Online Diary Entries: “Don’t know if I can…” – Story

Who do you think you are? Coming into my life saying that you love me more than anything in the world; now that I’m lost, confused, sacred and I don’t know if I can do this anymore even if I’m trying to take one more step towards you because all of this waiting is regret. I don’t know if you know that I’m starting to become your ghost and your figure of imagination; I have this feeling that you have lost the love that I loved the most, I have learnt that to live half alive but I need to know if you still love me one more time.
Who do you think you are? Running around leaving more scars on me whilst your collecting more jars of hearts; I hope they will catch a cold from the ice from your soul because I don’t know if you will come back for me anymore, who do you think are? I don’t hear you asking all around for me to see if I can be found but I’m trying to grow strong but I know if I ever fall back into your arms I will know you want me one more time.
It took so long just to feel alright with you but remember how you manage to put back the light in my eyes; I wish I could have missed all of this pain if I hadn’t gotten so scared to begin with because you broke your promises that you wouldn’t hurt me again knowing my fears of being hurt, and now you’re back trying to get me back.
Yet one question for you to answer do you want to come back for me? If not just don’t come back at all as I can’t keep waiting for you if you keep on having leaving unempty promises. Just tell me if you don’t really love me anymore because I can’t keep on breaking my heart like this anymore. Come back for me? Or just don’t come back at all. Then I know you have made the decision for me than me to make one for you. Who do you think you are?

Online Diary Entries: “Breathe Slow” – Story

As I’m walking away from you on the cliff face because I’m running out of patience because I can’t believe what the hell I’m hearing and speaking of hell it doesn’t compare what I am feeling but I love you took much it goes to show that all my emotions go out of control. You think it’s good for you but bad for me I can’t hardly see from the tears that flow wishing you could take this pain away from me. I just can’t forget to breathe slow count from one to ten with my eyes closed because ladies you have to take it in and get your composure before I lose it so I have to get my composure too.
I am going to breathe slow with my eyes closed counting from one to ten because ladies you have to take it in and the composure because ladies never lose you’re composure. I’m not going to lie or even try to win because I’m not the one with the gun who’s going to shoot because that would mean that you will be winning. No matter how much I love you or how many times I show all my emotions because you should know that I can be out of control which is bad for me but good for you know to know how much you hurt me.
When you hardly see the tears that flow because someone should be better hold me back as I will go for someone like the fake person who’s currently at your side; you’re lucky I know how to act as I’m not going to attack, I’m being calm and cool believe me you wouldn’t be taking much lightly and your breathing lightly right now. Just wait when your with me that’s when your going to loose your composure and the worse of it will come with my psycho will show. I’m just breathing slow right now to keep calm and carrying on.

Everyday Post: Candle in the wind

As every England’s red rose fell we say goodbye to one of our love ones. Yet may you ever grow founder in our hearts where you presented the grace that has nestled itself. Did you know where all of our lives that had been torn apart you called your home; whispering in the winds to all those that are in pain, to now that you belong in heaven watching down on us the stars come out and spell out your name.
It’s seems to me that your life that you have once lived is like a candle in the wind that shall never fade into the background of the sunset. Whenever the rain falls or sets in your footsteps will always fall here; where ever I am knowing that your right next to me along the english greenest hills, as I try and keep your candle burning before I get to the top without it burning out before your legend ever will.
Loveliness that we have once lost will never forget one great person you really are; these empty days without your smile will be hard but this torch that you send down to us will always carry, for our nations golden child who will fall your steps and even though we try to continue your legacy the truth is that it brings us to tears. The words that float in the winds of the english hills with the red roses flying in the winds; you have brought us through the years of your kindness, we really don’t want to say goodbye to our national treasure. A country that is lost without your true beauty or your beautiful soul; who will bring your wings back to life with your compassion more than you’ll ever know.
Your footsteps will never fade or fall here as long as England’s hills are still green and soft just how you like it; you’re candle will never burn out from the strong winds, and neither will your legend.

