Everyday Online Diary Entries – (27.7.18) Friday – 2 Months off rain in one afternoon

2 months of heatwaves we decided to have like 3-4 hours of downpour of rain and thunderstorms then it stopped. At least I didn’t have to water the garden and fight with the hose pipe yet I didn’t know how long we were going to get the rain for because I had to go down the garden to feed the fish. So about 16:20pm (4:30pm GMT) I thought I’m going to have to risk it and feed these fishes because I didn’t know how long the rain and etc was going to last. 

At least we had some sort of rain this week not 100% sure what tomorrow will bring but I’m just glad that I didn’t have to water the garden. It didn’t last that long to be honest but there you go. I decided to bring my Wii U downstairs because my tv doesn’t work; plus at least I can play on it when I want to along with YouTube and Netflix whilst writing my blogs, saving me playing it on my iPad or my phone not too sure why I didn’t think of it before to be honest. 

However you know when you have the best brother coming round and orders Dominos for us to have. Also chill out with each other with me and my sister we also decided to watch 99 Brooklyn never seen it before but it’s actually quite funny I’ve seen it few times when my brother has stayed over the past few days. Only briefly though but it’s all good worth watching it to be honest. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (20.7.18) – Friday – 6:45 am until 10:10pm long day don’t you think

Pretty much a long day literally shattered with a headache which kept me up all night. I’ve never ever done a long day for a long time since the last one when ever that one was. I was barely at home today when I finished my first shift; I came home about 9:15am, fell asleep for a few hours due to the fact that I didn’t feel right then back out again to work at 12:45pm because its end of term for England for public schools, private schools finish about a week early than everyone else. 

I then was an hour early looking after my cousin who has special needs but messed up his system slightly after being an hour early. Ops but it was easier for me to come straight off the main motorway to go home and walk back down to my aunts plus I don’t think I would of been up to doing it but it was all good. I gave him an option and chose the best one where he wanted to be on his own for a bit longer. He knew where I was if he wanted to join me. We totally had fun watching the second film of Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets and went to go to get fish and chips. 

We finished of watching the rest of the film with our dinner and just chilled until his parents came home with his sister. After that I went home when my parents came to pick me up as they were in the area doing something and went home. I went to bed because it was pretty much a long day for me and I just wanted to be on my own after the day I had. 

I really wasn’t in the mood at the start of the day especially with people burping and etc. I normally be alright about it and make jokes and what not but today of all days I literally just weren’t in the mood or anything because of it all. There is a time and place for that and the end of term and the last day I was literally feeling it. Doesn’t matter now it’s over and done with now. 6 and 1/2 weeks off now of peace  and quiet. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (13.7.18) Friday – The unluckiest day

You could say that we are the unluckiest to the President coming to UK especially on Friday 13th; to be honest no one actually cares anymore if he is or not, yes we don’t want him here and we had our fair share bad luck over the years. He is definitely not having any respect from us at all; literally saw a headline saying “Trump attacks May about Britexit” on a newspaper, does he think that’s going to impress or gain our respect us by attacking us on our own home tariff. 

Yes we don’t care about the Britexit or May but when you come to your first time visit don’t insult us to gain our respect; just need to be humble and say the right things than, not say stupid things and everything. Anyways other than that today of all days I really couldn’t be bothered to do anything. 

I had things to do well planned to do things but all I wanted to do is sleep because I was so tired and everything I just couldn’t be bothered in the end to do anything. Now I’m going to pretend that I’m not in the house for the next few hours when my parents have people round. That is my main goal for the evening having a weekend off from socialising with people that I don’t want to talk to or I don’t know. Just me, the iPad and you guys that’s all that matters. 

Last Night Everyday Online Diary Entries: (6.7.18) Friday – Relaxed Evening with my siblings

Just when your parents give you half an hour warning that they are going to leave for this church/community thing one disappeared somewhere no idea where and one is a sleep. Why not be cheeky and write up another blog for you all with what I got up to last night but with a new category called “Last Night Everyday Online Diary Entries” 

Why not to be honest I thought it sounded quite cool last night when I was about to start it but gave up because I just wanted to sleep and didn’t know how to begin writing it until now. So this is what I got up too last night. It wasn’t long after I got home maybe an hour or so later I don’t know one of my siblings and their other finally got to us in which they are staying a few nights. We don’t get to see them that much as they live quite far away in the midlands. 

