“Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love” – Dumbledore From The Deathly Hallows in a memory of a relative who passed away.
Just seemed like just yesterday you were a part of me where I use to be able to stand so tall; I use to be so strong with your arms around me tight like everything felt so right, even when I have had my bad days with everything would just fall apart. Even with the happiness having you around it was like the unbreakable can happen; now I can’t breathe, not even being able to sleep I’m barely hanging on the ropes. Yet here I am once again I’m torn into pieces because I’m standing at your side. You were always the one there when I needed you. Now I’m broken up deep inside; now you won’t get to see the tears that I cry for the final time, even behind these hazel eyes.
I told you everything when I opened up and let you in because loving you made me feel alright for once in my life; now all that’s what left of me is all the happy memories that we made, all of the birthday cards and christmas cards that you made over the years. This is what I’m going to have to do is pretend to be okay when I’m so broken up deep inside because I can’t breathe to which I can’t sleep I’m just barely hanging on.
Swallow me then spit me out. For hating you for leaving me on my own I blame myself seeing you like this it kills me now; no I don’t cry on the outside anymore because here I am once again I’m torn into pieces I can’t deny it can’t pretend it you were the one that I adopted and adored the most, I’m so broken up deep inside you can’t see the last tears that I cry anymore.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light” – Dumbledore – The Prisoner Of Azkaban (from screenplay by Steven Kloves)
Here’s a thing we had started of as friends but it was cool as it was all pretend yet since you’ve been gone; I started to fall apart like I lost someone in my life that I was going to be with, you dedicated and took the time but it wasn’t long when you called me yours. Yet since you’ve been gone all I could hear is you and her when I’ve been picturing us together for years; told you how I felt about you along with the longest crush, yet all you hear is my insecurities because it’s not the first time that I can’t breathe without you.
But since you’ve been gone I still can’t breathe without you it’s not the first time; I can’t move on but thanks to you I’ve been able to take a few steps forwards and few steps back, yet since you’ve been gone I can’t get what I want and how can I put it? You put me on a high pedestal even when I fell in love with you and our stupid love so song. How come I never hear you say “I just want to be with you” I forgotten those words you use to say to me everyday. I guess you never really felt that way.
I know I had my chances and you had your chances but we blew it. Now we are fighting for our lives to be together out of sight out of mind. Shut your mouth I just can’t take it anymore because again and again we argue because we just want to be together. I just so tired of screaming inside myself because I can’t take it anymore. Since you’ve been gone I’ve just felt so alone I don’t know what to do anymore.
On the Livingstone Village, flies were sometimes the first indication that someone had died yet as the old house, with its wildly overgrown garden was silent, secretive that the whole family had been cursed since there was a strange wailing sound coming from the next room. “Tell me it’s not true. Say it’s just a story” cried a woman’s voice who echoed within the empty shell of the house.
Standing by the empty overgrown house was an observer who was from a native american tribe; to which new everyone’s story one way or another in the village by living on the outskirts in the woods, people would nod or great them or sometimes would avoid them if there was a notice on the board by them with a warning. The news however broke out when they all heard what happened to two of the Borthwright couple who had once lived there.
So did y’ hear the story of the Borthwright couple as like each other as two new pins of which two different wombs born on the exact same day; yet how did one know would meet a Kennedy member would die, one knew what she was letting herself in for. Have you never hear how they both died never knowing that their eldest son also died; yet their three triplets were going to save the world, until the day that they died and when a mother cried my own dear family lie slain.
An did y’ never hear of the mother that was so cruel who brought the monster into the world; there’s a stone placed in her heart then trying to bring herself on to confess that she played this part, now come judge for yourselves how two mothers played this part. As one holds a newspaper with the two latest victims pictures on the front of the newspaper and one cried in the living room floor back at the house as we stood inside.
As both of their voices echoed in the winds and the walls the exact same words. The exact same day. Tell me it’s not true just say it’s just a story in a book or something on the news. Yet tell me it’s not true though it’s here before me; say it’s just a freaky dream, say it’s just a scene from an old movie that I use to watch many years ago.
