A Special Addition revisit in memory of Daisy.
We all wondered where Caspian had gone; me, DC and KC looked over to where Daisy’s gravestone was, I told them to go and I’ll stay to which to my surprise DC agreed with me by telling me that he needed me more than ever. As I started to walk over; I looked back over I could see DC burying his head in KC’s arms, which made me have a tear rolling down my face. As I reached over to Caspian took his hand as I knew I wasn’t meant to but this was a one off; as his grandmother gave her blessing for this day to happen, when her two grandsons needed their partners the most. I whispered to him saying that a car will pick us up a bit later everyone else will go on ahead. Caspian snaked his arm around me after he let go of my hand; pulled me close to him than ever before, the fact that he knew I had tears down my face meant two things to him. One that I was crying because I wanted to take his pain away, second I was only about age 6 when his mother had died. I had started to listen to him talk but I knew he wasn’t going to let me go; I was like his prop to help him stand even though he was 6ft2, and I was 5ft4 and half but it soothed him a lot because he always would make fun about my height.
“Hello, it’s me. I was just wondering after all these years if you would like to meet to go over everything; they would say over the years at this time that it would become easy; even when the time should be supposed to heal you, but guess what I haven’t done much healing. Since Lizzy came into my life things have become much easier; less dreams than I have done, except this time of year I either keep her up or shout out in my sleep she comes running after she gets woken.
Hello, can you hear me? When we were younger and free there were so many happy memories; I have forgotten how it feels when you were you were my world, your warmth, your loving, your hugs and many more. There’s such a difference between us now more than ever; there’s a million miles away of where you are, I think you sent me Lizzy one way or another.
I have forgotten tell you. She’s just like you mum. Everything about her reminds me of you. I’m not going to let anything happen to her. I promise mum. She’s staying put for ever. Not moving. I don’t know how she does it when I get mad she looks at me the way you do or the way she says things to make me calm down. The way you do it’s like I’ve got you back. I miss you so much mum. I love you.”
We stayed a bit more longer. I hugged him tightly but gently at the same time. He kissed me on the forehead a few times; I knew the driver and security were hovering, I asked for two more minutes they agreed and went away. Caspian whispered to me and “I love you” I whispered back “I love you too”. Time was ticking along now so we had to go back otherwise everyone would worry where we had got to.
I never liked school in the first place myself; then worked at a school for 4 years, why did you work in a school if you don’t like school? You might think that’s a bit weird and stupid.
I never liked school in the first place myself; then worked at a school for 4 years, why did you work in a school if you don’t like school? You might think that’s a bit weird and stupid.
The fact I worked in a school for four years it doesn’t mean I still like it but it means I wanted to do something for my life; yeah I hate the worst feeling ever when every new academic new year, new term and etc I still don’t want to go back. I’m dreading my new job to be honest; I’m not looking forward to it what so ever because it’s new, and a huge responsibility as well.
School phobia, school avoidance and school refusal can only be as described as an anxiety disorder that you will find in monjority of the children these days. This involved who might have an irrational or persistent fear of going to school. Each child’s behavior is different from any other child; there are children whom more likely to have a truant and express no apprehension about missing school, which that children who have tactical school avoidance want to be in close contact with their parent or caregiver, whereas truants do not. You may find school phobic children are often insecure, sensitive, and do not know how to cope with their emotions; to which appear anxious and may become physically ill at the thought of attending school, for example putting their head down the toilet and throwing up.
A typical type of separation anxiety normally occurs between 18 to 24 months; when parents start to leave them for awhile or dropping them of at nursery or a carer, at this age may cling, cry and/or have temper tantrums. However, there are older children who continue to have difficulty being away from home; due to the fact their parents are often attentive, loving and maybe over protective. This can become a result in some of the students of whom lack self-confidence and the ability to cope with school life. Any child who may show a higher risk for school phobia where they may not have no siblings to look out for them, maybe the youngest and all of their siblings have left school and etc as they are a lot older. Maybe perhaps they have a sibling who is chronically ill.
