Everyday Online Diary Entries: (6.6.18) Wednesday – Story of My Life – Story Based

Story of my life when I’m kept in the dark about things but I wish you could be with me now; as I can’t sleep without you next to me so I have to go to the river to pray because I need something that can wash out the pain, and the memories that are flashing in my minds eye that I don’t want to see. I keep sleeping with you’re ghost the ghost of you laying next to me to keep these demons away from me. 

My friend have figured you out they saw what’s inside of you because there’s wasn’t anything for you to hide; there was no evil coming through from you all they could see was your kindness, loving, patient and protection coming through. Everytime you were near I could feel these eyes sitting on the wall watching every move that I make; even with the bright light of the sun they are there in the shade but your loving heart makes my spirit have hope that I can do this, knowing that I’m not a lone in this. 

I had to go through hell on my own to be able to prove that I’m not insane because I had met the devils name and now I’m starting to know his name. I then find your burning love coming through holding your hand out whilst everything was burning out by the water. 

Sitting here with you as we stare at these written walls are the stories that I can’t explain what they all mean because I just leave my heart open for days but my thoughts stay there on these walls for days. The morning that I have something to show you and I took you to this room with all of my stories of my past covering all over the walls and ceilings. 

You knew that I love you to the bones and knew I struggled to open up but now you finally got to see and read what was happening in my head. You didn’t realise how much I was dying inside of me; these words that are written on the walls will be on my grave stone because that’s how much I hated about myself, no matter how many times I’ve been to hell you know I’m gone there when I’m in a bad dark place. I just want the ground to open beneath me so wide that I can get away from this life; in away I’m holding on too tight to you from falling into the hole that has nothing in between. 

This is the story of my life battling with mental health; I just want you to take me home even if you drive all night to keep me warm because I’m frozen in time, I wish this wasn’t the story of my life but it is and you give me hope, love, patience until I’m no more broke inside. 

The words that are written on these walls are in colour I can’t change them because I don’t know how to but they are attacking my heart that’s widely open in its cage. I know in the morning as I can see the light creeping up over the hill as I lay on the floor with you and your arms wrapping around me protecting me. Although I am broken without you I think I would of been gone tonight; the fire that was beneath my feet was burning so bright, the way that I was holding you and you were holding onto me so tight like there was nothing can become between us. I’ve been waiting for this time to come around but I didn’t know how to explain myself I felt like I was chasing something. 

The things that I’ve seen, the things that I’ve heard, the things that I’ve experienced with. The is the story of my life battling with mental health. 

Monday Online Diary Entries: “Hero” – Story Based

As like I said in my Monday 30th April 2018 Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging this week will be a hit and miss with my blogging. Due to being unwell but thank you for you’re patience. 

I’m always going to be you’re hero if I danced when you asked me to dance? I would never run and look back because we came so far together; if I wanted to leave I would off done it a long time ago, I would cry if I saw you crying but I will always save your soul tonight like you save my soul tonight like you always do. Would you tremble if I touched your lips? 

Would you laugh? If I told you how much I loved you so much. So please tell me this now would you die for the one you love? Would you stay by me forever and hold me in your arms tonight? I can be your hero baby I can kiss away the pain because I will stand by you for ever you will alway can take my breath away. 

Would you swear that you’ll always be mine? Would you lie? Would you run and hide? Am I too deep? Have I lost my mind? But I don’t care because you are here tonight. I just want to hold you and stand by you forever I’m going to kiss away all the pain that we have. I know that I’m you’re hero and you are mine. 

Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well I don’t care because you’re here tonight so I can be you’re hero.

If you would like to make a donation after this please don’t hesitate and make a donation with for Help for Heroes, Challengers or you can’t make up your mind just hit that donation button. You will find these in the Payment/Donation Page up the top of the website.

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Saturday Online Diary Entries: “What about us?” – Story Based

There’s searchlights searching for us but it helps us to see in the dark; rockets pointing up at the stars giving us the guide to each other like they were tiny little  billions beautiful hearts, and shown us to the river which was too far for us. They hear us call out what about us? What about all the times you said you had the answers? What about us? What about all the broken happy every ever afters that you promised us? What about us? What about all the plans that ended in disasters? What about love? What about trust? What about us? As we cried out to you in pain but you don’t care to listen.

We have problems that need to be solved with your help but we also you’re children that need to be loved yet we were willing when she we came when you once called. Yet many fooled us because enough is enough. What about us? All the times you said you had the answers when we had so many broken happy ever afters; all the plans that ended in disasters but where was you’re love and trust that you should of given us, what about us? Yet are we ready for your trust again? 

Sticks and stones they may break these bones like Jack and the Beanstalk then I’m ready; are you ready to break me more times than one?, it’s the start of us by waking up so come on are you ready to give more things to throw at us. As I don’t want to control the whole situation anymore I just want to let go as I’m so tired of fighting. I know the one true love is ready one more time and I know I’m ready because it’s now time to let them know we aren’t messing around. 

What about…what about us? 

This story is also in aid of Help for Heroes if you like to donate money straight to the cause please click to this link here https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/heroesmenandwomen

For more information about the charity please go via Payment/Donations 50% goes to two charities for more information. You can find the link and other links on that page. Thank you.

