Not even sure what actually happened today and I’m just literally blogging off my phone because I can and I haven’t prepared today’s Wednesdays Evening post. I’m not even sure what this is about but heyho. Let’s talk about how much I hate adult life of today shall we. Haha
Today one of my best friends decided to ring me at 5:15am forgetting that they are currently 4 hours ahead of me. They were like oh it’s like 9:15am so I photo screened them the time difference done it a few times today. Then half an hour later my job decides to message me to say they need me and I’m like at least I’m half awake nearly.
Then I finally got out of bed about another half an hour later. Hardly awake what so ever then out of the door by 6:45am back home at 9:30am for 4 hours. In that four hours pretty much sorted out something what my friend wanted me to do; afterwards went round my local Sainsbury’s shop and I thought I do a bit of house keeping to get two loafs of bread because someone did the dishwasher, came home had breakfast and etc. Then fell asleep the rest of the time so I can catch up some extra sleep. To which I manage to be completely awake and on caffeine for the next run of my job at 14:15pm (2:15pm) got home at about 16:30/16:30pm (4:30/4:45) to find a parent buying two more loafs of bread. To their realisation that they didn’t know I left a message or brought some already. So extra bread for me to steal in the middle of the night but not sure how long that will last until I react to it.
I thought I’ll do a bit of the house keeping and help get a few bits to get by. Yet I’m trying to get myself back on the right side of everyone but yeah. Sometimes being an adult has its good times and funny moments. Now I’m gonna chill. As you may of noticed that I’ve not even corrected any of my writing in this or anything else. It is what it is with any planning involved. Might need to remember not to do this again on my phone haha. Night people sorry for late posts for somethings. Now you know what a day I have had off the record. Also remember the actual pictures are on the iPad not on phone jeez! Someone give me a holiday please.
Drinking in the morning sun as I lay out in the garden blinking in the warm morning sun; shaking off all the heavy cold cobwebs that we all had from a very long winter like it was a heavy loaded gun, what made me behave that way? Using the words that I thought I would never say because I can only think it must be live but anyway it looks like a beautiful day.
Someone tell me how I feel by just looking at me but you’re answer is so silly because it’s wrong yet vividly right at the same time; kiss me like it was our final meal tonight as if we were going to die tonight, holy cow I just love your eyes that can only help me to see the light and you’re just laying there with you half awake but look it’s a beautiful day.
When my face is chamois creased you may think I winked at you because I did where you laughed politely as it repeats like you kiss me when my lips are thin. Throw those curtains wide because one day like this a year would honestly see me right; baby just throw those curtains wide as a day like this a year would see me right for life.
Just holy cow I just love your eyes now that I can see the light with you as you thrown the curtains wide like today I could spend my day with you like no one else could. Just throw those curtains wide like today we see the sun beaming down on us.
You know when things go around where you got people making quotes whether it’s on facebook, Twitter and etc it either summons you up completely or summons up someone else that you know. There’s always one that summons me up completely where you swear to yourself at least 20 times a day; I’m pretty sure I’ve done that quite a lot today to be honest, when I’ve done something that wasn’t meant to happen and what not. I find that it’s normally the same word that comes out fluently at the time it happens; I’ve just done it with this picture (down below) whilst making it as I put a picture in the wrong place, without knowing what was about to come out of my mouth there goes that word again and your like seriously never swear to myself that much do I?
Then I realise when it comes to adult life and anxiety I find it’s a nervous habit at the best of times. A lot more but then I realise I’m being rather stupid about it all stop; yet adult life does really suck because at the end of the day all you seem to do is work work work and the pay pay pay bills. Like you don’t have anything else better to do in your life you then realise your like Bridget Jones with a bag of minstrels or something then start singing “all by myself” into a hair brush like nobody knows.
That’s sounds like me most of the time without the bag of minstrels or singing the song into a hair brush but a bed cover wrapped round me after a shift of work. Yay me I’ve just given myself a headache with anxiety and literally having a major anxiety attack on two people they were like erm erm right one was like trying to make me laugh and the other one was like I don’t get you. Hehe I like what he did there though even though he didn’t know he did….that’s what I think though.
Oh oh hang on a minute almost forgotten my favourite part when I’m feeling anxious is I watch Most Haunted or throw myself into writing. That’s how I save myself from most things in life.