“Most children object to going to school at one time or another. However, a school phobic child often misses many days for vague reasons. Parents should be concerned if their child appears irrationally anxious, depressed, scared, and/or regularly says that he or she feels too sick to attend class.
Symptoms of school phobia are:
• Frequent stomachaches and other physical complaints such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, exhaustion, or headaches that cannot be attributed to a physical ailment.
• Clinginess, tantrums, and/or panic when required to separate from a parent or caregiver.
• Fear of the dark or being in a room alone.
• Trouble going to sleep and/or having nightmares.
• Exaggerated fears of animals, monsters, school, etc.” For more information http://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip51.html the link is there.
I don’t remember much of school to be honest if I can help it; I try to forget it if you ask me, I hated school with a passion for lots of things. Then again I would make excuses to either go home or when I’m at home I say I don’t feel right or I have a genuine excuse of I have an hospital appointment so I won’t be in. To the fact that hospital appointments where monjority of my reasons of not going to school because of my ears as I was always constantly having operations or appointments one way or another. That’s when I was growing up at the time. I used my hormones and etc as an excuse to go home during secondary time; first year hardly been at the school, part of that got burnt down and every year since I wished it snowed or hot day or someone burned it down again. By the way I didn’t burn it down. Was funny when one of my brothers said that the school is on fire; as both of them were there at the same time as me when I started, I was like wicked and said well I won’t be going to school then.
What struck me was that I’m one out of four and not even one of us like school. For very different reasons; not sure if it’s because of we had different problems at the time, when we growing up with health issues one way or another and we ended up staying at home for long period of time.
The thoughts and feelings of my take as I’m close to Caspian. I’m not too sure if I’m going to published this or not. #fightingforCaspian&DC #inmemoryofDaisy
As the days grew closer and closer; the more I realise how much I hate the press and the media, never so much as I was younger and it annoys me to the point of lashing out along with my thoughts. When I was kid way before I met Caspian I had felt sorry, upset for him and his brother; I would pray for him and his brother to be looked after as the trying years that faced them in years to come. They have turned out two handsome men; living life to the full, counting their blessings everyday knowing that their mother is watching over them making her proud.
As I was growing up Caspian’s mother Daisy was a well known person; everyone loved her, along with her boys and I loved all three of them. Now that I am friends with Caspian; I am learning that so much what has happened, I think that now know why he wants me to keep me safe. Which is pretty much understandable as I wouldn’t of been able to cope with it; until I get to him one day soon, as long as I find away to be able to get this blog up and running. Does it make me look like a press if I’m writing about something or someone I care about. No it doesn’t make me sound like I’m from the press or from the media; I try and stay away from all that nonsense, unless there’s something that has come up that I strongly disagree or something on the news. Then that’s different kettle of fish.
The fact that the press makes me feel more and more wanting to break their cameras; in away of saying you lost your pride of joy, but it’s okay you can go and get another one from PC world. Yet you can’t bring back a parent that you killed. Yet you still want to continue to ruin their mother’s life because she can’t defend for herself; saying that you knew her better than the boys and their family, yet they are the ones feeling all the guilt because they think that they are the ones that killed her. However yet the press and the media are the ones who had actually killed her no body else; yet you still carry on with the whole I’m going to chase after all of the well known, who have always grown up in the lime light since day one.
So many times I want write this blog; I want to share my anger, upset and hatred towards it all and I’ve never got the courage to do so because I never know wether or not too. Then again is this a story that I’ve just written or is all based on true facts. Personally I feel like it’s just a story for people to read. Not everything is about the whole real life events; at the end of the day every child looses a parent one way or another, a parent looses a child the same way. In this tragic sense of a story that I created is to make people realise that press and media aren’t really your friend; they just want your life story to pay their bills, you want the lime light like everyone else who is a celebrity in this day in age. For me I just like to share a bit about myself now and then; to also to stay away from having attention to myself, I’m not one of those attention seekers like everyone else around me and that’s when I tell them in my head to go bugger off don’t care about you what so ever.
