This is me

Everyday Story Based – Mental Health Issues Story

You think I’m a stranger to the dark but guess what I’m not a stranger to the dark. I great it like an old friend when they say “hide away because we don’t want your broken parts” I’ve learned to be ashamed of my scars even though it’s not my fault; I just want to run away, you could hear their voices in my head saying “no one will love you as you are” I won’t let them break me down to dust the things that they say because I know that there is a place for you and me. I know that we are glorious.

The sharpest words want to cut me down but I’m going to send a flood of rain to drown them out. I am a lot braver than you think no matter how bruised I am; I know who I am meant to be because this is me, so you better look out here I come and I’m marching on through life life to the sound of the beat of the drum. I’m not scared to be seen or what I have to look like or dressed. I make no apologies this is me. 

Another round of bullets hits my skin so fire away because today I won’t let the same shame sink; we are going to burst through the barricades and reaching the sun. I am so are you warriors. Another round of bullets that hits my skin leaving more marks where it use to leave mark; as they continue to fire away because today I won’t let the shame sink in, I will be bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun I know that I’m a warrior. That’s what I’ve become I know that I won’t let them break me down to dust. I know that there’s a place for me in this world as I know that I’m glorious.

This is me and I know that I deserve your love and there’s nothing I’m not worthy of when there are sharpest words that want to cut me down. I’m going to send a flood that will make them drown them out. This is brave this is bruised because this is who I’m meant to be this is me. Look out because here I come I’m marching on to the beat I drum because I’m not scared to be seen; I make no apologies for who I am and this is me. 

Everyday Post: Mental Health Issues – Sober (Revisit – Story Based)

There was nights when the wind was so cold making me feel it to the bone and there was days where the sun could be so cruel; I knew my tears were starting to dry up forever, I knew the day that you left I had finished because I had banished every memory that we had together and now it’s all coming back to me. Yes it’s all it was a very long time ago but I’ve got no excuses for of these goodbyes; call me when it’s over because I’m dying inside, wake me up once the shakes have gone along with the cold sweats have disappeared. Please call me when it’s over and I just have my old self that we both knew will reappear.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time because sometimes I just want to cave in; I’m tired of fighting for my life especially what’s left of me, I try and I try but I just wish you were here to hold me. I’m so lonely.

Mum I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore, daddy please forgive me for all the drinks that I’ve spilled on the floor and to the ones who really never left me we all know that we’ve been down this road once before. I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m sorry to my future love the man that’s stuck by my side every step of the way; loving me, saving me from me and from the inside my head. I’m sorry for all the people who tried to help me and watch me fall again; I just want to be a role model yet I’m being judged by people who think it’s okay to do so, talk about lies that they really don’t know what’s going on in my life. I’m only human like everybody else.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time at the best of times I don’t know what’s causing it. It’s only when I’m lonely and tired of fighting with my head. Sometimes I just want to run away to a cave so no one can find me; I can just let myself cave inside myself because I just don’t want to fight anymore. I try and I try to hold on but just hold me. I’m lonely.

Mum, I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore and daddy please forgive me for the drinks that I have spilled on the floor. To the ones who really never left me, we’ve been down this road before and I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m not sober anymore. I’m sorry that I’m back here again. I promise that I’ll get help. It really wasn’t my intention to get back into this place. I’m even sorry to myself.

Daily Stories – National Variety Looks – Revisit Body Shaming

I’ve decided to revisit the body shaming article that I wrote so long ago and I thought why not visit it but under a category that would stand out more than anything in the world. Maybe not anything in the world but something it has a home too. 

In recent weeks months and so on but only recent months and weeks certain people in my life joke about my weight when they actually can’t talk. They are either saying “when is it due?” but most recently it’s turned quite nasty where they saying “come on chubby” that’s when I turn around to the point of saying “have you looked at yourself recently”. They didn’t really have much of a comeback for that because they knew I got them where it hurts and not to mess me about. 

They don’t have any reason to say it or mention about my weight when they can’t speak actually speak for themselves. They haven’t really much said anything since I made that comment even if they tried to a bit this week. What gets me is why they have to say something when they don’t truly know what’s actually know what’s behind closed doors. 

Also what gets me is like someone who’s a bit larger says something to a thin skinny person like “oh you don’t have move as much or lose so much weight” yet the skinny person will reply “actually I’m moving around quite a lot; I’m also tall, slim and everything else, I have to eat twice as much as you do to keep on going.” That bothers me when they don’t actually move a lot other than standing where they are doing what they do best. 

Why do people have to be so judgmental towards people who don’t know nothing behind closed doors. People like me and a slim person we don’t actually share the reasons why the way we are; yet people who express the feelings, show it and what not are the ones that going to get targeted because at the end of the day they are bullying other people’s weight and what not because someone else has in the past. Why do people need to body shame other people? What is their gain?