Everyday Online Diary Entries: (21.6.18) Thursday – Dry Sense Of Humour Never Dies

I do find that when my mental health kicks in it always tries to take the last two things that keep me going. My writing and my dry sense of humour but they always seems to shine through no matter how hard it tries but it never does. That’s why I like the whole I can do better than my mental health I literally just use it as my advantage. 

Today (21.6.18)  I made a few jokes about the situations that I’m in like this morning I was at the doctors having a blood test; I’m not good at needles so I had to look away, I literally said to the nurse when she asked me which arm do I prefer to have blood taken from. I replied my right arm because you won’t be able to get any out of my left it’s practically dead with nothing in it. Even a child tried to do it by scratching it and only a little bit came out. 

I made one down the phone to one of office ladies at work to see what I was doing tomorrow. They were like “oh you’re with such and such tomorrow. If that’s okay with you?” I replied “unless Michael wants a death sentence” she burst out laughing it was like if I really have to then it’s fine but I don’t particularly want to. 

As you may can tell I don’t complain or say no to things but when something I don’t think is right work either knows or I just sort it out myself. However this week has been a bit difficult and weren’t in the mood for someone’s behaviour on which I normally can put up with. This week was the week that I wanted to put up with that sort of behaviour especially from an adult. 

It got sorted out in the end and I’m generally good at doing my job don’t get me wrong I get what I’m given and the respect that I get. I give it back to them with the amount of work they give me because that’s how it suppose to work. Give and take, give and take. The fact that bring out my humour and etc from what I do across to the office base I literally prefer to joke around, be friendly and what not than walk in and say this and that should happen. Unless something does happen they get what they are given at the end of the day. 

Sense humour and joke around gets me through life no matter how serious it is but at the end of the day you got to make it peaceful and pleasant one way or another for everyone. 

 

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Summer Challenge: (21.6.18) Thursday – Day 1 – Longest Day Ever

The fact that I thought yesterday (20.6.18) was rather along day to be honest especially when you have had one of those days that you wish you just stayed in bed for that reason. Yet today being the 21st June 2018 a long day which means longer light in the evenings. I’m like great that’s all what I need right now haha. Okay I’m stuck what to write for my first challenge I might as well write a story. 

The Seven Nation’s are closing in

I’m going to fight them all off because the seven nations of the army can’t hold me no more. Their grip is coming off as I talk to myself at night telling myself I’m going to fight this as I’m better than this; who needs to hide behind a cigarette I can’t forget what you did behind my back that time you lied about me, I’m going back and forth in my mind. 

The messages that coming from my eyes telling me to leave it all alone because you know the truth so I don’t want to hear about it. Everybody has got one story to tell about me everyone can think what they like but everyone knows that from the Queen of England to the hounds of hell. They will know where I’m going because on my way back I’ll catch and try to serve it to you.

I know that’s not what you want to hear but guess what I’ll do because the feeling in my bones are coming. I’ll find a home and that’s what I’m going to do because as far from this soap opera grows for evermore. I’ll work the straws out because the sweat that drips out of every pore you may think I’ll come after you acts like I’m bleeding of all of the words that you say about me. 

As I’m bleeding right before lord even if I can’t sing no more and the stains on the carpet as my blood trickle down. Tell me to go home when you want to spread lies, make me leave and many more. I’m still standing here and I’m not moving any further away from this. I just do my job and that’s it. I’m not letting the seven nations coming in and close to control me.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (20.6.18) Wednesday – Shut…you’re mouth

Right now I’m in a state of mind of where I want to be like all the time as I’ve got no tears left to cry. I’m picking myself up once again picking myself up because I know I’m loving, living and picking up the pieces once again. Picking it up picking it up, I’m living so I’m turning up a notch yeah I’m turning it up. 

Guess what I have no more tears in my body to cry over how petty you are about saying lies about me; saying to people that I’ve upset you when you don’t even tell me what I did wrong, I’m not waisting my time with you because I’m not like anyone else who has to become so clicky and what not. 

I ran out oh boy I like it, I like it where people tell me information that aren’t true because someone else lying and making me out as a bully. I know full well like I’m not I say how it is but that’s if people need to know what’s on my mind. Doesn’t matter how, what, where or who even tries it. We all know that I’m the one who will win because I’m not that bothered about what other people think of me or anything. I’m just doing my job in and out yes I may of walked straight into the job and be confident in what I’m doing but at the end of the day I’ve got more experience of how to deal with it all than you may think. 

