Everyday Online Diary Story

Friday Online Diary Story: “Just shut your mouth” the thoughts are there.

Right now I’m in a state of mind where I want to be like all the time; finally happy with my life because I haven’t got tears that can be left behind to cry about, I’m picking it up where I left off loving life and living to the full as I can turn it up so loud that you won’t realise what has hit you. 

You’ll find out that in this empty land just you and me; to which you notice that I have no tears left inside me, it looks like I ran out of tears and the pain has stopped from hurting. Guess what? I like it, I like it and doesn’t matter how, what, when or who tries to take me down now I know that it’s just you and me out here no where to run or hide or lie or spread rumours about me. 

Soon it will come out in the end. Even when it’s raining down you can’t stop the actual rumours from coming out; you’ll soon know when it will happen, so the best bit is to shut your mouth and if you don’t. You will know it then now you know what it feels like to have everyone hating on you. 

You just want to come with me like we are on another mentality planet; we aren’t the same because I have no tears left to cry, I’m just picking up my own pieces as I have the person who I want to be with and I’m loving it, I’m living it and I’m finally picking up my life once again. 

Allrightsresereved and copyrights belong to lizzysweeklyblogs and lizzyjohnson 

This is me

Everyday Story Based – Mental Health Issues Story

You think I’m a stranger to the dark but guess what I’m not a stranger to the dark. I great it like an old friend when they say “hide away because we don’t want your broken parts” I’ve learned to be ashamed of my scars even though it’s not my fault; I just want to run away, you could hear their voices in my head saying “no one will love you as you are” I won’t let them break me down to dust the things that they say because I know that there is a place for you and me. I know that we are glorious.

The sharpest words want to cut me down but I’m going to send a flood of rain to drown them out. I am a lot braver than you think no matter how bruised I am; I know who I am meant to be because this is me, so you better look out here I come and I’m marching on through life life to the sound of the beat of the drum. I’m not scared to be seen or what I have to look like or dressed. I make no apologies this is me. 

Another round of bullets hits my skin so fire away because today I won’t let the same shame sink; we are going to burst through the barricades and reaching the sun. I am so are you warriors. Another round of bullets that hits my skin leaving more marks where it use to leave mark; as they continue to fire away because today I won’t let the shame sink in, I will be bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun I know that I’m a warrior. That’s what I’ve become I know that I won’t let them break me down to dust. I know that there’s a place for me in this world as I know that I’m glorious.

This is me and I know that I deserve your love and there’s nothing I’m not worthy of when there are sharpest words that want to cut me down. I’m going to send a flood that will make them drown them out. This is brave this is bruised because this is who I’m meant to be this is me. Look out because here I come I’m marching on to the beat I drum because I’m not scared to be seen; I make no apologies for who I am and this is me. 

The Daily Stories – Sooty and Bohney (Sweep) Adventures – Adoption Process unexpected!

Yesterday (4.8.18) I went with my family to an adoption center for all animals I genuinely thought we were taking a look round at the cats not expecting to pick one  let along two. However my sister wanted a cat two years ago my parents agreed that she could have one; so we were just looking around the cattery section we really liked one kitten but he was like a lose cannon where we would of had to be on them all the time because he was so lively like nobody knows. 

We went round to the other side of the cattery and saw two other cats that we really liked. My sister really liked one of them but they were sisters and came a pair to take home one of my parents convinced my sister where it’s best to have two to keep each other company when we aren’t around during the day. When they are are a bit older and are alright to leave alone a bit longer. 

We had a stroke with the two kittens one tried to high five me then trying to nibble me; I think it was actually expecting me to have treats for it but I didn’t have anything on me sadly but now I know what to do when it arrives, just bribe it with treats once in awhile and I think it was getting use to me to be honest with you. We went round to look at this first one we thought we liked but he was so cute and adorable we knew he was going to be a handful getting into everything. Especially if we let him lose in the garden when he was a bit older and falling into the pond. It was bad enough trying to get the fish where we wanted them. Haha. Along with the tiny little fish getting its confidence up since we got him; now he’s swimming about confidently, and everything else. 

