Everyday Evening Post: (9.6.18) Saturday – hate sleeping the day away

Finally the weekend here. I literally just spent the day sleeping practically I hate days like that; just wasted the day when you could be doing something fun or something positive that will help you get through life, well I guess when you’re feeling down about something all you want to do is sleep I guess.

I did manage to post out two blogs today, done my paper work from yesterday data collection, had a BBQ and what not. Not impressed that one of my siblings confessed that they might of used all the hot water this morning. Siblings you got to love them so in the end didn’t bother having a shower; there we go you can’t have everything, you know you have that one annoying neighbour who every year at this time (summer) screams, yells and everything else.

They’ve been alright recently until you hear their annoying dog who constantly barks in the back garden and goes to the fence towards the local small supermarket store. You’re like shut up already the constant annoying barks. I use to like dogs but now I don’t like them to the point of being a table tennis net between two houses in two different streets. Before my garden was dominated by cats over the number of years but now I can’t even sit in my own garden peacefully due to the dogs and local small supermarket deliveries coming in and out.

Just finished having a BBQ with a helicopter hovering over my area quite literally over my area. Where my road is it comes off a main road to another road where the local supermarket is then you have the first road on the left which is my road; further on the left you have another road, then bit further on from that up the long road on the right you have another road leading to three other roads two of which leads off to the main road.

The helicopter was literally above the other side of my road and the other road at the time. It was literally right on my doorstep but not literally on my doorstep because it was above the other houses; it’s not the first time a helicopter has been literally on the doorstep, at least 2 times before that they had a helicopter above my area for two different times.

Not sure what’s gone on there but surely find out within a week why and what happened to be honest. Who knows. Fun fact though I was told that I use to jump out of my skin because there was helicopter going over ahead (this is when I was younger and I couldn’t hear) I still didn’t understand what people were saying until it was literally above me. Now I can pin point where the helicopter is coming or close by because I can hear it now but before I couldn’t. I have the annoying habit when I’m on a job run that if a siren is coming I have to prep for the children and be the second eye for the driver incase they can’t see where the services are.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (9.6.18) Saturday Online Diary Entries – Life changing things to over come mental health and confidence issues

You guys may know that I suffer from mental health issues and confidence issues to which sometimes shows or come across on my blogs at the best of times. I do have my bad days with mental health and confidence issues at the best of times sometimes it can go on for weeks or a month or so.

I for one hate the whole idea of letting it define me in so many ways to the point of letting it control me and not seeing any possible way out. However the past 2 weeks I’ve been slightly struggling that was down to people who let me down when they said they would meet me and go away. That got me down because there was something wrong me; I then decided to take control of my mind before it got any worse than it could off done to which I could gone off at the two people because they let me down, and punish myself by making myself believe that it’s something wrong with me and putting myself down.

You guys probably thinking you wouldn’t be able to change your negativity pattern and still continue to put yourself down and that your not strong enough. You are strong and you can change your negativity pattern. How I changed my mind pattern is by getting myself out of the house; meeting up with a close friend of mine, having close people who I could trust and most importantly I had my blog and writing to rescue me.

I put all of my effort into writing my blogs and talking to my close friends so that I know that if I need to talk about anything I can talk to my friends who I can trust. It also gives me the confidence to be able to achieve things in so many little ways; like for example my blogs because this week I’ve been focusing on writing, then putting them up to share with people to read them. Yeah at the best of times I should be proud of what I achieved but the fact that I kind of not. I know I’m just writing for me and no one else in mind. Yet it’s great that people read them and continually reading them along side finding my other blogs that I have done in the past because it shows that I’ve hit the right sort of market of what people want to read.

I do find since making Life On The Open Road Project people/readers have become more interested in reading more of my blogs; I just believe that everyone who suffers from mental health issues, confidence issues and etc that they can do things if they put their mind to it. I for one with the recent happenings I chose to take control of my mind where I let it become it’s my fault to begin with. Then I take control of it say “no this is not my fault” it’s there lost at the end of the day; they have an issue knowing how much I have trust issues, and people let me down because they knew what they want but lying through their teeth just let me hear what I actually want to hear.

