White bathroom is still white afterwards! Yes my hair is got its colour back. Red is back after two days of putting it off; as I should of done it Monday but was in one of those moods, but I was surprised that I haven’t got it everywhere in the bathroom like I normal do however that was a success minus it was all over my cami top just a bit mostly it was all over my head where it should be not easy where the bath is a lot lower than normal than most baths. Unless they are low and I haven’t really much payed attention to be honest.
The fact that my hair is now finally back to the redness even though the maintenance can be pain in the arse of redoing it but I’m just glad that it’s back to full strength. However it brings life and positivity to one self and say “hey your okay now.” The fact that I can just put make up on not worrying about how ugly or stupid I look or run down. You know what I mean. I love the fact that I buy double of things which means that I don’t have to worry about running out of things every so often. To which remind me I need to make a list of what I need so I can order some more when I get paid and buy some on the day as well so I know that I’ve got some on the go and some on the way.
I will make a Haul/Luxurious Wish List to share with you soon as I was going to attach it’ll here but had a moment to which I had to stop making the list. Sad times which stopped me from putting this up earlier as a normal blog but all well at least I’ve got something for my Wednesday Evening Post hehe. Which is a win win situation isn’t it.
Oh boy it’s that time of year for all year 6s, year 11s and sixth forms and unnecessary exams for the other years need to do exams. Never really got the idea for years 7,8,9 to do exams when year 10s don’t unless they do but I don’t remember them. I did tend school honestly it’s been about 11/12years who I left now so it’s just a blur to me.
However if your school has summoned you to do Easter courses revision classes over the holidays I know not ideal as it’s your holidays but you’re first exam may just be around the corner sooner than you expected. I hated going back into school to do Easter sessions classes when I was on a school holiday my time not school time; to be honest they really weren’t that useful to be honest in my opinion, I know when I get into the exam I’ll forget everything anyway and there’s a good reason for that I panic when it comes to exams especially maths. Not even sure why or how you can revise for that subject to be honest never understood that one. If someone could explain that one to me that would be grand. Thanks.
You have really good parents who pull out all of the stops to help you revise to the fact that they crack a tooth in the process; believe me when one of my parents helped me and my two brothers at the time we were doing ours they cracked a tooth because it was that stressful, to be honest me and my parent would argue because I was stressed and I would say stupid things like “I wish I was home schooled” etc that was because I was annoyed that everything wouldn’t stick into my head or I would give up because there was so much reading involved nothing stay. If you remember me saying the other day about being dyslexic and language difficulties; that played a huge part in my exams because there was a lot of words, and questions that I wouldn’t understand but couldn’t ask my reader to explain to me what it meant. Even if I had extra time.
Loved the extra time where I could take my time on each exam question. Those were the days to the fact that I had the advantage to get the paper done. Still didn’t help my nerves though. If you have learning difficulties and have extra time use it as your advantage and use the quiet space that you’re given to do take your time.
I have to say is study hard and you’ll achieve great things whether you’re a practical person or not you be alright. Good luck everyone in the UK.
Monday Bank Holiday. It’s raining and cold yet again in Surrey UK it either rains or snows but can’t wait for it to cheer up to be honest; would love the warm summer to come, we all know how much I love the summer and the warmth weather. Today is just a rest day for me and much need tlc for me as my anxiety was all over the place yesterday when I was seeing my brother who lives up in Northampton; there is so much I can take when I’m with a load of people, and somewhere different because there’s no get out and have space to yourself.
This morning I did have a plan that I was going to have a shower and redye my red hair again; however being me for not giving it more time to warm up for the shower I ended up having a cold shower, which didn’t give me enough time to do my normal was hair because it was freezing so it took me a while to warm up. I was debating whether or not to my make up on because I was going to redye my hair but I couldn’t stand the sight of my face looking like a piece of a rotten apple. Not sure if that was going to be the correct term for it but let’s go along with it for now. So I decided to put my make up on whether or not I was going to still do my hair or not but on the positive front I’m quite glad that my hair hasn’t gone wild like it normally does.
With the frizz the curls and etc so I didn’t really need to put the hair extensions in to calm it down at all. So there maybe a chance if I don’t fall asleep for me to redye my red hair and make it look more red again or just wait for another a day because it doesn’t look too bad but it does need to be cut as it’s getting to the point of being a pain and notty as all ways. We will shall see if I do do my hair today or not if I do I’ll blog about it for you guys. The lots of ums and arrrs.
You always find that there’s one boy at school who walks into the spot looking so fresh and he got what it takes and needs to be impressed by every girl and boy in the year and school. Just look at the way that he’s dressing like ain’t no question where all the chicks are like “oh” me and my friends are like that doesn’t impress me much to fill of himself.
