Everyday Online Diary Entries – (6.7.18) Friday – Good positive motivation

After this mornings run for work and playing nursery rhymes to which I have to admit that I was literal falling asleep because of it but it’s part of a job to be honest knowing what a child likes and what not. As soon as I got back I had a bit of a nap before I did anything because I was literally so tired; along with the fact I was feeling so anxious about things and feeling sick because of my nerves to which I found that I just need to eat something before hand to steady them. 

This week had started from bad to a good week by the end due to the fact that the kids that I’ve worked with enjoyed having me on their run. They just love the fact I’m just one people who are just too relaxed along with fun side of things unless they go over board with being hyped or being rude about something or to someone. 

Having the motivation of being positive and fun about things no matter how bad things are at least you know you can do something to make you feel better when you know someone who needs it the most. It’s like saying it’s okay to feel down but it’s okay everything is going to be fine. Even if it’s a hug hugs are the best things I have been told that my hugs are the best it makes them feel good. If making the other person feel good it makes you feel good. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (5.7.18) Thursday – What would make me happy right now?

What would make me happy right now? Right now as we speak I could be happy be away from everything be on my own or some people who I am close too and not having to think about things that are bringing me down. Is that too much to ask? My happiness means the world to me in so many ways where I think things are going so great; then all of the sudden bad things happen to which will take me a long time to bounce back.

I know this week has slowly been a long one to be honest where I was trying so hard to fight my negativity thoughts that they nearly had me but then I bounced back as the days grew better in life. So many positive happened the past two days to which I loved the most it gave me the sense of well being that I actually am wanted.

Everyone has those days where they feel they aren’t wanted and etc. Right now I’m just happy that I’m writing to keep my mind of things; enjoy talking to people that make me happy, most importantly I know I am strong and gone through life with lots of struggles and yet I still come out on top. 

I just love the fact I am happy in so many ways that I can take my mind off things as soon as I stop at something. Even with a glitch off going into a no no land that I don’t want to be in I know I have to quickly do something before I actually convince myself not bother distracting myself. I’m quite good at that one as well convincing myself to not bother anymore with things. 

This is my Thursday Online Diary Entries thoughts of what would make me happy on a Thursday evening. Just close friends who make me happy and seeing children happy and know that they are cared for and loved. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (4.7.18) Wednesday Online Diary Entires – Can it be a spot on the end of my nose?

Where the hell is this big red thing on the end of my nose? It’s so painful and red but nothing come out but yet it’s so painful; could it be a spot coming through on my nose?, I don’t know it’s so painful no matter how much make up I’ve put on to cover it even putting the brushes I use. If it was a spot but why is it more painful on my nose than anywhere else on my face. 

Anyone else having the same problem that I’m having? Worst of all the heat and the sweat doesn’t help making my make up come off my face either. Not quite sure how to do that either to keep that on my face all well you win some you lose some don’t we. 

Last night (3.7.18) England won against Columbia in the World Cup just as we all thought it would come to an end; even if Columbia were giving England so many penalties, and try to cheat in so many levels because they thought they are going to lose something. In the end they did lose due to the fact that they gave so many penalties and possibly so many yellow cards etc. 

Yes Columbia and England haven’t played each other over 20 years but at the end of the day the past is in the past whatever happened back then. This is the 21st or 22nd century don’t mind if you can correct me if I’m wrong on this one. England only have a good team this time around its because they’ve got a good coach and they are all young not got so big headed that everything isn’t all about them. 

Yes we all won our games accept one. Yeah we could be a threat to be honest but who cares they could bring it home no matter what because they aren’t letting the past get to them. They are doing for themselves and bringing the games World Cup more update. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (3.7.18) Tuesday Online Diary Entires – Thought process of a mental health person

I know I’ve been on the ball with the whole blogging everyday diary entries for a good few weeks and stopped over the last couple of days. I know you guys liked that sort of thing I’m sorry about that but things happened. I’m going to try again this week to get back on form. 

