Once again I like to remind you that it’s your choice to believe this is true or not. It’s your opinion at the end of the day and I know what’s true or not as I’m the one writing it off course.
You can dance if you like you can sing every kind of every song but there is no reason for you to steal the show because it’s your show all along. As the orchestra plays the people are starting to take their seats; some people have been turned away as there’s no room left in this house. It’s just you and me left to take the seats in the box and if your life is your stage I’ll be watching.
I hold up a light for you and baby you can hold up for me. So I can be watching you coming through the darkness glee of the tunnel; as the light was getting higher in everything that you do, we had started to rehearse every scene and the on lookers were listening after we had realised that they were. I knew that we were in the exactly the right place; the tears had started to fall down on your face, for me to wipe away and kiss your wet lips.
You don’t have to ask me because you know it’s true; I don’t have to tell you that I love your precious heart, I, I was standing where you are now looking at you in front of me. This was where the two worlds collided and they could never tear us apart. I could tell you right now what I had said then; what I’m going to say now, we could live for a thousand years and if I hurt you I would so make wine from your tears like Jesus made water into wine to keep the party going.
I couldn’t tell you the secret until you believed me that we could fly; you believed in me as I believed in you because we all have wings, but some of us we don’t even know why we have them. I was there curled up in a ball crying in our bed as I had locked the bedroom door; as I was frightened of what you might of done to me, yet I took the key out of the lock but I heard you slumped up against the door on the other side.
Yet nothing could tear us apart but you were there realising we both had gone to far with this massive argument; I didn’t mean what I said, I know that you didn’t mean what you had said we both angry and upset. You know I didn’t mean what I said. I was patient with you and you realised that I was letting you ride it out.
You knew that I was frightened when people get angry and take out on me but I knew that I had to be patient with you. The house keeper was fetched as the butler found you asleep outside the bedroom door. Once the house keeper had arrived the butler woke you up and let you in. I didn’t even hear you come in or you to speak to the butler to get my medication or a drink as I had fallen asleep from to much crying. You laid next to me wrapping your arms around me keeping me safe and apologised over and over again.
Smothering me with light kisses which woke me up and you hurried but slowly pulling me up and you remembered how many I needed to take out of the packet. To which you gave me and told me to drink them. You helped me to lay down and you laid next me stroking my hair as you could fell my body trembling and less tense as I started to fall asleep.
Kindly would like to remind you that this is my opinion and you have the right to believe this or not as you have a opinion as well. I won’t judge you but please respect other people’s opinions and mine when you comment if you wish to do so. This is a Revisit of my previous look at what you made me do.
“I’m sorry you found the old lizzy in this diary. I’m sorry that I can’t come today do you know why?”
“Oh, because the old herself is dead”
I don’t like your little games anymore; as you damaged my life even more so like you can’t even tell, don’t like your titled stage because the role you made me play like the fool of someone who doesn’t know what’s going on. No I don’t like you and I don’t like your perfect crime. How you laugh when you lie to my face like the gun was mine. This isn’t cool no and I don’t like you. Yet at least I’ve got smarter and harder in the nick of time as I rose up from the dead and I’ll do it all the time over and over again.
I’ve got a list of names and yours can you see is underlined in red. I’ll be Mrs Claus I check it once and then I’ll check it twice. Oh! I don’t like your kingdom keys anymore as they had once use to be mine; you asked if I had a place to stay, yet I told you that the world moves on another day another drama and guess what but not for me as I’m going to take on the world because all I can think about is karma. I’ve got mine yet you’ll get yours as I’ve got smarter and a lot harder in the nick of time. Guess what honey I have rose up from the dead and continue to do that all that all the time. I don’t trust anybody and nobody trust me but I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.
This year seems to me that it’s been quite easy to know what to get for people but then I’m not too sure. However I know what I would like to have for Christmas and birthday this year/next year to be honest normally I would get them myself but this year for once I’m going to write them down what I want and ask for them.