The fact that I’ve been let down in the past and had lots of trust issues to this date. I learned to push past the whole letting down because I know how much it hurts; I trained my mind not to even think about it as much, what will I gain in life if I let it continue to define me and not be able to trust anyone.

All you have to do is “be you, be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negativity people bring you down and most of all don’t let your own negativity mind bring you down” I do have a logo for Life On The Open Road Project but it’s in the making so I’ll bring out next weeks Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging.

You can win this by training your mind and you are strong.

Everyday Topics: (8.6.18) Friday – People who gate crash

I’m one of those people who hate people who gate crash things whether they were invited or not because they just want to control everything. I generally believe that people who are self loathing people who make it out it’s all about them and be center of attention.

I genuinely don’t understand why people do that because at the end of the day people who they think that they are their friends will turn against them. Either fall out or they will diss them whether it’s on YouTube or in the papers or magazines or even on social media.

No matter if they are rich, famous, youtubers, or just normal human beings because it’s not right; I’m not one for the whole up taking someone down by naming and shaming anyone, especially in public because at the end of the day they are the ones showing their true colours than the one it’s actually aimed at.

I’m not naming anyone or anything. I observe people quite well because I keep to myself unless there’s something to put people back into their place. People may call me a ninja some call me assign just go in for the whole speak my mind. That’s the best way forward to be honest especially for me because I’ve let people like that walk all over me throughout my life even though no matter how much I’ve helped them and what not.

They throw it back into my face and say nasty things about me which aren’t true and what not but also they are the ones that me down not the other way away around. People’s egos do need to loose a few pegs now and then. That’s when they realise how much they annoyed me when I decide to speak my mind about things especially what they do that isn’t right.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (8.6.18) Friday – 1:45am – 2am spooky on Wednesday night

Other night I couldn’t sleep which is typical me but then again it’s me because I don’t sleep. However not sure what happened on Wednesday night (6.6.18) I couldn’t sleep as my head was being a bit weird to be honest along with my back being painful as per normal. I needed to pee as per normal (I know TMI) this was roughly about 1:45am leading up to 2:00am; typical I need to get the toilet roll as you do but everyone is asleep, and no one decides to go downstairs to get anymore. I hate that when someone leaves a few squares and don’t get more toilet roll.

You know what I had to do….correct your right I had to go and get more for who ever needed toilet roll in the middle of the night or in the morning because I’m nice that like that. However that night it was a lot darker than normal I don’t particularly like the dark especially at 2am in the morning; I ended up feeling myself around the landing for the banister, I have a habit of falling over things in the dark especially a hover and especially the stupid computer charger when someone doesn’t tuck it underneath the second set of stairs.

Let’s get back to me and the first set of stairs and trying to get down them. I’m not confident with the 1930’s stairs due to the amount of times I’ve falling down them during the day; first time I was about 2/3 years old and I rolled/fell down the stairs landed on the metal push chair I had at the time back in the 90’s, I do have a scar to prove it and so I was trying getting down these stairs wasn’t the best thing.

I survived getting to the bottom of the stairs went to the second bathroom to get the toilet rolls to take back up; I put them on the radiator cover so I could take a paracetamol for my back, and something to eat as I was hungry. I then went back took the toilet rolls after trying to find them; found the door to the dinning room, and finally found the radiator cover with my 4 toilet rolls.

I then had to climb back up the creepy 1930s stairs; I literally couldn’t see the top of the stairs it was that dark, I know for the fact that my house is haunted and everything. I just put the fear out of my head for the time being once I got to the top of the stairs; I managed get back to the bathroom I had to feel around to the toilet holder, found it and replaced it.

