A feather out of the place, a special scent or familiar face are signs an angel is waiting near to comfort you and calm your fears.
A feather out of the place, a special scent or familiar face are signs an angel is waiting near to comfort you and calm your fears.
Saving my hands getting burnt from my iPad I found my iPad keyboard so I can get most of my blogs done this weekend. I’ll explain to why I haven’t gone away in another blog for another day. However this will give me the opportunity to focus on my blogs a bit more as I have now got ideas to write about. To which is written down now before I forget what they are.
In the recent days of this week (week beginning of 26th May 2018) an American presenter wrote a racist tweet; they blamed it on their medication/mental health issues on doing saying that they didn’t know what they were doing. ABC channel took their show off air completely too right to be honest with you; I commented on someone blog this morning (2.6.18) I totally agreed what the blogger had said totally because I suffer from mental health issues such as Depression and Anxiety as you guys may know as I’ve talked about it a few times.
You know when I’m having bad day or a few days I either let you guys know or apologies if I haven’t written anything. You guys come back with great positivity and support to keep me going. I would never write anything that would upset anyone or anything when I’m in that framed of mind; knowing how much I want to at the time posting things thats on my mind, I know the out comes would be if it did happen and it would ruin my writing career.
I would never blame my medication or my mental health issues for doing something or saying something on the social media. Trust me I know what I’m doing I chose to let my mental health define me or I take control of my mental health and beat it every time I have a relapse. I chose to fight and control my mental health than letting it define me; at the end of the day I’m the one who wants to live my life as much as I can because at the end of the day I know who I am and how much I can cope with.
As some of you may know I’m quite straightforward and tough on things especially on myself because I know that I can do things if I push myself to do things. I don’t even know that I’m doing it at the best of times until a few people tell me and laugh. They laugh and say “I love being with you because you just say it as it is” even though they know when I’m quiet something I want to say but don’t say it and you have people who don’t know me that well think I’m just quiet.
I never blame my mental health or my learning disability for any reason what so ever or an excuse for things and etc. All I can say is “don’t post anything on social media that will get you into trouble and turn around to say ‘I have mental health issues or it’s the side effects of my medication’” you know exactly what your doing don’t lie through your teeth you make other people who have mental health issues look bad and make them look like they don’t want recovery or don’t want for help. There are few bloggers out there that I know who I follow who have mental health issues can turn their lives around because they want to live.
Remember “be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let the negativity people bring you down and most importantly don’t let you’re negative mind control you to bring you down”
Have you been lied to? Or have you lied to people? Please don’t because at the end of the day you’re the ones who be caught out by the people that you love or lead them on when you know how vulnerable they are to start with or much more than that. Lying isn’t the best way to say I haven’t done this or I haven’t done that or anything like that.
The amount of times I’ve been lying too in the past about things I have pretty much have a gut instinct where something isn’t right; that’s when I soon realise that I’ve been lied to, I’ve always had that gut instinct before I’ve even been lied too and I always find away to make them break or crack because people don’t understand I have this thing where I have this motion sensor if you like to call it. That’s probably why I’m quite good at telling how it is and toughen myself up because I know darn well something isn’t right.
Trust me I even done it on one of my brothers girlfriends in the past my god I was right all along but I remained silent for along time as the events unfolded. I just acted like I cared and liked her for the sake of my brother. You may say it’s a sibling thing but I’m pretty much like to most people.
I’m pretty much prone to standing up to people in away I think they need to hear the truth and what not. You maybe surprise for someone who has mental health can be in control of things when battling something like that. The fact is I’ve toughened myself up a lot over the years and I try not let myself get to that state of mind if I can. Also I’m pretty good at playing the quiet but innocent card which makes people think I’m just quiet and that’s who I am; yet people who really know me, I mean really know me they know there’s me screaming in my head and want to say something to whoever it is.
I’m pretty much saying be on you’re guard at the best of times. Don’t lie to people. Always dig into the things that might not be true or not because at the end of the day yes your going to get hurt. At least you protected yourself as much as you can in the long run; I’m only saying this because this week I just caught someone lying to me, and I gave them evidence that they’ve actually received it and been lying to me making it out it’s stuck at x and that they have to pay for it and what not.
What a load of b****** trust me you know what I did with the information. I sent it to the person who lied to me and asked the explanation and sent it to a friend of mine who was helping me out with looking for information. Along with sending it to someone else to say look if you actually listened to me something wasn’t right about this you wouldn’t of being so paranoid in the first place and blaming me for it all. I know that they hate it when I tell the truth and looking into it all that doesn’t make sense. They were like “oh don’t you trust me” “oh forget it leave it there”. The fact that I you lost my trust ages ago and never made up for it; secondly I know perfectly well I’m the one who will get to the bottom of it all, then you know why I find it hard to trust people when they lie to me about things. Just don’t lie!
Remember “be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negative people get you down and most importantly don’t get your own negative mind get you down.”
