Not even sure what actually happened today and I’m just literally blogging off my phone because I can and I haven’t prepared today’s Wednesdays Evening post. I’m not even sure what this is about but heyho. Let’s talk about how much I hate adult life of today shall we. Haha
Today one of my best friends decided to ring me at 5:15am forgetting that they are currently 4 hours ahead of me. They were like oh it’s like 9:15am so I photo screened them the time difference done it a few times today. Then half an hour later my job decides to message me to say they need me and I’m like at least I’m half awake nearly.
Then I finally got out of bed about another half an hour later. Hardly awake what so ever then out of the door by 6:45am back home at 9:30am for 4 hours. In that four hours pretty much sorted out something what my friend wanted me to do; afterwards went round my local Sainsbury’s shop and I thought I do a bit of house keeping to get two loafs of bread because someone did the dishwasher, came home had breakfast and etc. Then fell asleep the rest of the time so I can catch up some extra sleep. To which I manage to be completely awake and on caffeine for the next run of my job at 14:15pm (2:15pm) got home at about 16:30/16:30pm (4:30/4:45) to find a parent buying two more loafs of bread. To their realisation that they didn’t know I left a message or brought some already. So extra bread for me to steal in the middle of the night but not sure how long that will last until I react to it.
I thought I’ll do a bit of the house keeping and help get a few bits to get by. Yet I’m trying to get myself back on the right side of everyone but yeah. Sometimes being an adult has its good times and funny moments. Now I’m gonna chill. As you may of noticed that I’ve not even corrected any of my writing in this or anything else. It is what it is with any planning involved. Might need to remember not to do this again on my phone haha. Night people sorry for late posts for somethings. Now you know what a day I have had off the record. Also remember the actual pictures are on the iPad not on phone jeez! Someone give me a holiday please.
Drinking in the morning sun as I lay out in the garden blinking in the warm morning sun; shaking off all the heavy cold cobwebs that we all had from a very long winter like it was a heavy loaded gun, what made me behave that way? Using the words that I thought I would never say because I can only think it must be live but anyway it looks like a beautiful day.
Someone tell me how I feel by just looking at me but you’re answer is so silly because it’s wrong yet vividly right at the same time; kiss me like it was our final meal tonight as if we were going to die tonight, holy cow I just love your eyes that can only help me to see the light and you’re just laying there with you half awake but look it’s a beautiful day.
When my face is chamois creased you may think I winked at you because I did where you laughed politely as it repeats like you kiss me when my lips are thin. Throw those curtains wide because one day like this a year would honestly see me right; baby just throw those curtains wide as a day like this a year would see me right for life.
Just holy cow I just love your eyes now that I can see the light with you as you thrown the curtains wide like today I could spend my day with you like no one else could. Just throw those curtains wide like today we see the sun beaming down on us.
The snowglobe snow stayed settled on the bottom of the floor tonight; no matter how much you tried to shake it to make move to watch it float backdown, there was not a footprint or a wheelchair marks to be seen outside and inside the kingdom of isolation of being trapped into ones body. Then again it looks like I’m the next king of science and maths leaving the mark on the world.
The scientists are howling like the swirling storm that’s inside a test tube but they couldn’t keep it in but heaven knows that they tried; don’t let them in don’t let them in be a good mathematic scientist like you always have to be, conceal don’t feel like you have to let them know but now they know and Stephen Hawking would say “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”
Don’t let it hold you back anymore because Stephen Hawking will say once more “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” before turning away and slamming that door. The people who has a learning disability or something that will take their time what are they going to say or do? Just let the storm rage on because it never bothered them anyway.
It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small to him and the fears that once controlled him now can’t get to him at all. It’s time to see what I can do by testing the limits to make the break through because there’s no right or wrong there’s no rules for him to say he couldn’t do anything as he was free. Stephen once said “I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.”
It was time for him to let go of what he had suffered for so long he’s now in the wind and the sky; you would never see him cry “I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first.” yet here I sit and here I’ll stay in the history of time saying that “yes I’m disabled but I know how to carry on with life” the power that I have in my mind will travel through the air and into the ground.