Then about 20:00pm GMT England time one of my other siblings arrived it was like the four squad plus one had arrived together like the good times. It was actually quite nice that it was just the four of us once again like the good times; we all knew each other’s little weird habits, jokes inside out, and etc. All of the fun things we use to do when one of my siblings were little and now older. 

We all sat outside with our parents until dark arrived up until late at night I went to bed as I beginning to get tired but in the end I was still awake until 2:45am I couldn’t get to sleep that much after I said I was going to bed then I fell asleep at 2:45am. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (6.7.18) Friday – Good positive motivation

After this mornings run for work and playing nursery rhymes to which I have to admit that I was literal falling asleep because of it but it’s part of a job to be honest knowing what a child likes and what not. As soon as I got back I had a bit of a nap before I did anything because I was literally so tired; along with the fact I was feeling so anxious about things and feeling sick because of my nerves to which I found that I just need to eat something before hand to steady them. 

This week had started from bad to a good week by the end due to the fact that the kids that I’ve worked with enjoyed having me on their run. They just love the fact I’m just one people who are just too relaxed along with fun side of things unless they go over board with being hyped or being rude about something or to someone. 

Having the motivation of being positive and fun about things no matter how bad things are at least you know you can do something to make you feel better when you know someone who needs it the most. It’s like saying it’s okay to feel down but it’s okay everything is going to be fine. Even if it’s a hug hugs are the best things I have been told that my hugs are the best it makes them feel good. If making the other person feel good it makes you feel good. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (22.6.18) Friday – A YouTuber complains for a day of spending a pound!

I fell on a YouTuber commenting on another YouTuber video who actually failed to do a 24 hour challenge of buying things £1. Yet they actually didn’t do it properly or done it in the right way or the the backlash he was going to get from it until he posted it. 

I don’t understand why would you do something if do something think it’s cool to do but don’t think the conciseness might happen, plan it and do it for a charity. Most importantly why on earth you do it because you don’t know if your viewers who are in that situation. 

No matter if your a blogger or a YouTuber blogging you have to tread carefully in what you have do weather the social media platform because you don’t actually know what other people’s life is like behind closed doors. No matter what it is. What got me most annoyed is that he tried to do one bit of it in £1 then buys other things that cost more than a £1. 

The whole point of it is that having luxurious items because they can buy what the want and etc. Yet complain of not being able to have what they want for 24 hours but do it wrong is completely wrong. First of all when you say “I’m doing a £1 Challenge” it means it covers everything from food shopping, meals out and etc you have to budget what you want or limit yourself a £5 for the day. 

I should know because I’ve been stuck for money for a very long time haven’t brought anything for a very long time until I had money and brought things that I actually needed like my make up and bigger size clothing because that’s what I actually needed. 

Since then I haven’t brought anything for myself because I know I’m on a tight budget because I’ve got my things are important. I can literally go without things for months when I know I haven’t had money trust me I barely go out to do anything or when I do go out I don’t buy anything because I don’t have any money to spend.  It’s called life choices at the end of the day but people who spend money money money all the time who don’t care in the world don’t even care how hard it is for people. 

Just don’t be a dick about things who are living the life’s of struggling to meet ends meet everyday putting food on the table and what people do who can spend spend spend generally can go to hell. I use to spend quite a lot but now this has been a eye opener for me as I’m in it but at the end of the day I’ve been quite cleaver with money but at the end of the day there’s times I actually regret buying things because I know I needed to pay for things. That’s why I’ve learnt to control my spending habits and everything. Yeah you want to spend money to make yourself feel better but it only last 5 minutes or so it’s really unnecessary to be honest it’s like do I actually need to. It’s like voiding that whole that you have; trust me spending money to fill a hole is for filling but it’s not so great to be honest, it does bring me down like I wish I didn’t at the end of the day. 

I’m not using my mental health as an excuse I know what I’m doing. Yes there going to be problems down the line at the end of the day. That’s why since I’ve been struggling with things in life I’ve put my foot down hard on myself of what I want and what I don’t want in life. I knew how hard it was for my parents to get this far and I’m going through the same thing now. It’s controlling your mind. I’m pretty much good at that until I get tired of fighting then have a relapse. I do go flying to a hot country whenever I can, go to a fancy restaurant or go round to my local supermarket because I don’t want to make anything for my lunch and what not. Yeah I’ve done it a few times but the weakness is when I’m in a depressed mood I want junk food. That is my downfall and I admit that but at least I’m not buying load of alcohol drinks and what not every time to make me feel so good and forget everything. 

