Tuesday Online Diary Entries: “I want to scream, I want to shout!” Story Based

No matter what I got to say but I have the words to change a nation yet I’m biting my tongue because I’ve spent my life time stuck in silence yet I’m to afraid that I’ll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it how are we going to learn my song, my story or most importantly my voice. So come on come on let me speak out because this is hurting me as much as you.

I’ve got a heart as loud as the lions in the London Zoo but why do I have to let my voice still be tamed? Maybe we’re a little different but there’s no need to be ashamed because you’ve got the light to fight the shadows away so stop hiding it away, come on come on. I want to sing. I want to shout. I want to scream until the words dry out. I’m not afraid because they can read all about it. Read all about it on how she is a gold digger, she doesn’t love you, she just want to be a princess and live the highlight.

At night we’re waking up the neighbours while the press is at my house making sure that I’m standing my ground; making sure that we’re are remembered that we are in love, we matter too and if the truth is forbidden then we’re breaking all the rules and let the TV and the radio tell our story again and again. It’s about time we got some airplay telling our version of events. There’s no need to be afraid I will shout out that you’re my love of my life.

We are all wonderful people when did we get so fearful? Now that we have finally finding our voices. So take a chance stand next to me help me fight for you.


Online Diary Entries: “Nana” – Story Based

The day I wished you’d walked in to my life again just imagine that you just did; I would fill you in on the things that you would have missed, like the sleepless nights that you would have with the hopes of a grown up man dressed in white who claims to be who says he is from the tales of this long standing tradition that you have and I would of thought he might of come just in time to save your life.

Yet as I have waited and waited he didn’t come so you had died. I don’t like it that you’re dead I can’t work it out how that it is impossible; it’s not the same where I scratch my own head to work things out, I know that deep down God doesn’t exist because he was never there to save me and all the palaver surrounding it and it’s like yeah right but I know secretly that you can hear me sometimes.

When I’m cold I reach a fleece that I could borrow for the time being from either TJ or Caspain I’m always trying to keep warm when you’re the sun. That day I sat with you beside your bed crying wishing for the things that I wish I should of said; watching you paint your nails red like you still got now over and over again, and if I live past 72 I do hope I’ll be half as cool as you are.

I got my pen and notepad as I sit in my little cottage window trying to create a story for you tonight; I know how much you like them because I know how to express my feelings through them just to make it feel alright, yet I know I will always keep you close to me because the crowds will understand and relate to the story like you never left.

I think you know I’m not doing so well…

Everyday Post: “That’s my goal” – Story Based

You know where I came from as you know my story otherwise I wouldn’t of been standing here with you tonight; please don’t go I don’t want you to be in a hurry because I announced my love for you, I want to make it clear and make it right for you. Well I know that I’ve acted foolish but I can promise you no more because I’ve finally found that something worth reaching and fight for.

I’m here to say I’m sorry but I’m not here to lie to you I promise you that I’m here in front of you taking your hands to say I’m ready; that I’ve finally thought it through I’m not giving up on our love or letting go of your love, I’m her to win your heart and soul and that’s my goal. Please don’t go you know that I need you as I can’t breath without you be without you; well you know that I’ve acted foolish but I can promise you from the bottom of my heart no more crazy stupid things. Only do them with you because that’s what I love about you.

I won’t stop believe that we will be leaving together because we are made for each other; we been through a lot together, we had arguments, we had our cries, we had laughter and most importantly when I say “I love you” I mean it forever and ever. I’m here to say I’m sorry. I’m not here to lie to you I’m here to say “I’m ready to give up everything for you” I’ve finally here as I thought it through and I’m not here to let you’re love go. I’m not giving up because I’m here to win your heart and would because you’re my goal.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “You know me” Story Based Extra

If any man can pick what he fancied he should just live and breed in captivity because it’s just pointless; you love what you’re doing what you like, when you like, how it makes you happy because only you yourself know yourself. What a waste of all this peace when baby steps and two more sleeps until I get the sorry from you because I get hysterical, historical of love like it’s just a chemical thing between us. Give me something to stop me from having a complete melt down from all of the pain only you know me.