We literally ended up having the two kittens we all stroked because they were immediately the ones that fitted into our family; quiet, friendly, gentle, scared, confident and needed the friendly people to give them love. We would be getting them next weekend on Saturday we are all giving my sister a hand to look after them also it will give me something to look after as an adult and for my mental health state. 

Am so stoke can’t wait for them to come and I’ve started to make a few things and have a few things that I don’t use anymore that they can destroy as much as they can because I really don’t mind. Can’t wait. 

Daily Stories – Mental Health Issues – God bless Demi Lovato

Waking up to one of the most influential musicians that I could relate to in so many ways trying to overdoes herself; I for one can understand how hard it is to remain strong for so long but sometimes you have to give into the relapse in order to bounce back again once more, I hope Demi Lovato finds the strength to carry on and fight this temptation and beat the relapse once more. 

Reading how much Demi Lovato had to endure whilst growing up, being in the spot light and many more. I personally believe she is strong enough to get through anything because she puts her mind to it and knows that she has great support network behind her with her manager, close family members and most importantly she is thankful for her fans being there through thick and thin. 

So many people suffer in silences where they are too scared to talk about it or ask for help when people ask them how they are generally people respond to “I’m fine….I’m good” but actually they are screaming inside. I don’t like talk about it especially when I’m in one of those massive relapses myself you know that I’m in one as I’m struggling to write my daily blogs. 

I find that when I do talk about it people either be surprised and try to understand, some who are closest to me know when I’m having a dip because I don’t have my sense of humour coming out and then you have people trying to say “you can’t be depressed….I’ve had far more worse things done to me than you have. I should be the one that’s depressed.”  That’s one thing I hate the most is because people are so judgemental because they don’t know your past or what has happened to you growing up. 

Yet it’s all coming out in the media now and people are talking about mental health to make people aware that it is there. From well known famous faces who suffer it, who talk about it, who go missing and turning up dead, to citizens who are do the same thing. There is so many stigma in mental health that in the past no one knew what it was but yet there is so many people fight everyday for their lives. 

I just wish Demi all the best, love, support and everything to get back on her feet once again soon as possible. Keep on fighting everyday because she knows that she is loved by so many and cared about by some many. Love you Demi! 

Daily Stories – Daily Beauty – Redying my hair

On Sunday (22.7.18) after having my sister stunk the whole house with lots of things I decided to redye my hair because I really needed to have done. I had a another packet ready to dye my hair so I literally saved like £4.95 on my next hair dying but need to touch up my double intake on things. You guys know my system by now but yeah my system needs to come back asp I hate not having things that I use everyday or will need later on in the future. 

I’m going to write some things down for you guys on how I dye my hair and I will give you advance warning I’ve been doing it for a very long time probably 15/16 years now so I’ve got experience in doing it on my own afterwards. Yeah I missed a few places still but it actually looks nice have bit of my natural hair being part of it. You guys probably thinking “wow 15/16 years” I literally started about 12 I think of maybe 13 it was around then I started to colour it. 

It was nothing to do with peer pressure or anything I actually wanted to do it and I was so determined that I wanted to do my parents had no option but to let me do it at the time. Plus my hair was lighter colour then and I wanted to maintain that colour that I wanted at the time throughout school. The colour was blonde at the time o would get one of my parents to do it then for my prom the hair dresser at the time did it and then from then on I had different colour hair until I finally reached the longest colour I’ve had since having the blonde. Would I go to my normal hair colour again I doubt it I get bored and want to go back red again. Maybe when I’m getting really old maybe. 