Say it’s some clowns in a circus two players in the limelight to bring the curtain down. Say it’s just two who couldn’t even get their lines right; even if it’s just a show on the radio, so could turn over and start again and laugh again. Just tell me it’s not true say it’s only a dream that I dreamt all those years ago and the morning will come soon.
You didn’t mean it. Say you were pretending and it wasn’t the end of their lives. Just kill me instead save the innocent people; like in the old movies from years ago; say it’s just a dream and the morning will come soon, tell me as I am your mother that it’s not true. Just tell me as a parent that you didn’t mean it; so I can forgive you from the bottom of my heart, just tell me it was the pretend and it will all come to the end. I’ll take your pain away.
The most vivid memories of this village is how swiftly those who’ve made a pact can over look the fact that we can just get over the horrible deaths but then wish the reckoning could of been delayed. Yet a debt is a debt and must be paid. Yet do we blame the superstition for crime came to pass or could it be what we have come to know as the class of two innocent couple. Did you ever wonder hear how the triplets come orphans just at the age of three? Like each other has three new pins. Where both parents were born exact same day, one son born on another day and all three died on the self exact same day.
On the anniversary of every year there’s always a full moon shining and a joker is in the pack; the dealers dealt the cards but won’t take them back yet there’s a black stalking around in the next village, and a woman who’s so afraid that there’s no point of getting off without a price being paid. Maybe if you had your fingers crossed it would all be just a game and then no one wouldn’t have lost. Yet there was always a woman standing in the door way of the Borthwright’s house her dress was faded and her shows worn out like she was still alive but people knew who it was. Every time the anniversary came up.
Skies are crying as I am watching in the middle of the country side catching a tear drops in my hands; only the silence had started to settle like it was never ending like we had never had a chance, do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me? When I cry out in pain and your not there to save me it feels like you could take everything that I have along with break everything I like I’m made of glass or paper; go on and try to tear me down because I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper, as the smoke clears I’m awaken and see you untangle me from you.
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I’ll bleed all my windows are broken; as I walk in our house walking on all the broken glass just go run, run, run away from this because I’m going stay right here as I watch you disappear. Yes it’s along way down but I am closer to the clouds up here.
Yet I will not make the same mistakes that you because I will not let myself because my heart has had so much misery; I will not break the way you did you tell so hard I had to learn the hard way to not let it get that far, because of you I never to far as a stray from the footpath I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Yet I find it hard to trust not only myself but everyone around me because of you I am so afraid. I loose my way and it’s not to long before you point it out that I can’t cry anymore as I’ve gone so cold that I’ve died inside, the way you look at me with your eyes I can see the weakness inside me.
I’m forced to fake a smile. I was forced to laugh everyday of my life as my heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t whole to start with. You never knew I watched you die as you saw me going up into the sky; you knew that I heard you cry every night in your sleep yet I was so young, you should of known better to lean on me you just saw your paint and now I cry in the middle of the night in heaven for the same damn thing.
Because of you I wasn’t so far from the sidewalk. I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt yet I’m trying to forget everything because I don’t let anyone else in as I’m too ashamed of my life because it’s so empty. Yet because of you I am afraid.
My head is always under the water you watch everyone laugh seeing me drowning; you hear them tell me to breathe easy for a while but yet the breathing gets harder even I know that there’s no room for me to cope as much, yet you know I’m terrified but it’s too soon to show it and I put a fake smile and put my fake confidence on showing that I’m happy holding your hands knowing that I’m actually fine. I’m unusually hard to hold on to when I push you away.