Rant over just think before you do things. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (15.6.18) Friday – Half empty dishwasher put it on or wait until dinner finishes?

I don’t even know if I want to laugh, cry or laugh and cry at the same time. People either have logic or they don’t because who puts on the dishwasher that is half full and waist a bloody dishwasher tablet. Who does that? I nearly bloom cried over that because there was plenty of space for the evening meal to put in it. I then nearly flipping cried over medium plates like you use for toast and etc; they wouldn’t fit in the flipping cupboard, I’m like dishwasher, plates, dishwasher, plates AAAHHHHHH! Half full dishwasher and full cupboard with plates why now!

I wouldn’t be in this position if a) people have common sense of it’s half full why not leave it until later and the plates look pretty full where they go b) stop blinking buying plates we don’t need anymore blinking plates for love of god. I never ever wanted to cry of people’s stupidity of something so simple as this. Half empty dishwasher let’s wait until dinner as we have space for that and there will be space for the plates when some of the plates have come out of the cupboard in the morning. That’s my logic to it all. One of my massive pet hates you can ever ask for in my life.

So whilst I’m working in the morning I get bombarded with messages from let’s say people (friends) but people sounds a whole lot better in this case. I literally was like I’m not responding they know I’m working and doing double shift to earn more money and knowing that I don’t finish at 10:30am. The whole headache hayfever, anxiety and stress was getting to me because of them; can you do this? Can you do that? I’m like I’M AT WORK!

By the time I got home I was quite glad I didn’t have a black out and stuff because it was getting to the stage where I could feel something was coming and I had to eat something then sleep. I literally ignored my phone the whole time because I couldn’t barely look at my phone or need anymore stress. However someone else panicked because they thought something was wrong as I hadn’t messaged them or freaked out on them like I normally do for about 7 hours straight in which it wasn’t like me to them.

So I told them why and they were like don’t do anymore double shifts again; I was like how else am I meant to pay things if I don’t have much money, they went quiet that’s when they knew I was right about something and you could worry about me as much as you like but you tell me to do one thing and then change your mind and do the other but you can’t have both.

I’m just glad that it’s Friday and people can go and do one if they need something from me because I’ve literally had enough of it all to be frankly because I’m doing everything that I can and to survive in this world. I’m going to keep pushing myself until I have a bad moment and then start the whole cycle once again. That’s how I do things.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (8.6.18) Friday – 1:45am – 2am spooky on Wednesday night

Other night I couldn’t sleep which is typical me but then again it’s me because I don’t sleep. However not sure what happened on Wednesday night (6.6.18) I couldn’t sleep as my head was being a bit weird to be honest along with my back being painful as per normal. I needed to pee as per normal (I know TMI) this was roughly about 1:45am leading up to 2:00am; typical I need to get the toilet roll as you do but everyone is asleep, and no one decides to go downstairs to get anymore. I hate that when someone leaves a few squares and don’t get more toilet roll.

You know what I had to do….correct your right I had to go and get more for who ever needed toilet roll in the middle of the night or in the morning because I’m nice that like that. However that night it was a lot darker than normal I don’t particularly like the dark especially at 2am in the morning; I ended up feeling myself around the landing for the banister, I have a habit of falling over things in the dark especially a hover and especially the stupid computer charger when someone doesn’t tuck it underneath the second set of stairs.

Let’s get back to me and the first set of stairs and trying to get down them. I’m not confident with the 1930’s stairs due to the amount of times I’ve falling down them during the day; first time I was about 2/3 years old and I rolled/fell down the stairs landed on the metal push chair I had at the time back in the 90’s, I do have a scar to prove it and so I was trying getting down these stairs wasn’t the best thing.

I survived getting to the bottom of the stairs went to the second bathroom to get the toilet rolls to take back up; I put them on the radiator cover so I could take a paracetamol for my back, and something to eat as I was hungry. I then went back took the toilet rolls after trying to find them; found the door to the dinning room, and finally found the radiator cover with my 4 toilet rolls.

