Caspian and lost of his mother

The thoughts and feelings of my take as I’m close to Caspian. I’m not too sure if I’m going to published this or not. #fightingforCaspian&DC #inmemoryofDaisy

As the days grew closer and closer; the more I realise how much I hate the press and the media, never so much as I was younger and it annoys me to the point of lashing out along with my thoughts. When I was kid way before I met Caspian I had felt sorry, upset for him and his brother; I would pray for him and his brother to be looked after as the trying years that faced them in years to come. They have turned out two handsome men; living life to the full, counting their blessings everyday knowing that their mother is watching over them making her proud.

As I was growing up Caspian’s mother Daisy was a well known person; everyone loved her, along with her boys and I loved all three of them. Now that I am friends with Caspian; I am learning that so much what has happened, I think that now know why he wants me to keep me safe. Which is pretty much understandable as I wouldn’t of been able to cope with it; until I get to him one day soon, as long as I find away to be able to get this blog up and running. Does it make me look like a press if I’m writing about something or someone I care about. No it doesn’t make me sound like I’m from the press or from the media; I try and stay away from all that nonsense, unless there’s something that has come up that I strongly disagree or something on the news. Then that’s different kettle of fish.

The fact that the press makes me feel more and more wanting to break their cameras; in away of saying you lost your pride of joy, but it’s okay you can go and get another one from PC world. Yet you can’t bring back a parent that you killed. Yet you still want to continue to ruin their mother’s life because she can’t defend for herself; saying that you knew her better than the boys and their family, yet they are the ones feeling all the guilt because they think that they are the ones that killed her. However yet the press and the media are the ones who had actually killed her no body else; yet you still carry on with the whole I’m going to chase after all of the well known, who have always grown up in the lime light since day one.

So many times I want write this blog; I want to share my anger, upset and hatred towards it all and I’ve never got the courage to do so because I never know wether or not too. Then again is this a story that I’ve just written or is all based on true facts. Personally I feel like it’s just a story for people to read. Not everything is about the whole real life events; at the end of the day every child looses a parent one way or another, a parent looses a child the same way. In this tragic sense of a story that I created is to make people realise that press and media aren’t really your friend; they just want your life story to pay their bills, you want the lime light like everyone else who is a celebrity in this day in age. For me I just like to share a bit about myself now and then; to also to stay away from having attention to myself, I’m not one of those attention seekers like everyone else around me and that’s when I tell them in my head to go bugger off don’t care about you what so ever.

Sorry Not Sorry if I got a chance

Things that I would do if I got a chance to do; but I would be sorry about it, in the end I wouldn’t be sorry. #InamemoryofDaisy #fightingforCaspain&DC

Payback is going to be one horrible thing;

And you know what,

I’m the baddest of them all

The fact I’m now looking for revenge.

The best feeling is smashing your leans and cameras,

Yeah I know how much it must of hurt you,

Yet your don’t know how much I you hurt my two friends

Just taking photos whilst their mother was dying;

Never went and help to save her life.

I can make you out a lot worst as it already is;

Now your looking for redemption and look like a lost puppy,

The regret should of eaten you up over the past 20 years

Now payback is a bitch

You’re saying I’m a savage

But I’m sorry that I’m going to have to do this,

But actually I’m not sorry for doing this.

Showing up like this I knew

that I would take it out on you

You know that I would too

Seriously I am not sorry

For punching your lights out

I’m not sorry

For sticking it up everywhere.

Leaving you there.

Yet you still have no remorse

No dignity

No nothing

You say your sorry but your not sorry

Sorry 20 years too late.

All of the Special Milestones she missed

Because of you.

Now you say your sorry.