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur one little child coming up to their father as they were playing in the park. Yet just down in the town centre far away from the father and child; teens huddle in a near by restaurant when a few middle age men who the teens think that they are old, had started to hit on them (meaning coming on to them) and few teens will think this weird and freak them out. By all means which is a right thing to do is by moving away and call for help; however you have other teens who would go and stand up for themselves, which most likely go something like this in my day or still does now I do not know.
D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur an old man hitting on me like what? You need a cat scan. (Pretty sure they don’t even know what a cat scan is I like to point out) old man why are you staring at me eyes on me and my friends? It’s kinda creepy you should be prowling around the Old folk’s home come on due! Leave us alone. At first we thought it was kinda ill when we saw that your were like a billion and still out trying to make a killing. Just get back to the museum.
Hey dinosaur you’re pre-historic that’s what you are; your a carnivore would you like some meat I know it. You’re pretty old. Not long now until you’re a senior citizen you will start strut around with that sexy tank of oxygen; oh honey your toupee is falling to your left side. Get up and go bro! Oh wait you’re fossilised!
When I get my wings to fly I will no that I’m alive as you call for me; as I hear you breathe next to me that’s when I I know that I’ll get my wings to fly because you make me feel that I’m alive, when you look at me across the room I know I can touch the sky as you touch me I know I’m alive and as you blessed the day I just drift away all my worries die. I’m just glad that I’m alive.
You set my heart on fire filling me with love because you made me a women in the clouds above. I couldn’t get much higher than this because my spirit takes a flight because you make me alive. As you call on me I hear you breathe that’s when spirits are higher because god knows that I’ll be the one standing by through the good and the through trying times. It’s only just begun but I can’t wait for the rest of my life. I get wings that would make me fly because god knows that I’m alive on this new day.
I was waiting for so long for a miracle to come because everyone told me to be strong never shed a tear just hold on. Through the darkness and the good times I knew I would make it through the world that I had thought I’d had it all but I was waiting for you; hush now I see the light in the sky that almost blinding me I couldn’t believe that I’ve been touched by my angel with love. Knowing that I am alive now where the rain came down and washed my tears; I let it fill my soul and drown my fears because it shattered the walls for a new sun, and you opened a new day for me to take with you by my side.
When there’s been dark and now there’s light at the end of the tunnel the pain that was there before has been placed by joy and happiness. Where there’s been weakness I have found my strength as all in the eyes of you being there for me. I just can’t believe that you’re my angel that came for me with love and reassurance because you now have brought me a new day with you in it.
No matter what I got to say but I have the words to change a nation yet I’m biting my tongue because I’ve spent my life time stuck in silence yet I’m to afraid that I’ll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it how are we going to learn my song, my story or most importantly my voice. So come on come on let me speak out because this is hurting me as much as you.
I’ve got a heart as loud as the lions in the London Zoo but why do I have to let my voice still be tamed? Maybe we’re a little different but there’s no need to be ashamed because you’ve got the light to fight the shadows away so stop hiding it away, come on come on. I want to sing. I want to shout. I want to scream until the words dry out. I’m not afraid because they can read all about it. Read all about it on how she is a gold digger, she doesn’t love you, she just want to be a princess and live the highlight.
At night we’re waking up the neighbours while the press is at my house making sure that I’m standing my ground; making sure that we’re are remembered that we are in love, we matter too and if the truth is forbidden then we’re breaking all the rules and let the TV and the radio tell our story again and again. It’s about time we got some airplay telling our version of events. There’s no need to be afraid I will shout out that you’re my love of my life.
We are all wonderful people when did we get so fearful? Now that we have finally finding our voices. So take a chance stand next to me help me fight for you.
I was six years old as my parents chose to go away yet I was stuck inside a broken life that nobody couldn’t wish away for me not even me; as I was growing up she was so beautiful she had everything and even more, I had nothing other her left over stuff that she didn’t want or just cheap stuff and my only escape was to hide or just running out of the door.
Somebody listen to me please because I’m so use to be hard even being me; yet living in the shadow of someone else’s dream I’m so tired of trying to find a hand to hold but everything that I touched felt cold to me, yet living in a nightmare with no hope or guidance it’s like a never-ending sleep but now I’m wide awake my chains are finally free. So don’t feel sorry for me because all the days collided on less perfect than the next.