You can’t even get me down even when it’s raining because it can’t stop now as I’m dancing in the rain like I’m dancing on your grave. So you need to shut your mouth. If you don’t want to cause a scene or don’t want to talk to me just shut your mouth because one day I might have a really bad day and tell you how it is even I’m struggling with my mental health. You know how it is if you get the wrong side of me there’s no going back. 

You may see me as a threat but I’m just being me doing my job as I believe in the children as much as you do but I have different attitude and I’m young enough to be their big sister. Just give it up already. As I’ve felt people like you who seem to be everyone’s favourite and think I’ve taken over the show. Honestly I just make people laugh, enjoy being with and most importantly I am who I am. 

I also calling out my mental health to shut your mouth because you’re not nice either I know I’m going to win this fight because I am strong. I am only human after all so don’t rain on me. As I’m the one fighting with you letting you know that I’m not going to be pushed around by you no more…

I am only human after all. I am only human after all so don’t rain on me. 

Daily Challenges: – Summer Challenges – (20.6.18) Wednesday – Introduction

Word up guys! How are we all doing? As you guessed I’m bringing back challenges as you guys seem to be requesting them; well reading my old ones giving me a hint that you want to see some more of them, as it’s been awhile for me in doing them and I was going to start this in July but it’s okay you guys want something now. I’ll do it now because I can see you guys trying to help me get through the darkest time at the moment and decided to bring the daily challenge back.

I’m currently not sure how many days I’m going to do yet but we will see won’t we because we all love as much as we can. Do let me know if there is a challenge with a challenge itself that you want me to tell you about and I’ll do it for you. If not I’ll come up with something challenges or something but as this is a challenge for me to write an x amount of days for the summer.

Okay I think I might do 31 Days Challenge starting from tomorrow (21.6.18) as it starts with a one and goes inside with 21 at the end of the day. I just like playing with numbers that learn maths because I don’t understand maths anyways. I think you guys have set me a challenge to do this challenge in the first place but without telling me but reading the previous ones. What do you think?

Star Light Categories: (19.6.18) Tuesday Teen Lifestyle – Oh my god I can’t believe this

Time on your side that will never ever end but the most beautiful thing you can ever spend because your work a shirt with a name tag on it. Yet you lean on the counter feeling bored because your drifting apart like the tectonic plates in the sea causing tsunamis all over the world. Yet it doesn’t matter to me because all I wanted to be is a million miles away from here; somewhere more familiar as there’s too much time spent dragging the past up, I didn’t see you looking when I messed up but as your settling down in your early twenties. 

Knowing that you wished you had better grades when you left school your sucking more blood than a back street dentist. You’re life doesn’t matter to me because I all I wanted to be a million miles away from here somewhere else more familiar. Now I’ve achieved to what I wanted to do because I worked hard to get where I wanted to be… now I can say.

Oh my god I can’t believe it I’ve never been this far away from home. I’ve never been this far away from home running around listening, learning about the great rulers making the glory of their country greater. That was only think in the history that was growing. Knock me down when my dreams aren’t good enough I’ll just get back up again like PAC-Man powered up but I’m mire stronger than you ever think. 

It doesn’t matter to me if I’m still behind the table at school or behind a counter. All I want to be a million miles away from here to somewhere more familiar. Oh my god I can’t believe it I’ve never been so far away from home. Even if school or the weekend job was just around the corner that was the only time I’m far away. 

I’m million miles away from home I’m now following my dreams of adventuring the world. Living the dream job that I’m doing writing my adventures creating stories of what I’ve seen. Achieving is believing. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (19.6.18) Tuesday Online Diary Entries – Prepping Family Members Of medical needs

I’ve decided to continue fighting this mental health no matter how hard it is at the moment and not wanting to do anything but sleep. However the one thing that it’s currently trying to make not wanting to do anything is blogging and writing; no matter how hard it is at the moment for me, I’m taking it each day as it comes and will be back to my normal strength with the help of your guidance and your stags to help me get through this week. 

I will probably talk about it one day but right now isn’t the time to talk about it as it’s fresh and recent. I’ve decided to do some prep work for my family after what’s happened recently so that they know what I’m taking, what’s what and etc. I’ve started to do the whole set up with a grandparent of mine because few weeks ago I had to sort their medication out as there was so many medications and not enough of one. I decided to sort them out for one of my parents and one of my aunts so they know what’s what into boxes and then labelling them and so on. 

