Online Diary Entries: “If you come back to my life” – Story Based

I don’t know if you can feel me when I’m in so much pain for all this time; loving you more than anything in the world ever since you walked into my life when you actually knew who I was, I’m here crying my eyes out since you left me here trying to figure out the reason why I keep on messing up my life.

You’re the only reason I can make sense with my life but if I did something wrong please tell me I want to understand; I don’t want this live to never ever end because I saw swear if you come back into my life, I’ll be there until the end of time and I swear I’ll keep hold of you by my side. You’re the one that I want in my life.

I watched you go taking my heart with you and you know you did every time I try to reach you over the phone you’re never there. You’re never home when I needed you even though you said you would be there for me. Maybe I just didn’t know how to show it or how to say it but this times I won’t disguise it. I want us to rebuild our lives again be the one that we use to be.

Please come back to me I’ll be there to comfort you and build my world and dreams around you. I want to keep you safe like you always keep me safe. I just want you to be right by my side like your always be by my side. I love you more than anything in the world.

Everyday Post: “Stephen Hawking has finally let go” – Story Based and in memory of him

The snowglobe snow stayed settled on the bottom of the floor tonight; no matter how much you tried to shake it to make move to watch it float backdown, there was not a footprint or a wheelchair marks to be seen outside and inside the kingdom of isolation of being trapped into ones body. Then again it looks like I’m the next king of science and maths leaving the mark on the world.

The scientists are howling like the swirling storm that’s inside a test tube but they couldn’t keep it in but heaven knows that they tried; don’t let them in don’t let them in be a good mathematic scientist like you always have to be, conceal don’t feel like you have to let them know but now they know and Stephen Hawking would say “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”

Don’t let it hold you back anymore because Stephen Hawking will say once more “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” before turning away and slamming that door. The people who has a learning disability or something that will take their time what are they going to say or do? Just let the storm rage on because it never bothered them anyway.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small to him and the fears that once controlled him now can’t get to him at all. It’s time to see what I can do by testing the limits to make the break through because there’s no right or wrong there’s no rules for him to say he couldn’t do anything as he was free. Stephen once said “I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.”

It was time for him to let go of what he had suffered for so long he’s now in the wind and the sky; you would never see him cry “I’m not afraid of death, but I’m in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first.” yet here I sit and here I’ll stay in the history of time saying that “yes I’m disabled but I know how to carry on with life” the power that I have in my mind will travel through the air and into the ground.
My soul will always be at Cambridge University that one that is crystallises like an icy blast. “It matters if you just don’t give up.” says Stephen the true words if you gave up it wouldn’t matter but it would matter if you don’t give up on yourself. You just rise like the break of dawn and I in the light of the day my conditions never bothered me anyway.

Online Diary Entries: “Nana” – Story Based

The day I wished you’d walked in to my life again just imagine that you just did; I would fill you in on the things that you would have missed, like the sleepless nights that you would have with the hopes of a grown up man dressed in white who claims to be who says he is from the tales of this long standing tradition that you have and I would of thought he might of come just in time to save your life.

Yet as I have waited and waited he didn’t come so you had died. I don’t like it that you’re dead I can’t work it out how that it is impossible; it’s not the same where I scratch my own head to work things out, I know that deep down God doesn’t exist because he was never there to save me and all the palaver surrounding it and it’s like yeah right but I know secretly that you can hear me sometimes.

When I’m cold I reach a fleece that I could borrow for the time being from either TJ or Caspain I’m always trying to keep warm when you’re the sun. That day I sat with you beside your bed crying wishing for the things that I wish I should of said; watching you paint your nails red like you still got now over and over again, and if I live past 72 I do hope I’ll be half as cool as you are.

I got my pen and notepad as I sit in my little cottage window trying to create a story for you tonight; I know how much you like them because I know how to express my feelings through them just to make it feel alright, yet I know I will always keep you close to me because the crowds will understand and relate to the story like you never left.