I went back to my room as you do feeling your away back of how far are you from your door I literally nearly walked straight into it if I didn’t have my hand out to know where I was. After all of that wild adventure of my house at night; I was just about to get into bed to which I normally plug myself in (headphones) to watch some YouTube videos, I looked at my headphones as I was undoing the tangled nest and I managed to sort it out. I plugged it into the my phone I still didn’t think about it until I looked on my twitter feed as you do; there was an advert playing (still didn’t have my headphones in by this stage), the advert had finished but yet the music was still playing and didn’t really make the connection until I realised it was my music that playing. (MVP – Body (check) song) this is was the last thing that happened at 2am.

Everyday Evening Post: (7.6.18) Thursday – “What should I do with my life?”

One of the most important questions that I ask myself “what should I do with my life?” I always find myself pounding about this question every so often even more when I’m in a bad place. I have dreams I have goals. Yet I always come back to the same old question; yes I want to be writer, yes I want to go traveling, yes I want to drive and so forth.

The fact that I always believe and give hope to other people. I am quite straight forward person who seems to come across very direct and confidant when I have something on my mind I would say it. Trust me it does get me into trouble but not that bothered at the end of the day.

I’m not that confident or self believe in myself or take a chance to do something that I actually want to do with my life. I’m currently in a bit of a limbo in what I want to do with my life at the moment; I love what I’m doing at the moment, I just want to see what I want to do who knows maybe this might take off one day.

I’m just not getting my hopes up at the moment but that’s because I’m being realistic but I’m going to keep on writing and writing my little thumbs can type to it’s heart can content. Not sure if that makes sense but you guys know what I mean. However I like to remain positive as much as I can; share the positive with you guys, promote the “Life On The Open Road Project” as a positive category as you can see with the new pictures it has the titles promoting it.

I want to take you on my open road how I can continue to be positive, creative, achieving things and many more things throughout blogging. I want to help get you guys motivated no matter how much you struggle with things; I know how it feels struggling with confidence, self esteem, mental health issues and many other issues that I face.

I think I might actually just answered my own question on that fact I don’t know what I do with my life. I want to share with you something that I created a video of my favourite youtubers that help get through my darkest times recently. I share the think down below you can copy and share with friends and family.

YouTube Link by clicking on them

Motivation Team Trailer

The Motivation Team full works

Everyday Topics: (7.6.18) Thursday’s Topics: I could shoot myself in the foot with this one.

Okay guys I could shoot myself in the foot with this one here; yet this is my opinion and I respect other people’s opinions too, everyone has opinions neither of us are right or wrong. It’s brought to my attention in the last couple of days that I’ve been watching a few people’s videos to which I’m leaving out because I actually like their content. However what goes behind the scenes doesn’t bother me what so ever because at the end of the day it’s not my business nor do I really want to know what’s going on. I’m one of those people who like to pry on other people’s problems or anything. I just hate the whole attention, attention seeking and play off the whole who has more fan base or subscribers whatever they want to cool it.

I just enjoy the videos that they make at the end of the day; if they make me laugh, make me be on edge, make me want to come back for more then that’s great because at the end of the day I respect them for who they are and don’t really need to share their whole life stories like other people seem to do like it’s a home diary. For example: Big Brother Style. Some people like to do it, some people like to do other things that are different and have their own twist to it all. Yeah I write diary entries but I don’t tell you guys my life story in them; I literally choose what I want to share, what content I want to write about and plan it to make sense.

I don’t understand one thing people who say “I made you big” “no I made you big” and so on and so forth. I don’t actually care how they do it to be honest because at the end of the day fame doesn’t really bother me; you may find how much people think I did this on my own, it took me years to do and etc but yet if someone helped you along the way wouldn’t you be grateful that they helped you to get onto the platform?