My soul will always be at Cambridge University that one that is crystallises like an icy blast. “It matters if you just don’t give up.” says Stephen the true words if you gave up it wouldn’t matter but it would matter if you don’t give up on yourself. You just rise like the break of dawn and I in the light of the day my conditions never bothered me anyway.
You know when things go around where you got people making quotes whether it’s on facebook, Twitter and etc it either summons you up completely or summons up someone else that you know. There’s always one that summons me up completely where you swear to yourself at least 20 times a day; I’m pretty sure I’ve done that quite a lot today to be honest, when I’ve done something that wasn’t meant to happen and what not. I find that it’s normally the same word that comes out fluently at the time it happens; I’ve just done it with this picture (down below) whilst making it as I put a picture in the wrong place, without knowing what was about to come out of my mouth there goes that word again and your like seriously never swear to myself that much do I?
Then I realise when it comes to adult life and anxiety I find it’s a nervous habit at the best of times. A lot more but then I realise I’m being rather stupid about it all stop; yet adult life does really suck because at the end of the day all you seem to do is work work work and the pay pay pay bills. Like you don’t have anything else better to do in your life you then realise your like Bridget Jones with a bag of minstrels or something then start singing “all by myself” into a hair brush like nobody knows.
That’s sounds like me most of the time without the bag of minstrels or singing the song into a hair brush but a bed cover wrapped round me after a shift of work. Yay me I’ve just given myself a headache with anxiety and literally having a major anxiety attack on two people they were like erm erm right one was like trying to make me laugh and the other one was like I don’t get you. Hehe I like what he did there though even though he didn’t know he did….that’s what I think though.
Oh oh hang on a minute almost forgotten my favourite part when I’m feeling anxious is I watch Most Haunted or throw myself into writing. That’s how I save myself from most things in life.
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur one little child coming up to their father as they were playing in the park. Yet just down in the town centre far away from the father and child; teens huddle in a near by restaurant when a few middle age men who the teens think that they are old, had started to hit on them (meaning coming on to them) and few teens will think this weird and freak them out. By all means which is a right thing to do is by moving away and call for help; however you have other teens who would go and stand up for themselves, which most likely go something like this in my day or still does now I do not know.
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur an old man hitting on me like what? You need a cat scan. (Pretty sure they don’t even know what a cat scan is I like to point out) old man why are you staring at me eyes on me and my friends? It’s kinda creepy you should be prowling around the Old folk’s home come on due! Leave us alone. At first we thought it was kinda ill when we saw that your were like a billion and still out trying to make a killing. Just get back to the museum.
Hey dinosaur you’re pre-historic that’s what you are; your a carnivore would you like some meat I know it. You’re pretty old. Not long now until you’re a senior citizen you will start strut around with that sexy tank of oxygen; oh honey your toupee is falling to your left side. Get up and go bro! Oh wait you’re fossilised!
When I get my wings to fly I will no that I’m alive as you call for me; as I hear you breathe next to me that’s when I I know that I’ll get my wings to fly because you make me feel that I’m alive, when you look at me across the room I know I can touch the sky as you touch me I know I’m alive and as you blessed the day I just drift away all my worries die. I’m just glad that I’m alive.
You set my heart on fire filling me with love because you made me a women in the clouds above. I couldn’t get much higher than this because my spirit takes a flight because you make me alive. As you call on me I hear you breathe that’s when spirits are higher because god knows that I’ll be the one standing by through the good and the through trying times. It’s only just begun but I can’t wait for the rest of my life. I get wings that would make me fly because god knows that I’m alive on this new day.
I was waiting for so long for a miracle to come because everyone told me to be strong never shed a tear just hold on. Through the darkness and the good times I knew I would make it through the world that I had thought I’d had it all but I was waiting for you; hush now I see the light in the sky that almost blinding me I couldn’t believe that I’ve been touched by my angel with love. Knowing that I am alive now where the rain came down and washed my tears; I let it fill my soul and drown my fears because it shattered the walls for a new sun, and you opened a new day for me to take with you by my side.