I think you know I’m not doing so well…

Sunday Online Diary Entries: “Do I really want you back.” – Story Based

Have you ever wonder if this is the last time I see your face? Is it tears or is fucking rain saying “thank god he’s gone” I wish I could say something that doesn’t sound insane but lately I haven’t trusted my brain because you tell me that you’ll change but I just see what you can do and say nothing. No matter where I go I get the same blooming question “do I really want you back?” I know that I will never get over you but then I’m kicking myself because I’m lying to myself every time. I don’t actually want you back because you’re a piece of tool that I’ve thrown at the back of the garage that I don’t want because it’s broken.
Do you always remember how you made me laugh in the mornings when I wake up; yet you don’t understand how much you hurt me even when you try to make it all right, yet I still reach for you and the day I chose to tell you this is going to work anymore because I’m hurting and I’m ready to move on but I still dream of you. I know even when I said that I’ve moved on I’m still dreaming of you; I know that you’re gone now but I still blame myself of where I gone wrong but you come back, into my life saying you’ve changed.
Yet I know when something that kills you makes you stronger because you know that you’re not alone in the end as I’m starting to realise I’m so much better without you. So I ask myself do I really want you back in my life? The answer is no because at the end of the day you hurt me and you have to work on gaining my trust from what you have done to me. All the end it’s worth it because I know your true colours in the end.

Gender Identity

After a series of researching on the web, I thought why not kick off this week with gender identity and sexuality.
 
Gender identity is generally found between the ages 13 and 19 years old. This is when teens are gaining new experiences, emotions, relationships, expectations and all of this can become overwhelming for any teen that age. However, adding gender identity into the mix of everything else that is happening within themselves and around them can cause these years to be the most confusing time for teens. They will find it hard to navigate their gender identity around school and/or home, with their doctors or even with their friends.

One’s gender identity is their inner most concept of self as a male, female, both or neither; outside of that, they could fancy the same sex, or a different sex than what they were assigned at birth. The two words that are most used when it comes to what gender you are attracted to are Gay or Lesbian, Bisexual (Bi) or straight; Gay means you like the same sex as yourself, either male or female, Bisexual means you like both, Lesbian is when you are a girl and only like girls and the last one is straight as in you only like the opposite sex.

Finding the confidence of telling a friend or a parent that your gender identity or sexual preference does not fit the societal norm can be an emotional journey. You don’t know how they will react or when the right time to tell them will be, telling someone or “coming out” should happen when the time comes and when you’re ready. It is a massive thing to tell family members and close friends your secret, at the best of times we may not be able to have any sort of control over our “coming out”. There are ways for you to be able to overcome that fear; if “coming out” is important to you, there is a website called ‘Gender Spectrum’ that offers guidance and helpful recourses for you to look at. https://www.genderspectrum.org/

I have asked a few people that I know that who are straight, bi, gay, and lesbian to tell their stories, but I’m currently waiting to hear back from them. When I do I’ll create another article about friends who happily tell their stories, how they coped, what they did and many other things. Hopefully, this can help you can feel more settled with what you feel and what you may want to do.
You are not alone out there. Everyone is in the same boat there is no shame in who you are; people have to accept who they are at the end of the day. 

Camden Market Lock up in flames! Say whaaaat?

The worst feeling is that we were almost there with a whole month of nothing going to happen. Until Sunday night on the 9th July 2017. When tragic news of a well known market in Camden. Why are these happening now?

Camden is pretty well known across the country; always bringing in tourists in, from left, right and centre. Pretty much always popular businesses are booming; until something like this happens, you just think ‘oh come on. We were nearly had a whole month of respite here without having any issues what so ever’; 5 weeks ago exactly Grenfell Tower went up in flames like a chimney stack that you can have in your garden on Wednesday 19th June 2017, barely a week later we had a small terror attacked on Monday 19th June 2017. Within the same week as the the terror attack a 4 story high block of flats went up in flames; however it wasn’t as bad as Grenfell Tower, this time it was in Bethnal Green area. Oh don’t forget May 2017 our two terror attacks and in March 2017.

On Sunday 9th July 2017 more than 70 firefighters were tackling a huge blaze at Camden Lock Market in North London. With all 70 firefighters and 10 fire engines that were sent to the site; that is a very popular tourist attraction, one witness explained how fast the fire was moving. In the nearby buildings there were fears of explosions. 