Instead of being grateful or anything they just split off from you and cause conflict between all the friends that you both know. It’s just silly and childish at the end of the day. Unless your one of those people who fake making their videos; harass other YouTubers because they like them thinking that you’re going out with them, spreading lies that people stole you’re ideas and everything else. Also making it on the news saying you’re homeless and making a YouTube video saying “today is my last day in my home. I am now homeless” oh come on firstly use your brain and common sense.

First off all if you were made homeless you wouldn’t be still making videos; you wouldn’t have you’re camera to make videos still, and most importantly you wouldn’t have anywhere to edit or upload you’re video or videos. Secondly if you’re account has been cancelled or what ever it is that they do; you can’t make another YouTube account under the same name because they will find out, and shut that one down as well. Thirdly I can tell someone is lying, a fake and everything else years of experience with people in the real world. Acting like you’re all hard paying other people to do the work for you to make you look good because they are terrified of you as you might do something to them. Oh please just get over yourself man.

People take years to get where they are; things don’t happen over night trust me I’ve been doing blogging since the end of November 2015, it’s taken me this far to where I am with 1,317 subscribers I think I last checked and at the end of the day I’m doing the blogging and the writing for myself because I love writing and I want to become a writer. I also like to show people who have confidence issues, low self esteem and many more that they can do things if they put their minds to it and stick at it. Trust me I’ve been through a lot in my life. I’ve taken on so many challenges in my life away from the world of today.

I always say to anyone who is reading this or someone says to me I can’t do this. I stick to this saying for Life On The Open Road Project “be yourself, love yourself, don’t let negativity people bring you down and most importantly don’t let your own negativity mind bring you down” I believe that people can do things if they put their mind to it changing what they think about themselves take chances that you want to do with your life. Just make the right decisions and not the wrong ones.

I know I’m quite straight forward in this blog than I normally am but I just wanted to put it out there that you make a decision wether a youtubers or any other blogger you come across tries to win you over or make you think the other person is wrong. Just don’t let them manipulate you in any other way because at the end of the day it’s you’re mind who you want to watch, read or be friends with if your a blogger reading this or a new blogger just about to start out. Just be you and that’s all that matters don’t let people change of who you are or what you should do with your life or your content.

I just want what’s best for you at the end of the day that’s all. Just be you and stay true to yourself no matter what the out come is. Try their idea if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work because at the end of the day you have to find away what works for you. Apologies if this became a rant but I just wanted to get this sort of topic out there in one peace.

Love you all. You are you that’s what all that matters.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (7.6.18) Thursday – The moment when you day is long!

The moment when you find that your day is long as your on stand by for work; you’re like well am I needed or am I not that’s when your part half organised and not organised because you never know if you have to rush out or not, hour passes or so no phone call comes through and your like looking at you’re phone and it reads 7:30am. If you’re like me just gets back into bed for awhile and go back to sleep because you’re still tired and you didn’t get much sleep the night before.

You then wake up about an hour and half later look at your phone once again. Reads 9:00am. You’re like my god it feels much more later than that today is going to be a long one of nothing to do if I’m not working this afternoon. I know I know some its luxury of not having anything to do; we all know I like to keep myself busy time to time before it’s that time of my head starts to kick in, start overthinking and what not.

Believe me I was like that yesterday (6.6.18) I rang work and my boss answered; he was like “sorry not today but we will have something tomorrow afternoon and Friday for you”, I’m like “great” in my head but fortunately I managed to get hold of my friend as she was on her lunch break to say I could meet her after she finished work. I’m starting to go mad and my head is starting to go the other way I need to get out of the house.

Mind you my feet wasn’t so bad yesterday only slightly hurting to be honest. I’m one of those people who like to keep busy at the best of times; don’t get me wrong I love blogging, it gets me back into writing again properly and that I can focus more on it than I was. I have noticed you guys have started to read my everyday online entries again. Hang on you guys like them if I remember rightly you were interested in them before. It was either this one or the challenges one can’t remember now; self doubting myself now guys which one was it that you guys got addicted to let me know down in the comments, told you I’m losing the plot now guys.