Since you went away my heart breaks everyday because you don’t know as you’re not there to see me cry everyday; you simply found the words to make a lot of feelings fade away or model our feelings, only you know me when I need you the most. I’m doing fine most of the time as the sun shines what are you thinking? Yet at state of my mind can go worst than it can go with me drinking thunderbird wine but I’m drinking because you brought back memories that I told you about.

Yet only you know me when I get into the worst state imaginable but sorry doesn’t cut it out anymore as it’s become more comical than anything that I’ve been through. It’s my life that your toying with; along with my happiness, only wish you knew how horrible this feeling is and them you would know how truly I’m feeling. Only you know me and how to calm me down every single day.

Thursday Online Diary Entries: “Your My Symphony” – Story

Dearest Caspian

Since I’ve met you I’ve been symphonies all I had ever heard was silence but yet there’s always a rhapsody for me and you; there’s always every melody that seems to be timeless but life was just stringing me along, until that you came into my life to which you found that string and you have started to cut each long bit of the string to cut me loose so that you can be in the centre of my world and now I can’t sing on my own because I can’t find the key without you not being by my side.

Now our song is on repeat making me smile thinking of us in that big ballroom dancing with your heartbeat up against to mine. Yet when your gone I’m left in the middle of the room; I just feel incomplete but if you want the truth I will tell you right now, I just want to be apart of your symphony like you would hold me tight and not let me go. I just want to be part of your symphony like our love song “Sad Song” by We The Kings Feat Elena Coats will you hold me tight and not let go because I’m sorry if it’s all too much everyday that your here I’m healing knowing that I’m not running out of luck.

Yet when you’re not here I’m running out of luck; I’m running around like a lost child because I’m frightened because my insecurities and me going off the rails the thought of that would happen without you. I think I won’t be able to recover from the pain from it all or us but yet we seem to get through anything together. I never thought that these feelings would come back to find me until I hear the symphonies in the winds; I knew it was you saying that your still coming for me because you know it’s too much to bare, you know we’ve got everything worth fighting for and all I heard before was just silence. I hear our a rhapsody and every melody on the radio because it’s so timeless for us.

Your my symphony and my everything……

Brick By Boring Brick

So I’ve basically just pulled a all nighter; can’t sleep, can’t breathe, too cold and yet I’m too warm.

It’s all about the heads in the cloud; don’t think this is your fault, that I can’t sleep because I’m trying to rescue you from your ivory tower. Your walls are full of magic; if this is true, I’m coming for you as I’m coming to tackle your nightmares because I’m here to protect you from them. You don’t have to be scared no more. 

This might be crazy what I’m going to say, with the air that will take us away. If the happiness is the truth; but it comes with bad news talking about this and that, just clap along if you know if the happiness is too you. You can’t bring me down because your love is too high; if there’s no room without a roof, you know what that is. As the love is too high! 

Even though we are building by boring brick; yet we both know we hate this part, I thought we are stronger than this. I hate this part right here. Everyday of every scene; we telling each other whats hurting us, from being so apart. I know you hate this part right here. I know you will ask me to hold on for a bit longer; I will ask you the same, I’m not going to leave you no matter what. 

We can walk like a champion as we are young and free; somewhere you hold yourself, walk like a champion talk like a champion. We got nothing to loose because we’ve got two things on our side; we have each other’s love, we got one most important thing. We’ve got one special lady keeping us together; nobody does it better than she does, I know that she would want us to fight the system. With all of the crazy things we are trying to do; I know that I cant go back to the way it was, I don’t think you want to go back to the way it was. 