When there’s been dark and now there’s light at the end of the tunnel the pain that was there before has been placed by joy and happiness. Where there’s been weakness I have found my strength as all in the eyes of you being there for me. I just can’t believe that you’re my angel that came for me with love and reassurance because you now have brought me a new day with you in it.
No matter what I got to say but I have the words to change a nation yet I’m biting my tongue because I’ve spent my life time stuck in silence yet I’m to afraid that I’ll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it how are we going to learn my song, my story or most importantly my voice. So come on come on let me speak out because this is hurting me as much as you.
I’ve got a heart as loud as the lions in the London Zoo but why do I have to let my voice still be tamed? Maybe we’re a little different but there’s no need to be ashamed because you’ve got the light to fight the shadows away so stop hiding it away, come on come on. I want to sing. I want to shout. I want to scream until the words dry out. I’m not afraid because they can read all about it. Read all about it on how she is a gold digger, she doesn’t love you, she just want to be a princess and live the highlight.
At night we’re waking up the neighbours while the press is at my house making sure that I’m standing my ground; making sure that we’re are remembered that we are in love, we matter too and if the truth is forbidden then we’re breaking all the rules and let the TV and the radio tell our story again and again. It’s about time we got some airplay telling our version of events. There’s no need to be afraid I will shout out that you’re my love of my life.
We are all wonderful people when did we get so fearful? Now that we have finally finding our voices. So take a chance stand next to me help me fight for you.
Just want to give a massive big shout out to Purrpale who’s either my subscriber or follower for giving me an inspiration; as I was struggling to think of my fourth blog post for the day, if her email didn’t come through to me saying what she had posted I wouldn’t of done this tag. Thank you lovely keep it up with the good work hun keep being positive. http://purrpale.com – the blogger that I just mentioned.
1.What’s the best thing that happened to you this month? Don’t even remember erm probably a few snow days at the beginning of March 2018
2. What is something you’re tired of? Tired of people make up lies, ask for advice and then through it back into my face or just look for an argument to take it out on you for no reason at all.
3. What is something that recently moved you? Not sure really. Hearing about the kids that I’ve worked with and how they made so much progress.
4. If you could teach one subject in school what would it be? Creative Writing just to be able to go with the flow and see what they come up with.
5. What’s your favourite beverage? Coke (fizzy) any flavour and doesn’t matter if it has to be diet, Coke Zero, caffeine free Diet Coke and etc. I drink any of them I’m just that weird.
6. What’s your favourite cocktail? Sour cocktails with Pepsi (pepsi, diet, pepsi max)
7. What is your favourite birthday cake? Blonde Cake, as it’s the only cake I would eat and it’s taken me years to be able to start liking birthday cakes.
8.What is one thing you still have from your childhood? Learning difficulties
9. What is your favourite movie? All time favourite has to be Harry Potter
10. What is something you can’t do? Reaching up for something that doesn’t land on my head without fail.
11. What is one habit you wish you could break? To be able to stop having anxiety attacks for no apparent reason. If that’s possible?
12. What makes you laugh no matter what? My best friend Megs when she doesn’t make me mad she always find away to be clumsy no matter what.
13. What does creativity mean to you? To be able to escape from everything and be in another dimension or another world.
14. What are your favourite lyrics of all time? Not sure I have loads
15. What is something you’ve always wanted to try but you’ve been too scared to do? To be able to do things that I know I would be able to do without being judged or reminded off.
16. Best advice for your 19 year old self? If I knew what I now but tell myself back then I would probably say “don’t be a plank stick up for yourself” or “keep what your doing your fine”
17. If you could raid one woman’s closet who would it be? Not even sure to be honest
18. Must have purse item? None above to be honest not a purse freak
19. What did you want to do with your life at age 12? Absolutely nothing I don’t think can’t even remember it
20. What is something you will not be doing in ten years? Hopefully something like staying at home in my parents house.
21. What is an important life lesson for someone to learn? Remember broke heart fixes itself over time if you remember your true friends and family who know how it feels like to either loose someone close or they split from someone. Yes your in pain but just don’t be a dick towards people who are there for you no matter what.