Things that I would do if I got a chance to do; but I would be sorry about it, in the end I wouldn’t be sorry. #InamemoryofDaisy #fightingforCaspain&DC
Payback is going to be one horrible thing;
And you know what,
I’m the baddest of them all
The fact I’m now looking for revenge.
The best feeling is smashing your leans and cameras,
Yeah I know how much it must of hurt you,
Yet your don’t know how much I you hurt my two friends
Just taking photos whilst their mother was dying;
Never went and help to save her life.
I can make you out a lot worst as it already is;
Now your looking for redemption and look like a lost puppy,
The regret should of eaten you up over the past 20 years
Now payback is a
You’re saying I’m a savage
But I’m sorry that I’m going to have to do this,
But actually I’m not sorry for doing this.
Showing up like this I knew
that I would take it out on you
You know that I would too
Seriously I am not sorry
For punching your lights out
I’m not sorry
For sticking it up everywhere.
Leaving you there.
Yet you still have no remorse
You say your sorry but your not sorry
Sorry 20 years too late.
All of the Special Milestones she missed
Because of you.
Now you say your sorry.
Going to straight into this one because I really had enough of everything that has do with social media, press and the other media
I generally starting to hate social media from using personally to press to other media. Yeah at the time of everything coming out in the 2000’s it was something new but back then I didn’t really want it then; I guess you have to go with the times I suppose, now I’m getting much older I’m like what’s the point in having it all. Then I’m using it for my blogs and etc; I’m like well I can’t get rid of it now can I, and then your like you get all of the unwanted attention like scammers and people who say that they like you but they actually don’t.
Then when your trying to research something but all you get is press and media of like hello! Ok! Etc telling you a load of crap that are untrue and poor photoshopped pictures that they just pulled of the net. Believe me it puts me out of sorts of issues that between me and someone; then I look at it again after I calmed down look closely how stupid they are on not knowing what they can’t do one photo properly, you look at youtubers, bloggers and etc they put time and effort to put things together even if they are under pressure to get it up at certain time.
I try now not to go any ridiculous social media sites or follow any thing that I know it will either set me off with my anxiety that puts me and someone a set back in our relationship back or the fear of being hacked and what not by other people. All in all I’m setting myself away from social media as much as possible but only use it for my blogging than anything else.
The fact that I should care about is probably the most important thing in today’s society; but right now I couldn’t care less what happens, it happens it happens. If you know what I mean.
The 3 things I should care about that should be the most important thing in today’s society; but the fact that I couldn’t careless right now because right now it’s not happening yet or won’t happen as it’s just putting the fear in people, and personally I always think it’s going to happen when it happens. People who know me know when I’m quiet there’s something on my mind but I won’t say it; until I’m out of the room alone with the closes people who I know, and won’t say a word but other people think I’m just quiet and get on with things. It’s got me this far of keeping quiet until most recently that I’ve rattled people’s cages before I left one of my jobs. They weren’t happy about it but I don’t care to be frank. It’s like me and Frank from Rescuers Down Under; the whole time my mind is going riot, and everything else it’s just one of those things where just don’t get on the wrong side of me. I am generally the nice person you ever come across and always get asked questions what I think I should do if I was in that situation. I give the people the confidence to rattle people’s cages of don’t mess with me sort of thing.
So my top ten 3 things I should care about that I currently don’t:
Trump: The fat over size pig that calls himself as a president. Well he’s not putting people first; he’s putting himself first as always running the government like it’s a business, but it’s not a business what so ever and plus I haven’t seen him doing anything good other than taking unnecessary holidays, causes more upset in other countries and causes what might be like world war 3. To be honest I would rather watch himself fall over and get rid off to be honest with you. Then I would laugh my head off and call him all the names under the sun; I didn’t know who he was until he started to run for presidency, then I rather he was a know body than a somebody.