With the room that has no roof on. We are giants. When I look into your eyes and when you look into my eyes. Its just you and I. There are giants across the water; I could see someone sitting on one of the giants, we are giants in our hearts. As we build by boring brick; not just any building by boring brick, we are building the love into people’s lives. I whisper into your ear. I can’t shake this feeling off. That’s what they don’t know because I’m building with the love boring bricks with you; because I’m not shaking it off, I know who’s not shaking it off. Have a look over where the giants are. 

I light up the sky above you; I’m not going to fade away from you, because you and me will be standing right by side of each other. I’m not leaving you no matter; I’m going to fight this, we are going to rule the world as the stars are coming out tonight. They are lighting the sky tonight just for you; as I’m staying by your side as the sky is being lit up, by the stars for you. For you. 

Rumour has it, rumour has it, I didn’t stay up all night to get all this done. Rumour has it, rumour has it, you have made my heart melt with your loving and smile. Along with the frown that I keep on telling you to stop doing that; because that I had said it, I didn’t really meant it. Rumour has it, rumour has it, that theres a whisper in the wind with the words with your name on it. 

I love you; as my heart burst again, just thinking of you and seeing you on my screen. Seeing your face light up; making me feel proud of you, with the smile on your face. You may have my number; you may have my name, but you can have my heart more than ever. You go where I go. I go where you go. Would you see what I see. Your loving eyes melts my worries as my loving eyes melts all of your worries. As we standing tall together and let the skyfall around us. 

The Fear Of The Unknown 

How can one dream; turn into a reality of another’s one soul, but she’s not all cracked up to be. Is she?

For the rest of the night seemed to be quiet; Darrell woke up a few times as he heard me tossing and turning, along with a few murmuring of words that he just about make out. He scribbled them down before he could forget what they were; but one name was really bothering him, he only know a little bit about him but it was his duty of care to protect me. 

Darrell had his work iPad next to him; he brought up the whole scan picture, name app that security and him use on a daily basis. So he typed in Lawerence Windsor. Whilst he waited for the information to come up; there was a knock on the door, he got up and slowly crept over. He was starting to sweat from his brow; panicking that he just me on my own, as he slowly opened the door. There stood Caspian. Looking like he couldn’t sleep at all; he mumbled something like I just punched Luka’s lights out, well nearly until he was convinced that no one will know that he spent the night with me. Just to protect me throughout the night. 

So Darrell agreed to let him in; but on the one condition this can’t keep on happening, until it all gets sorted. Not even your grandmother shouldn’t know about this. He knew what he was talking about. Darrell had completely forgot about what he was doing on the work iPad; he placed down next him as he laid on the sofa, I could feel Caspian’s strong arms wrapping around me. He could feel me relaxed in his arms; like the dream that I was dreaming about had disappeared, the rest of the night was quiet. 

Until there was a disturbance outside the room; hush angry sounds which disturbed me, Caspian and Darrell, before any of us could move Luka came in. With complete bewildered like he had just seen something or someone; he claimed that he had just seen Lawerence Windsor, lurking in the grounds in the early hours of this morning. I could feel Caspian feeling tense and starting to get worked up about it all. It frightened me a bit but he soon realised what he was doing; quickly apologies for what he did, we all knew that me and Caspian were in danger and need to get out of the house quickly. 

Fortunately the armed police and more security came as quickly as possible; we went to a different location on which I didn’t know, I was to afraid to ask anyone about it. I could see Caspian out of the corner of my eye; he was too mad too say anything, he caught me looking on which made me look another way. He knew that I knew he was mad; he tried to not show it, then he realised he was starting to frown, that got him more annoyed. 

We had finally got to our destination; I could see a little lady and a tall gentleman, they were standing nice and straight. More to the point well dressed than anything else. I heard Caspian say ‘buckets full of potatoes’ that’s when I knew who they were. I gently smiled I knew what he meant; just funny that he had that posh boy about him, that he has to be respectable person with everyone. 