For love of social media and etc

Going to straight into this one because I really had enough of everything that has do with social media, press and the other media

I generally starting to hate social media from using personally to press to other media. Yeah at the time of everything coming out in the 2000’s it was something new but back then I didn’t really want it then; I guess you have to go with the times I suppose, now I’m getting much older I’m like what’s the point in having it all. Then I’m using it for my blogs and etc; I’m like well I can’t get rid of it now can I, and then your like you get all of the unwanted attention like scammers and people who say that they like you but they actually don’t.

Then when your trying to research something but all you get is press and media of like hello! Ok! Etc telling you a load of crap that are untrue and poor photoshopped pictures that they just pulled of the net. Believe me it puts me out of sorts of issues that between me and someone; then I look at it again after I calmed down look closely how stupid they are on not knowing what they can’t do one photo properly, you look at youtubers, bloggers and etc they put time and effort to put things together even if they are under pressure to get it up at certain time.

I try now not to go any ridiculous social media sites or follow any thing that I know it will either set me off with my anxiety that puts me and someone a set back in our relationship back or the fear of being hacked and what not by other people. All in all I’m setting myself away from social media as much as possible but only use it for my blogging than anything else.

The 3 top things I should care about but I don’t.

The fact that I should care about is probably the most important thing in today’s society; but right now I couldn’t care less what happens, it happens it happens. If you know what I mean.

The 3 things I should care about that should be the most important thing in today’s society; but the fact that I couldn’t careless right now because right now it’s not happening yet or won’t happen as it’s just putting the fear in people, and personally I always think it’s going to happen when it happens. People who know me know when I’m quiet there’s something on my mind but I won’t say it; until I’m out of the room alone with the closes people who I know, and won’t say a word but other people think I’m just quiet and get on with things. It’s got me this far of keeping quiet until most recently that I’ve rattled people’s cages before I left one of my jobs. They weren’t happy about it but I don’t care to be frank. It’s like me and Frank from Rescuers Down Under; the whole time my mind is going riot, and everything else it’s just one of those things where just don’t get on the wrong side of me. I am generally the nice person you ever come across and always get asked questions what I think I should do if I was in that situation. I give the people the confidence to rattle people’s cages of don’t mess with me sort of thing.

So my top ten 3 things I should care about that I currently don’t:

Trump: The fat over size pig that calls himself as a president. Well he’s not putting people first; he’s putting himself first as always running the government like it’s a business, but it’s not a business what so ever and plus I haven’t seen him doing anything good other than taking unnecessary holidays, causes more upset in other countries and causes what might be like world war 3. To be honest I would rather watch himself fall over and get rid off to be honest with you. Then I would laugh my head off and call him all the names under the sun; I didn’t know who he was until he started to run for presidency, then I rather he was a know body than a somebody.

UK: The fact over the previous months like 7 months of 2017 I have become strong about what has been going on with my country; no one seems to care about the whole what we think, it’s all about the government, the riches and everything else but right now I don’t give a flying monkeys at the moment. They aren’t stopping the terriosts anytime soon, not caring in the world about other countries near by getting attacked and most importantly where the hell did this come from. About North Korea becoming a threat to us; not like we need any more crap from another silly country, who wants to control the world like Trump and whatever is going on between US and North Korea I pretty much want my county to stay out of it. (Apologies to any of my Korean readers) the fact that I don’t care right now about my county it’s because you can’t have what you want all the time. It’s tough s*** in my opinion.

People’s life stories meaning celebrities:The fact that I’m currently ranting and saying I should care and what not. Yes it hurts but right now I have other problems and I don’t give a to s*** about celebrities misery who are just self in loving, self absorbed attention seekers who crave it all the time and there’s me who just struggle day to day things fighting to be with someone that I love and you get the most idiotic person selling a story like Katie Price. I have a little respect for her and for her disabled son but whatever number husband she’s on. She’s starting to become a woman Henry 8th; without the whole married, beheaded, died and so fourth. I do give a flying monkeys about her love life all she’s doing making people insecure about people who read the trashy magazines and etc because they haven’t got anything else better to do.