22. What is one goal you are determined to achieve in your lifetime? To be able to live my life to full extent of happiness with projects that I want to do.
23. Would you ever live anywhere besides Guildford? Anywhere but Guildford if someone gave me a golden ticket
24.What is your favourite dessert? Hot chocolate cake but don’t really have desserts that often
25. Is there a dessert you don’t like? Apple crumble
26. It’s brunch! What do you eat? If I could tradition english breakfast
27. Who is your favourite painter? Don’t have one
28. Favourite Disney animal? Tinkerbell
29. What is a book you are planning on reading? Reading what’s that? Hehe
30. What did you read most recently? Can’t remember the last book I read
31. Favourite solo artist? Currently Demi Lovato
32. What’s your favourite board game? Monopoly
33. What’s a city you wish to visit? Not even sure to be honest London would be awesome to go and stay for the weekend or something
34. Heels or flats? Flats all the way
35. Where does one go on a perfect road trip? Tour around Britain I think
36. What do you do on a rainy day? Sleep, Blog, Netflix, candy crush hehe
37. What’s your favourite exercise? Not moving out of my bed if I don’t need to. Hehe
38. What was your worst subject in school? Who the hell invented maths
39. What is your spirit animal? Dolphin if I did have one
40. What do you usually eat for breakfast? Don’t even know I’m not sure
41. What do you usually eat for dinner? Depends what’s being cooked but if I could nothing to be honest unless if I was hungry.
42. Cooking or Baking? Neither
43. Favourite baked good? Huh what’s this question about? I had at cooking
44. What is something you wish you could be good at? Something I wish I was good at is be okay in talking in public. I think.
45. Skiing or Surfing? Surfing if I tired it. Skiing no thanks I tried and panic because of my brother breaking one of his legs on same ski slope at the same school.
46. First celebrity crush? Hugh Grant I think it was
47. Most recent celebrity crush? Tom Hardy
48. What colour was your prom dress? Black and cream
49. How do you manage stress? Before I would reach 0-60 in a matter of seconds but now I try and rationalise it before I get that far.
50. What do you do to relax? Talk to my close friends, blog or Netflix
51. Age when you were first kissed? First proper kiss was at age 21 long history
52. Place you were first kissed? At a back of a store
53. Favourite fashion trend of all time? Don’t really follow a trend to be honest once I see something that I like then I’ll do it how I like it
54. Best fashion advice you’ve ever received? Don’t even know if I had one
55. Trend you would like to see disappear forever? Things that don’t make any sense to me what so ever. What ever that is?
56. Shoes or Bags? Neither
57. How do you know if you’re in love? When you actually get on well with someone and you both can non stop talking about anything. You both like each other more.
58. Television show you’ve binged on recently? Can’t remember the last one I most binged on recently but I can remember one or two it has to be “The Grimm” and “Touch”
59. Who do you turn to when you’re sad? The closest friends that have the time for me when I need them the most.
60. Name one thing you’ve learned the hard way? To not let people in who you think they are your friends but actually they aren’t. They are completely a utter….(you get my point)
61. If you could make a documentary about anything what would it be? If I could make a documentary about anything it would be if I met a royal from another country or here I would treat them normal and teach them what it’s like to be a citizen that’s not in the public eye. Also how we became friends along with them teaching me how their life works as well to show each other how each other’s lives are different.
62. What is your kryptonite? My weakness are letting bad memories and etc coming back to me when I don’t want them to
63. What are you most enchanted by? The most thing that I’m enchanted by is that I’ve got good friends that love me no matter what and telling me that I’m a plank and stop beaten myself. Just to confirm that I’m being stupid over thinking things.