There are a few certain things that I want from the body shop as I really like their stuff from there that I use regularly when I have a bath or a shower and then use their body butter cream. I should really complete my Christmas/ Birthday list to be honest with you as it’s one of those things people like my family are going ask me about one day soon.
I’ve seen some of things that people may like in stores and off amazon but I’m not 100% sure if I would get them or not. Might as well make a box of something with their favourite things or something. Not so sure yet as I’m toying the idea of things in my head so I know what to get and know when the time comes. I hate Christmas shopping at the weekends because it’s just so clostaphobic I prefer to do it during the day or after work so that it’s less people to invade my space. Otherwise I may punch someone or have a panic attack.
Fun fun fun. I can’t really tell you much as some of my family read my blogs so it’s a bit hard to tell you the ideas. Who knows I might change my mind on things.
It’s not long now that November is soon leaving us in about two weeks time; I’ve decided to get things ready for Christmas Advent Calendar Blogging, here’s one of the sneaking peak of what the days picture looks like.
I thought this year would be different to the one last year so that it stays in theme with each other. This year’s content I really not sure what to cover to be honest with you; maybe a bit more Christmas themed I think, but I’m not really sure because I have no clue what yet unless you have some ideas do let me know as I have 25 Days to fill on this next challenge that I want to do.
I’ve got a fair few ideas that I want to do like, favourite Christmas Movies, what do I watch or listen to whilst wrapping up Christmas presents, do I listen to Christmas songs to get me into the mood, what is your Christmas decorations themed on this year, if you could have a hot drink all year round but only comes out around Christmas what will it be.
If you have any ideas to help me plan for the next challenge please let me know in the comments below because I want to get them in the place ready for me to write them as soon as possible for me to get them up and running.
As we forgive each one of those Who sins against us,
lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom
The power and the glory are yours
Now and forever
Give thanks to the fallen Soldiers in World War 1 and World War 2, Fawklins, and the current wars out in Syria and other war zones. To the 100 years of women servicing who are now allowed to become a full member of the army. Today we wouldn’t be here today without the soldiers who gave up their lives to save ours. Today marks remembrance service and 11th Day, 11th Hour, 11th month was the day of the end of World War 1. We shall not forget those.
Heart beats fast. As you watch and wait in the trenches; colours and promises of how to be brave? How can you love when you just afraid to fall? As I’m watching you standing alone in the no man’s land; all of your doubt suddenly goes away somehow, maybe your one step closer.
You have died every day just waiting to come home; as you look at the photo of your love one, in the silence and the wind had picked up you could hear in the wind. “Darling, don’t be afraid because I have loved you for more than a thousand years. I will love you for another thousand more”
Time stood still. As I watched you look at her picture every single second; I could here you whisper “I will be brave” you wouldn’t let anything be taken away from yourself, I know what’s standing in front of me with every breath and every hour that has come to this
Another day, another step closer because all along that you believed that you would find me. Time has brought you your heart as you have loved me like it has been thousand of years but I will love you for another thousand more. One step closer. One step closer. That I have died everyday waiting for you to come home; in my sleep I could hear your voice “darling, don’t be afraid I have loved you for thousands of years and I’ll love you for a thousand more. All along I believed I would find you”
For Information for today’s events please check out the link below copy and paste
As remembrance Day is drawing in. Every city, town and villages start to decorate their areas to commentate the fallen soldiers who gave their lives for us through World War One, World war 2 and the current wars in Syria and surrounding areas. We also must remember who are still fighting today but as they return they suffer extreme mental health and lost of limbs. Who are battling the next war in their minds. This is a story of what it might be like for a survivor of a solider.
This is a story that I’ve never told. Your now listening to me as I am crying out for your help but you think I’m just doing it for attention; thinking that I’m a bad person but all this is what I have seen in the war zone, yet I have to deal with my injuries, the scaring and the mental issues such like PTSD, Depression and many more. I have to get this off my chest and let it go.