London Ambulance Service said it had not yet any patients who were may likely to be still on the scene at the time. The Metropolitan Police also attended at the scene; closing off the roads, making sure that everyone is safe. 

A witness who was scared at the time Joan Ribes, 24, said: “I was just passing by when I saw the fire and they started to get firefighters and police, it was all very fast.” Want read the full news report please click on this link here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-40552451
The aftermath of Camden Locket Market blaze: Businesses destroyed

Dozens of stall holders have actually lost their entire stock after a blaze had ripped through Camden Lock Marker in North London overnight. There were about 30 stalls that were based in the Market Hall where the fire began; while there was other local businesses who had goods stored in side, had been destroyed in the building as well.  

One of the market owners has commented to which he believes there’s an out 100 traders who have been effected and most likely to be “finished” as a result of the damage that the fire had caused. 

The market had been hit by major fires that had sprawled into the area twice before in recent years, with one back in 2008 leading a part of the site to being shut down for over a year. Camden Market has been based in the area since 1974; which boasts more than 1,000 stalls and shops, it has been giving itself that sort of reputation of a good selling pitches and bringing more people to the attraction all year round. To found out more information about the businesses and etc please follow the link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-40558356
Lizzysweeklyblogs notes – I will be doing a everyday history based around these tragic events with the fires in London; on which is kind of spooky in my experience, along with the understanding why would History repeat itself. 

Charity work you can do

Wanting to do something good with your life; there’s lots of things that you could do in your spare time, loads of official charities out there that you can help. 


The worst feeling is that your not 100 percent sure in what you want to do with your life; better still your waiting for prince or princess charming to come and get you, so that you don’t have to go to work or do anything. Have that luxury life that everyone else has; think about the children, the poor, the needy and the helpless. You may have a home to go to; family that care for you, still have loads of opportunities to give a try. What do the people who are in need have? Think about it whilst your reading this. 

Over the years I have helped with charities such like Children In Need a well known charity in England; my local charity called Challengers, and last but least a special needs school who has become academy trust within a year called Pond Meadow which is a local school in my hometown. When I was growing up I had lots of big aspirations; meaning there was lots of things that I wanted to do, but no one really believed in me. 

Well the teachers at school because I was in the bottom two sets; so they didn’t really care much about me and my grades, however since I’ve left school I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. First college didn’t really believe in me either; so I gave up trying my hardest to do that course, that was when I went to another college and that college helped me to turn my life around.

They helped me to believe in myself; along side them believe in me, I managed to work hard to get good grades, help me to focus on my creativity. You’re probably thinking why has this got anything to do with charities and helping people. I can tell you right now; it has everything to do with charities because if I believed in myself to do things when no one else would, I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing now.

Working with special needs children I provided them hope, encourage them, do things that they thought it would be impossible to do. They were being giving the life that everyone else had; believe me the things that I have witnessed, helped and made them do lots of progress. It made their day and your day one hundred percent good one even if there was things that couldn’t be helped. 

All I am saying is that if your struggling to know what you wanting to do in life after school or college; why not become a volunteer or a place that you become a paid volunteer, to gain some work experience and also give you some sort of direction in where you want to go in life. 

Here are some few ideas you may want to check out:

  • Local Charities
  • Children in Need 
  • Sports Relief
  • Comic Relief/Red Nose Day
  • National Trust 
  • English Heritage
  • Helping children in Africa

Remember me talking about my best friend Caspian; well he had asked me to help with one of his charities, to which I manage to scrape some money together out of my own pocket. Sent it to a country in Africa called Nigeria; I had received some photos, from the person who was on Caspian’s team through him of course and in the pictures they had shown me what they had received. I do have to say is that I am so pleased that they have got something that they truly enjoy the most. To also have a childhood that like everyone else. 

Do something to make will make yourself proud and seeing other people smile as they are being heard and listen to. Its that feeling of great sense of feeling to have when you have made someone’s day. 