I try so had once I get on top of things that I think yeah yeah let’s do this I can do this and all of the sudden bam something happens and I’m like back to square one again like nobody knows. I hate having set backs so much to the point of why am I even doing this for. Who am I doing this for? Why am I even doing this? 

I know I say this a lot writing saves my life a lot. I even generally want to give up with it all at the best of times. Literally just don’t want to write and I’ve look at my views recently and think how the heck did it drop so much when I was doing so well. Until I remember why. That’s when I realise things take an effect of what I love doing. 

When your stuck in that cycle of feeling down and what not it’s like your stuck in a coma not like I’ve been in one but it’s like that closed off from everything and everyone. Then you start back to where you were few weeks back or a month ago and etc. No matter what you do your still fighting for your life each day.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (28.6.18) Thursday – Do you use maths everyday?

Do I use maths everyday? If I can help not really me and maths don’t get on its all to do with dyslexia and etc so I try not if I can. I just generally panic when I see numbers and I gave no matter the time or my energy or brain power to focus it on school or college no matter how many times I took the exam at college until my final year that I manage to pass it. I didn’t bother attending the rest of the lessons as they were doing level 2 numeracy and I just couldn’t be bothered because I was getting frustrated with it all.

The only thing I use maths in is my stats I like to keep a record of how much progress that I have over the weeks and months. Yeah it will take me an hour or so but I have a system of doing it and I’m revisiting my system for next month so that it will work swimmingly because sometimes it gets confusing along side the blog posts when I’ve been creating them. As I’ve been labelling them in away that helps me more what I’m looking at and most importantly my readers (you guys) know that there are more blog post out there of mine and along side old ones to which you guys are now starting to find.

It’s like saying I’m clearing out my blog site but I’m not really at the same time. I know that my blogs probably looking a bit busy or not I don’t know. I just write them, schedule them, post and hope for the best. However it’s making me feel the positive coming through as I’ve been getting the same amount of views each day. I like that a lot.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (27.6.18) Wednesday – Pondering what to write next

Times like these when I sit in traffic on my way home from a job that I love doing just sitting there looking out of the window. Generally on a main motorways you would find the major traffic somewhere on the line; I was literally coming back from London direction not too far from my hometown I had got stuck, I don’t mind it depends on the person I’m with to be honest with you and everything. 

I had caught myself looking out of the window towards some wooded area part thinking about a YouTube video I watched a few hours earlier and a story plot of some sort. Not too sure what I was thinking about to be honest. Maybe something was telling me conjoin the two together of not. 

It could potentially work actually because I can rewatch the videos as I enjoy them along with distracting my mind to be honest most scary things stops me from being anxious and depressed. I may actually do that and see where or shall I say how it will come out. I actually just used a decent book for writing up my categories as they were getting confusing to follow on screen. All well doesn’t matter just use my angel journal book for everything for now until I get one on pay day. Just for my stories and of course I’ll share the story with you guys when it’s done….


Everyday Online Diary Entries: (26.6.18) Tuesday – Going to be a long day me thinks

Compared from yesterday (25.6.18) to today (26.6.18)  it’s going to be a long one I can tell especially when you’re up at like 5:55am in the morning preparing to be on call for work but never happened alongside with the afternoon I could be wrong. I don’t know anything could happen to be honest yet it’s going to be a nice beautiful warm summers day will most probably be boiling hot again like yesterday. 

I am kind quite glad that I’m sort of not working I can get my legs out not because I can get a sun tan if I wanted too; due to the fact that I can my cream that can work for my legs due to my legs are covered in spots due to demitis another word for eczema where allergic reaction will come out. I always find that I come out in it with it in the summer due to hayfever and the heat. I didn’t know it was that until last week Monday (18.6.18) when I went for an emergency appointment about something else and I asked. 

You can’t catch it and it won’t kill you. I literally got prescribed a medical cream to sort the condition. I have looked it up if you can inherit the condition or not; you can inherit the condition which can be passed down from generations, I’m like great I’ve got it from someone and then I get told that I got it from one of my grandparents as they had it. I’m just like great thank you very much. Anything else that you want to throw at me now is the time to do so. 