I could go on for hours here guys but I’m not because I’m just going to wind my self up more and more; until I have a complete melt down about something or over something stupid, but heyho good night lovely peeps.

Two worst things to have mixed together

Ever felt so drained and had to change your top at least twice because you sweat straight through your first top at the being at the day. Yep that’s me all over. Based on today’s outcome (Thursday 24th August 2017)

Today of all days I had the worst combo ever. The fact that I was trying to not think about going to the hospital appointment today as I hate hospitals and doctors; no matter how much I go to the doctors in the first place still doesn’t help with my anxiety, I did have one of my parents there with me but I know that they were just trying to help and everything but talking for me when I’m on edge really doesn’t help me.

Never felt dreadful from just waiting for the appointment to hurry up and finish; when it hadn’t even begun or for me to be in the room, the reason I had to go was for my hearing test. Yet today it was good but then nothing is moving i.e. My drums due to fluids behind my ears. So I’ve got to be referred to another part of the hospital in the next few weeks or so to find out what else is wrong. So it’s going to be along process and not allowed to do anything to my ears like cleaning them out and etc.

During the appointment I had to look at the person who was talking to me head on; due to the fact that I can’t sit side ways like a normal patient would have to do, I physically have to sit on dead on straight to be able to look at them and lip read. I can tell you know that is exhausting beyond believe; the amount of concentration that went on I could feel my eyes, and my body just ready to fall asleep right there and then.

As soon as I’ve got home I just practically slept the whole time along with waking myself up with the whole talking in my sleep. Which isn’t good. Now I’m all hot and sweaty to which I don’t even understand why I’m like it but then again it could of been the dream that I had. It was an odd one. I think my mind is just digesting the whole what’s been going on in the past couple of weeks. Not the first Dream I had within the 24 hours.

Polesden Lacy

Superb Edwardian Interiors that draws, attracts more and more visitors.

The highlights of the heritage has a superb Edwardian Interiors throughout the fabulous building. Polesden Lacy has a regency house that’s been transformed into a superb Edwardian mansion; this was created by brewery heiress Mrs Ronald Greville, along with a glittering array of formal rooms were decorated with fabulous portraits including works by Raeburn and Reynolds.

Back in 1906 Margaret Greville, is one of the foremost society hostesses of Edwardian London Time ere; which had brought the early 19th century house and estate in the Surrey Hills. Which sits to close to Dorking and within easy reach of her London based home. Mrs Greville intended Polesden Lacey to serve as a location for weekend parties; intimate gatherings of an elite circle of friends and acquaintances.

Margaret Greville was the daughter of William McEwan, who made a fortune as a brewer (e.g. McEwan’s Ale). At the time Margaret was illegitimate (meaning she was born out of wedlock at the time; although her father did later marry her mother to which made it more accurate to say that McEwan bought Polesden for his daughter and her husband of whom she married to in 1891. Margaret husband was called Ronald Greville, second son of the 2nd Baron Greville. Ronald died in 1908.

Mrs Greville had combination of her father’s wealth and her husband’s social connections; Mrs Greville had moved around the elite circle of society, to be able to entertain the royals from Edward VII to George VI. By then Mrs Greville been given the name Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire (DBE) in 1922. To which that she had welcomed the great and the good of London society to her house in Charles Street, Mayfair and delighted in being able to attract movie stars and maharajahs to her parties.

Mrs Greville was a fascinating character. She moved around in the highest social circles, and could be kind and thoughtful, or wickedly acerbic. So many people who met her at the time like Arthur Balfour called her wit ‘honeyed poison’, and others were less complimentary still! Edward VII described her gift for entertaining as ‘genius’.

After acquiring the house from her father Mrs Greville set about transforming it into a glittering, venue suitable for hosting regular gatherings of elite of royalty, politicians, artists, and those at the very top of the social ladder. The Grevilles called in the architects Mewes and Davis, who also designed the Ritz Hotel in London; with every convenience that was installed, including ensuite accommodation and telephones, in that day of age when such

things were simply not common.