I need you take back the light that the light the war had stole because that’s a criminal and it steals like a pro. All the pain and the truth I just wear it like a battle wound; yet deep down I’m so ashamed so confused, I sit in that room thinking I’m all alone, broken and bruised.
I’m now a warrior with thinker skin and stronger than I’ve ever been I have armour that’s made out of steel because you can’t get in because I’m a warrior once again. Knowing that you can’t hurt me again with the painful memories of what I’ve seen with all of the help that I need to get me by.
It’s like I’m coming out of the ashes of burning eagle; you can save your apologies because your nothing like a liar who don’t know what’s going on in the war zone, I got shame but I’ve also got scars that I will never have to show again. I’m survivor in so many’s than you know; there’s a part of me that I can’t get back as it only took one look, and I’ll be never be the same again. Yet I’m taking my life back today as there is nothing left for you to say because you were never going to take the blame anyways.
I had a notification from YouTube that Helen Anderson had posted up a video; I normally just unclick the notifications off my apps as they bother me a lot when they hang around saying “take notice of me…..take notice of me”, the annoying thing is that I have so many updates on my app that Apple/iTunes won’t let me update them because “there’s a billing problem please take a look at it” I’m like what happened to the whole it’s okay you can still update me or I can update automatically for you button. If anyone knows how to do that please let me know how to do it because it’s driving me nuts. I am OCD when it comes to me and my phone.
Why do I do that? Get an idea of trying to find what I’m doing and not finishing what I started. Keeps on happening. My current feelings at the moment that I wanted to share with you guys is that Autumn and Winter are like the worst seasons that I’ve always hated the most. It’s dark horrible depressing. The worst of it all my birthday is literally in the middle of it all; over the years I’ve began noticing that my birthday is getting depressing because I always wished to be able to sit outside, in the nice warm sunshine but I can’t even do that. Yeah we’ve got this thing of having the Christmas Tree still for my birthday it’s been like that for years; last year I think my my parents had asked if it’s okay to take it down before my birthday, don’t quote to me on that one generally starting to blank my birthdays out now.
I’m not really going to get my hopes up this year for my birthday because I know nothing special is going to happen. It might do but I just not getting my hopes up really. By the way this is what my current feelings are at the moment in time because I wasn’t really sure what to write and my favourite YouTuber gave me the idea when I was watching hers at the time.
This is pretty much is it for now I think for a Friday autumn night. All I want to do is hibernate and not come out. Haha.
The Diary Entries Online back for so more this autumn before the winter comes. It’s your own opinion if you believe this or not. It’s up to you what you believe. At the end of the day I know the truth and I just wanted to share it with you.
No matter what I tell you. You make me out as a liar but I gave into the fire; at least now I should’ve fought it as now that I’m being honest, all I know that I’m a failure because know that I failed you. No one is perfect then you realise the truth of that I should of told you; I know I know I know, I should of done it better but you know me I just give up too easily when I try my best.
You realise that you had everything in front of you and you watched me walk away. I got nothing here without you; this is the one last time I need to take you home to make me feel whole again, for one last time I promise you after that I’ll let you go as she has stolen your heart away from me. All I really care is to wake up in your arms for one last time.
As you watched my body relaxed into your arms you begin to realise that I don’t deserve the pain that you have given me. I know I don’t deserve it but please stay with me for another a minute; I swear I’ll make it worth it, can you forgive me for just letting me have you one last time before you go and be with her. At least if it’s just temporarily I know this is all my fault of pushing you away. I should of been careful and I know, I know, I know I shouldn’t be the one loosing control.
As I slept in your arms not knowing that you would stay the whole night with me; even if I didn’t wake up like I normally do, you were there incase I did and you were still there in the morning watching me sleeping. You placed a kiss on my my forehand as I opened my eyes to see you in front of me. You told me “silly girl…I’m not going anywhere. I’m madly in love with you”……