Wednesday Evening Post: “How do you do that!” Cried a voice

Fun fact that I’ve just created at least three in one night before today’s blogs post probably saying that by now I would of fallen a sleep writing this if I’ve finish this by the end I’ll write I haven’t fallen asleep on this one for tonight’s post. The fact is that I am on a role right now for blogging so no time to sleep even though I’ve got work and etc but right now I don’t care.
“So how do I do that when I write emotional stories and publish it afterwards?” “Like Lizzysweeklyblogs have you seen her blog posts recently?” To be honest I struggle at the best of times if you ask me oh wait you did. Ha. Well to be honest music and just typing in first liners generators so that I can get some idea of what I can feed off the lines of them. Meaning to get a story out of the lines as I mostly get a good story out them; yet with some of the songs you can just bulk out the lines in a story cut some of the lines out that you don’t want, put in what you want use your emotions and feelings inside you onto the paper or screen.
The arts of writing is that everyone has a story to tell; everyone has a voice, everyone has a life, everyone has experiences and it depends on how they want to show it to the world. I for one can’t keep a diary I’ve tried but never works out for me in the slightest but I transfer it all into a story to where I get the characters tell the story of how they feel, what’s happening and etc. I genuinely feel better about it because it just gets my anger, helplessness, and most importantly helps clears my mind also.
So you could say story writing for me is like my journal or diary of how I am feeling on the day. Yet I’m sharing it with the characters who aren’t real and I don’t have to talk about it to anyone else who is real. It’s all there in the story. You just have to be patient with the whole system to be honest and most importantly find your own style of writing at the end of the day.
It took me all day to write Tuesday’s online blog (20.2.18) until I had the realisation of how anger and hurt I was feeling. Then this song that I haven’t heard in a very long time came into my head then it was like the past week I was like yeah I don’t know what to do since you’ve been gone never felt so alone. I had work it out how I was going to write it with that sort of line of words because I still loved them no matter what was going on in my head.
Story writing for me is a work of art once you’ve got something to write about write about it because at the end of the day the characters are the one telling the story and so are you but via them. That’s how I see it you. It’s like directors working with actors on a film set; for me it’s me working with characters so they can understand me and I can understand them, it’s quite cleaver how it all works once you know what your doing. Sometime I don’t even know what I’m doing most of the time.
Yep that’s me done for a Wednesday Evening Post this week and I haven’t stopped half way through last night. So that’s a bonus which I normally do because I get distracted quite easily; no I’m not what you think it is can’t remember the letter for it, I think it’s ADHD or something close to that, it’s just me with a few other things. Good night peeps.

 

Everyday Post: I hate you, don’t leave me – Story

You don’t know the fear that I have when you’re not around but yet I hate you, don’t leave me because I feel like I can’t breathe and yet I just want you to hold me then I don’t want you to touch me. All I ever wanted from you from you to love me and I need to trust you like I use to trust you. Please stay with me and set me free from all of the pain that I am in.
Yet I can’t back down I’m not denying that I’m going to leave because I’m always finding myself staying put as I can’t decided as I’m now confused and scared; I am terrified that you will leave me as I admit that I’m in and out of my head, so don’t listen to a word that I say please hear me out with my worries before I run away thinking you won’t love me again. I just can’t take this pain anymore but I hate you don’t leave me; as you wrap your arms around me before I start to run a different direction like I normally do, yet I love you when you kiss me on my forehead at the same time you cuddle me during the bad times for that reason you complete me.
The fact that I can’t back down or deny that I’ve got my silly upset head on; you stay put during the confusion and sacredness yet you don’t listen to a single word I say, I could say that I’m addictive to the madness but I could hear you whisper in my ear that your addicted to my madness and my sadness. We find ourselves here far too many times before; yet I feel abandoned scared now all because I’m terrified of another falling out, I just so fragile that just washed up on the shore and they forget that I’m not here or they don’t see me and there’s you who sees me for who I am and that’s all that matters.
You always take my pain away even when I tell you I hate you don’t leave me. I hate you please love me like I love you more than anything in the world.

Online Diary Entries: Breakaway

What you fear most of all is – fear. Very wise” – Lupin – The Prisoner of Azkaban

I grew up in a big town where it would rain most of the time flooding when the rivers couldn’t cope anymore so it would burst it’s banks as I just stare out of my window. Wondering and dreaming if I could end up being happy with myself so I would pray loudly trying to reach out but when I try to speak out; it shows that no one can hear me or want me to be around making not wanting be here, something felt so wrong here and yet I prayed loudly once more where I could break away.
Out come my wings as I spread them out and I’ll start to learn how to fly; I would do anything to get me out of here so I can touch the sky, I’ll make a wish with a dandelion by taking a chance, make a change and breakaway. Out of the darkness and into the sun I will not forget all the love ones that I love and who love me because I will take a risk take a chance, make a chant and breakaway from my old life.
I just want to live the life where I can just feel the nice warm breeze, sleeping underneath a palm tree, feeling and listening the rush of the ocean, get on board a first class fast train to somewhere or just travel on a jet plane to somewhere far away and take a break away from my busy home town. Yet buildings being built with hundred floors swing around the revolving lifestyles of the communities growing around us.
Yet I don’t know where they are taking me but I’ve got to keep moving on fly away to break away from it all even with bad memories from my own life and the countries darkest moments are coming around. Yet we are moving on showing that we aren’t living in the shadows but yet we won’t forget those who were killed those dreadful days. We are just breaking away from all of that because we learn to move on with everyone by supporting them each day.

The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are” – Sirius Black – The Order Of the Phoenix

Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging: Is the stories going to be a new thing now?