Anyways let’s get cracking shall we. Whether this is your first time dying your hair or you been doing it a few times or naturally been doing it and buying the product yourself I recommend always check the products are all in there because you don’t want to get half way through and you don’t have all of the products in the box. Trust me I’ve had that happened to me before ever since then I just been checking the boxes every time I need a top up. 

If you’re doing it for the first time always make sure you have someone to help you out making sure you doing it right even for a few times. Until you feel confident in doing yourself or trusting someone else to do it for you. I pretty much since I got confident with myself in doing it I didn’t need my parent to do it for me; however I’ve also gone to salon and had it done for me but that was years head when I first started.

I only went to salon when I had a proper job that paid well and I let them go wild with my hair cut and we would go for the colour that would suit me better. However I haven’t been for a while and I need my hair cutting but that also involves money that I don’t have at the moment. 

I recommend using a old towel and old t-shirt when you’re applying the dye on your head all the time whether it’s the first time or you’ve been doing it all the time. Old towel you need to use for about a few washes or so just to make sure that the colour is truly come out that you’ve missed when you first washed it. Well put it on your head; don’t panic honestly it will all still be on your head the colour it’s just washing out the excess out, I forget about it all the time and panic then I’m like you plank it’s still looks good after you blow dry it. 

Most importantly rule ever especially in my bathroom don’t forget to take your old towel with you because you know why? You’ll be screwed when you get out of the shower and you look over to the towel rack. You see the towels and they are bloody white towels! Red hair and white towels don’t mix especially when you forget you dyed it you go for the white small towel start drying your head. Then you look at the towel and see pink/red on the towel you know your dead. 

Even with having a flipping bathroom that’s white I’ve got better in not making so much mess like I’ve murdered someone in there. Hands up right now I haven’t killed anyone. I manage to clear up some of the mess that was made and it was all fine. Once I dried my hair it was so vibrant once again I don’t do anything to my hair to be honest I just let it go naturally what I mean when it goes naturally it literally goes into a fizzy curly mode. You probably telling me or thinking that you wouldn’t be able to cope with it being all that and straighten it. To be honest I’ve tried to straighten it but it doesn’t stay straighten for long no matter what I do I just let it go like it. 

It’s taken me this long to actually like it for years I didn’t because it would go notty and etc as well but now I know how to deal with it and I like it I just let it be. I do have to put my hair extensions in when it gets really fizzy and curly to tame it but at the end of the day it always looks nice. 

Daily Stories – Daily Beauty – Maintaining my make up in this heat

The worst bit when you’re wearing make up in the “Uk heat” is that you need guttering for your sweat or for your make up; due to the fact that it’s like a river flowing straight off my face like nobody knows by lunch time, it’s like what’s the point in putting any on when it comes straight off your face. 

I’ve literally tried everything well not everything but you know what I mean; using some of the stuff that you already got to try out things to make it better, for me I’ve tried to do foundation, concealer, loose powder and compressed powder which is my normal routine. I have tried doing it with foundation, loose powder, compressed powder, concealer, loose powder and compressed powder.

To which it actually works because it has so many layers on it to the point of I have to sweat more if I needed to. I forget when I do my make up and stick to my normal routine because I don’t do the whole system because I look outside and think yeah it be fine. Then by lunch time I just forget about how hot it can get then all of the sudden bam sweat start pouring and I’m like you plank. 

You forgotten haven’t you like you’ve been slapped around with a wet fish on your face. Anyone else have the same problem with that they sweat so much that their make up comes off their face? Could you guys let me know how you deal with it and what products you use to stop your face leaking from sweat and ruining your make up? Please let me know because I don’t know how long we are going to have this awesome wether for.

Daily Stories – Mental Health Issues – (12.7.18) my current daily meditation when going to bed

The past few weeks I haven’t been not myself a lot of anxiety and depression but yet carried on as per normal as you do. However as I’ve been struggling to sleep recently I thought I’ll try something out by doing some sort of medication where I would play my favourite sound that’s relaxing to listen too when I go to sleep to be able to relax.