At least I know what is it what and deal with the things at the time it happens otherwise I would continue to ignore it and make it worse. I’m pretty much one of those people who it ignore it and let it get worse unless someone tells me to actually get it checked out. 

Just totally rang work and I’m on stand by so definitely going to be a long day but it doesn’t matter because I’ve got plenty of things to do for my blog and my project that I’m working on so it’s all good. Few emails here and there so yeah it be okay and time for my legs to heal too. Which be good as well. The fact that I’ve got things planned to keep my mind occupied will be great. 

Yesterday (25.6.18) was a long one for me from working at 7:00 until 9:45. Then went into my hometown to speak to someone about something; I walked out of my hometown which takes me 30-45 minutes but I walked along the river as it was really nice day, got changed back into my work clothes near to the time of 14:00 did the dishwasher and then went to work. On which I made the kids that I work with laughing so much and they didn’t want to let me go as they arrived at their house. I was like I know you love me but you have to get off the bus now. Came home got changed out of my work clothes on which I then found out that I had a headache. I sometimes think I give myself a headache at the best of times but it was quite warm on the bus. 

I finished the ironing for one of my parents as they started it and I finished it. Even though it was just a pile in the washing basket but it was so long to do to which made my back and feet hurt just a bit. That was then done and it was pretty much a chilled evening. 

Why not have two Everyday Online Diary Entries in one? Kill two birds in one stone. I wouldn’t kill a bird honestly guys. It’s a saying. Yet as I didn’t do yesterday’s one I might as well add it to this one saving me doing two lots. Well I’ve got lots to do this afternoon. That’s if I actually do them to be honest with you I could just go to sleep right now. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (24.6.18) Sunday – Stop building people’s egos so high.

This could conderdict myself in so many ways but I genuinely hate people who focus on people who are more confident and have big egos because they make them so high and might for so many reason until one day they come crashing down to reality of I’m actually not that great. Let me explain the contrast of this years World Cup 2018 and 2012 World Cup and the past world cups since we won it back in 1960’s. By the way if you guys haven’t worked out I’m from United Kingdom. I am proud to be British on somethings but not other tings. 

Today (24.6.18) we had won our second game of football in the World Cup; where the England players showed twice now that they all worked hard, tight nite group of defending and working together in turns to score a goal. This actually shows that they came out top form because they believed in each other; back each other up, and being more positive throughout the games that they played. Especially the coach picked young players to take part in the World Cup to be able to get their names out there and most importantly putting faith back into their own country again. 

Literally no well known players who needs their ego or confidence a boost because we all know that they will get too big headed; to think that they need to shine in the spot light making it all about them, when actually it’s not all about them it’s the whole team. 

There has been so many footballers in the past and we all know who they are so I won’t bore you with the list of their names as you guys know them if you follow football. They think they are all great, powerful, everything they do is to make their team to look good and etc. Guess what they actually aren’t that great because they play that silly tantrum/drama card because their coach told them to or because they aren’t getting what they want. 

That’s because they get the attention from the coaches who pay them more money than anyone else; continually building their egos with press making out that they are great, not this 2018 team they brought it all back from the old school ways before the war started and no one played the drama card or anything like that. 

People just find that they are really intimidating to the point of they themselves actually want to give up on achieving things because of one person is getting al the attention and being focused on. This is why monjority of people actually don’t really care about people and the footballers due to their egos at all they want is a team that actually work together, believe in each other and a coach who knows what they are doing and most importantly believe in the team that they actually picked. Working all together and following it through the game plan to achieve, give the best performance that they can and most importantly knowing that they’ve got a best coach who they believe in and who believes in them.

In support of life on the open road project  


Everyday Online Diary Entries – (23.6.18) Saturday – Think I’ve lost the plot officially

Oh wait I think I just remembered where my previous blog that I started; oh wait I think I got the right category not too sure now, think I’ve literally lost the plot god help me now. Been like most of the afternoon from the moment I left the house to everyday public bus; not sure what card I used one of the cards was stopped but yet I managed to use it, or did I but then the bus driver let me on even if it did work. So confused right now what’s going on haha. 