64. What is your biggest strength? Believing in others, put confidence in others and care about people.
65. What is your biggest weaknesses? That I don’t believe in myself and etc really.
66. What are 3 words to describe living in Guildford? Historically, annoying and noisy
67. Cutest thing on planet earth? Huskies
68. Most important advice you’d give your future children? “You’ve got Arrow blood in you. Don’t take crap from nobody understood” the fact that I’ve heard stories of what my dad got up too and my grandad along with trying to defend myself with things that I don’t want to discuss. At the end of the day just got turn your negativity into a positive just got to learn to stand on your own two feet.
69. Best first date idea? A chat over a drink probably best way for me to fiddle with a glass to be honest.
70. Favourite type of flower? Daisies
71. What do you first notice about someone when you meet them? They are hot and cute. Sometimes you weren’t what I thought you were. It’s hard to tell when you don’t know them that well.
72. What’s your guilty pleasure? Junk food because that’s always me go to comfort along with Most Haunted.
73. Plans for the weekend? Don’t even plan a head to be honest.
That’s my daily tag done guys and that was long haha. I would nominate someone but I think you all should try it to be honest. I just copied and pasted then changed the answers to my own.
I was six years old as my parents chose to go away yet I was stuck inside a broken life that nobody couldn’t wish away for me not even me; as I was growing up she was so beautiful she had everything and even more, I had nothing other her left over stuff that she didn’t want or just cheap stuff and my only escape was to hide or just running out of the door.
Somebody listen to me please because I’m so use to be hard even being me; yet living in the shadow of someone else’s dream I’m so tired of trying to find a hand to hold but everything that I touched felt cold to me, yet living in a nightmare with no hope or guidance it’s like a never-ending sleep but now I’m wide awake my chains are finally free. So don’t feel sorry for me because all the days collided on less perfect than the next.
I was so stuck inside in someone else’s life because I was always second best “oh I love you now because I realise that it’s safe to be outside to be able to come alive and be who I am. So if you’re listening there’s so much more to me that you haven’t seen; mother, sister, father, sister, mother everything is cool my life is so good. I’ve got more than anyone should because my life is so good; I’m ready to put the past in the past, I was living in the shadow of someone else’s dream was so hard to find my own as everything that I hold everything I touched at the time felt cold to me. Yet I’m loving and living a new day because I’m living it for me; now the I’m wide awake and that I can finally see for who I am, don’t feel sorry for me that you weren’t there for me as you were so wrapped up in her world.
Living in, living in, living in the shadow will be in the back of my mind but I’m always going to live in a new day wether you three are in my life or not.
You can say what you want about me and do what you want to me but guess what you cannot stop me from telling the truth of how much of a lair you are about things. I’ve been knocked down so many times in this crazy town; someone even tried to punch me in the face in L.A but there’s nothing in the world that you keep me from doing anything that I want to do, because I’m too proud and I’m too strong to let you ruining my life. At the end of the day you have to life by the code by moving on rather than feeling sorry for yourself because I haven’t got anybody around.
So I held my head high as I knew I’d have to survive through this well that’s because I made it and I don’t hate it that’s just the way it goes. I’ve done it and got through it by standing on my own two feet because I paid my dues of going out with you. You tried to hold me down. Put me down. Yet you can’t stop me. So like I just told you; you cannot will not stop me as I’ve paid my dues.
Now I’m tested everyday people who are trying to mess with me because they’ve got nothing in common because I can handle mine and I thought I better let you know that I’m no punk all because I can’t get down. Tell you the truth I don’t give a damn about who’s around that was fine until now that it took me so long to get myself here; I won’t live in fear anymore of you or you trying my shine agains, because they want to build you up before they tear you down again and it’s a struggle in trying to keep the bubble a float.
Why did you like to everyone? You can’t be trusted you good for nothing type of brother; everything that you claimed to be was a lie because you know that I would be at that place or once went there, and you think everyone will believe your sob stories but actually they come running to me and I put them straight. Why did you lie to everyone you creepy, sneaky little
shit your so messed up it’s now time to leave. So bye, bye.