UK: The fact over the previous months like 7 months of 2017 I have become strong about what has been going on with my country; no one seems to care about the whole what we think, it’s all about the government, the riches and everything else but right now I don’t give a flying monkeys at the moment. They aren’t stopping the terriosts anytime soon, not caring in the world about other countries near by getting attacked and most importantly where the hell did this come from. About North Korea becoming a threat to us; not like we need any more crap from another silly country, who wants to control the world like Trump and whatever is going on between US and North Korea I pretty much want my county to stay out of it. (Apologies to any of my Korean readers) the fact that I don’t care right now about my county it’s because you can’t have what you want all the time. It’s tough s*** in my opinion.
People’s life stories meaning celebrities:The fact that I’m currently ranting and saying I should care and what not. Yes it hurts but right now I have other problems and I don’t give a to s*** about celebrities misery who are just self in loving, self absorbed attention seekers who crave it all the time and there’s me who just struggle day to day things fighting to be with someone that I love and you get the most idiotic person selling a story like Katie Price. I have a little respect for her and for her disabled son but whatever number husband she’s on. She’s starting to become a woman Henry 8th; without the whole married, beheaded, died and so fourth. I do give a flying monkeys about her love life all she’s doing making people insecure about people who read the trashy magazines and etc because they haven’t got anything else better to do.
I could go on for hours here guys but I’m not because I’m just going to wind my self up more and more; until I have a complete melt down about something or over something stupid, but heyho good night lovely peeps.
Ever felt so drained and had to change your top at least twice because you sweat straight through your first top at the being at the day. Yep that’s me all over. Based on today’s outcome (Thursday 24th August 2017)
Today of all days I had the worst combo ever. The fact that I was trying to not think about going to the hospital appointment today as I hate hospitals and doctors; no matter how much I go to the doctors in the first place still doesn’t help with my anxiety, I did have one of my parents there with me but I know that they were just trying to help and everything but talking for me when I’m on edge really doesn’t help me.
Never felt dreadful from just waiting for the appointment to hurry up and finish; when it hadn’t even begun or for me to be in the room, the reason I had to go was for my hearing test. Yet today it was good but then nothing is moving i.e. My drums due to fluids behind my ears. So I’ve got to be referred to another part of the hospital in the next few weeks or so to find out what else is wrong. So it’s going to be along process and not allowed to do anything to my ears like cleaning them out and etc.
During the appointment I had to look at the person who was talking to me head on; due to the fact that I can’t sit side ways like a normal patient would have to do, I physically have to sit on dead on straight to be able to look at them and lip read. I can tell you know that is exhausting beyond believe; the amount of concentration that went on I could feel my eyes, and my body just ready to fall asleep right there and then.
As soon as I’ve got home I just practically slept the whole time along with waking myself up with the whole talking in my sleep. Which isn’t good. Now I’m all hot and sweaty to which I don’t even understand why I’m like it but then again it could of been the dream that I had. It was an odd one. I think my mind is just digesting the whole what’s been going on in the past couple of weeks. Not the first Dream I had within the 24 hours.
Superb Edwardian Interiors that draws, attracts more and more visitors.
The highlights of the heritage has a superb Edwardian Interiors throughout the fabulous building. Polesden Lacy has a regency house that’s been transformed into a superb Edwardian mansion; this was created by brewery heiress Mrs Ronald Greville, along with a glittering array of formal rooms were decorated with fabulous portraits including works by Raeburn and Reynolds.
Back in 1906 Margaret Greville, is one of the foremost society hostesses of Edwardian London Time ere; which had brought the early 19th century house and estate in the Surrey Hills. Which sits to close to Dorking and within easy reach of her London based home. Mrs Greville intended Polesden Lacey to serve as a location for weekend parties; intimate gatherings of an elite circle of friends and acquaintances.