Whilst I was doing my medication list, emergency meds box for one of my parents to use incase of emergency and what not. I decided to do the same with one of my grandparents meds so that they know what they have got what’s been on hold and what’s etc. Also made notes page so that they can write down to let each other know what’s going on, what’s needed and etc. To be able to record what’s happening. 

I’ve done exactly the same for my parents and have a back up plan for one of my aunts so if I can’t get hold of my parents or anyone else they can contact them. Straight away if there was anything that would happen to me for any reason or another. It’s all safety reasons for myself and my grandparent at the time if something goes wrong or they miss read something or something happens they will know what to look up on the sheets provided. That I’ve been provided with the information that they need at the time because sometimes it all gets confusing and what has been done and what hasn’t been done. 

I like to be organised in that sense but I didn’t really think about doing it for myself until recent events accord. So I did the same thing but my parents have my emergency meds if I need them I have the rest as I’m capable to have the ones I’ve got. Unless things change again then obviously then revise the situation but for now for me it’s the suitable situation for me to do that for the time being. 

Remember you are beautiful, your awesome, your amazing and every positive thing that I could think off right now. Remember you are not alone. You have got people that care about you, love you and most importantly to help you. I am a sucker for not asking help but when I do oh boy admitting it is hard enough but accepting that you do it’s like “okay I thought I could handle it on my own but I can’t” that’s where you need to ask for help. 

Love you all and your beautiful stags. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (16.6.18) Saturday – Not the best start of the weekend

I literally not had a best start of the weekend this morning yet here I am picking myself up as per normal where I just spent the whole morning crying. You guys know me by now when my mental health issues kicks in I start to struggle a bit but I’m not the one who is after sympathy or anything but thank you if you do much appreciated. 

I generally push through it all now because I need to control my mind as much as I can. That’s all the whole point of me starting up Life On The Open Road Project for young people, teens and children because at the end of the day you have to fight through it or let it define you. 

Today of all days for me I just basically slept the whole day done nothing other than forced myself to have a shower to see if I would be alright but didn’t so today was the first time I didn’t even bothered to do my hair and make up like I have been doing everyday. I literally just washed my hair and blow dried it gone rather curly and frizzy.

Obviously got dressed got even more annoyed when my own parents didn’t answer their phones and moan at us for not answering our phones. I literally drugged myself up with medication, paracetamol and hayfever meds the correct ones! To be able to breathe properly actually fell asleep for a good few hours to waking up to no one in the house but I think they went out for a pond window shopping I think it was. Weren’t really a wake to know what was happening but something telling me it’s something to do with a pond might turned into a cat look as well not sure.

Dreamed about two youtubers because I had them in the back ground at the time when I was sleeping. Then had a very late lunch veggie quarter pounder spicy to try out nearly had all four of them but put the half eaten one in the fridge because I couldn’t eat anymore. However I’ve learnt over recent the years spicy actually helps clear your air ways a lot more and also helps your insides too. Just saying trying not to be gross at all. 

Obviously when I have colds or really bad hayfever now I know what to do. Get some spicy things and have them to clear my airwaves then panic that my ear drums are going to burst like they did about 5 years ago. Decided to take my trampoline well me and my siblings trampoline at the time we were all in the same house; however it’s been over a year when my parents said that they were going to take it down, yet it was my sister who didn’t want it to go but my parents want a bit more garden. 

Instead of the trampoline we are replacing it with a pond as it will be nice to have something more peaceful and etc. At the end of the garden have a bit of a wild life at the end of the garden and gaining access to the fruit we have at the end of the garden. Might even be nice for my own mental health at the end of the day by sitting  down the end of the garden doing bits and pieces. 

Life On The Open Road Project – Paradise – (16.6.18) Saturday

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but my mind; oh yes my mind what can I say without you, my mind it rides off in the other direction when I have my moments and it rides on the negative because I’m left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads I will ride on down the road on my stag keeping me safe until we find you. 

I will find you, I will hold onto you and I’ll be there. I know you heard it from the other boys that I wasn’t coming back but that’s not true it’s all in your head. You know I’m real because this time I feel like this paradise can’t keep us away from each other because it keeps you awake as it’s running through your bloody veins in your human body. You know that my love is heading your way find your stag because you’re love is heading your way. 