Remember I only just started this week with daily meditation it actually does work because it stops me from thinking; slowly relaxes me into a deep sleep, sometimes I forget it’s coming from my iPad and not outside. This time of year I love the summer rain more than any other time of year because the nice moist like it had rained the night before or just about to rain sometime in the day. 

I literally leave my iPad on locked so I can let it play all night with enough battery to go all night 10 hours normally work to keep it going. It literally starts sending me to sleep which is a good thing; I prefer something that relaxing than that something that’s gets on my nerves, that would just wind me up more than anything else and become more upset and etc. I like to have a peaceful mind than everything going on inside my head than everything screaming. 

Daily Stories – Daily Relationships – Dealing with everyday relationships when working with people.

I think I’m going to post one more blog for today before tonight’s match England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 vs Croatia 🇭🇷 I’m hoping that England will win tonight for the Sunday game not Saturday my bad. I thought it was Saturday.

On to the Daily Stories Topics Of Daily Relationships; you’ll find that most people you work with in any job that you may have or find, either customers or parents or work colleagues you may find them really nice and friendly to which you can get on with. You may come across those outrageous customers or parents or work colleagues that you just want to tell them as it is because they are so rude to you and yet you have to be nice to them know matter what. 

Trust me I’ve had my fair share of people in my jobs in life of when I started my first job because I’m not even mentioning the first job that I had. If you actually call it a job to be honest; he first proper job I had was in a store I’m one of those people who like to keep to myself to myself; yet you have idiot workers who like to spread rumours and what not, then you have customers who either nice or horrible or just not paying attention. Your just standing there on tills waiting and yelling saying “next please” at least 500 times until they realise that you’ve been yelling or someone tells them that they are next. It’s like what’s the point of me being here working if you’re going to stare into space knowing that there’s a long cue behind them. 

Second job was okay actually you had you’re fair share of back stabbers when your working with a few people because they are all clicky clicky sort of people. You’re either with them or your not but unless your one like me try and keep the piece with everyone even if I had my own problems at the time. 

Third job was pretty much the same clicky clicky or people make out that they are better than everyone else or you have people who you actually get on well with. I literally by being there for four years I stood my own ground by the end of it due to the fact that I hated people who think they are better than me when they are actually getting paid the same as me. So I told them how it is by the end of it because I’m not picking up more work for everyone else who’s doing the same job as me at the end of the day. 

Then one day I just clicked and handed in my noticed in they were like no way I thought you were joking about it. I was like nope gone and done it had enough now because of it all; a week later I just walked straight into my next job that I’m doing now due to the fact that I knew what I was doing and etc. 

The fourth job I have had my fair few run ins but at the end of the day I do my job and know what I’m doing when things happened. Also it’s fun to go to different places. 

Daily Stories – Daily Reminders Of The Losses – You walked with me footprints in the sand

13 years ago was on 7th July 2005 was the day England had become a new target nobody knew what to do at the time as it was the first time it happened. Since then we became strong; worked together and helped each other out by risking our lives knowing that it can happen at any time now. You probably thinking why I am writing this; 13 years ago I was just 14 years old at the time when the first terror attack happened, last year I was just 26 years old when the 3 more happened in a space of few months of each other. Tube stations and a bus was a target back then in 2005 no one could ever forgive what happened then; they still can’t now alone with the others that they’ve hit last year, and yet this time they failed because we are strong and there’s nothing the terrorists can do about it now. I’m going to write a story through an eye of a victim. 

I remembered the day you walked with me through the tunnel like footprints in the sand; holding my hand whilst I was being carried to safety because I had lost my legs, I was just 14 years old at the time and by the time we got to the platform I could see the light. By the time we reached to the top of the underground you and my other saviour came along because I had no one else; all my friends had died at the scene, we were just going to school and I just wanted my mum I was so scared and frightened. 