Silent Moments

That day that shock the whole nation as we come to terms with our first attack; this is a story of what it must of felt like on the day when it all happened, the day that 52 people who had died that day.
The birds swooped down; that very morning, today was like any other day. I wake up to my annoying alarm clock; to tell me to get ready for my day, I didn’t really want to but it was so sunny, warm and blue skies. What could go wrong on 7th July 2005? Nothing can would it. I’m just an average 14 year old going to school like everyone else in London; that day me and my friends decided to go and get the underground trains that day, than we normally do in the morning if we were running late for the bus. 

Our parents always knew our game plan because one of us is always running late one way or another; that’s why we all get on so well, we stick together all the time. This was the early 2000’s at the time nothing much really could go wrong; typical teen head at the time, but we were living the life of freedom and care free. So we got to the underground train that we normally get on a running late day; still thinking our day would be alright, as we got onto the Circle Line that was going to be stopping near Aldgate and Edgware Road. Fortunately our parents rang in saying that the trains were running late; should be in by 9:30am, they were more expectable at that as we did come from different part of London but also our parents were the governors of the school. Not bragging or anything. 

The train had started to slow down at about 8:49am that’s when I started to think something wasn’t right; this route wouldn’t stop here, would it? I looked around as my friends were still talking like they haven’t even noticed anything strange or anything; no one wasn’t seem too bothered about the whole train stopping, there was one guy looking dodgy but then again I always thought men were strange people in the first place. Someone’s phone went off that caught my attention. Then the next thing all I could remember was me, my friends and everyone else in the carriage went up into the air we all landed in a heap. 

I could barely move or say anything. All I could hear was people screaming in pain; I could taste blood in my mouth. I knew. I knew I just been attacked but by what? I couldn’t sit up or anything. I just thought where are my friends are they are alright; with the whole fear of oh my god! I’m going to be left to die, no one is coming to get me. I want my mum. 

I don’t even know what the time is; I could hear voices coming down the tunnel, they were getting closer and closer. The screaming had stopped; unless that I can’t ear anything, everywhere is pitch black other than the people who were coming to rescue them had torches.

I could hear foot steps coming into the carriage; I was starting to loose consciousness, as one of the rescuers had started to shine the light in my face to see if I was alive or not. Then shouted to the others what I could make out as the blood had started to pile up in my ears; ‘a young teenager over here who’s alive but in and out of consciousness’ few extra people came over and they started carefully to lift me up on to a hard something. That I wasn’t too sure what it was. 

It still felt a very long time and dark in the tunnel but as soon as my rescuers got me out to the platform and out of the station the sun had gone in. The clouds had gone in; something was wrong, all I could remember was being put back of an ambulance then fell unconscious. 

I don’t even remember what happened after that all I can remember is waking up in hospital; with a hospital gown on, cards and gifts at the end of my bed not being able to move. My parents were there when I woke; they called the doctor and nurse to come, I started to panic of what has happened. 

I literally couldn’t hear what they were talking about; which grew made me grow into panic, this had to be serious why can’t I hear and I can’t feel anything. I started to cry as it was hard to understand; this is harder than I had imagine, my mum was trying to calm me down….It took me 12 years to recover with the lots of help encouragement; but I’m working hard, building up charities in people who are effecting in the attacks. I miss my friends everyday; some suffered the same as me, however some of them died in the attack. 

This is a story of what may of felt like being in the first attack. A point of view of a victim who may have lost everything; how to rebuild their lives after attack that may effect them for the rest of their lives, along with the flash backs due to the recent events.

Holidays that I would love to go on! 

It’s this time of year that everyone goes on one of those extotic places like nobody knows; brag it on social media on how much fun they are having, then still brag about how much fun they had when they came back. 

The joys of working on my blogs and creating pictures for them; you forget one vital bit and that was the allrightsresereved and copyrights blah blah blah, boring stuff then I realised as long as I’ve got my logo on it and that it’s got the little copyrights and etc on that I’m cool. Way to kick off the 1st July 2017 Lizzy good one; nice job of forgetting that stupid, thanks guys man I love you too. 

Before I go any further than this just want to wish my best friend Caspian’s mum a happy birthday; I hope you have a lovely time where ever you are, I’ll look after him as all ways. True and fantastic women to meet if you ever met her; I’ve only heard stories from Caspian, I can imagine what it would be like her to have a mother like that. 