Then you have that one girl in your year walks down that corridor thinking she’s popular stopping all of the traffic; making everyone look at her because she thinks she’s worth it, and makes out that everything is about her. Even when she has everything that you can’t even have because you have to work for it; yet I rather be like Jessica Alba who looks fantastic, but for this instance the classic boys looks are like I want to be with her.
I really can’t see us moving like that or anything like what he said she said because we don’t need more of it. I rather chill like how I like to chill and dance how I like to dance. I’m tempted to just get a hose pipe and spray them both because I don’t need anymore he said, she said. Boy acting like there’s no pressure to do anything to get with her by saying anything to convince her spending money that she really doesn’t need but the girl like she’s cool with it loving all the attention and think that she’s gifted.
One night you came to my place feeling down not you’re normal self like you were just let down by her; you let your guard down like I wasn’t that there but I tried to be a nobody when we were at school, you told me that he was trying to impress me but knew that everything he did with her wasn’t good enough. All the things we did together just the two of us; she would get jealous as I was friends with him, receiving the attention letting him be who he really was and that’s what I like about it. Just being a nobody. Doesn’t matter he said she said I don’t believe all that.
It’s that time of the week where I’ve started to notice how much I hate not having makeup on or having my hair extensions in everyday because I’ve been so tired, anxious and ill it really affects me to the point of hating myself looking ill and be constantly reminded that I’m not having a great week or so.
I’m just so tired that I think that I’ll do my make up and hair after I get back from my morning shift but I never do because I just want to go to sleep as I’m that tired. It’s like I don’t actually have a purpose in life. Yeah make up is my go to thing each morning and my hair; even one of my parents said to me this morning or the other day that my make up and hair looked more natural than it has been.
The fact that without make up or hair done it’s been like I’ve gone back to the times of I didn’t care about how I looked or anything. I hate that so much because I know it’s not me to be honest I know I’m battling my emotions at the moment maybe it’s because it’s nearly at the end of the term as well. I don’t know but it’s one of those things where there’s so much you can take for one person.
I just hope that I just bounce back with the whole thing and take control of myself a bit more; I just miss the whole thing of feeling great, being able to laugh and be normal self like I use to be. Slowly but surely I should be fine and fight back somehow.
Sorry if this weeks Wednesdays a bit depressing but on the positive note I’ve just managed to complete my yesterday picture that I made. Here is the final version of the picture as promised this morning that I would show you the completed version.
Sitting in the campsite that I’m staying picturing the life before I knew you; it was okay, alright and it was what it was. I’ll paint my life in the sky before I loved you. There were never pictures in the hallway, no fireworks, no grand allure but the reason it only happens was that you came through my door.
Oh now my life feels more than just amazing to which I’m your eyes it makes me feel like I’m stargazing in the world of truly forgotten. It’s like living in a movie to which I’m Fred Astaire Singing in the rain; to where I’m finding myself seeing fireworks the whole grand allure, this is because it’s every time that you walk through my door.
Life feels more than just amazing in your eyes as I’ve been stargazing up close and personal but yet there’s no fireworks or no grand allure because that only happens when you come through my door. As I’m coming back to reality to where I’m finding myself under a blanket outside and I soon realise that I’m just stargazing.
Not even sure what actually happened today and I’m just literally blogging off my phone because I can and I haven’t prepared today’s Wednesdays Evening post. I’m not even sure what this is about but heyho. Let’s talk about how much I hate adult life of today shall we. Haha
Today one of my best friends decided to ring me at 5:15am forgetting that they are currently 4 hours ahead of me. They were like oh it’s like 9:15am so I photo screened them the time difference done it a few times today. Then half an hour later my job decides to message me to say they need me and I’m like at least I’m half awake nearly.
Then I finally got out of bed about another half an hour later. Hardly awake what so ever then out of the door by 6:45am back home at 9:30am for 4 hours. In that four hours pretty much sorted out something what my friend wanted me to do; afterwards went round my local Sainsbury’s shop and I thought I do a bit of house keeping to get two loafs of bread because someone did the dishwasher, came home had breakfast and etc. Then fell asleep the rest of the time so I can catch up some extra sleep. To which I manage to be completely awake and on caffeine for the next run of my job at 14:15pm (2:15pm) got home at about 16:30/16:30pm (4:30/4:45) to find a parent buying two more loafs of bread. To their realisation that they didn’t know I left a message or brought some already. So extra bread for me to steal in the middle of the night but not sure how long that will last until I react to it.