You may have noticed that I may of been writing or shall I say typing up and posting stories recently. It’s all because when I’m stuck for ideas what to write about these days I tend to try and go back to my original plan by being creative and just write to be honest with you. Stories at the end of the day is my dream job in life so I tend struggle in writing with stories when I haven’t got the ideas of a plot; yet that’s when the challenges, topics, hauls and etc come in to give me a hand so when the idea of a story comes in I can write them and post them. So it will be having lots of contrast for you guys to read and also be more entertained.

Is the stories going to be the new thing now? Well like I said I’ve always wanted to write stories but I’ve never really had the confidence to share my work out there until I decide to join WordPress and it gave me the confidence to be able to find my away around the whole publishing my work. Even if I have thoughts if I think my work is rubbish but then when I look at my reviews and etc that’s when I soon realise that my blog work is actually worth pursuing.

Yeah I’ll do Topics as normal when I can for the rest of the time for main ones as of when; I even struggled to write for Friday Time Recap Time last week (16.2.18), but I got through it no matter what. Here’s to our new adventures everyone.

Sunday Special: Save Me From Myself Story

Sitting in a church all alone just to get peace within me; I know it’s not so easy loving me because it gets complicated all the things that you got to do, everything that I do changes but you know the truth and I’m amazed by all of you’re patience with everything that I put you through. When I’m about to fall somehow you’re always waiting with your arms open to catch me; you were ready to save me from myself, myself yes you were there ready to save me from myself.

My love has been tainted by your touch because some guys who say that they would be there just show me aces; yet you have that royal flush I know it’s crazy everyday but tomorrow maybe shake you will never turn away. Don’t even ask why I’m crying because that’s when I start to crumble; you know how to keep me smiling as you know how to save me from myself, from myself yes myself you’re the one going to save me from myself.

I know it’s hard. It’s hard even when you’ve broken all my walls I’m stand there vulnerable; yet you’ve been my strength where you have been so strong to get me through all of this, don’t ask me why I love you because it’s obvious that your tenderness is what I need to make myself a better woman to my self and you are going to save me from myself. My self…

Newsletters Online: February 2018

Another month drawing to a close it’s been a very challenging month I believe with highs and lows; yet it’s only the second month in to the year got 10 months left to go but I’ve been more understanding towards myself more, even when it’s been difficult a lot of the time. In the blogging world of Lizzysweeklyblogs we have seen Valentines Challenge for the past 14 days; everybody who’s been following it have seemed to enjoy the whole concept of it all, not sure wether I should do Easter or not because I’m not sure where to begin on that front. Valentine’s Day for was a bit of a disaster for me always is for me but then again I couldn’t care less if I even tried to. I personally could of slept the day if personal things were there knowing I hated the day. Haha. All well who cares it’s over for another year and I don’t have to think about it anymore.

We’ve also seen a bit more online diary entries wether it’s been online diary entries or everyday online diary entries; everyone seems to enjoy them a lot because I only used it as an trial and error but yet everyone seems to be enjoying them with stories attached to them, like they are intrigued what the stories are about and want to read more and more everyday by coming back to see what’s new. I am glad that everyone seems to enjoy them as more as I did writing them.

Bring on March going to be another challenging month personally but I know I’ve got my lovely lot of readers and supporters to help me along the way. Let’s get this month over and done with once and for all shall we.

Online Diary Entries: Never felt unbroken story

The day that I felt like I was locked up tight to which I felt like I would never feel again; I noticed that I was stuck in some kind of love prison where they threw away the key, the terrified feeling as I stared into your eyes made me realise that it’s possible that I can loose you permanently if you didn’t get me out of here. Yet I looked into the eyes of my captures eyes feeling more terrified than ever; so I’m going to love you like I’ve never been broken in which I’m going to say it’s like never been spoke, tonight I’m letting go because I’m going to give it like it’s never been taken away from me. The thoughts have crossed my mind if I fall I know I won’t need saving because I know my true hero will come and get me.

Congratulations you played it out with the same lies with a different face; but there’s something in the words that you say to which it made it all feel so real, I’m going to love you like it’s never been spoken and tonight I’m letting go. No need for me to run a different away because you’re making me believe in everything you say. So for me there’s no need to go and hide if your going to give me every little piece of me. This is it I know it’s the real thing because I can’t explain what I’m feeling because I’m lost for words; I’m in a daze, stunned and amazed by the way you open up to me.

I then noticed someone I knew across the room you smiled at me; wow that smile I recognised from somewhere before, that’s when suddenly the wheels of old live had started to begin to turn inside of me once again and you said “hello” I felt the old glow again because I knew it was you who came to rescue me. Your touch and the feeling of your touch felt something new; nobody ever made me feel the way like you do in the gardens where no one could see us being together, it’s heavenly the way you make me feel when you use to make love to me and can you see your the one for me. I knew this was the real thing and we ran away together in your helicopter never returned.