The house was furnished in opulent style, but not in any coherent fashion, for the decoration was acquired from other country houses and historic properties, so that the entrance hall is in a different style from the Library, which is completely different to the Saloon, and so on. The fact that she made her own stamp which so many people at that time and this day in age; it has become one of the fascinating things about Polesden Lacey, to which each room seems different as you enter the room, with a unique style and distinct character your like “oh wow” you get the sense of idea that people liked coming to the house and feel right at home. Moving from one room to the next is a constant journey of discovery of what she used the rooms for; how people felt when they arrived to their destination of peace and quiet, no disturbances or anything of the sort.

In 1923 Mrs Grevilles had offered Polesden to the Duke and Duchess of York (later King George VI and Queen Elizabeth) for their honeymoon, and the royal couple spent two weeks at the amazing country house. This had brought a result of the house and grounds in a London Newspaper that country house had been featured; also this has given the light of a wonderful historic articfact that has survived on record by showing how the interior and the gardens had looked at the time, and what it looks like today. More like time relapse of over the years since the National Trust had been given to them.

1942 Mrs Greville left the estate to the National Trust in memory of her father with the original artifacts, paintings, everyday uses at that time and many more you can see off hand. Unlike many other National Trust houses across the country there are very little in the way of ‘below stairs’ rooms on view to the public. Many of the original servant’s quarters are used by the Trust as part of their regional offices.

Mental Health VS Writing

The day I never felt I wanted to cry and say good bye to my writing.

What I find hardest is that when I’m so low about things or stressed out with things; it generally effects my writing abilities in the way that what’s the point in writing, I’m not good enough, no one wants to read them. I have never really took much noticed in the way that how much my writing is so connected and how important it is in my life.

Yet I’m the one constantly fighting my way through the of not giving up on the writing; even when I don’t know what to write or struggling to write about things, sometimes maybe I need a break from it all. I don’t know. Yet then how can I let down my readers and followers down if I just quit and gave up on the whole thing.

I love writing so much but it just hard enough to keep my emotions in check; not to share my frustrations, anger, hatred or show so much upset through my writing but yet that’s how I generally work when I write. However but it’s the only way I can seem to get my emotions through paper is share my words down. Than talking about it verbally.

Sorry this is short this week but still it’s something for this week; I may have something for you later in the week, along side hustle and bustle advice of blogging extra. My question is for you is what would do if I gave up blogging? Let me know down in the comments. It’s alright I haven’t made a decision on what I’m doing yet. I doubt I’ll will give it up I worked to hard to give it up.

#lizzysweeklyblogswewillstandtogether – Barcelona – Spain

“I’m just looking for an angel with a broken wing. Jimmy Page”

Since it’s been quite in the United Kingdom for a month and half; from nearly a year of terror attacks, fires and many more things. I wouldn’t pass them to come back and finish their job; however in support of my readers, followers and my likes. 💕Team Who Says 💕 we all right behind you.

Shadows fill an empty heart as love is fading; but from all the things that we are but are not saying, that we can’t see beyond the scars and make it to the dawn? Yet we can fight along side you by changing the colours of the sky; which will open up to the ways that will make you feel more alive, the ways we will love your for all the things that will never died and to help you make it through the night love will find you.

“What about now? What about today? What if you’re making me all that I wasn’t meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it’s lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it’s too late, what about now?” cried the victims

The sun is breaking in their eyes to start a new day; all of the broken hearts can still survive with a touch of your grace, as the shadows fade into the light and you know that I am by your side where love will find you

“What about now? What about today? What if you’re making me all that I wasn’t meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it’s lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it’s too late, what about now?”

Now that we’re here; now that we’ve come this far just hold on, there is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you. For all my life, I am yours as always when you find me in your heart. I’m always going to protect you no matter what happens. No matter where I am; I’m always going to be right beside you, like it was meant to be encourage you to move on when your ready. I am always going to be yours.