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but your mind; oh yes your mind what can you say, you’re nothing without me, your mind it rides off in the other direction when you have your moments and it rides on the negative because you’re left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads you will ride on down the road on your stag keeping you safe until we find me. 

My time. My time. My t-t-time will never end the helter skelter because we will be out whatever the weather. You open your cabin door to find your stag waiting for you to get back onto that open road; mmm my mind hopes you will follow the stag to where we should meet, my heart, my heart and my boom boom heart beats and thumping against my chest. Knowing that I’m alive. I’m alive a lot more now as you start to follow the stag. 

You stop. Why oh why did you stop? Oh my, oh my. The stag tried to push you on a bit further into this paradise to go and find me. You start stroking the stag feeling the love in your bloody veins knowing that stag is right. Don’t need to blame anyone anymore. You know that the paradise of our love is there. Roll on. Roll on. Meet me there. Hold on. Hold on. You are strong. You are strong. My, my, my your strong….

Star Light Categories: (15.6.18) Friday – Friday Time Recap Time – Paradise

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but my mind; oh yes my mind what can I say without you, my mind it rides off in the other direction when I have my moments and it rides on the negative because I’m left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads I will ride on down the road on my stag keeping me safe until we find you.

I will find you, I will hold onto you and I’ll be there. I know you heard it from the other boys that I wasn’t coming back but that’s not true it’s all in your head. You know I’m real because this time I feel like this paradise can’t keep us away from each other because it keeps you awake as it’s running through your bloody veins in your human body. You know that my love is heading your way find your stag because you’re love is heading your way.

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but your mind; oh yes your mind what can you say, you’re nothing without me, your mind it rides off in the other direction when you have your moments and it rides on the negative because you’re left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads you will ride on down the road on your stag keeping you safe until we find me.

My time. My time. My t-t-time will never end the helter skelter because we will be out whatever the weather. You open your cabin door to find your stag waiting for you to get back onto that open road; mmm my mind hopes you will follow the stag to where we should meet, my heart, my heart and my boom boom heart beats and thumping against my chest. Knowing that I’m alive. I’m alive a lot more now as you start to follow the stag.

You stop. Why oh why did you stop? Oh my, oh my. The stag tried to push you on a bit further into this paradise to go and find me. You start stroking the stag feeling the love in your bloody veins knowing that stag is right. Don’t need to blame anyone anymore. You know that the paradise of our love is there. Roll on. Roll on. Meet me there. Hold on. Hold on. You are strong. You are strong. My, my, my your strong….

Life On The Open Road Project Online: (14.6.18) Thursday – What is a recovery buddy?

In my Life On The Open Road Project Online Donations Page I’ve given you a brief outline of what I am hoping to achieve with the Life On The Open Road Project. I have mentioned about a Recovery Buddy you guys are wondering what is a recovery buddy? don’t worry I’ll explain what a recovery buddy is.

What is a recovery buddy? A recovery buddy is a friend that you may have met through the charity or you and a really close friend who has the same problems with confidence issues and etc. Yet you guys are confident and everything together you both support each other.

I can give you a perfect example with a recovery buddy. I have a friend called “Maddie” not her original name but I’ve been starting to call her that in the last couple of weeks and it just stuck with me to be honest. We support each other no matter what if we have different opinions or what not but at the end of the day we grew the close bond of knowing how we connect.

Maddie grew confidence within herself as I told her that she needs to start to believe in herself; not let people walk all over her, and many more things. In a space of a year or so she made a lot of progress and positive in herself where she not letting people push her around; the fact that she didn’t know how I do it to begin with, but I trained myself not to give up and tell people where to go if they over step the mark.

However when I have a relapse with my mental health I’ll talk to her and also we meet up to chill out or do a bit of window shopping or both shopping and window shopping. It’s like both need to meet up talk about what’s going on if something is wrong and then we chill or whatever we are doing we are there reminding each other it’s okay. We will bounce back like we always do.

Helping one another out, be there for one another, making new friends, be close friends and many other ways to support each other. By doing that with a recovery buddy it’s like saying you’re not on your own I’m also going through the same thing. Let’s do this together let’s fight this negativity together.

If you haven’t looked at Life On The Open Road Project Donations why not go and check it out at the top in showing your support by donating by the link at the bottom of the page if you would like to see this happen and make it happen.