Friday has finally arrived I’ve been wishing my week away to get to my mini holiday come sooner; now my anxiety has started to kick in where I don’t want to go, the ifs and the buts the questions of what if it doesn’t happen or what will happen when I get there. I know I’m being stupid and all that. I know I’m being anxious but I can’t help the fact that things might not turn out the way I hoped and what not.
I’ve planned what I want to take and what not just need to put it in my suitcase but I’m stalling time because I know I’ll be freaking out soon enough. I’ve brought a few things that I might need with me which I need to pack. Do need to wash my make up brushes before tomorrow because they do need to be cleaned.
I know I find being at home a bit hard and want to escape but being away from home is another thought. I know I’ll be fine I’m one of those people who just get on with it and do it. As my sister always says to me and her self “you (me) stop being so brave and me (her) be brave” love her pep talk to herself I know that she knows I’m one of those people who just gets on with it and push myself.
The one thing I won’t miss when I do go away is the annoying dogs who are like making my house like a ping pong match. I’m probably over thinking this with the whole it’s not going to happen business it’s just that I can’t get hold of my friend whom I’m going away with. I’m probably over thinking things and they have been busy all day with work all that.
I fell asleep for about two hours or so. I was pretty tired and anxious I just hope that they get into contact soon they know how anxious I get about these things where we arrange something either they come up with an excuse or something. I don’t know probably all in me head as it normally is. I still haven’t heard anything arrrhh hate when people don’t reply even though they know that they need to arrange a time and what not. I knew this would happen they better get into contact soon because I’m not going to pack any further until I hear something from them. Think positive Lizzy think positive.
Storm is once back again today for the end of May 2018 for the United Kingdom (31.5.18) today has been pretty much a long day for me to be honest I hate long days when I haven’t done much to be honest. However at 4:35am this morning it was completely foggy couldn’t see any of the small trees as I was looking out of my window that sat in my next door neighbours gardens; all I could see was this huge tree sitting in the car park of a restaurant that literally sits not to far from the end of my garden, just looming over everything like it was just outside my window even though it’s like in the next road. It always reminds me off the muppet character called “Sweetums” the big hair guy. Over the years I barely even noticed the resemblance of it all but at least 3-4 years the more I paid attention to it the more I actually could see it in the dark and the fog.
Later on in the day whilst things had started to brew over time; my autistic cousin messaged me to remind my mum his aunt to get the washing in as it’s about to rain/raining, so I had to move from the nice and warm comfort of my once messy floor room to go outside to tell her and the fact that he was sweet enough to message me to go and tell her was one thing. Even if it was joint effort with his mum telling him about it and get me to go and tell my mum. Then telling me about something important that was happening in like two months time and asking me what time would I be there and etc I was like I haven’t even thought about it as it’s ages away like another month. We have a special connection me and my cousin.
To be honest I’ve just spent at least half an hour just cleaning apart of my floor and hoovered it; from the door to my bed and visa bed to the door. It really needed doing to be honest with you not too bad but due to my tight muscle in my lower back I couldn’t spend too much time like bending up and down for long period of time. People say it’s because of my weight. However I know exactly what it is and what caused it. Just the job that I’ve been doing for the past 7 years doing the wrong sort of moving handling even though I’ve been trained but still do it wrong all well. Another thing I have to worry about along with the ligaments and the sprains and everything else. I think I’m just generally falling apart and I’m only **** years haha.
The fact we all know I get quite sassy when it comes to certain things you definitely will know that I will say as it is and be sassy after being down for so long. If you don’t…you do now because my friends always point it out to me when I do it to them and I don’t realise I’m doing it until they say. Just come to realise that I’ve just written a whole blog for you guys without thinking much about it and it’s not gibberish. That’s another thing that you guys may find about me when I do a very long blogs you know I’m on top form along with a few scheduled ones in the mean time as well.
I have planned some bits with this diary entry in my plotting journal book which to be honest is quite handy for me as I do watch a fair bit amount of youtube recently and my iPad is the only thing that I can actually watch things on it. So it gives me that effort, the push to say “hey you need to get back into writing in journals again get off the iPad and watch something. Whilst you do that write ideas down in your journal book.” So I have started writing back into one of the journals that I have and I’ve found two positive books that I started I think it was sometime last year I think it was. I kept on loosing one or the other; I think I might actually use one for Life on the open road project and one just general positive book, so I can start writing Life on the open road project blogs for you all in a diary form.
Chinese food tonight yum and saved off for lunch tomorrow now. All and all today been alright. Just be you, love yourself, don’t let peoples negativity harm and don’t let your own negativity thoughts control over you.
Today is a mini Superdrug Haul for you guys for the bank holiday and I want to share with you what’s in my Superdrug bag but also what I got off my list from the last time. It’s only a few items but when I say a few items it was more like 5 items but cost a lot but most of it was for my sister. Yes I’ve gone and done it. I paid her back with make up that I used.