The Unknown Fear: Confidence that rises and then it falls dramatically.

“I wrote ‘Fight Song’ as this declaration to believe in myself, and that is similar to what you are taught to believe in Girl Scouts. Building confidence. Building character. And above all else, being there for each other as a community. Rachel Platten”

Throughout my life confidence issues have always been the big issue for me as long as I can remember; yeah I’m confident with my friends, through believing in social media and etc but you always get those who do not understand how long you got yourself there by believing in yourself. You always find that as you start to build your confidence up when you have lost it for sometime; you start to feel it rising within you; thinking that your are going to get far in life because you have the belief in you that you never had, but yet you have that one person who knows which pin to pull it out from and your like so mad, upset and that you just want to give up on yourself. Like your not worth it anymore.

Yep that’s basically my life all the way through; I always believe in the positives when they mean something to me personally, I prefer to share them to people on social media because everyone needs positivity everyday and they need that encouragement to start the day read it along with going back to the post read it again if they feel a bit low.

Enough positivity can destroy the negativity but if you let negativity destroy positivity then what can you do. Listen to the negativity which will destroy your positivity of your confidence that you have made.

What causes low self-esteem?

The beliefs you have about yourself often appear to be statements of fact, although actually they’re really only opinions. They are based on the experiences you’ve had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the kind of person you are. If your experiences have been negative, your beliefs about yourself are likely to be negative too.

Crucial experiences that help to form our beliefs about ourselves often (although not always) occur early in life. What you saw, heard and experienced in childhood – in your family, in the wider community and at school – will have influenced the way you see yourself. Examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

• systematic punishment, neglect or abuse

• failing to meet parental standards

• failing to meet peer-group standards

• being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.

• belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards

• an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest

• being the odd one out, at home or at school.

Sometimes negative beliefs about yourself are caused by experiences later in life, such as workplace bullying or intimidation, abusive relationships, persistent stress or hardship, or traumatic events.

http://www.overcoming.co.uk/single.htm?ipg=8611

I always find that some songs that I like listening to help me a lot out by fighting back; there’s so many to chose from I wouldn’t be able to name a few to share with you, if you follow me on Instagram @lizzysweeklyblogsgoodmorning you’ll get random, fun, quotes and random songs attached to the picture of the day.

I always find things that are being positive so that it helps me out throughout the day; but along with sharing the positivity for others to feel proud, and positive towards themselves and make sure that they love themselves.

Would you want to know you are going to die before hand or die suddenly without warning?

With all this earth will disappear on this day and bad luck Friday thing is stupid in my opinion.

Surprisingly as I put this question towards google just to get another point of view on the outcome of this topic; could I actually find what I was actually looking for?, some people saying yes and some are saying no. The fact is the people who have said no are correct because the things that have come up on google have lots of different ways of explaining the whole what illness and natural causes etc. Not particularly what I wanted or asked for to be honest with you; so my summary of this from another view point has completely gone out of the window, so basically I’m just going to have to share my thoughts with you without the whole different side of this.

I wouldn’t want to know when I’m going to die because someone like me who has mental health; you just dwell on the fact that your going to die on a persistence day time, and the hour your expected to die. When I rather live and wait until it happens to be honest. If my life does end tomorrow then hey that’s when it will be; on the other hand if I didn’t then I’ve got another day to live, and to be able to carry on with my day to day activities.

What’s the point in worrying each day when your going to die; when you have lots of things to live for in life, you make them happen as if its your last and not worrying about if your going to die everyday. That’s probably why I take risks on things than normal; risks that may work or may not work at the end of the day, I’m glad that I’ve done them than not doing them. I use to play it all safe and etc but now I don’t. However there are places that I don’t want to take risks on again because I’ve been there done that got the t-shirt as people would say.

What is your philosophy of when you should die? Or just get on with life and let the nature do its cause?