You helped me to understand where I’m going; no matter what you two had witnessed you still had strength to carry on to help me, you walked with me into the hospital when I was all alone and with so much unknown along the way. I heard you say “I promise you I will always be there when your heart filled with sorrow and despair I will carry you when you need a friend. You’ll find my footprints in the sand” 

I could see my life flash across the sky so many times that I have been afraid and this time I was afraid that I might not make it through the operation. When I woke up I see you both laying either side of me with your heads down next to my hands clutching them; just when I thought I literally lost my way of what just happened to me, my parents were nowhere to be seen just the two strangers who brought me here. 

The man stirred after he felt the squeeze of mine he woke and tapped the lady on the shoulder to wake her up; they both looked at me with tears down my cheeks, I knew my parents had died with the gut instinct but how and the lady had asked “what number bus do they take for work?” All I remember was that they were going on the bus that day for a change and told them what number. 

I cried uncontrollably the pain from my legs and my wounds didn’t matter to me anymore; I lost my best friends and my parents all on the same day, I was officially an orphan and no one was there to help me get through this. Over the due course of the weeks I had learnt the lady and the man were actually a couple named Matty and Izzy Johnson; they took it in turns to seek medical advice and seeking help for PSTD, everyone were surprised how much they coped of what happened to them but also taking on a 14 year old teen. I was their strength to carry on for them they gave me strength to carry on.

They told me one day if it was okay with me to let them adopt me as they couldn’t find anyone that was a living relative. I said “yes” because they had been there for me ever since that day happened; I remembered the day when Izzy had once said to me “I promise you I’m always there when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair. I’ll carry you when you need a friend” 

Every since the day came or near the time leading it up to it I use to have nightmares about it like it was continually happening; I would be screaming I would find Matt and Izzy come running down the stairs, Matt wrapping his arms around me after grabbing me before I fell to the floor and I knew that he would always be there to catch my fall. 

The words that they always say to me from day one “I promise you that I’m always there even when you’re heart is filled with sadness and despair I’ll carry you when you need a friend because you will find my footprints in the sand” it became our family motto to which I had written on my wall when I moved in. Especially designed by amazing people so that I can get around the house myself and helps Matty and Izzy. They’ve saved my life and I’ve saved theirs that day. Yet I can’t forgive the people who did this. 

Please remember the victims who were injured and still fighting for their lives until now and remember the victims who lost their lives that day. 

Daily Stories – National Variety Looks – Revisit Body Shaming

I’ve decided to revisit the body shaming article that I wrote so long ago and I thought why not visit it but under a category that would stand out more than anything in the world. Maybe not anything in the world but something it has a home too. 

In recent weeks months and so on but only recent months and weeks certain people in my life joke about my weight when they actually can’t talk. They are either saying “when is it due?” but most recently it’s turned quite nasty where they saying “come on chubby” that’s when I turn around to the point of saying “have you looked at yourself recently”. They didn’t really have much of a comeback for that because they knew I got them where it hurts and not to mess me about. 

They don’t have any reason to say it or mention about my weight when they can’t speak actually speak for themselves. They haven’t really much said anything since I made that comment even if they tried to a bit this week. What gets me is why they have to say something when they don’t truly know what’s actually know what’s behind closed doors. 

Also what gets me is like someone who’s a bit larger says something to a thin skinny person like “oh you don’t have move as much or lose so much weight” yet the skinny person will reply “actually I’m moving around quite a lot; I’m also tall, slim and everything else, I have to eat twice as much as you do to keep on going.” That bothers me when they don’t actually move a lot other than standing where they are doing what they do best. 

Why do people have to be so judgmental towards people who don’t know nothing behind closed doors. People like me and a slim person we don’t actually share the reasons why the way we are; yet people who express the feelings, show it and what not are the ones that going to get targeted because at the end of the day they are bullying other people’s weight and what not because someone else has in the past. Why do people need to body shame other people? What is their gain?