Just realised that the picture for this diary entry summons up the day I had yesterday where it’s been long one; it’s like I’m sitting on the moon waiting for the sun to officially set in the sky, so that the moon can come out to play and the night falls the summer air changes to the smell of fresh damp air like it’s going to rain. I like this time of year when you don’t need to look on the weather news to find out if it’s going to rain or not. I only know this because of years of experience camping you notice if it has or not or going to rain by the smell of warmth and cold mixing together.

Everyday Topics: (6.6.18) Wednesday – Ariana Grande suffers from PTSD

“No tears left to cry” Ariana Grande is awesome person, beautiful person and amazing person who can take on anything no matter what life throws at her. So heavily grounded not letting fame get to her head; taking on trolls, haters and many more things. Down to her mothers support, guidance and love. Now like every other person who witnessed, become a victim and many more. Ariana has another thing to face.

Ariana has now has to face Mental Health Issues of PSTD I can understand that she can’t talk about it because it was her show that it happened to; she lost so many fans that day, she had lots of fans became victims of traumatic injuries and feels like it’s all her fault when it isn’t.

Ariana is allowed to feel the same thing as everyone else; she was also effect too because she had amazing time putting all the things into the concert to give her fans the show that they wanted, and someone decides to ruin their Birthday, Christmas present and many more things. A night out watching their idol waiting for a year or so until that night in Manchester turned to a nightmare.

Ariana is 24 years old young singer rose to fame in 2008 throughout acting and singing owning herself a household name from being a childstar with a young strong minded young girl. Not letting her fame get to her head; she helped people to escape from the concert with her mum, she came back after a few months put on the concert in memory of the injured, victims who where there and victims who had lost their lives on the day of the attack.

No matter how much she had to struggle with but she’s loyal to her fans; sharing her feelings, trying to talk about what happened but can’t because she will end up crying and most importantly she is a fan of her fans as they are a fan of hers. She showing them that “it’s okay we are in this together. We are strong. We are one. One love is all we need” she gives so much positive throughout her songs and being a normal human being. She doesn’t use her fame or her fortune to help her to get onto the platform making her big headed. She gets down on hands and knees work with her fans.

That’s what I love about Ariana she’s so grounded and turns every negative into a positive; speaks her mind if she needs to, defend anyone if she needs to and most importantly being her true self. She has a strong mind and she will have PTSD for the rest of her life become anxious every time she goes on stages to perform but with the support of her fans, security and musicians. Most importantly her family and friends close by to get her through it all; she can show the world that no matter how little or how big something might be that can trigger off her mental health she will find away to deal with it. She won’t let her define her and her show to her fans that it’s okay to take baby steps to face your fears. It’s going to be a long recovery for her and her fans.

Few of her videos in memory

Meeting some of her fans

School Choir in memory

Ariana Grande Live One Love Concert – One Last Time

Ariana Grande – No tears left to cry

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (6.6.18) Wednesday – Story of My Life – Story Based

Story of my life when I’m kept in the dark about things but I wish you could be with me now; as I can’t sleep without you next to me so I have to go to the river to pray because I need something that can wash out the pain, and the memories that are flashing in my minds eye that I don’t want to see. I keep sleeping with you’re ghost the ghost of you laying next to me to keep these demons away from me. 

My friend have figured you out they saw what’s inside of you because there’s wasn’t anything for you to hide; there was no evil coming through from you all they could see was your kindness, loving, patient and protection coming through. Everytime you were near I could feel these eyes sitting on the wall watching every move that I make; even with the bright light of the sun they are there in the shade but your loving heart makes my spirit have hope that I can do this, knowing that I’m not a lone in this. 

I had to go through hell on my own to be able to prove that I’m not insane because I had met the devils name and now I’m starting to know his name. I then find your burning love coming through holding your hand out whilst everything was burning out by the water. 