Short Stories Donations: “You’re in the army now” – Story Based – Help for Heroes

Short Stories Donations like this story will go to Help for Heroes you will find the link in the Payment/Donations Page on the homepage or up the top of my blog. There is two options for you whether you want to donate straight to the Help for Heroes or click on the donation button as 50% of it will go to Challengers and Help for Heroes. Please bare in mind that these are short stories and are likely to happen out in the war zones. https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/heroesmenandwomen or click here to donate straight away if your under 16 please make sure you ask permission from the bill payer. Thank you.

My Uncle Sam does his best he can in a foreign land it’s not like a vacation for him because he’s in the army now; I remember him saying to me if a daft man tells you to stay in bed all day and do nothing all day, remember I’m out in a foreign land saving your arse everyday get up and do something for me for a change.

When he came home with injuries that’s when I decided to make him proud by joining the army and set up a charity in his name because he’s done a lot for me without me realising. Then one day he over heard that I was leaving to go on tour, saw my uniform and my bags that were packed.

He called me to his room that was downstairs that once was a living room; he didn’t realise that I was in the army now one valuable thing he told me was “you’ll be a hero of the neighbourhood but actually nobody knows that you’ve left for good as it’s a suicide mission but you know the consequences.”

As I sat there on the plane with all of the faces smiling as we waited to land but actually once we got there no one actually gives a damn about you what so ever. All because your in the army now you’ll have hand grenades flying over your head, missiles flying over your head and you have to get out of bed to survive as you’re in the army now.

Shots that ring out in the dead of night the sergeant calls out “STAND UP AND FIGHT!” You have your orders and better shoot on sight because your finger’s ins on the trigger even though it doesn’t seem right but I kindly remind myself why I’m doing it. I’m in the army now no matter if it’s day or night you can’t see if it’s illusion or reality?

Short Story Donations: “The day I thought I was going to die” – Help For Heroes

Short Stories Donations like this story will go to Help for Heroes you will find the link in the Payment/Donations Page on the homepage or up the top of my blog. There is two options for you whether you want to donate straight to the Help for Heroes or click on the donation button as 50% of it will go to Challengers and Help for Heroes. Please bare in mind that these are short stories and are likely to happen out in the war zones. https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/heroesmenandwomen or click here to donate straight away if your under 16 please make sure you ask permission from the bill payer. Thank you.

The day I lost both my legs saving my fellow serving soldiers life after a land mind bomb was underground; it was him that gave me the look that we were near one, it was close by but where was it and it only took me by surprise that he was standing right on it he couldn’t move from the spot until I did the most rash decision to make everyone stop and back away slowly. So it was only just me, him and the land mind. So that no one else would get injured well that’s what I thought but the crazy idea was that we were in a middle of an empty estate like as everyone had disappeared but just empty ruins of houses but the locals were still living there.

Before I could step another foot closer I could feel that I was being watched by a gunman from ISIS but I couldn’t see where yet I knew that I’ve got a gun marked on me. I was thinking “great but my priority was my fellow men and the mine. I was going to die either way”. Everyone picked up the sense of what I was sensing they ran around us no matter what the outcome was. That was my que to get him out of the danger zone. 

That’s when the ambush came as soon as I ran forward knocked my fellow serviceman over to the ground that’s when the land mind went off. I didn’t know what was happening all I could feel was the pain and being dragged to safety away from the scene. I didn’t know if I had saved my fellow servicemen or not or how many casualties there were. 

It was long until I soon woke up back in base after a few days being in some sort of coma but it was down to a lost of lot of blood. I was needed to be sent home to get more treatment and being told that I had lost both my legs due to my bravery and careless act of saving another soldiers life. That was it my career that I had built up over the years gone just like that. I knew the consequences when I signed up back when I was 16; I knew what would happen to me if I did but this was my life it kept me in check, and made sure that I was keeping myself narrow and straight. 

The fact that I went back to sleep as I was so weak I couldn’t even feel or knew what was going on until I had woken up again but this time I could hear the sounds of birds chirping, singing, people talking and there was someone special to me sitting next to me closely but she was asleep holding my hand. I knew I was home but in a hospital called “Headley Court” I tried to squeeze her hand to wake her but I was still weak yet she woke up with a start. 

She had looked over saw me trying to smile at her trying to reassure her that it’s alright; I tried to talk or mumbled words like “I’m so sorry Tilly”, Tilly sat in the bed near me so she could hear what I was trying to say but all she could say through her tears of happiness and stroking my head. “It’s all okay. We will get through this together no matter what. You crazy fool” I couldn’t help but laugh in pain with a cough splutter that I didn’t notice that I had. 

Tilly called for the doctor and nurse as I was awake; they slowly sat me up with help of course, after they checked me over if it wasn’t for Tilly teaching me makaton when I was at home in case I needed to know at all or any time that and that was the only way we would communicate if needed be. Love her job because I know she’s great with special needs children; I help out now and then when I was home from tour, so the kids in school liked it when I would come in and just chat with them. 

I signed to her that I was hungry and thirsty but wanted her to help me; she obviously translated it for the doctor and nurse of course, as they didn’t know any of it of course. Which chuckled me even more that gave me more pain and spluttering must of been the dust that inhaled at the time. From then on whilst Tilly went back to work and visiting me she always saw me when I was sleep or help me with my food but she didn’t know I had a trick up my sleeve. 

We had started to plan our wedding before I left and we decided to do it in the summer of this year because I was pretty determined to walk again on prosecuted legs to surprise her. I always like to joke about with her so I had a plan with a few close friends of mine who were going to be my best men on the day….