I’m kicking my Superdrug Haul with my sisters little haul that I gave her from Elf Foundation light ivory/sunscreen at £7.50, Elf Pours prime at £7.50 and Elf BC Primer at £7.50 all in all her little lot came to £22.50. Expensive for me to pay her back but I needed to and she did find out in the end that I did use her other two weren’t impressed when I confessed. All good now that I’ve paid her back with a load of makeup.
The next I’m going to talk about is Live Instant colour – Real Red hair dye due to the fact that my hair actually needs doing now as my natural colours is coming through and also I think I’ve got more grey hairs coming through now. Hopefully soon I get to redoing it especially before I go away. Pow red hair man all the way haha. Got two boxes for £4.49 each total £8.89.
Finally got my Garnier Skin Active Micellar Cleansing Water at £5.29 which will last me for months because having a big bottle like that will never run out until the next time. At least I don’t have to worry about the one is going to be running out soon about 2 weeks time I reckon.
I can now get rid of my old eyeshadow pallet as now I’ve got a new one. The new eyeshadow is Revolution Pro Supreme Eyeshadow Captive at £6.00 to which has the basic eyeshadows that I use such as my natural colours are my favourite and me than bright colours that some people seem to be wearing but it’s not me and I’m not that brave.
Remember be you, be yourself, you are beautiful whatever size or shape you are because you are worth it and don’t let people who are negative towards you put you down or don’t let your negativity thoughts put you down either. You are beautiful for who you are.
Remember be you, be yourself, love yourself and most importantly ignore all the negativity from other people and even your own negative thoughts. Beauty is in all different shapes and sizes no one can tell you different.
So many times the world spits me out to the point of me spinning around like I was lost in a free fall because I’m forever going down breaking through the ground. Just when I thought I had finally reached the end of this fight; I had started to fall again I remembered that I was taught to never surrender otherwise it will be a lot harder to get up again and again each time, you’ve got to fight until you can stand and say to your demons “enough is enough. I’m in control of this not you”
You can continue to turn me down and throw me out but it will be harder for you to do so because every time you do I’ll come back around a lot harder. You may break my heart but you won’t be able to scratch my name out because I can take the hit a lot better than you than you think as I’m a boomerang baby.
Now that I’m 10 feet tall making my problems feel so small there won’t be anything in my way to make me change; there isn’t any ceiling to my sky just an open space so I can fly out into the open air freely, because every time I’m feeling down I know I can it back around. I was taught to never surrender when it’s hard to get up because I’m going to fight until I can stand and say you can turn me down continually throw me out.
No matter how hard you try to do it to make it feel naturally but it comes to me naturally as I come back around a lot harder hitting you in the face making your nose bleed. You can break my heart over and over but you won’t be able to scratch my name out of you’re memory because I can take the hit as I’m a boomerang. Even though I’m flying high in the sky it can still change one day where I could hit some turbulence but I am who I am and I’m never going to change for someone who doesn’t like me.
Yo hey guys just typing up my notes from my blog notes of Primark Haul decided to write them down as my iPad is getting too hot to hold now so I decided to jot them down. Today (26.5,18) I went to my local Primark to get more nice summery clothing tops as I’ve noticed that I’ve grown out of some of my clothing that I’ve had over the years. Which is a shame really but all well what can we do.
I’m going to start with W-Button Kimo costing me £12.00 it’s cross between cardigan/swimwear sort of style where it’s long, lose and flows quite beautifully. The cardigan is black with flowery patterned with short sleeves, easy and lose. The size that I’ve picked up is size 18.
I brought another Will Button Kimo costing me £10.00 which is another flower pattern with black background with bright flowers and green long Kimo cardigan. Another long, lose and flows quite beautifully once again I do like my flow lose clothes in the summer and also in the winter because I get hot quite easily and I’m not that so claustrophobic. I hate the feeling so claustrophobic. I’ve got the size 18 once again.
Now I’ve got two different types of sleeves milit at £8.00 each and obviously size 18 one is patterned flowery top long and the other one is a stripy long one. I just find it comfortable and lose it’s just helps me quite a lot especially with this heat that we are having at the moment.
If you remember that I brought one black high waisted shorts at size 20; so I brought two more extreme rip high wasted shorts that are denim shorts to which it to my advantage I can wear them everyday, without using my black high waisted shorts. The shorts cost me £10.00 each.
All in total I spent like £58 roughly I know guys “how much?” The fact is I needed new tops, leggings and etc over the past two weeks of spending like £100 for two weeks but when you have lost your way for awhile and everything that you use to feel is like what’s the point in life.
The fact that I’m trying to take charge of my life right now trying to remain positive and get back into the positive frame of mind. It’s like you need to do something about it and fight for you’re life like no tomorrow. I’m currently fighting for my life with my mental health right now; I’m tired of letting it control me everyday now, I want to live my life now to the best that I can be and thats even with the blogging and what not.
Remember believe in yourself, you are strong, you have the passion to survive this and most importantly you’re beautiful in all different shapes and sizes no matter how you look. Ignore all the haters that hate you ignore all the negative that they give you even yourself. Be you, be yourself and love yourself no matter how much hard it is. Peace!