As we fully stopped; I so wanted to stay in the car but I knew we had to get out of the car, especially me of all people. It took me a while to get out of the car; just before I could the elderly man who looked so powerful, I could only imagine he was Caspian’s grandfather Tyrone came over and opened the door. 

‘It’s okay they’ve got him now. Your safe’ he said holding out his hand in offer of helping me out of the jeep and for reassurance that everything was alright. From then on me and Caspian we became more close and in love than ever before due to the fact that I wasn’t under threat from anyone no more. 

The Fear Of The Unknown Part 1

How can one dream; turn into a reality of another’s one soul, but she’s not all cracked up to be. Is she?

One night I was in bed alone; in one big massive mansion, security stood outside my door, my body guard was sleeping on the couch that was by the fire place. I always liked it when Caspian gets over protective; especially when I’m ill and I couldn’t go to a social event with him, he wanted to make sure that I was properly protected even if I was with him or not. 

It took me awhile to dose off because I had been crying; my throat was hurting, struggling to breath. I refused them to call Caspian because I knew how important this function was for him; I didn’t want him to panic or worry that my mental health or my current bug or something whatever it was to ruin his big moment for his business. 

I was slowly drifting off to sleep; Darrell my bodyguard looked over, he said quietly as he was coming over. “Come on I think that’s enough work for one night” as he took my iPad off me and laid it on the side table. He then put blankets over me because he knew I liked to cuddle the duvet for comfort….

As I laid my head on the soft pillows; my eyes were getting heavier and heavier, I knew my medication and paracetamol had started to kick in. Due to the heavy anxiety attack I had endured the hour before; which lead me to struggling to breathe, a massive headache and really bad sore throat. Everything was too much for me to handle. I was completely out of it; I was in a deep sleep no one couldn’t wake me up, I had found myself in by this pond pondering of what I should do. 

The water was deep and inviting; this was when I was at my weakest point in my life, no one was here to stop me from doing anything. I had started to walk in; I could barely hear voices shouting my name, I stopped to have look with my eyes full with tears. I could see a man in a white shirt and cameral colour trousers on running in; couldn’t even think who it was until he picked me up in his arms, as I put my arms around his neck I could smell his aftershave of Jean Paul Glitter. My favourite aftershave on any man; this one I liked more, I knew it was Caspian coming running in after me. 

We had reached to the bank where everyone else were; I had started to shake in his arms, he knew I was freezing as I was only wearing a strappy top and shorts. The air had changed; winds have started to pick up more heavy, clouds had formed to which part turned dark and black. Threatening with a massive downpour of rain; I could hear him giving orders, to head back to the vehicles quickly and officially. 

I could feel the rain starting to fall; Caspian’s nice white cotton feel to it, that I always have thought he was going to burst out of them with his muscles and joked about that he works out too much was getting wet. I was murmuring something to Caspian about something but he couldn’t make out what I was saying. I could hear his panic in his voice with a bit of reassurance that we were nearly there; I struggled to open my eyes, my lips were turning blue. I could hear the doors wide open; blankets wrapped around me, the doors closing I could feel Caspian sitting in the back of the car. He told me that he was going to take me back to his place; without any arguments, or anything because he was a lot closer and he can look after me better. 

The feeling of being a stranger in his house was like feeling a stranger in a different land; as I woke up in in a cold sweat, fever as everyone rushed to my aid even Caspian who could hear her from the other side of the house….

I actually woke myself up from the dream screaming; Darrell and the security were running to my aid, Darrell was trying to calm me down whilst few others were on their phones calling around to see where Caspian was. It wasn’t before long that he had finally arrived; running in from the front of the house to my room, I had begged him not to leave me on my own. I know the rules that his family had to follow; if he could he would, Darrell and Caspian’s bodyguard Luka’s had agree along with the security that it wasn’t the best solution but as long as I manage to fall back to sleep. Knowing that he was in the house; Darrell will sleep close by even further, as long as I need him…..