Got into the town centre and went to my bank got my card sorted out not my other important thing but didn’t have any advisors to ask about something. Epically failed on that front must not give up. Never give up on something. However I am getting better; better than last weekend to be honest, and if I wasn’t me fighting to continue to work no matter how much I was struggling with it all I got there in the end.

Today has been a bit of a positive day I got up way too early but obviously I didn’t get out of bed to be honest but it’s been way too long today. Especially if you’ve been awake at 4:30/5:00 in the morning and that’s what you get. However I got up a  bit later had breakfast, showered due to my eczema being itchy due to the hayfever bringing it out, make up done and hair. Then made the bed that was upstairs in the attic; I’ve been putting off for two days to be honest but I did it, adventured out bravely on my own and I was feeling quite anxious of going out on my own plus I was getting annoyed with the bus at the time for taking so long…..

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (22.6.18) Friday – A YouTuber complains for a day of spending a pound!

I fell on a YouTuber commenting on another YouTuber video who actually failed to do a 24 hour challenge of buying things £1. Yet they actually didn’t do it properly or done it in the right way or the the backlash he was going to get from it until he posted it. 

I don’t understand why would you do something if do something think it’s cool to do but don’t think the conciseness might happen, plan it and do it for a charity. Most importantly why on earth you do it because you don’t know if your viewers who are in that situation. 

No matter if your a blogger or a YouTuber blogging you have to tread carefully in what you have do weather the social media platform because you don’t actually know what other people’s life is like behind closed doors. No matter what it is. What got me most annoyed is that he tried to do one bit of it in £1 then buys other things that cost more than a £1. 

The whole point of it is that having luxurious items because they can buy what the want and etc. Yet complain of not being able to have what they want for 24 hours but do it wrong is completely wrong. First of all when you say “I’m doing a £1 Challenge” it means it covers everything from food shopping, meals out and etc you have to budget what you want or limit yourself a £5 for the day. 

I should know because I’ve been stuck for money for a very long time haven’t brought anything for a very long time until I had money and brought things that I actually needed like my make up and bigger size clothing because that’s what I actually needed. 

Since then I haven’t brought anything for myself because I know I’m on a tight budget because I’ve got my things are important. I can literally go without things for months when I know I haven’t had money trust me I barely go out to do anything or when I do go out I don’t buy anything because I don’t have any money to spend.  It’s called life choices at the end of the day but people who spend money money money all the time who don’t care in the world don’t even care how hard it is for people. 

Just don’t be a dick about things who are living the life’s of struggling to meet ends meet everyday putting food on the table and what people do who can spend spend spend generally can go to hell. I use to spend quite a lot but now this has been a eye opener for me as I’m in it but at the end of the day I’ve been quite cleaver with money but at the end of the day there’s times I actually regret buying things because I know I needed to pay for things. That’s why I’ve learnt to control my spending habits and everything. Yeah you want to spend money to make yourself feel better but it only last 5 minutes or so it’s really unnecessary to be honest it’s like do I actually need to. It’s like voiding that whole that you have; trust me spending money to fill a hole is for filling but it’s not so great to be honest, it does bring me down like I wish I didn’t at the end of the day. 

I’m not using my mental health as an excuse I know what I’m doing. Yes there going to be problems down the line at the end of the day. That’s why since I’ve been struggling with things in life I’ve put my foot down hard on myself of what I want and what I don’t want in life. I knew how hard it was for my parents to get this far and I’m going through the same thing now. It’s controlling your mind. I’m pretty much good at that until I get tired of fighting then have a relapse. I do go flying to a hot country whenever I can, go to a fancy restaurant or go round to my local supermarket because I don’t want to make anything for my lunch and what not. Yeah I’ve done it a few times but the weakness is when I’m in a depressed mood I want junk food. That is my downfall and I admit that but at least I’m not buying load of alcohol drinks and what not every time to make me feel so good and forget everything. 

Rant over just think before you do things.