I was so stuck inside in someone else’s life because I was always second best “oh I love you now because I realise that it’s safe to be outside to be able to come alive and be who I am. So if you’re listening there’s so much more to me that you haven’t seen; mother, sister, father, sister, mother everything is cool my life is so good. I’ve got more than anyone should because my life is so good; I’m ready to put the past in the past, I was living in the shadow of someone else’s dream was so hard to find my own as everything that I hold everything I touched at the time felt cold to me. Yet I’m loving and living a new day because I’m living it for me; now the I’m wide awake and that I can finally see for who I am, don’t feel sorry for me that you weren’t there for me as you were so wrapped up in her world.
Living in, living in, living in the shadow will be in the back of my mind but I’m always going to live in a new day wether you three are in my life or not.
The day I wished you’d walked in to my life again just imagine that you just did; I would fill you in on the things that you would have missed, like the sleepless nights that you would have with the hopes of a grown up man dressed in white who claims to be who says he is from the tales of this long standing tradition that you have and I would of thought he might of come just in time to save your life.
Yet as I have waited and waited he didn’t come so you had died. I don’t like it that you’re dead I can’t work it out how that it is impossible; it’s not the same where I scratch my own head to work things out, I know that deep down God doesn’t exist because he was never there to save me and all the palaver surrounding it and it’s like yeah right but I know secretly that you can hear me sometimes.
When I’m cold I reach a fleece that I could borrow for the time being from either TJ or Caspain I’m always trying to keep warm when you’re the sun. That day I sat with you beside your bed crying wishing for the things that I wish I should of said; watching you paint your nails red like you still got now over and over again, and if I live past 72 I do hope I’ll be half as cool as you are.
I got my pen and notepad as I sit in my little cottage window trying to create a story for you tonight; I know how much you like them because I know how to express my feelings through them just to make it feel alright, yet I know I will always keep you close to me because the crowds will understand and relate to the story like you never left.
I think you know I’m not doing so well…
In the winds of the British Isles words float from every country and commonwealth that belong to the United Kingdom; even with every tune from every country playing for Mother’s Day, the words sounds like how much people love each other especially their mothers who may have passed away or out in war zones or somewhere else.
Some words they can’t be spoken but only sung. So when you hear a thousand voices shouting love there’s a place where there is actually time in this life where you can sing what you are feeling. I remember you telling me to find my feet and stand my ground because don’t you see the whole world is listening to what we have to say right now?
The winds sing it louder sing it clearer knowing that everyone will hear you because as your making some of the noises you would find your voice tonight; make it stronger by singing it together which will make this moment of love last forever, even the love and the young are shouting their love tonight.
To be able to sing we had to wait like a lifetime to be able to see a thousand faces to celebrate together; you had brought hope, brought life conquer fear when it wasn’t always so easy but as you stood your ground by keeping your faith, yet you don’t see it right now but the world is listening to what we have to say.
As we sing it louder and more clearly knowing that everyone will hear you speak because you always told us to make a noise to find our voices tonight; by singing it stronger and being together we can make this feeling last forever, wether your old or young we are shouting love tonight.
Some words only be spoken but otherwise they can’t be spoke but only to be sung. To be able to hear the thousand voices is to be able to open your window of your bedroom hearing the words of love, life and hope. To be able to hear a thousand voices shouting love for you.
Another summer’s day has come and gone away like in Paris and Rome; I just want to come home because I missing you so much and you know it, yet I’m surrounded by people that I don’t truly know and I feel more alone I just want to come home. I miss you more and more you know me so well. I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you with one a line or two with “I’m fine baby how are you?” I know I would send them but it’s just not enough because you deserve more than that of the words that are cold and flat.
Another aeroplane. Another sunny place. I know I should be lucky but I just want to go home; I’m pleading with my assistants and security to take me home because I got to go home, let me go home I’m too far from where you are I’ve got to go home I’m missing you so much. I’ve had my run baby you know when I’m done I just want to come home to have my hug and have my safety net near me at all times.
The fact that I just feel like I’m living someone else’s life like everything is going right as I stepped outside; I know you couldn’t come along with me because this wasn’t you’re dream but you always believed in me and you decided to come with me a few times. Yet another winter day has come and gone away either in Paris or Rome and I want to come home to be with you because I miss you so much you know.
Let me go home I’ve had my run because I’m done now I’ve finished my tour around the world; I’m done now everything will be alright because I’ll be home tonight, I’m coming back home.