Sitting here with you as we stare at these written walls are the stories that I can’t explain what they all mean because I just leave my heart open for days but my thoughts stay there on these walls for days. The morning that I have something to show you and I took you to this room with all of my stories of my past covering all over the walls and ceilings. 

You knew that I love you to the bones and knew I struggled to open up but now you finally got to see and read what was happening in my head. You didn’t realise how much I was dying inside of me; these words that are written on the walls will be on my grave stone because that’s how much I hated about myself, no matter how many times I’ve been to hell you know I’m gone there when I’m in a bad dark place. I just want the ground to open beneath me so wide that I can get away from this life; in away I’m holding on too tight to you from falling into the hole that has nothing in between. 

This is the story of my life battling with mental health; I just want you to take me home even if you drive all night to keep me warm because I’m frozen in time, I wish this wasn’t the story of my life but it is and you give me hope, love, patience until I’m no more broke inside. 

The words that are written on these walls are in colour I can’t change them because I don’t know how to but they are attacking my heart that’s widely open in its cage. I know in the morning as I can see the light creeping up over the hill as I lay on the floor with you and your arms wrapping around me protecting me. Although I am broken without you I think I would of been gone tonight; the fire that was beneath my feet was burning so bright, the way that I was holding you and you were holding onto me so tight like there was nothing can become between us. I’ve been waiting for this time to come around but I didn’t know how to explain myself I felt like I was chasing something. 

The things that I’ve seen, the things that I’ve heard, the things that I’ve experienced with. The is the story of my life battling with mental health. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (5.6.18) Tuesday – When everything hurts!

Tuesday lovely Tuesday. Still cloudy with no sun but it’s still humid and warm yet still no rain or thunderstorms to clear the air. Would be quite nice to have some sort of warmth with blue skies and the sun being out to be honest with you. This blog is generally a down time blog; one of those chit chat blogs to be honest with you because lots have gone on to which I might talk about, I might not talk about them as we all know I don’t particularly want my whole life story on social media.

You probably thinking what does she mean “when everything hurts!” Let me explain since I was a kid I was prone to sprain my ankles and wrists; doctors couldn’t see anything that was wrong at the time, however I never really got it checked out properly since because they couldn’t find anything so I just got on with it and strap them up myself.

Hitting my late teens my knees had started to go and I was like great more things to sort out. I do go over my shoes a fair amount; I always had problems with shoes and my feet to be honest don’t know why, I think that’s why I prefer no shoes to be honest if only I can just go out walking around barefoot it would be amazing. Within the last year it or so my feet have decided to become painful where it’s too much to walk on or put weight on them no matter what I do.

I’ve been trying to in recent days or months to not go over in my shoes to see if I can correct my walking ability but obviously it comes with a price at the end of the day. I went out for a bit earlier didn’t realise how much it hurts just walking on them I came back home to find a blister on in between my toes and swollen feet. Pretty much wonder why I hate shoes to be honest and my feet.

Fancy that it was all cloudy and humid this morning by late afternoon it becomes hot, sunny and nice with hardly any clouds in the sky. I thought I’ll get out for a bit just for my mental health; I have a habit of joking about with my mental health done it twice now on two different people now, once I was working with a driver who I get on with and I told her that she’s nuts. She told me that means your nuts too and replied “yeah and I’m on medication for it” she cracked up laughing because it was true and it wasn’t what she meant on which I knew and we both just burst out laughing.

Someone said to me “are you mentally nuts” being me as well I come out with “that’s why I’m on medication” haha. I like to be control my mental health and make a joke about it because it helps me deal with it a bit more along with having ago at it when I’m just about to have a serious moment. It’s only recently I’ve started to have ago at it because I’m fed up with it now; so when my anxiety starts to kick in I turn around and say “Anxiety you piece of sh**”. Makes me feel a whole lot better because when I’m in not good frame of mind I put myself down so now I turn the tables and put it down…..