Margaret Greville was the daughter of William McEwan, who made a fortune as a brewer (e.g. McEwan’s Ale). At the time Margaret was illegitimate (meaning she was born out of wedlock at the time; although her father did later marry her mother to which made it more accurate to say that McEwan bought Polesden for his daughter and her husband of whom she married to in 1891. Margaret husband was called Ronald Greville, second son of the 2nd Baron Greville. Ronald died in 1908.
Mrs Greville had combination of her father’s wealth and her husband’s social connections; Mrs Greville had moved around the elite circle of society, to be able to entertain the royals from Edward VII to George VI. By then Mrs Greville been given the name Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire (DBE) in 1922. To which that she had welcomed the great and the good of London society to her house in Charles Street, Mayfair and delighted in being able to attract movie stars and maharajahs to her parties.
Mrs Greville was a fascinating character. She moved around in the highest social circles, and could be kind and thoughtful, or wickedly acerbic. So many people who met her at the time like Arthur Balfour called her wit ‘honeyed poison’, and others were less complimentary still! Edward VII described her gift for entertaining as ‘genius’.
After acquiring the house from her father Mrs Greville set about transforming it into a glittering, venue suitable for hosting regular gatherings of elite of royalty, politicians, artists, and those at the very top of the social ladder. The Grevilles called in the architects Mewes and Davis, who also designed the Ritz Hotel in London; with every convenience that was installed, including ensuite accommodation and telephones, in that day of age when such
things were simply not common.
The house was furnished in opulent style, but not in any coherent fashion, for the decoration was acquired from other country houses and historic properties, so that the entrance hall is in a different style from the Library, which is completely different to the Saloon, and so on. The fact that she made her own stamp which so many people at that time and this day in age; it has become one of the fascinating things about Polesden Lacey, to which each room seems different as you enter the room, with a unique style and distinct character your like “oh wow” you get the sense of idea that people liked coming to the house and feel right at home. Moving from one room to the next is a constant journey of discovery of what she used the rooms for; how people felt when they arrived to their destination of peace and quiet, no disturbances or anything of the sort.
In 1923 Mrs Grevilles had offered Polesden to the Duke and Duchess of York (later King George VI and Queen Elizabeth) for their honeymoon, and the royal couple spent two weeks at the amazing country house. This had brought a result of the house and grounds in a London Newspaper that country house had been featured; also this has given the light of a wonderful historic articfact that has survived on record by showing how the interior and the gardens had looked at the time, and what it looks like today. More like time relapse of over the years since the National Trust had been given to them.
1942 Mrs Greville left the estate to the National Trust in memory of her father with the original artifacts, paintings, everyday uses at that time and many more you can see off hand. Unlike many other National Trust houses across the country there are very little in the way of ‘below stairs’ rooms on view to the public. Many of the original servant’s quarters are used by the Trust as part of their regional offices.
The day I never felt I wanted to cry and say good bye to my writing.
What I find hardest is that when I’m so low about things or stressed out with things; it generally effects my writing abilities in the way that what’s the point in writing, I’m not good enough, no one wants to read them. I have never really took much noticed in the way that how much my writing is so connected and how important it is in my life.
Yet I’m the one constantly fighting my way through the of not giving up on the writing; even when I don’t know what to write or struggling to write about things, sometimes maybe I need a break from it all. I don’t know. Yet then how can I let down my readers and followers down if I just quit and gave up on the whole thing.
I love writing so much but it just hard enough to keep my emotions in check; not to share my frustrations, anger, hatred or show so much upset through my writing but yet that’s how I generally work when I write. However but it’s the only way I can seem to get my emotions through paper is share my words down. Than talking about it verbally.
Sorry this is short this week but still it’s something for this week; I may have something for you later in the week, along side hustle and bustle advice of blogging extra. My question is for you is what would do if I gave up blogging? Let me know down in the comments. It’s alright I haven’t made a decision on what I’m doing yet. I doubt I’ll will give it up I worked to hard to give it up.