I then had to climb back up the creepy 1930s stairs; I literally couldn’t see the top of the stairs it was that dark, I know for the fact that my house is haunted and everything. I just put the fear out of my head for the time being once I got to the top of the stairs; I managed get back to the bathroom I had to feel around to the toilet holder, found it and replaced it.

I went back to my room as you do feeling your away back of how far are you from your door I literally nearly walked straight into it if I didn’t have my hand out to know where I was. After all of that wild adventure of my house at night; I was just about to get into bed to which I normally plug myself in (headphones) to watch some YouTube videos, I looked at my headphones as I was undoing the tangled nest and I managed to sort it out. I plugged it into the my phone I still didn’t think about it until I looked on my twitter feed as you do; there was an advert playing (still didn’t have my headphones in by this stage), the advert had finished but yet the music was still playing and didn’t really make the connection until I realised it was my music that playing. (MVP – Body (check) song) this is was the last thing that happened at 2am.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (1.6.18) Friday – Prep for going away but….

Friday has finally arrived I’ve been wishing my week away to get to my mini holiday come sooner; now my anxiety has started to kick in where I don’t want to go, the ifs and the buts the questions of what if it doesn’t happen or what will happen when I get there. I know I’m being stupid and all that. I know I’m being anxious but I can’t help the fact that things might not turn out the way I hoped and what not.

I’ve planned what I want to take and what not just need to put it in my suitcase but I’m stalling time because I know I’ll be freaking out soon enough. I’ve brought a few things that I might need with me which I need to pack. Do need to wash my make up brushes before tomorrow because they do need to be cleaned.

I know I find being at home a bit hard and want to escape but being away from home is another thought. I know I’ll be fine I’m one of those people who just get on with it and do it. As my sister always says to me and her self “you (me) stop being so brave and me (her) be brave” love her pep talk to herself I know that she knows I’m one of those people who just gets on with it and push myself.

The one thing I won’t miss when I do go away is the annoying dogs who are like making my house like a ping pong match. I’m probably over thinking this with the whole it’s not going to happen business it’s just that I can’t get hold of my friend whom I’m going away with. I’m probably over thinking things and they have been busy all day with work all that.

I fell asleep for about two hours or so. I was pretty tired and anxious I just hope that they get into contact soon they know how anxious I get about these things where we arrange something either they come up with an excuse or something. I don’t know probably all in me head as it normally is. I still haven’t heard anything arrrhh hate when people don’t reply even though they know that they need to arrange a time and what not. I knew this would happen they better get into contact soon because I’m not going to pack any further until I hear something from them. Think positive Lizzy think positive.

Friday Online Diary Entries: Being a blogger one massive thing you shouldn’t do!

No matter what you do in your blogs weather you post them or you don’t post them either they are too personal or not. You have the actions that might come back to you; I have had that in the past when I first lashed out when being emotional, things got too much and posted up on social media. Worst mistake ever made. Still get reminded what I done wether it was aimed at me or not but you know you shouldn’t of done it in the first place.

Wether my blog stories are true or not but you know I write warnings and put by them (Story Based) next to them so you know it is actually a story not real life. Today of all days I’ve been a bit of a reck and not thinking straight at all I’ve stupidly wrote a story based on how I was feeling in a story. However it got too personal due to all the hate, anger, upset and every emotion that I was feeling into the story that made it feel like it was real.

I then started to get good reviews knowing that it was a story but stupidly after realising what I done after I sent it to a friend that I shouldn’t of posted it. I took it down hence why it isn’t up anymore; I’m sorry for anyone who has ready it already, if you have not to worries you haven’t missed much and I know it’s just a story but my actions are stupid if it got out of hand.

Think carefully what you do wether you’re too upset or needing to write it all down somewhere. Do it in a journal not as a blog because you never know who will gain access it by hacking into your system. Just be safe than sorry.

Just remember kindness is free sprinkle that stuff everywhere around you. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Remember your only human at the end of the day. Be positive within yourself than being negative towards yourself.

Give a like if you think I should create a google hangout for you guys and you guys can have a chat with me and we can be a positive arrows all the way. What do you think? Smash that comment button if you think it’s a good idea to do so.

Remember be positive, be motivated and be you. Stay safe everybody. Love you all.