I thought I’ll do a bit of the house keeping and help get a few bits to get by. Yet I’m trying to get myself back on the right side of everyone but yeah. Sometimes being an adult has its good times and funny moments. Now I’m gonna chill. As you may of noticed that I’ve not even corrected any of my writing in this or anything else. It is what it is with any planning involved. Might need to remember not to do this again on my phone haha. Night people sorry for late posts for somethings. Now you know what a day I have had off the record. Also remember the actual pictures are on the iPad not on phone jeez! Someone give me a holiday please.
Drinking in the morning sun as I lay out in the garden blinking in the warm morning sun; shaking off all the heavy cold cobwebs that we all had from a very long winter like it was a heavy loaded gun, what made me behave that way? Using the words that I thought I would never say because I can only think it must be live but anyway it looks like a beautiful day.
Someone tell me how I feel by just looking at me but you’re answer is so silly because it’s wrong yet vividly right at the same time; kiss me like it was our final meal tonight as if we were going to die tonight, holy cow I just love your eyes that can only help me to see the light and you’re just laying there with you half awake but look it’s a beautiful day.
When my face is chamois creased you may think I winked at you because I did where you laughed politely as it repeats like you kiss me when my lips are thin. Throw those curtains wide because one day like this a year would honestly see me right; baby just throw those curtains wide as a day like this a year would see me right for life.
Just holy cow I just love your eyes now that I can see the light with you as you thrown the curtains wide like today I could spend my day with you like no one else could. Just throw those curtains wide like today we see the sun beaming down on us.
The snowglobe snow stayed settled on the bottom of the floor tonight; no matter how much you tried to shake it to make move to watch it float backdown, there was not a footprint or a wheelchair marks to be seen outside and inside the kingdom of isolation of being trapped into ones body. Then again it looks like I’m the next king of science and maths leaving the mark on the world.
The scientists are howling like the swirling storm that’s inside a test tube but they couldn’t keep it in but heaven knows that they tried; don’t let them in don’t let them in be a good mathematic scientist like you always have to be, conceal don’t feel like you have to let them know but now they know and Stephen Hawking would say “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”
Don’t let it hold you back anymore because Stephen Hawking will say once more “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” before turning away and slamming that door. The people who has a learning disability or something that will take their time what are they going to say or do? Just let the storm rage on because it never bothered them anyway.
It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small to him and the fears that once controlled him now can’t get to him at all. It’s time to see what I can do by testing the limits to make the break through because there’s no right or wrong there’s no rules for him to say he couldn’t do anything as he was free. Stephen once said “I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.”
It was time for him to let go of what he had suffered for so long he’s now in the wind and the sky; you would never see him cry “I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first.” yet here I sit and here I’ll stay in the history of time saying that “yes I’m disabled but I know how to carry on with life” the power that I have in my mind will travel through the air and into the ground.
My soul will always be at Cambridge University that one that is crystallises like an icy blast. “It matters if you just don’t give up.” says Stephen the true words if you gave up it wouldn’t matter but it would matter if you don’t give up on yourself. You just rise like the break of dawn and I in the light of the day my conditions never bothered me anyway.
You know when things go around where you got people making quotes whether it’s on facebook, Twitter and etc it either summons you up completely or summons up someone else that you know. There’s always one that summons me up completely where you swear to yourself at least 20 times a day; I’m pretty sure I’ve done that quite a lot today to be honest, when I’ve done something that wasn’t meant to happen and what not. I find that it’s normally the same word that comes out fluently at the time it happens; I’ve just done it with this picture (down below) whilst making it as I put a picture in the wrong place, without knowing what was about to come out of my mouth there goes that word again and your like seriously never swear to myself that much do I?
Then I realise when it comes to adult life and anxiety I find it’s a nervous habit at the best of times. A lot more but then I realise I’m being rather stupid about it all stop; yet adult life does really suck because at the end of the day all you seem to do is work work work and the pay pay pay bills. Like you don’t have anything else better to do in your life you then realise your like Bridget Jones with a bag of minstrels or something then start singing “all by myself” into a hair brush like nobody knows.
That’s sounds like me most of the time without the bag of minstrels or singing the song into a hair brush but a bed cover wrapped round me after a shift of work. Yay me I’ve just given myself a headache with anxiety and literally having a major anxiety attack on two people they were like erm erm right one was like trying to make me laugh and the other one was like I don’t get you. Hehe I like what he did there though even though he didn’t know he did….that’s what I think though.
Oh oh hang on a minute almost forgotten my favourite part when I’m feeling anxious is I watch Most Haunted or throw myself into writing. That’s how I save myself from most things in life.