Anyways me and Caspian were talking about holidays; well he was as he runs his own companies and do lots of charity work, he said to me one day “if you could let me take you to the countries you wanted to go to. Which ones would want you go to?” This is me who has never flown before; scared of heights, let alone people buying me stuff or spend something that I think it’s really expensive. He knows that I’ve never had that much money to go on these wildly exciting expensive holidays. 

I think I might actually take it him up on the idea to be honest; he’s like the worlds most over protective guy ever, even if he asks me to go with him on a business trip and let me roam around for a few hours. I still wouldn’t go; which meant that he would have to go alone, yet still messaging me and ringing me just incase I was alright. Did I need him to come home early or comeback and get me. What not. I knew he wouldn’t be listening or think on what he needed to do; until I tell him to stop messing me, until he had finished with his meetings and what not. Sometimes he ropes me into them to get another opinion on the subject matter; not the best solution Caspian, haha love you really but I do think his business colleagues overseas think I’m his girlfriend or something. 

The few places that I would love to go and visit are:

  • Isle of Scilly of the coast of Cornwall
  • Isle of Wight
  • New Zealand
  • Australia 
  • Caribbean 
  • Greenland
  • Iceland
  • Commonwealth Countries
  • Amsterdam – Holland

These 9 countries are the only places that I would love to go; this would be awesome to go and see, I would love to go and to these places because it would be seeing the cultures of different places. I’ve been to Isle of Wight countless of times but I still always going to be my favourite places to go.  

I was almost what I had thought I had finished this blog; Caspian messaged me to ask me a few questions about blogging, many more things as he knew that I specialise in this area. After we finished talking about his charity and what not I asked him about the whole going away; where would I want to go and so on, I’m going to be brave and take him up on the opportunity to let him take me. So I told him where I wanted to go only the few places; he then replied when everything is sorted; also join him where he is, meaning to live with him. Then he would take me around the world in 30 days to see the places that I wanted to see; to be honest I wouldn’t of asked for a better friend than that, along side with we might end up together in long term. So watch this space people who knows what path will end up at the end of the day. 

Why I don’t know to need to know about other people’s life stories


In everyday lives of work, magazines, newspapers and celebrities who seek media attention. There are people who have the capacity of wanting to know every single drama; want to tell you every single drama or everything about themselves, or to sell their story because they want to be attention seeker one way or another. 

People theses days are so wrapped up in their own worlds that everything is about them; don’t care about anything else or anyone else but them, for me I have kept my mouth shut a few times. I only talk about myself if there’s a topic that I can relate to and to be able to share it with my readers. I choose what I want to share and what I don’t want to share. 

Attention seekers don’t have that filter what so ever; it’s because they think they are so fabulous, perfect and everything is about them when it’s not always about them. They have to move the problems aside for one whole day for either its work or friends who need help and support. I use to get it a lot when I was at work everywhere I went; I would hear the same old story about their lives; I’m like is there not anything better to talk about other than themseleves, I sometimes want to say shut up and talk about something else for a change. 

Also why do people judge other people when they don’t actually know the whole story; this what gets me nearly everyone comes to one sided story, making out that the other person is the bad person. Yet the friend or a foe think they understand but they don’t really; all because they listen to that friend more than over you, so that they make your life like a living hell.  

Judging people’s choices; weather it’s right or wrong when you actually don’t know the nature of the options are, that they had to choose from. People just need to stop making up rumours, lies and stories that may not be true. This is because you don’t even know how much it effects on the individual that your talking about; get your facts right before you start creating stories that may not be true, get all the facts first before anything else. Get two sides of every story not just the one story that everyone believes in. 

You may find that people get emotional drained; react in away that you may not realise how much baggage they’ve already have, until you start causing more trouble and forget that everyone has a story not just about you. Like the picture on the left; walk in my shoes, walk down that winding road. What can you see along the way? That’s when you soon realise before you start judging people make it simple by don’t spread things that aren’t true. Other wise you may not be able to forgive yourself or they won’t forgive you if they start not to trust you anymore or you got off the wrong start with them.