I know when I’m sad and can’t cope I just stare blanking at the pages as they stare blank to me; there’s no easy way to say this you mean well but you make this so hard on me, yet I’m not going to write you a love story because you asked for it or because you need one and you will see that I’m not going to write a love story because you tell me it’s make or break in this I know you’re on you’re way. If you all have is leaving me standing alone not knowing what’s going on; I’ll write how I feel in this love story because you don’t seem to realise the attention between us, I chose things to ignore and be with you in supporting you in everything you do. Yet I always learn the hard way because they all say the same things you want to hear and my heavy heart sinks deep down under your pain of my mistakes that you still love me even when we are both mad at each other.
Just seeing you with her around you just makes more of an insult not to me but to your mother and the country because we get left high and dry. Yet you convinced me to please you thinking that I needed this too but I’m trying to let you hear me as I am; you promised me you’ll leave the light on to help me see you with the daylight on as my guide had gone, because I believe there’s away you can love me because I say so because I’ve walked the seven seas for you today.
I walked across an empty land with a pen in my hand and my notebook in the other like they knew the pathway to where we needed to be. I felt the earth beneath my bare feet as I sat by the river and it made me feel complete. Oh simple thing where have you gone? I am here to talk to you because I’m getting tired of the life that I’m leading I need someone to rely on have you found someone for me as I came across a fallen tree that use to be yours; I felt like the branches where looking at me, I wrote in my notebook as I sat on your tree. Is this the place we use to love? Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of? I can’t see your little doors anymore or the door that you made me to climb in.
Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I’m getting old and I need something to rely on. If you have a minute why don’t we go back to where you are now as we can talk about it only somewhere we know. This could be the end of everything if we don’t meet; your my peace my everything, so why don’t we go to your land through that door of yours. Somewhere only we know so that no one can find us for hours.
Let me finish your story in my notebook. I like it when you sit on my shoulder and flying around getting excited that I’m there looking over my shoulder trying to read what I have written. Oh simply thing where have you gone? Oh there you are you cleverly disguised yourselves as dandelions; you did your magic with lots of pixie dust, so no one can come in or see what’s happening around me. I’m glad that we are back into somewhere only we know.
There’s nothings impossible where there’s nothing unreachable when I’m so weary; you made me stronger due to your beautiful love that you give me which is unforgettable, I feel none of the winters cold when we are together. Immediately upon your touch, warmth, kindness and protection will you stand by me? Hold me and never let me go? Will you stand by me? Where I’m with you I know where I belong when our story gets told.
When the day turns into the night I look into your eyes I see my future now; all of the world and it’s wonders, I know this love won’t fade away even through the darkest and hardest days that we faced and going to face. I know now I will never question us anymore as you’re the reason and my only reason to keep on living. I am blessed to find what I need because you bring me back to life; like the world is loosing hope around us. You’re my only belief, you make things right everytime I need you like you risk it all for me like running in the fire for me after the time I do the same for you.
Stand by me. Stand by me. As I call in the winds as you can hear my voice with the rain acting as my tears; would you stand by me as I stand by you?, no more loneliness my darling you don’t have to be scare anymore. Just say I want you by my side and I’ll be there straight away like you are always there for me.
If you believe this or you don’t it’s up too you. I like to share my emotions and feelings in this story for the Online Diary Entries.
If I knew what I know now that our love was a fairy tale back then I would take charge and rescue you then on a yacht baby I know we would sail far away to a island where we say I do. We make the island our own and if we have children they would so look like you because you’re awesome, special, sexy and hot. You don’t even know how very special you are to me; you leave me breathless as your my everything that is good in my life, every time your picture comes up or you come into the room you leave me breathless.
I know that I can’t believe that you’re mine even when you have to leave to go out for the day you kiss me leaving me breathless. Our love is was written like a story book; where would it start? Would it start on the very first page on how we met or how I would dream about you all the time? You choose how to start it as it’s your story on how I walked into your life. The last chapter would be about how we are thankful we choose this life that we made together.
You must think I was sent from the heaven to earth to change you but actually you changed me because your like my angel; the thing that u feel is stronger than love believe me when I say “you’re something special to me” I only hope that one day I should deserve what you’ve given me but all I can do is try in my everyday life.
The fact that I love you more than anything in the world and leave me breathless every time.