire services and expectations of the building and she never really went to speak to the victims who had survived the burning building. Jeremy Corbyn well he showed sympathy to the victims and the services; not sure if it’s just a publicity stunt or not but he shows better leader skills than May, May really doesn’t care about the people does she. 

If you think of how many people we had lost in the past three months from the first terror attack to the last terror attack; then followed by the tower building fire losing lives about 53 people who have lost their lives from 4 different attacks, the number will be rising from the tower block aftermath as they are still looking for people. It’s sickening that no government cares about us what so ever; if they did what’s stopping them, why aren’t our voices being heard? Why doing something about it after something bad went wrong? Most importantly why is it happening now for the whole government and House of Commons looking into the whole what could of prevented? and what could of stopped it from happening? The answers will most likely to go unsolved; I can guarantee you that we will never know what might of caused it, I just feel sorry for the victims and families who have lost members.

Again we as public pulled together; Muslim and Islam communities broke their fast to come running to there aid, that shows courage for everyone that not every Muslim or Islam are bad people. I do show respect for those people who broke their tradition to help others; I personally would thank them because they must feel like we blaming them for things recently, but all so they want to show people that they are here to respect our laws and rules in the country. 

No matter how long the government will ignore us especially the Conservatives; we will win no matter what they do, say or even think. We will continue to come out on top and reduce the number of deaths as we can; we will fight back with the help of our communities, what’s more they will not separate us or break us. 

Disadvantage Children in Africa 


I had a request from a private client of mine; who came to me with an idea for a charity, to which he wanted to start up and he asked would I like to be on this journey with him. Sensational client of mine asked me what I did for living? What made me want to do the job? Two powerful questions anyone could ask for; especially when someone wanted to take you on that emotional journey, how can refuse the offer of not helping. 

Breathtaking emotional journey that I would like to take you on is a country called Africa; the most poorest country in the world, the sad part for me is that families, children, infants, babies and even grandparents are dying. Dying everyday; every parents worst nightmare of seeing their children die before them, every child don’t want to see their parents die. For me that’s the worst I have that fear of seeing my own parents die; however I’m fortunate that I haven’t experienced it just yet, but hearing and seeing children suffer with health issues, wanting to learn and be like everyone else in the world. It is frustrates me that no one is listening or not doing anything about; I should know; as I have witness off hand; with special needs children over the past 6 years or so, each day is something different and new. You know don’t know if they are going to be in; when they are next going to have a seizure, when they need a nurse or to be rushed off to hospital and that for me seeing that is heart wrenching. Your unable to help; but when they are well, you can help them to experience things that they like try something new, help them learn. 

For me; Africa’s children are the same but in their own rights; everyone has a voice, every child has a voice and most of all every single African child has a voice. Every single child in that country has the right to be heard; to learn, to experience life and most of all to see the world that we see. All I ask for is this every little amount that you donate today will go a long way; seeing a child’s face light up because they are being heard, they know that world is listening to them. 

If you can do this for that one child in your country or even your own child or even that child who has special needs; why not go out for that extra mile to help the child who has nothing, who wants to be the same as everyone else. 
Thank You. 

Lizzy & My Client

X

The feeling of lost and confused.


The feeling of lost and confused.

The weekend that had my whole world just got turned upside down. To the point of freaking out and confused. 

The hardest part of this is I don’t know where to begin to write; I suppose I should start from the beginning, then find the end somewhere. Would be a good start wouldn’t it. I like to make sure that my readers and clients know this is everyone’s worst nightmare; for themselves, but also for a parent or a child witnesses their love ones crumble or confused. This is what I want to share with you on my daily basis; I do have good days really good ones, however I have really bad days that I can’t seem to get out off. 

As I’m writing this I would like to say thank you for reading and listening to my story; also I’ve actually got a clear head, where I’m doing loads of posts for you think I’ve writing about three in one day; one was a hit and miss but it was alright, two with clear head. Which is achievement. 

My story begins with meeting a guy who I thought he really liked me; felt like we known each other for months, but it was only a week. When it came to the mid week we met up; he really liked me and I really liked him, I thought he said would you go out with me and come round. By Friday I was trying to contact him as I was having a complete nervous breakdown; until I found out that someone else messaged me back to which my whole world turn upside, I had wished he would talk to me first but the whole weekend he hadn’t messaged me at all. 

I couldn’t understand why someone would do that to someone who they really liked; then something more unusual happened to me, on which I can’t say private client confidentiality etc etc etc. To be honest my head is still coming around to the idea; but they didn’t know or what was happening at the time, probably now know why my head is over the place. All I can say nice one guys. Not like I’m complaining or anything it’s rather nice to be able to be recognised with the whole what I do; how I do things, and what not. 

I wish I could revel my clients but I promised myself and to them I wouldn’t. Yeah whilst everything was going on in my head; the guy that I liked, having multiples of anxiety attacks and along with private clients. I think I have lost quite a lot of sleep in one weekend; I don’t even know if I’m going to get much sleep tonight after I’ve finished here. Sunday 11th June 2017. 

Living with anxiety is hard everything is out of your control; sometimes when I’m completely out of control, I don’t know what I’m saying and apologies if I had offended them. It’s going to be a long night now; just had a paracetamol just to bring down how hot I’m feeling, but also to help calm my nerves as well I was literally getting the shakes. On which it might of trapped a nerve in my wrist or I’ve done something to it, so use to it now it’s like my second nature if you ask me. Good night I hope you all have a lovely sweet dreams as I’m going to try and get some sleep. If not I have no idea what I’m going to do.